|
January
9, 2008 Transcript [Rock music plays] Alexis: We should leave. Diane: If we run, we look like prey. If we just stay and act like we fit in, what could happen? Man: I will kick your -- [Man grunts] [Glass shatters] Man: Move it! [Rock music plays] [Object falls] Alexis: Do you think we could use your phone? Bartender: Phone's for paying customers. You looking to buy something? Man: Or sell something? [Men chuckle] Diane: I'll have a dirty martini. Bartender: All right, there you go. Diane: Or a beer. I don't suppose there's a glass to go with that? Man: You can put your lips right there on mine, sweetheart. [Laughter] Diane: Thanks anyway. Man: You said you liked it dirty. Alexis: There's really no need to be unfriendly. Diane: Don’t. Bartender: Look, the man offered you his glass. Man: Maybe she wants the shirt off his back. Second Man: I can be real friendly. Diane: No -- uh -- look, I -- I'm sure there are any numbers of ladies in your hood who would be more than receptive to your charming offer. Bartender: Wait a minute. Are you two an item? Diane: No. Alexis: No. Do you think we could use your phone now? Bartender: Well, there's a two-drink minimum -- that means two drinks apiece. So what'll it be? [Music plays] [Diane burps] Alexis: Oh -- Singer: It sounds so good sounds nice in my head say it again Alexis: Uh - Diane: Okay. We have -- agh -- finished our two drinks. [Diane burps] Diane: May we use your phone now? Bartender: Sure. [Diane coughs] Diane: Pick up the phone. Alexis: No, you pick it up. Diane: Pick up the phone. Alexis: No -- rock, paper, scissors. Diane: Fine. Alexis: Ah! Alexis: The phone is dead. Why didn't you tell us the phone was dead? Bartender: You didn't ask. The phone's been dead for a week. Diane: Hey, hey -- how are we going to get there? What do we do, walk to Philadelphia? I want my award. Alexis: It's my award. Diane: Well, if we don't get there soon and you somehow manage to garner the sympathy vote, you're going to be pulling that award out of a boring little box days from now, sitting around in your bathrobe. Alexis: All right! We need a phone. Diane: Ahem. Excuse me. I'm sorry. Might I borrow your phone? Man: That depends. Can I borrow your friend for a dance? Diane: Yes! Get out of the chair. [Music plays] [Mouths words] Man: I can show you some real moves. Diane: Oh, a beer. Yes, well, I bet you could. We're just going to borrow your friend's phone and be on our way. Man: Big Dave look like he just warming up. Diane: Hmm. Oh -- Man: What you got in there -- gold? Diane: Close -- high fashion. Man: Oh, you mean couture? Diane: You know that word? Man: Had a girlfriend, that's all she could talk about. Diane: Oh. Man: Fashion, fashion, fashion. Me -- I just liked seeing her with her clothes off. How about you? You shy around mirrors? Diane: I do my share of primping. Man: I got a nice mirror myself. Diane: Oh? Man: I put it right up on the ceiling over my bed. Dave: You girls off to a prom or something? Alexis: We're going to an awards ceremony -- Litigator of the Year. Dave: Say what? Alexis: Litigator -- we're lawyers! [Bar quiets] [Rock music plays] Alexis: What -- what'd I say? Dave: A dirty, six-letter word. Man: "Lawyer"! The kids, the house -- that was bad enough. My ex wound up with my boat because of her damn lawyer. Alexis: You should've had your own attorney. Man: I did. I was spending four months in county because the bastard forgot to file some motion. Dave: Bet he charged you double for that. Man: And he sued me to get the money. Diane: What -- well, naturally, there are incompetent lawyers -- just as there are incompetent plumbers. Alexis: Yes. Man: Hey, Dave? She's comparing you to a lawyer. Diane: No, no! No, I -- I wasn't talking about you or any plumber in particular! Bartender: You know, that's an insult to any man working a hard day's work for a hard day's pay. Man: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to her neck in sand? Bartender: Not enough sand. [Laughter] [Diane chuckles] Bartender: Why is a lawyer like a bait shop? Dave: Because of all the leaches, night crawlers, and maggots. [Lamp breaks] Diane: Next one takes out an eye -- or something else you might consider more useful. [Rock music plays] Diane: I've killed a man before, I'll do it again. Now, my friend and I -- behind me -- my friend and I are just going to back out of this bar real slow, and no one's going to do anything. Get the door. Diane: Now! Alexis: You incited a mob! Diane: I saved us! Alexis: You were very convincing -- I actually believed you when you said that you really killed someone. Diane: That was the truth. I have killed someone.
|
|
|
|
|