Alexis: Why on earth would I be wearing after-shave?

Skye: Good question. Care to offer any insight?

Alexis: Isn't that ridiculous? She thinks I'm wearing after-shave. You got so big!

Skye: That is a very distinctive smell. I'm sure I've smelled it before. Cameron, perhaps? Were you two snuggled up together? Don't tell me -- another assignation in his file room, or did you move up to the couch in his office this time?

Alexis: I'm having an all too rare moment with my daughter. Go bother someone else.

Ned walks in and looks at Alexis with the baby.

Ned: Ah, look at that. Hello, sweetie pie. Enjoying some time with your mommy?

Ned: (Sniffs) Was the new butler just in here?

Skye: Why?

Ned: Can't you smell that? I think it's his after-shave. It's almost as if he's standing right here in this room.

Kristina fusses in her bassinet.

Alexis: I wish you could tell me if something's wrong with you.

Skye: Maybe it's the after-shave.

Ned: Dobson must really pile it on.

Alexis: Is it your tummy? Is that what it is, honey? Huh? (Alexis holds a bunny up in front of the baby)

Skye: Actually, she doesn't care for that toy. I think it scares her. Try the lamby. She likes that.

Alexis: All right, that's it. This is my daughter. This is my visit. I don't want your advice. I don't want your commentary. I want you to go. Can you manage that?

Edward bellows from the foyer.

Edward: Dobson, show yourself immediately!

(Camera switches to the foyer where Edward approaches Dillon)

Edward: Have you seen our new butler?

Dillon: No.

Ned walks in.

Ned: Hey -- keep it down. Kristina's inside, and she's already cranky.

Edward: What's the use of having a butler if he's never around?

Dillon: Oh, I don't know. He could've taken the evening off. Or maybe he split permanently once he realized you're all insane.

Ned: Shh!

Edward: What -

(Camera switches back to the living room)

Ned walks in and Alexis grabs her purse.

Alexis: I have to go.

Skye: Already?

Alexis: I realized that I'm late for my therapy session.

Ned: But you've got another 20 minutes with Kristina.

Alexis: I'm hoping maybe I can tack that on to the -- to the next visit.

Alexis rushes past Edward and out the door.

Edward: Hey, hey, why wasn't I told that this maniac is loose in the house? Dobson, where the hell are you? Dobson!

Various Qs assemble in the foyer.

Monica: For god's sakes, Edward, what now?

Alan: Seems that the butler's gone AWOL.

A.J.: What? Butler quit already? Must be a new record.

Edward: Now, whether Dobson quit or is about to be fired remains to be seen.

Skye: I guess I'm a little unclear about the concept here. What are we supposed to do about a missing butler?

Edward: We are supposed to find him.

Skye: Oh --

Edward: When was the last time any of you saw or heard from Dobson?

Alan: Who the hell knows? I don't keep tabs on the butler. Monica, check your jewelry, and then we'll have to check the silver.

Ned: How to facilitate a robbery -- you hire a complete stranger and then put him in a position of trust three minutes after he walks through the door.

Alice: Hey, that's not fair. There's no evidence that Dobson's a thief.

Skye: Hey, while you're looking for missing things, you might want to check the medicine cabinets for missing after-shave.

Alan: After-shave?

Monica: What?

Ned: Don't ask.

Dillon: Can I go now?

Edward: No, you may not, young man. No one leaves this foyer until we've reached some kind of a resolution.

Monica: Oh --

The camera shows Alexis look in her mirror outside the door to check to see if the mustache is on straight.

Alexis walks in.

Edward: Where the hell have you been?

Alexis: (As Dobson) On my scheduled break --

Edward: Doesn't matter. You're fired.

Alexis: May I ask why, sir?

Edward: Neglect of duty and gross incompetence.

Alexis: As you wish, sir. But is termination absolutely necessary?

Edward: Absolutely. You failed to communicate your whereabouts to anyone in this family, and that is cause for immediate dismissal in anyone's book.

Emily appears at the top of the stairs.

Emily: Well, not in mine.

Edward: Why would you go into battle for a servant you hardly know?

Emily: He's a person, grandfather. Dobson took a break. You can't fire him for that. The days of indentured servitude are over.

A.J.: Bet that comes as a big surprise to you, huh?

Dillon: Hey, listen, Dobs, I'm here because I have to be, ok?

Edward: Listen, mutt, do you want to be sent back to your mother?

Dillon: Ok, fine, whatever. All I'm saying is Dobs could find a much better gig than taking all this from you people.

Alexis: I hope that won't be necessary, young master Quartermaine. Sir, if I may respectfully remind you, in our original interview, I did mention that I might need occasional personal time during the day.

Edward: Well, I -- I don't remember every minute detail.

Ned: Not only does grandfather have a weak heart, but he suffers from selective memory, as well.

Emily: I'm Emily, by the way. We haven't officially met.

Alexis: It's a privilege to know you.

Skye: Sucking up. Well, this butler proves to be no dummy.

Emily: Dobson came through for you when he agreed to take over for Reginald on such short notice. He's still feeling his way, and I think you should be patient with him. God knows he'll have to patient with us.

Monica: She has a point, Edward.

Edward: All right. Dobson can stay.

Alan: Oh, fantastic. The crisis is over. We can all get back to our lives.

Edward: Oh, what -- forget it. I'm tired of all this -

Everyone leaves except Alexis and Emily.

Alexis: Is it over?

Emily: For now. Don't worry. They have very short attention spans.

Alexis: Then I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you most sincerely.

Emily: My family can seem a little crazy at first. They are crazy. And they lie a lot, and most of the time someone is blackmailing someone else. The sanest one is probably Ned. He lies and blackmails, too, but he usually has a good reason.

Alexis: I'll keep that in mind.

Emily: And the way grandfather was just being unfair to you -- they'll all do that on a regular basis. Maybe not Dillon. I don't really know him well enough yet. But the rest -- they'll yell, whine, bully you, try to make you choose sides. Don't. The only way to survive around here is to stay neutral.

Alexis: Got it.

Emily: It's not all bad news. You'll be rewarded for loyalty. And if you're ever in trouble -- really in trouble -- my family shows up. Sometimes they can be really wonderful. But the patience thing definitely has to work both ways.

Alexis: I'm a very patient person.

Emily: It's weird how easy it is to talk to you. Almost like I know you already. Well, good luck, and I'm around if you get confused or overwhelmed.

Alexis: Thank you, miss.

Emily leaves and Alexis shakes her head.

Alexis and Alice walk in. Alexis pushes the pram.

Alice: It's so thoughtful of you to help me like this. A true gentleman is rare these days.

Alexis: Oh, yes, well, I'm all too happy to assist, ma'am.

Alice: I'm glad you came back. I'm getting used to having you around.

Alexis bristles.

Alice is about to roll the pram away when Alexis stops her.

Alexis: Where might you be taking the little one?

Alice: It's time for her bottle.

Alexis: Ah, yes. No need to alienate cook by bringing the pram into the kitchen. It would be my pleasure to keep an eye on her.

Alice: What a considerate man. Thank you.

Alice walks into the kitchen and Alexis leans over the baby.

Alexis: (Whispering to Kristina in her normal voice) Hi, sweetheart, it's mommy. I missed you, my love. I'm sorry we couldn't stay together longer, but I promise I'm going to fix it so I can be --

Ned: (From the hallway) Dobson (Alexis straightens up) -

Ned: What are you doing with my daughter?