June 12, 2003 Transcript
"Here's Mud in Your Eye"

"Dobson" dusts her way down the stairs at the Quartermaines., She un-enthusiastically moves toward the table in the center of the foyer and smacks it with her dusting cloth. Edward walks in.

Edward: Oh, good, Dobson, you're here. Good. I have a very important matter that I want to discuss with you.

Alexis: (As Dobson) Yes, sir. Concerning what?

Edward: Shh, shh. Keep your voice down because the walls in this house have ears. And you -- you know what, though? I think we should just meet down at the Port Charles Grille so we can talk man to man, huh?

Alexis: Mr. Quartermaine, I --

Edward: (Interrupting) It's about Alexis Davis.

Alexis: I've heard excellent things about the Grille, sir.

They turn and begin to leave the room when we hear Ned calling from the stop of the stairs.

Ned: Alice?

Edward: Let's go.

Ned: You can reach me on my cell phone.

Alexis and Edward leave. Ned comes down the stairs just as Skye walks out of the living room.

Skye: Ned?

Ned: Hi.

Skye: Please tell me you don't have plans for dinner tonight.

Ned: Why do you ask?

Skye: Because Judge Farmer has suggested that we meet for dinner to discuss Kristina.

"Dobson" and Edward look over their menus in a private back room at the Port Charles Grille.

Alexis turns her head and sees Skye and Ned walk into the next room. She quickly holds her menu up in front of her face to hide. Satisfied that she and Edward haven't been seen she moves the menu back down.

A waiter seats Skye and Ned seats the newly arrived Judge Farmer.

A waiter walks up to Edward's table.

Waiter: The usual, Mr. Quartermaine?

Edward: Mm-hmm. Make it a double scotch.

Alexis cranes her neck to watch Ned and Skye in the other room and doesn't pay attention to Edward and the waiter.

Waiter: And for your guest?

Edward: Dobson? Dobson?

Alexis: I was just admiring the room, sir.

Edward: You all right? What would you like to drink?

Alexis: A glass of white wine would be lovely.

Edward: (Disbelieving Alexis' choice) Huh?

Alexis: I'll have whatever you're having.

Edward: Two. So, I think we need to discuss your duties.

Alexis: I hope that I've given satisfaction, sir.

Edward: Oh, the household is running as smoothly as could be expected -- just one step above chaos.

Alexis: I shall endeavor to improve my efficiency, sir.

Edward: As long as Lila's happy, (he chuckles) the rest of them can fend for themselves. No, you see, I'm -- I'm more interested in your ability to spy.

Alexis: (Pretending dismay) Excuse me, sir?

Edward: (Chuckles) Oh, come on. Don't play that innocent act with me. You spend half your time lurking in doorways and listening to people's private conversations. You're already spying, Dobson. I just want to make sure you're spying for me.

Alexis: I have on occasion overheard an exchange or two.

Edward: You see, the butler in a household is in a very unique position to observe and interact with
everybody there. That way you can affect the balance of power.

Alexis: Only if one doesn't value one's employment, which I do very much, sir.

Edward: I hired you, Dobson, and I have a real investment in your success. And you know what? I am especially pleased that you and I share a common interest in my little great-granddaughter Kristina. Maybe we could work together, huh?

Alexis: (She leans in and speaks softly) It's true. I am concerned about the little girl. I've seen enough to know that Skye is maneuvering to become her stepmother.

Edward: (Sits back in disbelief) What? You're saying that there's something romantic going on between Ned and Skye? Oh, well, of course, they're not -- they're not biologically related. Alan treats her like a member of the family already, and there's no sense in making it worse by marrying her into it. Oh, thank god I brought you onboard. We have to put a stop to this. Here, let's -- let's drink to our success.

Alexis: Cheers.

They clink glasses and Alexis takes a sip of the very full glass of scotch.

Edward: (Laughs) Come on, man. This is not a society guild tea, this is a council of war. Drink up!

Alexis: God save the queen.

She takes a large swig and crosses her eyes as it goes down.

Judge Farmer: I'm glad you could join me. Obviously, this isn't a formal inquiry. I am interested in hearing how you feel Kristina's dealing with the present custody arrangement.

Ned: Well, Kristina is obviously very comfortable at the house. She's happy. She's well taken care of. And I'm proud to say that I am a hands-on, committed parent.

Judge Farmer: But prior to this, you had been ticketed --

Ned: (Interrupts) Yes. Yeah. And I was definitely showing some very poor judgment, which my grandfather was able to exploit and thereby gain temporary custody. But fortunately, that's all in the past.

Skye: The truth is Ned has been the one constant in Kristina's life.

Judge Farmer: Which makes it essential that he act responsibly.

Ned: As soon as I became Kristina's primary caregiver, I completely rearranged my life and my job so I could maximize my time with Kristina. And I truly believe that I have made the necessary commitment that Kristina deserves. So I was hoping that you could see that I've earned the right to regain my custody.

Judge Farmer: If you're referring to permanent custody, I can't make that decision until Kristina's mother has finished with her psychiatric treatment.

Skye: Have the doctors been able to give you any kind of a timetable? Because, I'm telling you, judging from her visits with Kristina, Alexis' behavior just continues to be erratic.

Ned: Since her sister died, she really hasn't been the same.

Judge Farmer: That's why she's receiving treatment.

Skye: As I've told you, she shows up late for the appointed visits, if she even shows up at all, and then she leaves early. And when we ask her about it, she claims that she's been working.

Judge Farmer: She can't practice law.

Ned: No, she can't.

Judge Farmer: Did you ask her what she's doing?

Skye: She gives us some vague answers about a job that clearly doesn't exist.

(Camera switches to Edward and Dobson)

Edward: (Holds up his glass) Come on, man. Let's drink up here. (Alexis touches her glass to Edward's) There we go.

Alexis: A bird never flew on one wing. (She takes a drink) Excuse me, sir. (Stands) I think I need to pay a visit to the loo.

She starts to move away from the table.

Edward: It's down the hall and to your right. No - (motions to the back of the room) no, no. This -- there.

Alexis: Thank you, sir.

Alexis peaks into the main dining room and watches Ned's table. She carefully hugs the wall and tries to remain unnoticed as she leaves the room.

She slips out of the dining room but stays close to the doorway so she can hear Skye.

Skye: Alexis doesn't want to be supervised. She's tense and unpleasant whenever we're in the room with her when she has the baby. It's getting to the point, frankly, I'm afraid to leave her alone with Kristina.

Alexis bristles with anger.

Judge Farmer: Do you agree?

Ned: Unfortunately, her behavior is starting to concern me.

Judge Farmer: I'd like to hear more about what Skye feels her role is in Kristina's life.

Skye: I'm the only person giving her a mother's love.

Alexis rolls her eyes. She walks over and grabs a duffle bag hidden by a planter and then goes into the Ladies room. A woman squeals.

Woman: How dare you!

Alexis walks back out of the bathroom with the woman right behind her.

Alexis: I'm so sorry. Forgive me. Forgive me.

Woman: God! Pervert! (The woman hits Alexis with her purse)

Judge Farmer: The two of you appear to be acting as co-parents. Is the any chance that the relationship could become permanent?

Skye and Ned: No.

Ned: Well, off the record, does the court look upon a single parent in a relationship more favorably than a parent not in a relationship?

Judge Farmer: (Smiling) Off the record? (Leans in and whispers) It would go a long way towards getting the kind of custody arrangement that you're seeking if you were happily married.

Ned and Skye look at each other.

(Camera switches to the hallway in front of the men's room)

Alexis walks out of the bathroom just as Edward walks up looking for Dobson.

Edward: Alexis, (she freezes) what the hell are you doing? Hey, did you just come out of the men's room?

Alexis: (Looks over at the door) There was a long line in the ladies' room, as usual, and no one in the men's, so I used it. As the owner of this hotel, if you have any respect for women, you should expand the little girls' facilities.

Edward: Oh. Was Dobson in there?

Alexis: No one's in there.

She walks away and stashes her duffle bag full of clothes back behind the planter.

(Camera switches back to Ned's table)

Judge Farmer's voice: While it's too soon to make any definitive plans, it's possible that the child's needs could be better met if she remain just where she -

Alexis walks up to the table.

Alexis: Well, look who's here. Judge Farmer, hi. Ned, Skye. I had no idea you all were such good friends that you would get together socially -- unless, of course, you're conspiring against me behind my back.

They realize she's been drinking.

Skye: (Chuckles uncomfortably) Well, it was -- it was good seeing you, Alexis.

Alexis: It's always good to see you, Skye. I have a minute. Do you mind if I join you?

She sits down.

Skye: You know what? (Hands Alexis a glass of wine) The waiter poured this, but I'm not drinking.

Alexis: Since when?

Ned: Alexis doesn't need a drink. I'm sure you want a clear head.

Alexis: Ned, I have no idea why you're saying that to me. Unlike Skye, I don't have a problem with alcohol. Here's mud in your eye.

She drinks the wine.

Alexis: Seriously, I don't know how I'm ever going to be able to thank the Quartermaines for the -- the care that they have given my daughter. And I want you to know, I want you to be assured that I have every intention of following every legal requirement that has been imposed upon me by this court.

Skye: You know, Alexis, since we are all here, maybe you could explain to us a little bit about this -- this "work" that you're doing, since it does seem to make you so late for your visits with Kristina -- that is, when you show up at all.

Alexis: This work that I'm doing is the work that I'm doing putting my life back together. You know, as long as we're here, this seems like a wonderful, a fortuitous opportunity for us to discuss some of the issues that have come up recently. For instance, when I come to visit my daughter, Skye always chooses that particular time to take her for a walk.

Skye: Well, if I waited for you, Alexis, that child would never see the light of day.

Alexis: That's a gross exaggeration.

Skye: It's the truth.

Alexis: It's not.

Skye: It is.

Alexis: It's not.

Skye: It is.

Alexis: When I do get to see my daughter, when she's actually available --

Skye: She's always available, Alexis.

Alexis: Skye hovers over her like some deranged vulture --

Skye: I was told that the court wants the visits supervised.

Alexis: Perhaps you're confusing supervision with intrusiveness.

Skye: Well, Alexis, you're always so frantic with Kristina, you upset her. Like the other day, she had this mild ear infection, and you wanted to whisk her off to the emergency room in a helicopter.

Alexis: I never said a word about a helicopter.

Skye: She didn't need to go anywhere. And if I do hover, it is because I'm trying to help you.

Alexis: I know exactly what you're trying to do. You are trying to make (she checks herself) -- the best of a very difficult situation. We all are. As much as I would love to sit and talk about this some more, I -- I really have to go. I have someplace I have to be. (Stands up) Judge Farmer, it was lovely to see you again.

She turns and grabs a glass of wine off a waiter's tray and walks off.

Skye: My. Didn't know she was battling a problem with alcohol on top of everything else.

(Camera switches to the hallway in front of the restrooms)

Alexis takes a drink of the wine and backs into the mens' room with her duffle bag.

Man: Hey!

Alexis: Oh, sorry.

She walks back out.

Man: Wrong room.

She walks over to the ladies' room and goes inside.

(Camera switches back to Edward's table)

Waiter: I couldn't find him.

Edward: Well, he has a beard and an English accent. Now go look.

Waiter: All right, I'll look again.

The waiter leaves.

Edward: All right. Jeez.

(Camera switches to Ned's table)

Ned: Do you see now why Skye and I are so concerned about Alexis?

Skye: Kristina is at a crucial stage in her development. She's learning to trust the world, to bond with others. How could she be expected to do that when Alexis can swoop in at a moment's notice and upset her?

Ned: I want to give Alexis the benefit of the doubt. She is Kristina's mother, and she has every right to be with her -- as soon as she gets better.

Skye: Alexis doesn't seem to be getting better. Now, I know there are no signs of her alternate personality right now, but it's pretty obvious that other problems are coming to the fore.

Ned: Your honor, I am genuinely concerned that if the court decides to wait until Alexis is fully recovered before I regain my custody, well, that could be years.

Judge Farmer: You make some valid points. (She checks her watch) And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to make a call.

The judge walks off.

Ned: I'm so glad you're here. I think the judge really needs to understand that you are providing Kristina with the maternal stability that Alexis just can't give her right now.

Skye: I love that little girl, Ned. I'll do whatever you want me to.

(Camera switches to the hallway again)

Alexis, dressed as Dobson, comes out of the ladies' room just as Judge Farmer approaches. The door hits Alexis in the butt.

Alexis: (To the door) Hello. (Sees Judge Farmer) The queue to the men's room was even longer than the ladies'. That's a switch.

Alexis starts to walk away.

Judge Farmer: (Giggles and then recognizes Dobson) You work for the Quartermaines, don't you?

Alexis: Yes. (Obviously drunk) And I know who you are, as well. There isn't a lie that family won't tell to rip that little girl from her poor mother's arms. And that bottled redhead is the worst. She's a baby-snatching barracuda, and if there were any justice in the world, it would be off with her head!

She lifts her tie up I the air as if to hang herself.

Judge Farmer: If you'll excuse me.

The Judge walks away horrified.

Alexis: Leave, then.

She straightens her tie and heads off to see Edward.

(Camera switches to Edward at his table)

He looks at his watch. Alexis reaches the doorway and leans against the door frame. She tries to straighten her tie.

Alexis: My apologies, sir. I met up with a chap from Brighton in the loo. We were talking rugby. (Sits down)

Edward: Hmm.

Alexis: Wonderful sport. I played it when I was a lad.

Edward: Oh, you're -- you're falling behind here, sir.

Alexis: Oh, right-O. Jolly good.

Edward: Here we go.

Alexis: (Grabs her glass) Hip, hip, horray. It's great to be gay.

They clink glasses.

Edward: Hmm?

Alexis: Jolly. Whatever. (Takes a drink and clears her throat) That's bloody good, sir!

Edward: (Chuckles) You know, when we're finished with this, we're going to have to formulate some kind of strategy to undermine Skye and Ned.

Alexis: I couldn't agree more, sir.

Edward: Now, your duties are going to be -

The judge walks up to them.

Judge Farmer: Edward?

Edward: Hello, Nancy. What a surprise. Here, join us. Sit down.

Alexis stands as the waiter seats the judge.

Judge Farmer: Thank you.

Edward: You know our butler, Dobson?

Judge Farmer: Yes, we bumped into one another in the corridor.

Edward: I see.

Alexis flips up her coat tails and sits down.

Judge Farmer: I asked Ned and Skye to dinner for an informal discussion regarding Kristina's present situation.

Edward: Mm-hmm?

Alexis tries to stuff her handkerchief in her pocket.

Judge Farmer: Edward, they make a compelling argument for Ned to be granted permanent custody.

Edward: I thought -- I thought you were going to give Alexis six months of therapy --

Judge Farmer: I don't see ms. Davis being a factor in the decision anymore.

Alexis: This is an outrage, discussing the life of a little girl over drinks. Shame, shame on you both, plotting against that poor mother and ignoring a court order.

Judge Farmer: I wrote that court order. Your butler's arguing U.S. Law?

Alexis: Exactly how many Quarterbraines are paying you to abuse your power?

Judge farmer gasps in horror.

Alexis: Are you going to eat your cherry?

Alexis grabs the maraschino cherry from the plate in front of the judge.

Judge Farmer: This was an informal meeting to determine the best interests of the child.

Alexis eats the cherry.

Ned and Skye walk up to the table.

Skye: What's Dobson doing here?

Edward: Oh, Dobson and I were here to discuss some household matters and --

Ned: Since when do you take the butler out for drinks?

Alexis salutes to Ned.

Ned: In all the years that Reginald worked for us, I don't remember you ever socializing with him. But then again, Reginald always refused to act as your spy.

Judge Farmer: The butler is accusing me of impropriety.

Alexis: You have demonstrated, madam, a lack of pro-- whatever it is you said -- at every turn. That mother has a right to be present at any and all discussions.

Skye: Alexis was here --

Alexis: And might I add that you are the one that put Kristina back with the Quartermaines after they incinerated their own home!

Ned: How could you know that?

Alexis: I know. I hear things. I hear it all. Kristina's mother has been callously ignored and conspired against. She's been made to be a stranger to her own daughter, and I won't stand for it anymore! I am putting a stop to this before it goes any further! (Slumps back into the chair)

Skye: Who are you to make pronouncements?

Alexis: I'll tell you who I am!

She stands up quickly and then keels over passing out.