Something to Think About
by Maia

Author's Note: After watching Monday's show, like many, I was disappointed we didn't get a Jax/Alexis, Jax/Ric or Ric/Alexis scene. This is my attempt at what I'd like to have seen. It turned out completely different than I planned, taking a life of its own. I hope it make sense. Enjoy.

(By the way, this was written first posted on January 18, 2005.)

It had been a long day, spent catching up on much overdue paperwork. Ric never wanted to see another form again or at least not for a while. After spending almost all his time the past three months with Alexis and Kristina, the administrative aspect of his job had suffered. With his honeymoon canceled, he decided to use that time to at least get his professional life in order. That he could control.

Tired, hungry and not looking forward to an evening alone in his hotel suite, he decided to swing by Kelly’s for something to eat. As he opened the door, he heard a giggle and thought he heard his name. That voice only belonged to one little girl. His eyes immediately fell on Kristina, sitting at the front table, waving at him. His smile widened to match hers as he approached the table, only then noticing Jax sitting across from her.

“Hi there Kristina.” He kissed her softly on the top of her head, as he pulled on a few of her curls.

“Wic.” She handed him a french fry, while stuffing two more in her mouth.

Ric made a production out of eating the french fry, enjoying the giggles escaping from her despite the mouthful of food. Continuing to play with her curls, he turned to face Jax, nodding his hello.

“Where’s Alexis?”

Jax had been watching Ric and Kristina closely, noticing the easy rapport between them. “Wyndemere. She had some work to catch up on for Cassadine Industries and the estate. So I volunteered for Kristina duty today, since Viola had a conflict.” He reached across the table to hand Kristina her milk, to help wash down all the food.

Ric frowned as a stab of jealousy hit him in the gut. He had gotten used to being the person Alexis turned to for help with Kristina. Not that Jax hadn’t helped out on occasion. But until recently, Jax had always been the third option after him and Nikolas. He suddenly felt like an outsider. Needing to escape, he let go of Kristina’s curls. “Well, I’ll leave you two alone, and go place my order.” He started to walk away when Jax spoke up.

“Why don’t you join us?” Jax watched Ric struggle with his decision, knowing the man wanted to stay. Leaning back, he pushed the empty chair away from the table with his foot, gesturing with his head for Ric to sit down.

Ric had no reason to turn down the offer, so he hung his coat up on the rack in the corner and sat down between Jax and Kristina. The new waitress, Bridgette, stopped by to take his order.

An uncomfortable silence came over the table as both men watched Kristina. They weren’t friends. Alexis and Kristina were their only connection. But for Jax, that was enough, despite his prior dealings with the District Attorney.

“I’ve wanted to thank you for how you supported Alexis throughout Kristina’s illness and custody trial.” Jax sipped on his coffee, watching Ric over the rim. He saw the surprise, as well as the question. Ric wasn’t sure how much he knew about his relationship with Alexis.

“That’s not necessary. I wanted to help.” Ric fidgeted with his spoon. “After all Kristina is my niece.”

“And god-daughter, not to mention step-daughter.” Jax purposefully emphasized the last part, wanting to push Ric’s buttons a little. He saw some sadness sweep across his face. He decided to clue Ric in on what he knew. “Just so you know, Alexis told me this morning that you moved out.”

Ric jerked his head around to face Jax, a little unbalanced at the direct approach Jax was taking. But there didn’t seem to be any accusations or anger in his voice. That baffled Ric, knowing how close Jax was to Alexis. Unsure how to respond, he nodded, still cringing at the words ‘moved out’. It made it seem like it was all his idea, not acknowledging that she chose not to stop him.

“Alexis is someone I care about. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her, and the feeling is mutual. But with that said, when she really needed someone the past few months, you were the one who came through for her, and for that, I thank you.”

Ric nodded, accepting the thanks. “I wanted to help her.” He remained cautious though, unclear what Jax really wanted with him.

Jax believed him, especially after hearing about and witnessing all the support he gave Alexis. It was the hottest gossip in Port Charles at the time. Even Courtney acknowledged how supportive Ric had been. Jax just wished he could be clear on Ric’s motives. He had a pretty decent idea, but needed to test it. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Sure, though I can’t promise I’ll answer.” Ric loosened his tie.

“Why did you marry Alexis?” Jax pointedly stared at Ric, wanting an answer, wanting to see the truth in his eyes and his actions.

That was not the question Ric had expected. It also was not an easy question to answer. “It’s complicated.”

Jax grinned, recognizing a stall tactic. “I’m sure it is, especially with Alexis involved. But try to explain anyway.”

Jax’s demeanor was really throwing Ric. It was almost like they were friends. Ric must have internally debated too long, as Jax spoke up again.

“Was it simply to help her gain custody?”

Feeling trapped, Ric decided to answer, ascertaining Jax wasn’t going to give up with the questions. “The custody issue prompted the wedding. Alexis needed a legal maneuver to help keep custody, knowing all the resources and influence Sonny had. It seemed like a good idea at the time, especially given her public record and my being the DA.”

“That makes sense.” Jax decided to ask his second question. “And the fact that Sonny was Kristina’s father had nothing to do with it? It is the perfect revenge, you raising your brother’s child.”

Ric blew out a breath, uncomfortable where this conversation was headed. “True, it would be the ultimate revenge. But it’s not why I asked her.”

Jax picked up on Ric’s dodging of the real question. Unfortunately for Ric, Jax had a plan, and it required Ric to talk. “I think there is more to it than that. You seem to forget that I was there at the cabin when you and Alexis were rescued. I also witnessed the two of you on New Year’s Eve at my hotel opening. It sure didn’t seem like a marriage of convenience. On the contrary, you two seemed very much married, and dare I say happy about it.”

Before Ric had time to respond, Kristina demanded his attention, wanting more to drink. Instinctively, he grabbed the bag lying on the floor between him and Jax, pulling out the orange juice he knew would be there. Opening it first, he then handed it to her, tussling her hair at the same time. She grinned at him before sucking down the juice.

Jax watched this whole routine with amusement. Ric was just as much at ease taking care of Kristina, as he had been with Alexis. Jax's instincts were kicking in, telling him that there was much more to Ric and his marriage to Alexis than Sonny. Armed with that knowledge, he felt comfortable with the next phase of his plan. One he hoped Alexis would be okay with and not see as a betrayal, or invasion of her privacy.

“I’ve known Alexis for more than eight years, one of which I was married to her.” Jax made sure he had Ric’s attention before continuing. “She is the most complicated person I’ve ever met.” Jax stopped as the waitress refilled both his coffee, as well as Ric’s. Neither of them drank it.

“She is a walking contradiction. Of course, her many detractors would say she is a hypocrite, but that term seems too ugly a word to apply to her. Plus, they don’t know her, at least not the person behind that huge wall she’s built around her.” Jax saw the recognition in Ric’s eyes at the mention of the wall. So he’d seen it too. “If there was ever someone who is not what they appear, it’s Alexis. To the casual observer, she’s ruthless, condescending, slightly neurotic or insane, and repressed. She’s a Cassadine, so it’s easy for people to accept those traits in her. Her reluctance to ever defend herself doesn't help.”

Taking a sip of his coffee, Jax carefully thought about how to proceed. “Behind those walls though is someone entirely different. Someone full of fears and insecurities, tempered with compassion that somehow survived her childhood. It’s that compassion that causes the contradictions and separates her from most other members of the dreadful family she was born into. It’s also what makes life harder for her, especially when her morals and actions collide.”

Kristina interrupted them at that moment with a yawn. Not wanting the conversation to end, Ric picked her, cradling her in his arms, motioning for Jax to continue.

Jax waited a few moments, allowing Kristina time to get comfortable, noticing again the bond between the two. “Like I was saying, it’s the compassion in her that causes so many problems. She was groomed to live in a dark world, one where laws don't exist nor any joy. It’s in her genes, her bloodlines, her experiences. But she’s never completely accepted that part of herself. It’s a constant internal battle.”

“There have been times when I thought she broke free from that dark world.” Jax was thinking about the Sahara as he said that. “But something always happened that pulled her back in, either needing the survival skills learned from birth or answering the call of duty from her family. Her teetering caused conflict for her with both Ned and Stefan. It was a constant push and pull situation. This all eventually led to her isolation with your brother.”

Ric had been paying close attention, reconciling what Jax was saying to the woman he knew. The similarities with his own life did not go unnoticed. At the mention of his brother, he glanced up, momentarily stopping the gentle rocking of Kristina. He waited for Jax to go on.

“I think Sonny filled a void for her. As much as I hate to admit it, there was a real connection between them. He accepted her for who she was, never demanding she change and never judging her. In a way, he enabled her to live in both worlds, peacefully for the most part.”

Smiling grimly, Jax went on. “As a result, she let down her walls for him, leaving herself completely defenseless.” Jax looked at Kristina, with a genuine smile on his face. “In the end, that little girl was the only good thing that came out of that relationship." His frown reappeared. "Other than that, Sonny almost destroyed her.”

Jax continued to frown, thinking about the past three years. “He completely destroyed the trust between them, which was followed by a whole series of tragic events in her life starting with destruction of Zander, a young man she adored, to the death of her sister. It only continued to get worse as she plummeted further into that dark world, only emerging when needed for her daughter.” Brushing away the guilt, he added. “She went through most of this alone, partly by choice. I tried to help her, but failed miserably. I didn’t have the capacity to understand her demons, so I couldn’t reach her. No one could other than her daughter.”

Watching Ric closely, Jax saw the recognition and understanding. It was just as it appeared. Ric knew all about demons. “Almost everyone who has ever claimed to love or care about her has left her alone, unable or unwilling to climb that wall of hers or deal with her demons. Some left her due to the violence that permeates her life, like her sister and Chloe. Others simply gave up on her, like Ned and Sonny. She has come to expect that, thus her constant need to push people away first, not let anyone close enough again to hurt her.”

Ric's words to Alexis when he walked out echoed in his head. Hadn't he accused her basically of pushing him away, finding an excuse so she could be alone? She was protecting herself. He knew that at the time, but he wanted her to acknowledge it as well.

Jax reached out to push the curls out of Kristina’s face. “This little girl was the best thing that ever happened to her, she is her lifeline out of that dark world. For the first time, Alexis has someone to love her unconditionally, someone who looks at her with joy and happiness. That has helped heal some of her wounds and chase some of her demons away. It also explains why Alexis is so protective of Kristina and fights so hard for her. Not only is she fighting for her daughter, Alexis is fighting for her own soul.”

Ric watched the little girl sleep, smiling as he did. He could relate to what Jax said. In a way, Kristina was saving him as well. She was his connection to his mother, a positive connection. When he spent time with her, the rejection by his mother stung less, allowing him to start letting go of the pain. Yes, he understood Alexis’s fight all too well.

“I truly didn’t think Alexis would ever let anyone close to her again. I thought the experiences of the past few years would've jaded her so much that she’d never allow anyone to penetrate the walls surrounding her.”

Jax stopped talking as he waited for Ric to look at him. “But you pushed through those walls, didn’t you?”

A few seconds passed before Ric nodded. Yes, he’d gotten past the walls, after a lot of effort.

“You also understand those demons she fights daily, in an attempt to find peace in her life.”

Ric nodded again. He had the same demons, born from a horrible childhood and constant rejection.

“Don’t let her retreat. If you care about her as much as I think you do, don’t let her rebuild those walls. Because she will. She will fight to shut you out, just as fiercely as she’ll hope you eventually break through her walls again."

Ric was at a loss for words, not expecting Jax to share all this.

“I don’t know how and I'm still not sure I approve, but you got to her. You reached her on a level most can’t. Since I’ve known her, I've never seen her allow anyone into her life as quickly and completely as she did you. It took several years for her to get close to Ned, Sonny and even me. And she never leaned on us as much as she has you.”

Ric was shaken now, listening to Jax. He had to remind himself to breathe, which made him smile as he thought about Alexis. He finally spoke, choking out the words. “She’s running so fast right now, I’m not sure I can catch her.”

“Find a way. She’s not going to come to her senses on her own, at least not consciously. She assumes everyone will eventually desert her, so she retreats to her safe world, where she is invisible, and can’t be hurt. Prove her wrong.”

“You think that's even possible?” Ric wasn’t sure. Alexis’s walls were back up high.

“You did it before.” It was getting close to the time for Kristina to be home, so he signaled for the check. “Listen, I don’t know all the details of what happened. But I know Alexis very well. She was as happy as I’ve ever seen her a few days ago and now she’s as miserable as I’ve ever seen her. The only change I can see that triggered that is you moving out.”

Ric flinched at the thought of her being miserable, hating that he was the cause of that.

“She didn’t tell me why you left. All she said was that it was partly her fault.” Jax saw Ric’s eyes snap at that. “Whatever happened, it couldn’t be too bad, as I didn’t see any anger. Instead, she just seemed lost and a little sad.”

Jax pulled out his wallet to pay the waitress, before speaking again. “I love Alexis very much. That's why I’m telling you all this. I think you may love her as well.” Jax cut Ric off before he could reply to that. “If you do, don’t be the next person to desert her. Show her that she is worth sticking around for, fight for her.”

Ric closed his mouth, steadying his pulse. He collected his thoughts as Jax stood up, pulling his coat on.

Jax reached out to grab Kristina, handing Ric her coat at the same time. Ric slipped the coat on her, tucking her hair up under the hood.

A question had been floating around in Ric’s head during most of the conversation. He decided to ask it, taking advantage of the rapport he and Jax currently had. “Can I ask you a question?”

That threw Jax off-guard a bit, but he nodded, curious as to the question.

“Did you ever break through those walls of hers?”

Jax thought about his answer before speaking. He shook his head. “No. I peeked over them a few times, but I never got to the other side.”

“But you two seem very close and have remained friends unlike everyone else in her life. How have you made it work with her?”

“It’s quite simple actually.” Jax cuddled Kristina against his chest, making sure her head was tilted to the side so she could breathe. “I love her.” Jax saw the flash of interest in Ric’s eyes, as well as a little jealousy. That made him smile more, which of course made Ric frown.

Jax decided to help Ric out. “Ric, I'm a very simple man. I was blessed to have been raised by two parents who adored me, and I have had great friends and loves in my life. I like it simple, that works for me.” He saw Ric wasn't completely following him. “By keeping it simple, Alexis and I work as good friends.” He saw the comprehension starting to occur to Ric. “We are loyal to one another, but I know when to back off to preserve our friendship. So does she.” Jax picked up Kristina’s bag. “I also know that in her darker moments, I can’t reach her. It’s not something I understand. I can’t help her slay those demons in her head."

Ric understood that. It sort of mirrored his relationship with Elizabeth. She too liked it simple.

Balancing Kristina and her bag, Jax asked. “But you can, can’t you? You understand those demons, having them yourself.” Jax saw Ric nod his head. “It’s possible you might need her, as much as I think she needs you.”

Both men started walking towards the door. Before opening it, Jax offered one more piece of advice. “As complicated as Alexis is, she really is no different than most people. She simply wants someone to choose her, put her first. She wants to be loved. And the person who does that will be an extremely lucky man.”

And with that Jax left Ric with a something to think about.