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May
13,
2003 Transcript Skye holds Kristina in the Q living room. Skye: How about we take a stroll through your great-grandmother's garden, huh, Kristina? Would you like that? Oh, I think you'd like that. (Puts the baby in the pram as Ned walks in) I saw you looking at those butterflies, huh? Yes, you did. You liked that white one. I saw you looking at that with your eyes. I did, huh? Ned: She's irresistible, isn't she? Skye: Oh, Ned. I didn't hear you. Ned: Sorry to interrupt your conversation. Skye: Yeah. She's an ingratiating little thing, isn't she? I suppose I've gotten attached. Ned: No offense, but I'm a little surprised you're so good with her. Skye: Yeah, I guess I've never considered myself to be much of a baby person, you know? I couldn't believe women would actually want to change diapers and listen to the crying and -- I just couldn't imagine it was worth the sacrifice.
Ned: And now?
Skye: Kristina's the exception to the rule. The time I spend with her is pretty magical.
Alexis walks in. Alexis: Welcome to the human race.
Alexis: Would you mind explaining to Skye that she is not Kristina's mother? I am, and I don't want her near my daughter. If you don't do it, I'll be happy to spell it out for her again myself. Ned: Actually, Skye has been very attentive to Kristina. Alexis: Her behavior has been entirely inappropriate.
Skye: Babies need affection. Alexis: Babies need a lot of things, Skye. Skye: I'm just trying to do what's best for Kristina while she's living in this house. Alexis: You turned her mother away from the door when I came to visit. Skye: You were four hours late, Alexis. Kristina was asleep. Now, I'm sorry, but Judge Farmer was very specific about the limits of your visitation. Alexis: The court order does not include you in the role of timekeeper and supervisor. Ned:
Ok, there's no reason to overreact. Alexis: You think I'm overreacting because I don't want an alcoholic kidnapper to play surrogate mother to my daughter? Ned: Why are you getting so upset? Alexis: My question is, why aren't you more upset? Ned: Ok, Skye, would you do me a favor and take Kristina upstairs? Skye: My pleasure. Ned: Thank you. Skye: Excuse me.
Skye wheels the baby out.
Alexis: What on earth is wrong with you?
Ned: I don't want to sit here and get in an argument in front of the baby, ok?
Alexis: You're the one who said she was treacherous in the first place, and the fact that you're defending her is unacceptable! Alexis turns to leave but Ned grabs her arm to stop her. Ned: Wait, no, where -- where are you going? Alexis: I'm going to see my daughter. Ned: You're not going! (Ned follows her out the door and takes her by the arm as Skye goes up the stairs with the baby) Please, don't upset the baby. Just relax. Just calm down for just a moment and -- Alexis: Will you stop talking to me like I'm crazy? I have every right to be angry.
Edward: Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing here? (Alexis heads for the stairs) This is not your visitation time and you are in direct (Edward grabs her and pulls her down) -- Reginald! Get in here! Ned: Relax, ok? Edward: We've got a crisis right here! Reginald walks in. Reginald: Someone else (he trips and falls) -- oh!
Edward: Oh, my God.
Edward rushes over to an unconscious Reginald.
Edward: Is he dead?
The paramedics have arrives and have Reginald on a stretcher. Ned: How you doing, Reggie? Reginald: Oh, I've been better.
Skye: Oh, Reginald, you must have tripped on this rattle. I didn't see Kristina drop it.
Edward: Well, Reginald could've broken his neck. He didn't, did he? Paramedic: His back is injured. The doctors will be able to tell you more. Edward: This is terrible. Skye: Oh, Reginald, I'm so sorry. Alice: (To a paramedic) Stop wasting time. Get him to the hospital! Ned: You're going to be all right, Reggie. Edward notices Alexis tip-toeing up the stairs and he rushes to her. Edward: Hey, hey, hey. No, no, no, you don't, lady. You do not take advantage of a family tragedy to try to inflict yourself on my great-granddaughter.
Alexis: A butler having his back go out is considered family tragedy? Edward: Yes. Who else is going to stand guard against you? Alexis: If my daughter needs protection from anyone, Edward, it's you. Edward:
I am devoted to that little girl. Reginald: Mrs. Quartermaine takes her tea at 4:00! Alice: Ok, ok, Reginald. Dillon walks in.
Dillon: What happened?
Ned: Alexis has every right to see her daughter.
Edward: Alexis committed a criminal act the minute she stepped inside this house. Am I the only one here who cares about the law? Give me the phone. Edward goes to the phone. Dillon: What happened? Ned: Edward, put that phone down. Put it down! Edward: (On the phone) Yes, I'd like the number, please, of the Rivington Agency. A.J. walks in the front door. A.J.: Old man. What are you up to now?
Edward: Well, Reginald has been incapacitated and we need to find a replacement. Ned: So much for the family tragedy. Skye: He just got in the ambulance. You can't wait, like, 60 seconds?
A.J.: Listen, make sure they send someone who'll keep his mouth shut and respect the family. Skye: Hey, I'd better hear that be a temporary position.
Ned: Yeah, listen, any new butler is out the moment Reginald returns. Alice: I'm sure he can use the rest. Edward: Reginald is not being replaced -- unfortunately. But while he is incapacitated, there are certain things that can be improved on. Ned: Name one. Edward: A proper butler should have impeccable posture, hmm? And a dignified air, preferably British, hmm? Alice: Ooh, I like accents. Skye: Look, Reginald is a bit eccentric, ok, but at least he's loyal and discreet -- and he's the only one in this house who isn't terrified of Cook. Edward: A proper English butler wouldn't be intimidated by anyone, even Cook. Ned: Disaster is looming. I can see it. Edward: Oh, ye of little faith.
Alexis has an idea.
Back at home, Alexis looks at herself in the mirror.
She starts to pull back her hair and pin it away from her face. .
Edward begins to interview butlers. He walks into the living room with his first candidate, a tall and snobbish looking young man.
Edward: This is the living room. Let's see -- Phillips, is it, right? Man: Yes, Sir. Edward: Well, I -- I asked the agency for a classic English butler, and clearly you are that. Phillips: I'm originally from Surrey. Edward: Oh. So how do you like living in America? Phillips: In all honesty? Edward: Of course.
Phillips: The Americans are hopelessly backward, with revolting taste in virtually everything. One of civilization's greatest tragedies is that Britain lost the revolution. Although I must say that you -- you don't appear to be quite as savage as the rest of the lot, Sir.
(Scene changes to later) Edward looks over a clipboard with a resume on it. Edward: Hmm, the -- the agency tells me that you really appreciate tradition, huh? His next candidate is a very old man.
Man: Oh, yes, Sir. I've been a butler since World War II.
Edward: Oh. The old man stumbles to coffee table and picks up a silver tray laden with a silver coffee pot and cups. The tray shakes violently as he lifts it. (Scene changes to later) The next candidate is a middle aged man. Edward: Oh, I am looking for a butler with a sense of propriety, one who, having become acquainted with the rest of the staff, will not be influenced by their -- their informality, so to speak.
Man: Shouldn't be a problem, Sir. I have no friends. In fact, the human race revolts me.
Edward: Hmm. (Scene changes to later) Edward sits on the couch exhausted and frustrated. Alice comes in.
Alice: There's one last guy for you to see. Edward: I've gone through the whole damn list. It must be a mistake. We hear a man's voice with a British accent. Dobson: Mr. Edward Quartermaine?
Edward: (Stands up) Who are you? The camera moves to the doorway where we see Alexis dressed up as an English butler.
Alexis: (As Dobson) Dobson, Sir. I do hope that I can be of service. (She nods)
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