March 9, 2006 Transcript
"My Daughter's Dead"

Sam: Knowing that my birth mother is out there somewhere I think would just eat away at me, and then again, I -- I think it's not like she hasn't had 25 years to look for me, right?

Jason: Yeah.

[Knock on door]

Stan: Hey.

Jason: Hey.

Stan: I think I zeroed in on your place of birth.

Jason: That'll make it a lot easier to find out who put you up for adoption.

Sam: What have you got?

Stan: What little paper trail there is indicates that you were born in a small clinic in Chatham, Maine.

Sam: Wow. Ok, the -- the clinic must have records, right? I guess I may be able to find my birth mother after all.

Ric: What's wrong? Alexis, let me -- sweetheart, let me see. Alexis, I'm so sorry.

Alexis: Well, now I know. My daughter's dead.

Alexis: Awful irony in all of this. Huh. When I think about the lengths that I went to to keep Kristina safe from Sonny's criminal life -- keeping her paternity a secret all that time as a means of keeping her safe from what was a very clear and very obvious danger. And then my firstborn gets hit by a car at the age of 3 on an ordinary day in the life of a normal family. I should never have given her up. If I had raised her, if I had taken care of her, she would be alive today.

Ric: Do not take this on yourself, ok? It was an accident, Alexis. It was tragic, but it was not your fault. Nor was this the result of anything that you did.

Alexis: I didn't even see a picture. I can't breathe; I have to get out of here.

Ric: All right, listen to me, listen, listen -- I want -- I want us to stay here in the city at my family's apartment tonight.

Alexis: No.

Ric: I don't think that we should go home. With the way you're feeling --

Alexis: You're right, you're right. You're right, but there is someplace that I want you to take me right now before I lose my courage.

Sam: Was it a mistake? Am I a product of rape? Because if I am, that certainly would explain why my mother gave me up.

Jason: You know, it's pointless to speculate. Do you want to find out for sure?

Sam: Honestly, before Stan came in, I was -- I was leaning towards no.

Jason: Mm-hmm.

Sam: But now with this new information, I don't think I can turn my back on it.

Jason: Then we go to Maine, tonight.

Sam: Really? Oh, my -- thank you. Thank you so much for understanding.

Jason: Mm-hmm. I just want you to have what you need.

Sam: Ok.

Alexis: I'm surprised the key works.

Ric: I'm surprised you had it in your pocket.

Alexis: If you're looking for a rational response, I don't have one. I just always kept the key on my chain.

Ric: Did you used to come here?

Alexis: I haven't stepped foot in this place since Mikkos brought me here after the clinic. He wanted me to have a place to recover.

Ric: Alexis, if it's too painful for you to be here, maybe we should go.

Alexis: I can't do that. I need to stay and face what I've done. There are consequences to the choice that I made and I need to deal with them, and so I will. That may be the only way that I'll ever find any peace -- with my daughter's life and her death. I'm really glad that you're here with me.

Ric: You couldn't tear me away.

Alexis: I think this was the most time I've ever spent with Mikkos. It was the only time that he ever noticed me. I think he said 10 words to me the whole time he was here, five of which I remember very clearly. "You did the right thing." So you tell me how that can be true if my daughter wound up dead.

Lawrence: The receptionist said that you have questions about an adoption?

Sam: Yes, I do, actually, on a newborn. I don't -- I don't have any documentation. I just have this clinic and the date of birth.

Lawrence: I'm sorry, but it's against our policy to give out the kind of information that you're looking for.

Sam: I was afraid you were going to say that.

Jason: Please, this is important. What will it take to convince you to make an exception?

Lawrence: It's not that I'm unsympathetic. We get birth mothers in here all the time asking about the children they gave up.

Sam: Wait a minute, no. Hold on, you have totally misunderstood. I am not the mother; I'm the child.

Lawrence: Well, that's a different story. If the adoptee makes the choice, we're more than willing to help. What was the date of birth?

Sam: May 11, 1980.

Lawrence: Here you are. We have your records.

Ric: Any decision to give up your daughter for adoption was made for you, Alexis. I -- I realize this is very difficult for you to understand, but at one point, you were a frightened little teenage girl with no voice.

Alexis: I had the chance to save her and I didn't take it. When my father brought me here, I was so drained. I was so tired. I carried this baby for nine months, and I held her for all of about nine seconds. She was crying when they took her away from me. And then there was nothing. She wasn't in my womb; she wasn't in my arms. She just wasn’t. I went upstairs and I tried to go to sleep, but I -- I couldn’t, because I could still hear her crying. So I went to the window and I saw the lights in the town, and I knew that the clinic was there. I knew that it wasn't far and that my baby was there. And then I decided that I was going to go get her and love her no matter what, and that I would do my best and trust that it would all be all right. So I got dressed and I headed out, and I got to the top of the staircase and I saw my father sitting by the fireplace. I could've gone around him, I could've slipped out the back way, but I -- I stood there and I couldn't move. And he looked up at me for the longest time and he said to me that he thought I had done the right thing. And I turned around and I walked back to my room and I cried myself to sleep. Mikkos may have arranged to have the baby adopted, but I'm the one who gave her away.

Ric: You know, I'm going to keep saying this until you let yourself hear it. You were a child yourself, Alexis. You did not have the resources -- emotional or financial -- in order to go up against your family and win. And even if you had been able to -- to take your daughter away and run away that night, how were you going to take care of her? Where were you going to go?

Alexis: But if I just tried --

Ric: Alexis, "but" nothing. The choice -- sweetheart, listen to me, the choice was taken out of your hands. You had no control over it. I know this hurts you. I know this hurts you. Listen to me, I know this hurts you. And I know you want to see her. But she's gone, and you have to find a way to put this behind you. And, you know, the best way you can do that -- the best way you can do that is you can look in the eyes of those two beautiful daughters that you have right now, and you can make every day with them count.

Sam: I don't know if I can do this.

Jason: If you want to walk away, we can.

Sam: No, no, I can’t. Danny's death -- that has to count for something, this must be it. I'm about to come face to face with my real mother.

Alexis: I know that everything you've said is true. I still wish that I could just look into my daughter's eyes just once.

[Knock on door]