The Convenient Wife
by Kelly

chapter 58

Carly faced him, swirled her drink in her glass and shrugged,
feigning a careless attitude. But he saw through it. She was rattled.
Jason knew his friendship still mattered to her and that his long
silence had pierced her heart.

"There's plenty of ladies out there who hafta struggle to raise their
kids alone," he said. "You're not one of them, Carly. Even if you're
divorced, you know Sonny would be there in a second for Michael and
Morgan."

"Oh sure, he'll run over between little Kristina's dance recitals and
her Latin class. Oops, mustn't forget piano lessons!"

"Sonny loves his boys as much as any father could," he told her. "You
know that."

"Then why isn't he willing to put them first before that…that hag?"

"He IS putting them first," Jason stated. "He knows that a miserable
parent isn't any good to a kid. Haven't your three failed marriages
and the hell they put Michael through taught you that? He can't do
it, Carly. He can't walk away from Alexis again. He can't lie to his
kids again. As much as it hurts like hell, he's gonna stay with the
woman he loves and respect the promises he made her. That's love."

"No, that's bein' an idiot, Jason! Because he owes that loyalty to ME
first! Me and my boys!"

"And to hell with HER and THEIR daughter, right? It's just all about
YOU?"

He shook his head in disdain. "Like always."

Carly gulped the last of her drink, but this time her hand trembled.
She shook her head at him. "Don't," she said, her tone raw. "Don't do
this. Not you. Not today. I have been beaten down, thrown away,
stomped on by that man and I can't handle it if you do that to me,
too. All I ever asked was that he LOVE me. He promised to do that and
damn it, he needs to keep his word!"

Her friend sighed shaking his head. "That's over. He doesn't feel
that for you anymore. I'm sorry, but he's moved on."

"With Alexis Davis? That crazy repressed witch? She doesn't love him!
She can't…not like me!"

"How can you even presume to tell someone like Alexis about love?" he
demanded. "She walked away from Sonny two years ago because she
thought he loved you. When you came back from the accident, she
stepped away so you two could have your family back. That was love,
Carly…selfless love. She gave him up."

She threw her hands in the air. "Oh wonderful, now I have to hear
about the sainted Alexis from you, too, Jase? Any more and I'll puke,
I mean it."

"No, Carly, I'm not…" He sighed and shut his eyes for a moment. "You
don't get it. I'm not even talking about Alexis per se. I'm talking
about LOVE. Love means it's not all about YOU. It's about the other
person."

He took off his leather jacket, slung it in the couch. "Remember…
remember when you came to me…so long ago…desperate. Crying. You'd
just had the baby. Michael. And you couldn't…you couldn't connect to
him for some reason. You needed someone to--to take him in and to
love him when you couldn't. To protect him from the Quartermaines.
Someone who could sacrifice his time and his own agenda for you. Who
did that Carly?"

She looked away from him. "You, Jason, I know you did that. I'll
always be grateful--"

"But WHY did I do it?" he demanded. "It was cuz I loved that baby.
Because I loved YOU. I sacrificed my needs for yours time after time.
That's what love is. Somewhere along the line you never learned that.
They say I'm the one who's damaged, but you never even learned what
love is…something so basic to--to life."

Her eyes narrowed; she was fighting angry tears. "How can you say
that to me?" she asked, her voice hoarse. "I d-do…know about love. I
love you, Jase. I always have. And I love Sonny."

"If you do, then when have you put yourself second for me? For Sonny?
When have you sacrificed for either one of us?"

"I've done that plenty of times—"

"No, I meant when there was nothing for you to gain…no competition
for you to win…no other woman you wanted to get me or Sonny away
from. When have you ever just put another person first because it was
the right thing to do?"

She was silent. Utterly silent. Her mouth trembled and she turned her
head away to hide it. He watched as she rubbed her hands over her
face and shoved them into her hair. The tears were getting harder to
manage.

"This isn't fair," she whispered. "You're not being fair…"

Jason shook his head, swallowed back the pain and forced himself to
go on. To tell the truth that he prized above all else. "I remember.
I remember it all Carly even if you don't. Falling in love with your
son. Standing at that window over there telling him true stories of
faraway lands. He became my world. I-I talked to him and I felt he
understood me in his heart. The way he'd look up at me. It was…it was
just magic. I've never felt anything like it before or since."

She stared at him now, the tears coming freely. He'd never shared any
of this with her before.

"And then you decided you wanted Sonny…"

A ragged sob escaped her lips as he said the words…whispered them…
straight from his lips to her soul.

"I'm sorry…"

It was just a whisper but he heard it.

"I know," he acknowledged. "But you ripped my heart in two when you
slept with my best friend…Somehow I pushed away the hurt. I strangled
the pain out of my body. And I became your friend again. Because I
thought that was what you needed. And you had made your choice. I
respected that. So I walked away from you and from the baby. And I
never asked ANYTHING in return.

"But worse than losing you…worse than losing you, Carly…was losing my
son. Cuz that's what he was. Michael was MY son. MINE. I gave up the
only child I ever had so you could be happy. That's sacrifice. That's
love. When have you ever done that? Tell me, Carly."

She wrapped her arms across herself, sobbing openly now. "I know a-
about l-love, Jason!
Real love! You can't tell me I don't! I—I sacrifice all the time! I
put my children…I put my boys ahead of myself!"

He stared her straight in the eyes. "You didn't today. Unless you
call kicking their father out of their lives something you did for
their own good."

Silently they held each other's gaze, and he felt palpably the pain
he had wrought in her. He walked towards her now, his own tears
making the journey a blurred mess, and he took hold of her upper arms
tenderly. He swallowed as he watched her face contort with pain. No
matter what, he didn't like to hurt her. He remembered the awful
things she'd done, but he also remembered the good times. Jake's…the
bad beer, the good pool, and the companionship…no questions asked
loyalty no matter what. There had been special times. Times that
merited remembering.

He swept his thumbs under her eyes now wiping away tears born more of
hurt than anger. "I love you," he avowed. "I probably always will.
But I don't love who you become when you're trying to hold on to
what's already gone."

He cupped her face in his hands and forced her to meet his
gaze. "What will you say 10 years from now when Michael's a bitter
teenager and he--he turns to you and asks what happened to his dad?
What're you gonna say when he asks why his dad won't see him? Why his
dad doesn't care? When he blames it on himself and feels like less of
a person cuz his father didn't stick around? What are you gonna do
then? Are you gonna admit the truth? That you stole something
precious from their lives just to—just to make yourself feel better?"

Slowly he lowered his hands from her face, and turned to walk to her
door. Doorknob in hand, he turned once more to look her way.

"All I'm askin' is that you be the one who does the sacrificing this
time," he told her quietly. "You be the one to love."

And this time her door wasn't slammed but was pressed softly into
place.

chapter 59