The Convenient Wife
by Kelly

chapter 63

She needed this…this silence…this freedom to look at his beautiful
face…to memorize every beautiful line and angle.

He was still asleep, his lashes--impossibly long and dark for such a
masculine creature--resting against his face. His mouth softened by
sleep. The sheet rode low on his hips baring his muscled chest…the
chest that had borne her weight last night.

She had lain without sleep for many hours, listening to his heart
beat steadily under her ear. Coveting the closeness, the intimacy
that she'd prayed to have with him for so long.

Her hand found her throat now, caressing a spot of skin that was
tender and faintly bruised. The beginnings of a night's growth of
beard had brushed her there in a rough and unintended caress. They
had not exactly been gentle with each other in that dining room.
Their lovemaking had been fevered, hot, desperate, a little dangerous…
and oh, so very good.

Then afterwards, there had been the shift to something so sweetly
tender she would never again be able to think of it without tears.

"There is nothing…NOTHING…about our lives that I would change," he
had promised her. "I love you and even the struggles we go through
prove to me that we're worth it. Every battle. Every trial. Every
opponent. They don't matter. It all comes back to how you make me
feel. That's something I want for my whole life."

She knew that he'd spoken the truth in the moment. But she also knew
that it wasn't the WHOLE truth. That he was risking his relationship
with his children for her. He hadn't shared the whole truth with
Alexis…and that hurt.

"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong now?"

Alexis jumped. His eyes were still closed, yet he'd spoken. Slowly,
he blinked, rubbing a hand across his face as his gaze cleared of
sleep and focused pointedly on her. Standing in her robe at his
bedside.

"I—um—I didn't know you were awake," she stammered.

"Yeah, I know," he said. "But I am. And I could feel your worry like
a third person in the room. It's been here since last night. You
gonna tell me why now?"

Her eyes fell to the carpet. He had known something was wrong. She
had wanted it all to be perfect last night and yet he had known.

"I'm sorry if I seemed preoccupied."

"I'm not complaining about how you were with me," he told her,
leaning up against the pillows so that he could see her eye to
eye. "Last night was…it…I don't have any words for how magical that
was. We always are. We always will be. But that doesn't mean I
couldn't sense that something was in your heart. Something you need
to discuss with me. So let's do it. Let's clear the air."

Alexis swallowed. She wasn't ready for this. She had had all night
but she wasn't ready to tell him. She had envisioned having more time.

"I…I need you to do something for me," she whispered, the ache in her
heart strangling her voice.

"Anything," he said.

She closed her eyes. "I need you to leave."

Silence---utter and complete—greeted her words.

Then, one stark word. "What?"

She cleared her throat, pressed her hand to it as if willing her
voice to come out stronger. "I need you to leave."

When he didn't speak, she opened her eyes and saw his gaze fall to a
spot just behind her. He saw the luggage and in the same second
seemed to register that her bags were no longer there amongst his.
The suitcases all belonged to his Armani set. All his clothes had
apparently been packed. Confusion and anguish chased across his face
for a moment. Then he determinedly wiped them away and replaced them
with a placatory smile.

"Lex, obviously you're upset. Let's just calm down and let's talk
about this. Come back to bed and talk to me."

She shook her head firmly. "No, there's nothing to talk about. I told
you what I need. I'm not going to change my mind. If I...if I come
back to bed, you'll touch me…and we'll…I can't think when you touch
me. I need a clear head. I need you to hear me."

Sonny sat up fully now, worry evident in his handsome face. "I hear
you; I just don't understand you. Just tell me what I've done. Come
back to bed and tell me what I've done. Let me make it better."

She stared at him and heard him say the word she had so rarely heard
from him in their life together. It was a hoarse statement, plain and
heartfelt and bare of adornment. Just one word.

"Please."

It made her cry that he'd said it, and she turned her head away. "I
can't," she said. "I can't, Sonny. I love you. You know I do, but
sometimes love isn't enough to make a life against…against incredible
odds…and if you're honest you'll admit we face incredible odds—"

"So what? We've beaten them all before! Every single one!"

She leveled a stare at him. "What if I'm tired of the fight?" she
asked him. "What if I'm tired of every single person we know lobbing
mortar shells at our relationship? What if I'm tired of waiting and
trembling and fearing that this blow will be the one that does us in?
It's better to end it than to live like that."

She turned her back on him. "I—I'm sorry. I wanted…wanted one last
night with you. And it was…it was everything I needed it to be. It
was something I'll always remember and treasure. But, Sonny, it was
goodbye."

She stepped towards the bedroom door, intending to leave him there to
dress and to get his thoughts together. To prepare to leave. But his
voice stopped her.

"You think that little speech is gonna convince me you want out of
the best thing that ever happened to either one of us?" he
snapped. "You got another thing coming. For an incredibly intelligent
woman, that was the dumbest thing I've ever heard come out of your
mouth."

She swung to face him, wide eyes luminous with tears. "It's the
truth! I…I need things to be over! I want you to leave!"

"You're lying!" he snapped. "And after Kristina, we vowed never to do
that to each other again. So tell me what the hell is going on!"

She folded her arms across her body protectively. He wouldn't let
this go. He wouldn't let her go. He wanted to know what was wrong so
she'd tell him.

"Yes, Sonny, we did promise not to lie anymore," she said quietly,
her voice breaking. "But I'm not the one who broke that promise. You
are."

chapter 64