January 14, 2002 Transcript
"You Can't Have it Both Ways"

Alexis: Kristina's upstairs. I'll go get her. Why don't you come in.

Ned: Alexis, hold on a second. I -- I do want to see your sister.

Alexis: Then you're going to have to let me go upstairs to get her.

Ned: But I want to speak to you first, concerning her.

Alexis: Kristina is capable of making her own decisions.

Ned: Believe me, I know.

Alexis: All right, well, then, let's just leave it at that.

Ned: Alexis, please, just listen to me. I need -- before Ii do anything, I just need to know how you feel.

Alexis: About what, Ned?

Ned: About seeing Kristina. So can we just discuss this, please?

Alexis: What you and Kristina do is none of my business.

Ned: A year ago, you and I were planning to spend the rest of our lives together. And now I'm asking you if it's ok to see your sister. So i'm thinking you probably have feelings about that.

Alexis: It's a little awkward.

Ned: Yes, it is. And I want you to know that I wasn't planning on doing this. This is -- this is something that absolutely just happened and --

Alexis: I can see why the two of you may get along. I can also see why the two of you might be good together.

Ned: I'm not rushing into this. I'm -- I'm just taking it one day at a time.

Alexis: That's very wise.

Ned: I'm just thinking the occasional date.

Alexis: Ned, you don't have to justify anything. You don't have to explain anything. In fact, it's probably best if you just stop talking because your private life is your own.

Ned: So you're honestly ok with this?

Alexis: Sure. Kristina?

Kristina: Hi.

Ned: Hi.

Alexis: Ned's here. Listen, there's tandoori chicken in the refrigerator. It's a little on the spicy side, but there's always popcorn. And help yourself to the coffee. Kristina made it, so it's -- it's drinkable. I'm going to head out. I'll see you.

Kristina: Alexis, I know what's going on.

Alexis: I told Ned that I was fine with whatever you do or don't do.

Kristina: Well, you don't have to tell me it's fine if it isn't fine.

Alexis: Why would I say it was ok if it wasn't ok?

Kristina: Because you love me and you want me to be happy.

Alexis: That's true.

Kristina: You must still have feelings for Ned.

Alexis: I left Ned standing at the altar. I hurt him terribly --

Kristina: And --

Alexis: And if this is a way for him to heal and get over it, it would be selfish of me to feel anything else.

Kristina: I just don't know how you can be so calm and collected.

Alexis: Kristina, I want you to be happy, too, and if the two of you are happy together, then so be it. I'm not going to stand in your way. Now, let's not belabor this anymore and let's all just move on.

Kristina: Where is Sonny?

Alexis: Carly had a problem, so he went off to help.

Kristina: What is the attraction between those two?

Alexis: I have no idea, and that would be none of your business because that's his life. You have your life, I have mine -- speaking of which, I am going to go off and find something new and different to do with mine.

Alexis: Ok. I have a large I.Q. How hard can this be? Put this on here, right? And then you just -- you just -- you walk. All right -- hello?

Help. I don't know how to turn -- I don't -- oh!

Scott: Whoa, hey, come here. You're going to need a cheap lawyer. You all right?

Alexis: I don't need any commentary, ok, Scott?

Scott: What are you doing here?

Alexis: I saw an ad for a new health club and I decided to join a -- a health club.

Scott: What are you really doing here?

Alexis: I'm working out my stress, ok?

[Knock on door]

Sonny: Hi. Is Courtney around?

Kristina: No, she's sleeping.

Sonny: Can I speak to Alexis?

Kristina: Well, to do that, you would have to go and yell out the window. She's not here right now.

Sonny: Where is she?

Kristina: I don't know.

Sonny: Is she ok?

Kristina: That is a good question.

Ned: Alexis is off duty tonight. I guess she didn't know her job is 24/7.

Kristina: Ned, would you excuse us for a second, please? Sonny, have you have ever heard the brazilian tale of the crocodile and the monkey?

Sonny: The what?

Kristina: The crocodile and the monkey are best friends. But the crocodile wants to eat the monkey's heart, so the monkey, to trick him, tells the crocodile that he left his heart at home. The moral of the story is, you can't have it both ways.

Sonny: What did you just say?

Kristina: I mean, I'm talking about you and Alexis.

Sonny: Oh. Which one's the monkey?

Kristina: Alexis -- my sister is your attorney, correct?

Sonny: Yeah.

Kristina: She also is a very close friend of yours, if not one of your best friends. Correct?

Sonny: Is this leading somewhere?

Kristina: You can't treat your attorney like your best friend, just like you can't treat your best friend like your attorney.

Sonny: Hmm.

Kristina: I don't want you taking my sister for granted anymore.

Sonny: Are you finished?

Kristina: Think about what i said.

Sonny: Good night.

Kristina: If you're waiting for an invitation to go eat that tandoori chicken, go right ahead.

Ned: I'll pass. Knowing Alexis, it's probably sprouting fuzzy, green mold. Look, we both care about Alexis. And I know you're not happy about me coming over here and speaking to her about us. But I -- I just didn't want her to have a problem with --

Kristina: What?

Ned: Well, with whatever happens next between us.

Kristina: And that would be what?

Ned: We'll just find out as we go.

Ned: See you tomorrow.

Sonny: Come on, Alexis. Where are you?

Scott: Price tag is hanging out of your new sweat suit.

Alexis: You're enjoying this, aren't you?

Scott: There is a certain entertainment value. So, did that pint-sized mobster finally make you an accessory and you're working out to get your sanity back?

Alexis: I'm not at liberty to discuss half-pint.

Scott: Well, I'll take that as a yes. Watch out, don't break a nail.

Alexis: I'm exercising because I feel like exercising, ok?

Scott: Ok.

Alexis: Ok.

Scott: No more questions.

Alexis: What little success are you trying to forget at this hour?

Scott: You know, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Alexis: All right, all right. Let's just sweat, ok?

Scott: I'm done sweating.

Alexis: Fine. Give me your gloves.

Scott: What for?

Alexis: I want to hit something.

Scott: Well, boxing is a sport, you know. It takes practice.

Alexis: How hard can it be to hit an oblong bag?

Scott: Well, you know, you got to jab and protect. Jab, protect, jab, protect.

Alexis: What am I protecting myself from? What, is the bag going to hit me back?

Scott: You never know what hits back.

Alexis: Give me the gloves.

Scott: Knock yourself out.

Alexis: I probably will. I can do this. Watch me. There, see? This feels kind of good. This feels new, this feels different. I'm new and different -- you know what? It's not politically correct to actually hit a person. But if you picture that person's face on the bag and just kick the crap out of it --

Scott: Hey, hey, whoa. Come on, whoa. Calm down, calm down, there, champ. Just -- you're getting carried away here. Did it make you feel better?

Alexis: I hate exercising.

Scott: I love it. It's a great place to pick up chicks.

Alexis: I have an idea.

Scott: I'm all ears.

Alexis: Why don't you and I go out on a date?

Scott: What, are you joking?

Alexis: As friends.

Scott: I got enough friends.

Alexis: No one has enough friends.

Scott: Well, maybe, I don't know. I've been known to get along with you.

Alexis: And I respect you professionally, except for a few undesirable clients.

Scott: Well, you got to have them.

Alexis: All right, so, when do you want to go out on this ersatz date?

Scott: Well, let's see. Sadie Hawkins day is coming up, so why don't you pick it, Daisy Mae?

Alexis: How about tomorrow, Li'l Abner?

Scott: I think I'm available.

Alexis: Are you available the day after tomorrow?

Scott: I think I might be in.

Alexis: I bet you're available the day after that day --

Scott: All right, I'm available!

Alexis: Ok. Deal.

Scott: Let me help you up. It's all right.

Alexis: That's funny.

Sonny: Yuck. Who could eat this stuff?

[Phone rings]

Sonny: Oh, whoa, whoa. Yeah? She's on her way up? Good.

Alexis: Well, here we are.

Scott: Yeah.

Alexis: Hi.

Sonny: Hey.

Scott: I'll see you tomorrow.

Alexis: Yeah.

Sonny: How's it going?

Alexis: Good. That is, if I can walk after the -- my encounter with the thigh machine.

Scott: Well, maybe you should try something easier -- a little skipping rope and then move up to the calf machine.

Alexis: That sounds like a farm implement.

Scott: Well, it looks like one.

Alexis: Moo.

Sonny: "Skipping rope." Ugh.

[Music plays]