This
must be what drowning feels like, Alexis mused as Sonny’s
mouth slanted boldly against hers and she drank deeply from his
sweetness. The world receded by inches as she felt herself sink
beneath the surface of him. Further and further from the shores
of reality and pain, deeper into the tides of sensation and sensuality
and desire. She sighed into his mouth and it turned into a groan.
His hands framed her face, his thumbs stroking tenderly across her
cheekbones. Then they shifted into the silky strands of her hair
as he held her firmly to him. Her hand on his chest sought the strong
rhythm of his heartbeat as if seeking proof that this was real and
not a dream.
His tongue slipped boldly into her mouth to stroke hers and her
breathing hitched. Waves of wanting spread languidly through her
loins as she pressed closer to him. She inhaled his fragrance…spice,
cloves. The taste of his mouth was a sense memory that had dulled
with the passage of time but had never quite disappeared. And now
in the present, she found that he was even more delicious than she
recalled.
He was a force of nature. A vortex pulling her in until she felt
she was drowning in him…Losing thought. Losing reason. Losing
herself. Again.
The last thought rocketed through her head and her eyes opened wide.
Panicked, she began to push against his chest frantically, pulling
her lips from his. She averted her eyes, her breath coming in gasps.
She couldn’t look at him; she was too shaken. Too ashamed.
“I—I don’t know what that was,’ she stammered,
going immediately into spin mode. “The—the emotion of
the moment…the--the craziness we’re going through or—”
“Or the fact that we want each other and always will,”
Sonny said huskily, and lifted her chin so that her eyes had to
meet his. “I’m way past pretending it isn’t there,
Lex.”
Alexis didn’t want to hear that. It didn’t help anything.
They were in too much trouble here to add to it the complicated
feelings they had once shared…still shared…whatever. She
craved distance. She stepped back from him, rubbed the back of her
hand across her mouth as if to erase the feeling of him.
“We--we need to think,” she whispered. “To decide
what we’re going to do. Calmly and rationally this time.”
He held her gaze for what seemed like ages. “You’re right.
I was--I went a little crazy before…when you told me about
all this. I was—I was wrong to go off on you like that.”
Alexis folded her arms across herself. Those words had hurt; they
hurt still. “Yes, you were. No matter what’s gone down
between us, no matter what I may have said or done, I have no desire
to see you go to prison. You have to know that.”
Sonny looked at her and—she hoped---saw the sincerity of her
words. He swallowed hard and nodded. “I do. In my heart, I
know that. Just the way I don’t want--and have NEVER wanted--anything
bad to happen to you. Especially not because of me. I couldn’t
take that.”
She sensed he’d come to a decision and she waited for him to
share it. “I don’t want to leave my children, my family.
But I don’t intend to go to prison. Whatever I have to do to
avoid that, I’ll do.”
Alexis read his thoughts, knowing he meant that he would run just
to stay free. But if he did that, he’d still be giving up his
life. She knew he’d never make his kids and Carly live on the
run. His eyes filled with grief and tears even now as he spoke of
it.
“Don’t worry about me; tell them you’ll testify,”
he whispered, brokenly. “Give me up. At least one of us will
get to stay with their child. At least one of us can have a normal
life.”
Her lips parted in surprise at his words.
“It’s the only option. I did this; I should take the fall.
You tell ‘em you’ll talk, they’ll back off o’
you. Then I run, and they’ll have nothing. Simple.”
Simple. Except that she’d never see him again. Never talk to
him…never touch him…
It wasn’t as if she’d had much contact with him over the
last few years. But there had always been the hope that she would
catch a glimpse of him…see him smile…even argue with him.
It was better than his total absence from her life.
She shook herself mentally. She wasn't supposed to be thinking of
Sonny. She needed to save her own life for her daughter’s sake,
didn’t she? This was what she wanted, right? For Sonny to take
the burden of this and get her out of the mess that he’d created?
So he’d run. It was the only way.
Then why were her insides twisted up with pain? Why did she feel
like she was betraying him by letting him take the burden of it
all alone? Why did she feel as if her daughter would be losing something
precious if Sonny ran?
“Just say yes, Alexis,” he prodded now. “Just save
yourself.”
She looked him straight in the eye and shook her head. “I'm
sorry. I know I should. But I can’t.”
