The Convenient Wife
by Kelly

chapter 38

He hadn't had a clue what he would do when she opened the door to
him. He hadn't thought the visit out in any coherent fashion; after
all he was more than a little upset, and more than halfway round the
bend on Scotch and his agony. So when he saw Carly, the first thing
he did was instinctual, not fueled by any romantic or lustful notion.
It was fueled by the simple human need for contact. By the open and
salted wound left by Alexis' lie. By the chasm of loneliness that
settled in his chest when he contemplated life without her. And by
the deep and abiding ache when he realized she considered him
unworthy of their child.

What he did was not fueled by conscious thought, but by desperation
and pain.

He kissed Carly.

Actually, he pulled her slender form to his almost violently and
plundered her lips under the brute force of his own. She had no time
to react except for issuing a strangled little gasp before he took
her roughly into his arms. And all at once, the whirlwind of his rage
swept them both up into an embrace that mirrored the very first time
they had come together.

He kissed her now until the memory of that violent first event and
the present moment came crashing together in nightmarish images in
his head.

He kissed her until he had no more breath.

He kissed her until he tasted his own tears on her skin.

And that's when he knew it was a pointless waste. The pain seeped
through no matter how he tried to dull it. He would not forget Alexis
here…in this place…in this woman's bed. In any woman's bed. Life in
these last two years had taught him that at least.

He tore his mouth away, clasping Carly to him, struggling to get air
into his lungs, struggling to stem the tide of his tears, and failing
miserably at both.

He felt her trembling hands come up instantly to frame his face. "I'm
s-sorry," she moaned. "I'm sorry. Please, Sonny, it'll be okay. Just
let me hold you. Let me help you."

He struggled to get words out, to explain to her why he was losing
his mind, to tell her all about Alexis. To tell her why he'd even
come here. Why he needed to be with someone else…anyone else… to
forget.

But he couldn't find the words or the will to push them from his
mouth. So he collapsed against her quivering form, his head laying
heavily on her shoulder as she held him for what seemed like hours.

Softly, he felt her hand in his hair, brushing, caressing, and
soothing. But all he could think of was that Alexis had wanted to do
that earlier and he'd not allowed her to. It brought tears afresh to
his eyes.

"God. " Just the word. A plea. A groan. A halfhearted prayer. It was
all he could say.

"Shh," she whispered. "I'll make it better now. We can make it
better."

She didn't understand. His world had crashed and burned at his feet.
Alexis had shown him what love could be only to rip it from him when
he'd least expected it. Nothing could make that better.

"I'm glad you came here to me. I didn't think you would once you
knew."

Once I knew?

The words echoed in his mind in a confusing whirl, reverberating
within him, caught in some sickening echo in his head. Once he knew
what? He didn't know what she was talking about and couldn't ask. But
something inside him…some natural instinct…told him to keep quiet and
listen.

"I thought once she told you about Kristina…and that I knew…that you
would hate me, too," Carly whispered. "I'm so glad you don't."

Sonny's heart nearly shut down. He had to exert every ounce of self-
control to keep from stiffening and pulling out of his ex-wife's arms
that were presently snaked around him. But again, some still voice in
his head told him to wait.

"I hated knowing, Sonny. I wanted to tell you every day, but Alexis
wouldn't allow it."

Each word she spoke called him back from the chaos in his head. His
mind finally began to regain focus. Alexis wouldn't allow Carly to
tell the truth? Since when had Alexis or anyone been able to force
Carly to do something? The words felt untrue in his soul. What was
going on here?

"She doesn't care about you, Sonny. Not really. Not in her heart. She
always thought she was better than you. You know that. That's why she
kept her child from you."

He raised his head to look at her and forced wind to his vocal
chords; he needed to ask the question. "Did she—did she say that to
you?"

Carly's lips twisted sardonically. "Well, no, not in those words. She
just got on her high horse as usual. Said she couldn't risk losing
her child to the violence in your life. Said she wouldn't subject
Princess Kristina to a life like that."

Carly shook her head in disbelief. "She looks at us and judges us as
if she's so much better. She went on and on about the attempts on
your life…the bombing at the courthouse months ago…and about the
times Michael has gone missing. As if we haven't been good parents.
As if we don't love our children. I tried to tell her that you always
keep us safe…that she had no right to say those things about you. But
she wouldn't budge. She didn't want you to know about your daughter."

His mind shifted into gear. And neither, Carly, did you.

"She told me she'd never let her kid have a childhood like hers,"
Carly scoffed.
"She has no courage, Sonny. She can't face the dangers in your life
the way I can. She's a coward!"

Coward. The word replayed in his head. A woman who had watched her
own mother be murdered and lived to tell the tale? A woman who had
suffered the loss of her only sister for the second time in her life
and still survived? A woman who had been persecuted by a maniacal
stepmother and denied by a bastard of a father and still managed to
give her daughter a normal, loving, and safe home life? That was the
woman Carly was calling a coward?

Sonny stepped back from her, disentangling his body from her limbs
gently. He swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, heaved in a
sigh, and strove to regain control. "So Alexis didn't tell me the
truth because she thought my life…the mob…would endanger Kristina,"
he said softly.

Carly nodded.

"And you didn't tell me because…?"

His ex-wife's mouth opened and closed once before she came up with
the words. "Well, because--because Alexis begged me not to."

Sonny swallowed hard. "I don't believe you."

"What? Why?"

"Because five minutes ago you said it was because Lex wouldn't allow
you to…now it's cuz she begged you not to tell. Which is it?"

"I-I don't know what you mean. I was confused when you asked—"

"What Alexis thought or wanted has never meant a damn thing to you,
Carly. And now you want me to believe that you honored her request
out of the goodness of your heart?"

The woman's eyes bulged as she realized that she was rapidly losing
control of him here. "I—Sonny, why else would I not tell you the
truth? You were my husband. I love you—"

"Maybe because you could gain a little mileage out of the
information," he said, his head tilting. In his mind, he ran over the
events of the last year. "Is that why she represented you in court
against me? You blackmailed her, didn't you?"

His ex-wife hesitated a beat too long.

Sonny's eyes averted. "I'll take that as a yes."

"God, I'm an idiot." He turned away from her and headed for the door.

"No, Sonny, please—"

"I think we're done here."

"Wait!" Carly erupted, grabbing his arm to stop him. "What the hell
is your problem? You came here knowing that Alexis Davis is a liar!
That she kept your child from you! And then you turned to me! You
kissed me! You wanted me! And now you're leaving? To go back to her?"

He stopped and turned once more to Carly. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I'm
going back to her."

"Why?" The cry was anguished, agonized. "Why would you do that to me?
I know I lied to you but so did she!"

"Yeah, the only difference is why it was done," he whispered. "She
lied and it hurts like hell. It probably always will. But ironically,
I never let her explain why to me. I just blew up and walked out.
You, Carly, you just made her case. You told me why she kept my child
from me. It was so Kristina would live…and have a life free of the
danger and death that Alexis and her mother and sister had to face.
You reminded me of something…that Alexis is really not a selfish
person. And that if she kept me from my child there had to be some
kind of reason. I'd say Kristina's safety is reason enough."

Then Sonny pointed at her. "But you? You lied to me because you were
afraid that I'd leave you for Alexis. You were afraid I would love my
daughter and want to be a father to her. You were afraid that once I
knew everything I had with you would be over."

He shrugged. "I wish I could tell you that your fears were unfounded.
But they weren't. I've loved her too much too long for this to kill
it. We've got a lot of issues to solve, but I intend to try. And I
hope that once and for all this proves something to you: that no
matter what you put in front of Alexis and me, we'll climb over it
and we'll be together. It's over, Carly. You and me, we're over. But
I owe you a debt of thanks for making me think before I threw away
the greatest gift God ever gave me."

He stepped closer to her, his hands finding her shoulders with an
almost tender touch. He leaned close, touched his lips to her
forehead in a gentle salute. And then he said it. The word she never
wanted to hear from him.

"Goodbye."

chapter 39