The Usual Suspects
by Maia

Serenity was a taste in the mouth, a taste of something sweet, and soft. Like snow that melts on the tongue, making a snow angel, or running down a night-lit street laughing out of the joy of living. Every year, time came back around, the herald of angels bringing a close to the end of the year, and the hope of a new one dawning.

So it was Christmas.

The busiest time of the year, as families joined together, to truly celebrate life and living, moving on through the pain and sorrows of the past year, and embracing the freshness of a new one.

This time of year, like no other, was filled with good will, and a peace of tranquility towards all men. Hearts stopped from their busy lives to embrace a goodness, to respect each other, and to genuinely enjoy a fellowship of humanity. It was Christmas.

Tonight on 5 Alive, Port Charles…

Christmas…um, make that non-secular Holiday crime is up thirty-four percent since last year. The Psychological Center of Public Health and Safety has identified a new social disorder, Holiday Shopping Rage, HSR, further shortened to ‘heinous bitch’ syndrome. The long lasting traumatic effects are still being investigated, but join us at five o’clock for ten warning signs of being trapped in the ‘shopping zone’ of aggressive-aggressive behavior.

And for late breaking news—today Father Christmas, Ol’ St Nick, i.e., Santa, or the ‘exuberantly girth enriched jovial non-gender specific octogenarian…um, make that, youth challenged personality in color specific garments’, was held at gunpoint on the Port Charles Waterfront, his bag of goodies rifled, and the last remaining copy of Halo 2 was purloined along with his red…um, color specific garments. Police are investigating the unspeakable crime with the gathering of usual suspects. Further news at Five on 5 Alive.

Meanwhile at Port Charles Police Department, i.e., the PCPD…

Mac Scorpio rubbed his head tiredly. “Yes, Mr. Mayor, I understand completely. No, we should be able to retrieve the stolen item, and save Christmas. What? Oh, sorry, Sir. I’m bad. I mean, the non-secular, non-specific Holiday.”

Lucky Spencer looked on with pity for his boss.

“I understand, Sir. Yes, this is a completely disastrous event. I understand, Sir.” Mac frowned in confusion. “You had what on your Christmas—um, non-religious specific holdiay wish list? What, no Sir. I’m certain that is true, Sir.” Mac blinked his eyes. “No, we will certainly retrieve the missing item. You want us to do what?” Mac looked at Lucky making a face. “Mr. Mayor, usually the evidence is secured in evidence lockup, I’m uncertain if it is legal to bring it to your home. Right. No, Sir, I’ll check with DA Lansing. Certainly, Sir.”

Mac moved out of the way as another officer walked pass with a criminal…alleged criminal in cuffs. The PCPD bullpen was jumping in activity, the street pimps and walkers in full regale for the season, the murders and thieves demanding their lawyers. Neighbors engaged in domestic disputes over Christmas…um, Holiday light displays. A group of parents showing a wonderful display of bruises and cuts tried to explain how the riot they started over a sold out toy wasn’t really a riot, but rather, a class action of disdain for unmet potential. It was crazy. Happy Frickin’ New Year.

“What?” Mac repeated in disbelief as the Mayor kept going on and on about the Santa mugging. “Not busy?” Mac stared at his overworked department. “Sir, it’s the holidays. This time of year, it is fraught with crime, and…”

Mac swore under his breath, shaking his head at Lucky.

“Of course, I’ll make it our top priority.” Mac said with great resignation, rolling his eyes. Lucky Spencer laughed in his hand, shaking his head. The holidays...it was nuts.

Hanging up, Mac glanced at the Santa mugging. The man didn’t see his assailant, but he swears he would recognize the voice. Sighing, he tossed the file. “Lucky, gather up and bring in the usual suspects.”

“Yes, Sir.” Lucky nodded to the other officer assigned to assist him…um, Mikel? Or something like that.

“Lucky…” Mac called to his youngest detective. “I mean all of them.”

“Yes, Sir.” Lucky sighed. This was his life—what a wonderful one it was too.

* * *

Mac was in the darkened room with an old man in nothing but red long johns. The man was huddled in a blanket holding a cup of yummy hot chocolate with melted marshmallows. Not the icky large fat marshmallows, but the very soothing, easy melting tiny miniature ones.

“You sure you will remember the voice, Sir.”

“Call me, Kris,” the man invited him warmly. “I wouldn’t forget that naughty voice anywhere. My blood ran cold, and shivered in my bones. Malicious act, I tell you, it was pure unadulterated evil.”

“But…you can’t pinpoint the voice as female or male?”

“It was distorted, almost masculine, but there was a pitch to it feminine. I would know that voice anywhere.”

Mac glanced at a card. “You’re sure this was what assailant said.”

“Word for word, I promise. It is etched inedible on my mind, horrifying, absolutely horrifying. I think I fainted, and when I awoke, my suit was gone, and my bag ransacked.”

“The only thing missing was the new Halo 2 video game and your suit?”

“Positive.”

“Absolutely?”

“Absolutely, positively,” the man confirmed.

Sighing, Mac hit the intercom. “Send in the usual suspects.”

The door the room beyond the glass bathed in light open and the six suspects were pushed inside in a line, they moved in front of the lineup tape, the back wall measuring their heights.

“Face forward,” the officer ordered them, handing the first suspect a card. “I want each of you to step forward and read this phrase aloud.”

“Suspect number one, step forward.” Mac ordered as Lucky entered the darkened viewing room behind the two way glass. Mac glanced at his youngest detective. “We seem to be missing two suspects.”

“The young guy is squirrelly. I sent S.W.A.T. to extract him. The old man, I mean, my dad, he seems to be on the lam again.”

“I expect to see them Detective Spencer.”

“I turned on a neon light on the PCPD of a naked woman in a martini glass, and planted shot glasses of Wild Turkey in the snow banks leading here.” Lucky glanced at his watch. “My dad will be here within the hour. There is a nice northern wind, so the Wild Turkey fumes should fret him out nicely.”

“Sweet.” Mac frowned at the lineup. “Number one, step forward and read the phrase.”

Lorenzo Alcazar glared at the gloom of the room beyond the bright lights, his eyes narrowing. Glancing at the card, his face took on a look of disgust.

“You have to be kidding. You rousted me for this?!”

“Just read the statement,” Mac ordered his head already starting to pound. These were the big fish—the true miscreant of Port Charles. Give him the harden criminals any day, at least harden criminals understood the concept of paying for their crimes. It was going to be a long day.

Lorenzo looked down the line and flashed a smile at Carly, before glaring at Sonny Corinthos. “Corrrrrrrrrrrrrinthos,” he rolled changing his stature to appear taller than the diminutive mobster.

Sonny just appeared bored, barely giving Lo a second glance, as he sighed looking forward, his face a blanket of icy disdain.

“Number One, the statement,” demanded Mac.

“Right…sure, um…,” Lorenzo sniffed clearing his throat. “Hand over the Halo 2 game, yah fat geezer or I’ll ice yah,” he said pausing for effect. “I got connections.”

The lineup of usual suspects all snickered in amusement.

Mac sighed as the old man next to his shook his head. “Number Two?”

Ric Lansing took the card. “This is ridiculous, Mac. What the heck am I doing in a lineup? Alexis, I can understand, but…”

“Hey!” said Alexis next to Ric waiting her turn as Suspect Number Three. “You had that group of parents arrested to clear the line so you could get the last Hokey Pokey Elmo,” she pointed out. Her deviant behavior? He should tend to his own.

“The little Princess is going to love it,” Ric sniffed, not in the least bit remorseful of abusing his power to get what he wanted—um, needed for his little angel for Christmas—um, the non-secular Holiday. “They were down to the last one,” he pointed out to his disgruntled wife.

“Oh, then that’s okay,” she said sarcastically. Alexis was secure in her present for Kristina. The sweet angel was so going to love the Disney Princess Magic Talking Kitchen Playset with eleven phrases. It was hardly her fault that Ric had such a hard time getting the Hokey Pokey Elmo.

Carly looked down the lineup. “You actually found a Hokey Pokey Elmo? I’ve been running my butt off trying to get one.” Carly glared at Jason. “You swore you would get Morgan one.”

Jason glanced menacingly at Ric. “You’ll get it, now I know where one is,” he said in his normally laconic voice.

“Just try,” Ric threatened back. “You touch Kristina’s Elmo, and you’ll be the newest line of Cabbage Patch Hitman.”

“Ric, read the damn card.” Mac begged, needing this over.

Ric frowned at the card, as his mind tried to think of a place to hide the coveted Hokey Pokey Elmo until Christmas morning. “Hand over the Halo 2 game,” Ric smiled. “Awesome game, I loved the first one. Did you recover it, Mac?”

“You have to wait until Christmas morning,” said Alexis softly.

Ric glanced at his wife, startled. “You—you got me Halo 2?” Suddenly Ric’s face altered as suspicion entered his eyes. “Where did you get it, Counselor?” Alexis wouldn’t toss a Santa, stomp him underfoot, not for him—just for him. Ric smiled.

“Ric, please!” Mac ordered.

“Oh, yeah, um…right,” he glanced at the card finding his place. “...you fat,” Ric paused again. “Do I have to say ‘fat’, that seems unnecessarily harsh, especially if I’m going to whack the old guy?”

Mac gave up. “Suspect three, read the statement.”

Alexis snatched the statement from Ric’s hand, giving him a scathing look. They were going to be there all night at this rate, and his lack of cooperation wasn’t helping.

“Watch and learn. We’ll be out of here like that,” she said snapping her fingers. Reading the statement over, she cautiously raised her hand. “Um, Mac?”

“Alexis, for the love of Pete, read the statement.”

Alexis reread it again. “Actually, Mac, I can’t read this statement. It’s…well in a word, it is horribly fashioned, lacking all true sentence structure or syntax, and the meaning is lost in…”

Ric started laughing under his breath. Alexis shot him a look of pure vitriol.

“Alexis,” interrupted Mac. “Just read the statement, please.”

Alexis seemed to give it some more thought. Then she shook her head. “I can’t—I’m sorry, I can’t. The total disregard for grammar—well, I’m just saying this should never happen.”

“Is this going to take long?” her husband asked next to her.

Alexis ignored him. “I don’t even know what I’m doing here! I bought Ric’s Halo 2 over a month ago. Kristina doesn’t play video games, and neither does Nikolas.”

“This is going to take long.” Ric looked at his watch and tried to expedite things. She got him Halo 2? Ric's mouth pulled in a pleased smile. God, she knew him so well. “Where did you get the Halo 2, Alexis?”

“I put in a pre-order like everyone else. I figured with the holiday season, and it being on of the most anticipated games of the year, and the fact you keep the first version hidden in your office desk, well…”

“Can you prove that?” Mac asked.

"Sure, it's right there in his desk. Get a search warrant, and there it is. Plain as day."

"Not the first Halo game! The purchase receipt for Halo 2!"

“It’s on my credit card statement, so if I must—sure.” Alexis sniffed. “Of course, you will need a court order.”

“Of course,” said Mac resigning himself to a fight. Damn, Alexis was his best suspect. She had a history of out of control shopping rage. She had a complaint launched at her only last week, something to do with Jimmy Choo shoes, and a woman wearing Alexis’s tread marks on her face. There was a lot of seething dark passion behind that proper suit.

“Wait,” Ric said. “You were in my drawers?”

Alexis gave Ric a look up and down, and a bit of twisted humor made her smile seductively. “You haven’t complained before.”

Ric smiled at that, making a nod of his head, giving her that point. “Touché, Counselor.”

“Oh for the love of Krispy Kremes! Can we move this along?” demanded Carly, down the lineup. “This whole “Lawyers in Love” foreplay is going to make me yak.”

Alexis glanced at the card again. “Here, pass this to Carly. It is definitely her style.”

Mac glanced at Kris, who shook his head. Definitely not Alexis. “Number Four—Alexis, give Jason the damn card.”

Alexis handed the card to the tall silent man next to her. Jason Morgan glanced at the phrase, and then he just stood there not speaking.

They waited. And waited. Waited some more. Everyone sighed collectively, and Lo actually took a seat on the floor examining his nails. He might need a manicure.

Alexis tapped her elegantly shod foot, frowning at what might have been a smudge on her new shoes, before consulting her watch.

“Speak!” Alexis leaned forward to address Sonny. “Can’t you turn him on? Did you forget to install his batteries correctly?”

“I’ve got a pack of double As,” Ric offered. Lorenzo next to Ric snickered, rubbing a hand across his face.

Jason didn’t even blink, he just stared forward. Mac shook his head. Forget it. Jason would’ve never threatened. He would’ve just whacked the old man and took what he wanted. This crime was looking so low class, his prime suspect had to be Carly.

“Number Five, read the statement.”

Sonny took the card from Jason. He glanced at what he needed to say, and quickly spit it out in a monotone voice, lacking any real interest.

“Hand over the Halo 2 game,” Sonny paused rereading the card, “you fat geezer or I’ll have Jason ice you.” Sonny flipped the card to Carly. “I refuse to say that ‘I have connections’, because FYI, I am the connection.”

“Carly,” begged Mac.

Carly made a face, her eyes squinting to read the card, as her one arm wrapped around her slim waist, her other arm flapping, along with her gums. “I’m not reading this filth. I protest being dragged in here every single time you have something to prove. I did not do this, Sonny did not do this, and Jason, he wouldn’t hurt a flea. This is once again, the PCPD shaking down citizens for their own incompetent agenda. You think you'll get Sonny on this chump charge? Think again!”

Carly’s eyes bulged as a small vein in her head, one near where she had been shot; no doubt connected to her ‘sexual’ center began to throb in anger.

“Ice you? I’ll show you ‘ice you’ If you come near me, or my family…”

Kris, the poor sweet man cringed, moving closer to Mac. He whispered in fright, his voice low in case the denizen in the other room could hear him. “Make her stop,” he begged.

“Is she the voice?”

“No. She is scary.”

“Never a truer word.”

Mac reached for the intercom button to release the suspects, but the door to the lineup room burst open as one of the missing usual suspects was hauled in by two men in full S.W.A.T. uniform.

“Michael?” Carly’s voice rose in shock, and then turned to anger. “What is the meaning of this? Get your hands off my little boy!” Carly glanced at Sonny and Jason, both who took a step forward, but then two steps back when Michael started to spew.

“Get your hands off me, or I’ll—I’ll have you iced! I have connections! Connections I say.” Michael’s eyes bulged much like his mother’s. “Do you know who I am? Michael Corinthos, the III! Be afraid—be very afraid!”

“Michael,” began Carly, her eyes darting around in worry.

“I’ll kill yah! I’ll kill yah all!”

“That’s my boy,” said Sonny with pride. Wasn't he adorable? “He’s doing really good in school,” he informed Alexis.

“Yeah, so did Ted Bundy. You might want to give that some thought.”

“It’s him!” Kris said in fear. “That voice….!”

Michael Corinthos, III’s high whiny child voice was disturbingly a boy’s with the high pitch of something almost feminine.

Kris held his head in fright. “Ohhhh, the horror—the horror!”

Mac passed the devastated man to another officer. “Have Social Services offer him assistance and therapy,” he ordered turning to look at the chaos of the lineup room. Alexis and Ric were discussing the needs of Michael for representation, or a very severe spanking.

Lorenzo appeared to be fascinated by everything, every once in a while threw Carly a kiss or a wink, all which she met with a disgusted look as she tried to get her unruly child under control.

Mac joined the others.

“Where did you find him?” he asked the S.W.A.T. team commander.

“He was barricaded in the Penthouse, the nanny was duct taped to a chair. When S.W.A.T. secured the location, he had thrown all the barware about, and was insolently playing the Halo 2 game. Every time he missed a level, he threw another tantrum.”

“Did you retrieve the game?”

“Yes, Commissioner.”

Mac closed his eyes, thankful for something actually going his way. “Good. Tag it for evidence, and then deliver it to the Mayor’s home. He feels that in lieu of the severity of the crime, that the evidence needs special protection. He wouldn’t want it to come up missing before the trial.”

Carly opened her mouth in shock. “Halo 2?” she said addressing her threat spewing son. “Did I not tell you that you weren’t getting any toys this year that were violent or depict crime? I’ve got you a nice game of dominoes with pretty colored dots.”

Michael looked about wildly for something breakable to toss at his mother, but when he found nothing, he decided to launch himself at her in anger.

Sonny easily intercepted his son holding the squirming child by the scruff of his neck. “Obviously, this is a misrepresentation of justice. I’ll have my lawyers shut down this dog and pony show. That game was my son’s personal property, and I protest the use of violence towards my minor child. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer, Scorpio.” Sonny glanced over at the talking lawyers. “Alexis, you want to take care of this?”

“Sorry, Sonny. I’m no longer on retainer.” Alexis glanced at the rabid child. “You don’t have enough money, trust me.”

“Commissioner, are we through here?” Ric asked.

Mac nodded to Lucky. “Cut them loose.”

Before anyone could move the missing Luke Spencer entered the room, his nose red, his eyes glassy, and he was wearing a very scruffy Santa suit, open and exposing him to the occupants of the room. “Hey, is this where the party is?”

Lucky groaned. “Dad, where did you get the suit?”

“Found it on the street, sort of occupied by this old guy. I think he was dead—so, it wasn’t like he was using it. Fits pretty good, huh?” Luke lifted a brow before downing a shot of Wild Turkey.

Alexis covered her eyes and looked away from the disturbing sight. Dammit, she had enough problems, but adding mental images of Luke with his barn door flying open—therapy. “Late dinner?” she said thickly to her husband, clearing her throat.

“Absolutely.” Ric took Alexis’s arm to navigate her around the mess. “You didn’t find anything else in my drawers did you?”

Alexis made a humming noise in her throat holding out her hand to admire her wedding ring he bought her for Christmas. “Maybe.”