The Road Trip Series
by Cher

Father's Day - June 15, 2003

Alexis moaned softly in the embrace of sleep as the blinding light of memory danced before her cloaked in the mist of dreams.

They were walking alongside the lake. She was angry as she looked him in the eye and with utter seriousness accused, "You always go away and leave us alone! Sometimes you are away so long I think you are never coming back. Don't you love us?"

Mikkos looked at her and sighed. "You know Natasha why I must go away. I must take care of my businesses so we can keep this lovely house and you can have pretty dresses and every new toy in the world," he said half serious, half cajoling.

"I don't care about dresses and toys. I don't want you to go away - ever. Besides I heard Monsieur Lemieux tell Mama that she is as rich as Midas because of all the gold her singing brings. So you see, we have enough money to buy nice things and we don't need yours. Don't you miss us when you go away?" she asked as a tear fell onto her cheek and she held onto her father tighter. "I miss you all the time."

"Natasha, look at me," he said gently as she raised tear-stained eyes. "Now look at the lake with me."

They both looked at the lake, not a ripple on its azure surface, her hand clenching his sweater, and he said, "Do you see all the water in the lake?"

She nodded and he continued, "If that lake was filled with your teardrops, how many would you say it held?"

She thought about it, mathematics was one of her favorite subjects, and couldn't even guess. "I don't know, Papa, thousands or maybe even millions?"

He looked at her with love and replied, "If all the teardrops in this lake were multiplied by every lake and river and ocean in the entire world, it still would never equal the tears I shed every moment I am away from you, Kristina and your Mama."

She gazed at him with sad chocolate eyes. "Mama's music cries when you leave us."

"Your Mama is the greatest gift life gave me," he said as he tucked his finger under her chin, "until she gave me my beautiful daughters, my angels." He studied her with serious eyes. "My Natasha, learn this lesson well: never be afraid to love. When it alights upon you, grasp it quickly and hold it fast to your heart lest it slip away like a ghost in the night. It does not come often and wears many disguises but your soul will discern what is meant to be. Your Mama was meant to be and I carry her in my heart just as you are in my heart whenever we are apart - never forget this."

She looked at him and thought about all he told her, then threw her arms around him and cried, "I love you so much, Papa!"

"And I you, my angel. I promise - your Mama and I will always be with you."

Alexis awoke with a start unsure of where she was, her body clammy from sweat, her memory filled with images from the dream, the echo of her father's words shattering the silence of her mind. She never had the dreams until she found out she was Natasha and then a torrent was released to cascade into her soul. Memories flooded into her of her Mother, her beauty and laughter and the heavenly sound of her voice, and she recalled not the stern 'uncle' who ignored her but the handsome father who taught her to ride, brought her penny candy, shared his love of history and Shakespeare, gave her teddy bear hugs and tickled her into peals of laughter. Strangely, when the dreams came, they filled her with an odd comfort denied her during her young life and she came view them as signposts since they inevitably came when she was at a crossroads.

She felt sturdy arms wrapped around her and glanced back at Cameron sleeping peacefully as he held her close. She looked around and remembered they were in the cave halfway up what she would now always think of as 'Kristina's Mountain'. They spent the night making love amid quiet passion and gentle laughter as well as a certain amount of teasing argument, a deeper sense of what they were becoming to each other underscoring each kiss, each shared breath, each outcry as passion enfolded them. They seemed to have turned some corner in their hearts on that mountain and maybe the dream was an answer to the questions that remained unanswered in hers.

But as she thought about her dream, she realized its significance. Today was Father's Day and it was a sad reminder of what she could never acknowledge until it was too late - her father. The loving man that assured his young daughter he would always be with her was spirited away by tragic Fate, bitter circumstance twisting him into another man, a man required to sacrifice the love of the daughter who could not remember him to save her from the woman who killed her Mother. Alexis never celebrated Father's Day because, after her Mother was murdered, she never had a chance to give voice to all the words a daughter she needs to say, now every year mourning the loss of the loving man she knew her Father to be and the life they should have shared.

So, for Natasha Alexis Davidovich Cassadine, Father's Day carries sadness and a sense of incompleteness. She would give anything to have the chance to mend the bond between her and Mikkos, to tell him she understood what he did and why he did it, to forgive him all the slights and tirades he forced upon her to protect her, to hug him and help him remember the man he was before her Mother died. She would give anything… but her only healing prayer was the stuff of dreams. She thought of her daughter and the father she will not know, of Zander and the father he does not wish to know and both chipped away at her heart. Cameron sighed as he snuggled closer and she leaned back into his embrace. This is a good man with a good son and she had to make them see that time is fleeting and second chances cannot be ignored because time is the most fertile ground for bitter regret, tilled by our own indifference.

She was loath to leave this quiet mountain and the peace they found there but she had an idea and needed to get back to Port Charles. She turned herself within the circle of Cameron's arms, kissed his nose and then flicked it with the tip of her finger.

"Wake up, sleepyhead."

Cameron stirred as he opened one eye. "Am I dreaming? Ms. Lazybones is up before me?"

She laughed and brushed his hair away from his eyes with a delicate sweep of her fingers. "Yes, I'm turning over a new leaf. All this outdoor living - I'm a new woman."

He caught her hand with his and kissed it. "Well, not too new - I like the old model just fine."

"Old model… how very complimentary!"

"I think you know what I meant by that." He looked at her. "What's up, looks like you have something on your mind."

She smiled nervously, he knew her so well. Every expression, every emotion, everything about her he was coming to know - it was daunting. She was unsure of how to broach her idea to him.

She traced her finger down his jawline to the crook of his neck finally coming to rest on his chest. "Do you know what today is?"

He made a face. "The day after Flag Day?"

She poked him in the shoulder as he chuckled. "Wrong answer. Think again."

He pursed his lips. "Sunday?"

She rolled her eyes. "It's Father's Day."

His expression immediately closed and he replied dismissively, "Oh… that."

This was not going to be easy, she thought. "I know it must be a difficult day for you so I want to take you away from it all. Will you allow me to do that?"

"I thought I'd just put some time in down at the shelter."

She came to realize that the shelter was his place to hide from himself while all the while patting himself on the back he was doing something good. Great rationalization, Doc.

"Well, it is a difficult day for me too. Let's just say my relationship with my father was complicated and leave it at that. So why don't we take off for places unknown and just enjoy the day."

He studied her and saw how much she wanted to do this and decided to give in. Spending time with Alexis was a treasure and who was he to say no to more quality time?

"Fine, whatever you want to do."

"Well, I have visitation with Kristina later this morning and I will pick you up around 12:15p? I'll call you when I leave the Quartermaines."

"What about Dobson?"

"Taking the day off - nasty headache. Apparently he didn't get much sleep last night."

He laughed. "Fine, what about the dress code?"

"Think nautical."

At the image of Alexis's long legs in a skimpy sailor outfit, he murmured "Ahoy, matey!" as he pulled her on top of him.

They made their way down the mountain to the glade, now moist with the kiss of the morning dew. They said a silent goodbye to their mountain, packed up the car and headed back to Port Charles. Cameron dropped her off at her apartment and she dialed up her next meeting.

"Zander? Hi, it's Alexis. I need to see you." She listened to the concern in his voice and smiled. "No, everything is okay…well as okay as it can be. Meet me at Kelly's in half an hour."

After making some arrangements, Alexis walked into Kelly's and spied a table. She sat down as Elizabeth rushed over to pour her a cup of coffee and plunked down a menu.

"Elizabeth, I thought you quit to have a real life."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, Summer took off to who knows where with Lucky and Penny won the raffle at the church and took the day off to go gambling. Bobbie was desperate and called me. I owe her so here I am. What can I get you? The usual blueberry muffin? We do have blueberry pie too - just fresh from the oven."

She was tempted by the thought of blueberry pie but it wasn't the same without ice cream and that was too decadent a feast at 8:00a so blueberry muffin it is.

"Blueberry muffin, Elizabeth. And a Hungry Man Breakfast, extra Canadian bacon on the side."

Her eyebrow raised. "For you?"

"No, Zander will be joining me."

Zander walked into Kelly's and spotted Alexis at a corner table. She looked rested and extra beautiful this morning. Her cheeks were rosy and it wasn't from makeup because he could see she was not wearing any. He leaned down to kiss her and spied something green in her hair. Frowning, he picked out a few pine needles and held them out to her.

Alexis turned even rosier as she grabbed them and stuffed the needles into her pocket. "Uh…thanks. I was… um… wondering what happened to them."

Zander looked skeptical. "Your new hobby is collecting pine needles?"

She laughed nervously. "Ha! Good one. No, I was working on a… project… last night and I guess I forgot these."

"Project? Pine needles in your hair? Sounds more like you were rolling around on the ground but… hey… none of my business how you spend your free time. "

He looked down at the food before him, picked up his fork and proceeded to pick his way around the plate. Alexis knew this boy - he had an appetite like a stevedore so something was up and she thought she knew what it was. Working at the Q's, she'd seen Emily lose herself day by day to something, something she was hiding and she doubted it was drugs. The haunted look in her eyes, the pallor of her skin spoke of illness and Alexis believed she was keeping the truth from everyone - especially Zander. She knew how much they loved each other and the relationship was so strained there had to be a reason.

"Zander, what's wrong?"

"Why do you think there is something wrong?"

"Well, you've made a nice little mountain of your scrambled eggs and speared every hash browned potato but I've yet to see any pass your lips. So, tell me what is going on."

Zander put his fork down afraid he would break it in two. "Emily… she broke up with me… to date your nephew, the almighty Prince."

Alexis almost choked on her muffin. "She's dating Nikolas? Are you certain? That doesn't seem right."

"Well, I've seen them, they are and she booted me to the curb."

"I'm sorry, Zander, but it doesn't make sense."

He shrugged and replied with false bravado. "Well, I've decided to move on so enough of that. You called me here - what's up?"

Here goes nothing. "Well, it's about your father."

Zander got a closed expression on his face identical to the one that graced Cameron's face this morning. They were so very much alike it was scary and she knew that was just part of their particular problem.

"I try not to think about him. Alexis, I don't want you to get involved with him, he'll only hurt you."

"I'm already involved with him, Zander."

His eyes widened and then he set his jaw. "Okay, I don't know how to tell you this so I'll just spit it out - do you know he's gay?"

She smiled. "I think you might be mistaken, Zander."

He shook his head vehemently. "I saw him kiss the Q's butler, that weird English guy. A long lengthy <shudders> kiss on the lips. His hands were all over him."

She nodded quite calmly trying not to grin. "Yes, I saw that too."

Zander looked confused. "You saw them too? And that doesn't bother you?"

She was going for it. "Well, he's kissed me and I assure you his is not the kiss of a gay man."

Zander grimaced. "Oh, God! You don't mean he swings both ways? That's even worse - not being able to pick a side."

She was trying very hard not to laugh out loud. "I think what I'm saying is things are not always what they seem and you need to trust your father."

At hearing the word, Zander banged his hand on the table. "Trust? That man doesn't know the first thing about trust. He never trusted me to be anything but a screw-up and he never trusted me enough to come clean about Pete's death. Why the hell should I trust him?"

She leaned forward in her chair and placed her hand over his clenched fist. "Because he's your father, he needs you and loves you."

He made a face. "He doesn't know the first thing about love, he's selfish and arrogant."

"While I can agree that at times he can be meddlesome and overbearing, I disagree he knows nothing about love. What he did for me and Kristina and what he continues to do for us shows how much he knows about love and compassion. He's just rusty at practicing it but he's changing, evolving everyday and you need to start looking at him sans the baggage you are hauling around inside you. Not everyone gets a second chance to make up for their mistakes and you both have that second chance staring you in the face. Are you willing to walk away over pride? Over old wounds? You both can't go back but you can move forward - together - and rebuild what you once had - or if you find you can't do that you throw out the old blueprint and build something new. Because, bottom line and like it or not, he is your father and that is a bond that cannot be broken."

"Alexis, I would like to do what you want but it takes two and I think my Father and I are on the same side when it comes to what we want from our relationship. That much is clear from every conversation we've had since he showed up here uninvited and unwanted."

She tried to take another road. "Zander, I never talk much about my childhood because it was too painful but…"

He nodded sadly. "Kristina told me Helena Cassadine killed your Mom and you blocked stuff out until a few years ago. That must have been tough."

She knew they were friends but was surprised her sister had confided in Zander. "And I never knew my father. Oh, I knew him as a stern 'uncle' who virtually ignored me but I couldn't remember him as my 'father'. When I finally recalled who I was, he was dead and long gone from my life. I never had the chance to tell him I loved him and so many words remain unsaid in my heart because death took him before I could say them. Even after the horrors of my childhood, there is a hole in my heart where he belongs, a tiny space only he could fill and I lost that chance through circumstances not my own. I would give anything now to be able to have a conversation with him, to tell him I understood his choices, and thank him for having the courage to make those choices to save me. What I'm trying to say, Zander, is don't wait until it is too late because believe me you will carry the regret the rest of your life."

Zander looked thoughtful and she continued hoping he'll be reasonable.

"I'm taking your father on a day trip today. I think it hurts him to remember what he's lost…"

He interrupted with a mutter. "Yeah, Pete, his crown jewel."

She rubbed his hand. "Yes, Peter's death is something he cannot get over or forgive himself for. He blames himself for that and for how he pushed you away. Just as he feels he's lost Peter to death, he feels he's lost you too."

"Well, he has."

She grabbed his hands and stared into his eyes. "No, he hasn't because you aren't dead. I know you, Zander. I've seen the face you show to the world to keep from being hurt and I've seen the young man who cares about others even when it is easier to shut them out. You care Zander and you care about your Father no matter what your words may say. I know there is a chasm between both of you, a wide yawning one with steep cliffs and a load of booby traps. You and your Father have to try to find a middle ground because you both need each other. I saw that the first time I saw you together. You may never forget the past, the hurt and abandonment, but you need to find a way to forgive each other before it is too late."

He studied her soulful eyes for a minute and whispered. "Why is this so important to you, Alexis?"

"Maybe because you both mean so much to me or because I want you to find the happiness and acceptance you've been searching for in all the wrong places since you came to Port Charles. Maybe I want your Father to stop blaming himself, to see the good man that I see and move on with his life. Maybe being separated from my own daughter has made me sensitive to what time apart does to a family and how nothing can really break that bond. Or maybe it was the dream I had this morning about my own father that makes me want to nag both of you until you scream 'uncle'. Whatever the reason, I only want the best for both of you and I think that today is a good day to start."

"Today?"

"Father's Day. So will you do this? Will you reach out to your father today and try to begin again?"

He sighed and put up his hand in defeat. "Fine, I'll do it for you."

She barked at him and he jumped. "NO! Not for me. You have to want to do this for YOURSELF or don't bother even trying because it will be an empty gesture and not worthy of the Zander Smith I know."

He stared at her for the longest time and she could see he was thinking over what she'd said. He could be a hothead but he was extraordinarily intelligent and very thoughtful and when push comes to shove he does listen and think. She saw that the first time she defended him and her opinion hasn't changed no matter how many wrong choices he makes along the way.

"Ok, I get it. I'll do this for all the reasons you gave me and try not to mess it up. I'm not giving you any guarantees that it won't blow up in your face. I will promise to try and listen and not go nuclear on my Dad but I can't vouch for him. He is YOUR problem."

"Fine, go to Pier 46 at 12:00p and board the yacht "Veritas". The crew knows to expect you…"

He chuckled at her confidence. She was one gutsy lady. "You were sure I would say yes?"

"I knew that once I presented my case, you'd give it thought. Despite losing my license, I'm still a damn fine lawyer."

"That you are and I have the case file to prove it." With that he kissed her cheek and strode out the door.

* * *

"Hello, my angel. How's Mommy's best girl today?" Alexis and Kristina were sitting out on the patio on the glider as the rest of the family sat inside bickering and most likely spying on her through the window.

"Angel, I'm sure you don't know what a father is yet. Besides, you've been passed through so many hands your sweet little head is probably ready to twist off your tiny baby shoulders. I wish I could tell you that it is going to get better soon but I can't and I'm sorry for that. Mommy made some not-so-good choices over the last year and you, my angel, are paying for them. I'm sorry I couldn't do better by you but I'll try to make up for that in the future. Mommy has a mountain to climb but you are at the summit and she won't give up until she reaches you and we are never separated again. So, I just need you to hold it together, kind of like Mommy does."

"Today is Father's Day - your first and I want to share a few truths with you. First, that annoying man with the sideburns that leans over your crib - that is NOT your Daddy, no way, no how. He pretended to be to save Mommy and you but he turned scary and now believes you are his. Be like Mommy, when he talks to you, play a game in your head and what he says won't bother you as much. Second, the man with the white hair and the nasty temper - that is Edward and he is NOT your great grandfather. Just make a smelly doody, smile sweetly and he'll go away. Third, the man with the beard - not the tall man, the short one - well that is Mommy playing dress up so she can be close to her little angel. Mommy hopes that someday you will not need years of intensive therapy from seeing her dressed as a man. Fourth, the tall man with the beard - that is Cameron, you know him already. He's the nice man who has helped us since even before you were born, how about that! And we didn't chase him away! Confidentially just between us, I think he's a keeper. Oh, and a great kisser and Mommy thinks she's falling in love with him. Is that okay with you? What did you say? Yes? You're already in love with him? You have exquisite taste in men for a little one."

"And finally, sweetheart, I want to tell you about your father. You notice I haven't mentioned him and that is because he is a long and complicated story. Mommy fell in love with him and the best thing that came out of it was you, pumpkin. He is a dangerous man living in a dangerous world. To protect you I lied to him and now he doesn't know you're his daughter. Lying isn't what I wanted to do and it is not a good example for you but I know it was the right thing to do and I would do it again if presented with the same choices. Because nothing is more important to me than you, you are my world and I believe even your father would agree with what I've done to protect you - at least the man I used to know. Mommy isn't certain about the man he is now but that only reinforces the rightness of my choice. But I do promise, if you ask me someday about your father, I will not lie to you. Until then, know that I love you and I will give my life to protect you and keep you safe."

Kristina placed her hand on her Mother's cheek and patted it. It seemed she understood.

* * *

"Nice boat."

Alexis laughed as they boarded. "It's a yacht - bigger, expensive and infinitely more snooty."

He raised a wicked eyebrow. "Very Cassadine. So you are taking me away to a deserted island - in style of course - so we can play 'pirate' and search for booty?"

She laughed and caressed his cheek. "Booty, you say? I have a feeling we're not talking about gold doubloons. Maybe tonight - but only if you wear an eye patch and sing dirty pirate songs. That is a real turn on. This is just a nice excursion out to sea so we can relax for the day."

He walked toward her to embrace her as he laughed. "Relaxation on the water… peaceful, serene and just the two of us…"

"Not quite, Dad."

He turned sharply as his son walked up from down below deck. He stared at him and turned back to glance at Alexis, his eyes clouded over and his face set hard. She'd set him up.

She had the good grace to look guilty. "I thought it would be nice to invite Zander along this afternoon."

"And what exactly put that thought into your mind?"

She tried for levity and a small lesson. "Well, last time he was out on the water he was thrown overboard and left to die but all he ended up with was a bump on the head… oh and a case of amnesia. I thought he needed to get back up on the proverbial horse."

"Left to die? Well, I'm sure it was a result of…" Cameron stopped speaking and you could see him counting to ten. He looked at Alexis, the determination to find a way to force them to talk to each other blazing from her eyes. He loved her for wanting to try and knew she would not give up until something gave between him and his son. For some reason, looking into her pleading eyes, it became very important for him not to disappoint her. If she saw something worthwhile in his son - and in him - who was he to fight her when all he wanted to do was love her.

And he truly was concerned. "Amnesia? Did it last long? How did it happen?"

Zander was surprised at his father's questions and figured his father was faking his concern to impress Alexis. "It was Alcazar's boat, I was spying and got caught - end of story. Amnesia didn't last long but it was kind of nice not remembering who I was," he said never taking his eyes from his father, "or where I was from."

Cameron took that verbal dart and stifled the urge to fling it back twofold. His son was angry and he had every right but damned if Cameron was going to just be a punching bag for his son.

He was thinking up a barbed response when an angry Alexis intervened.

"Zander, you regained your memory and remember where you came from. Cameron, you are the place your son comes from and it is about time both of you stop with the snarky insults and uncaring protestations and decide who you both are - to each other. You both expend so much damned time and energy hiding behind those steel walls you've built to fend off each other, the chance to recapture who you were is slipping away and you just don't seem to care. How two men can be so pig-headed is beyond me and that's saying something given the stubbornness on display in MY family. So, here's the deal. We are going out to sea and you two will sit down and work out your problems like adults. Scream, pitch a hissy fit, throw things, smash bric-a-brac, do whatever cathartic activity is necessary - by the way I've taken the liberty of removing all sharp instruments from the yacht - but for Goddess's sake, just TALK to each other. It is time for you both to continue the discussion you started at the cabin. The phantoms will not be exorcised until they are pulled out into the light of day. You are hiding your feelings and asphyxiating your hearts. Deal with it and move on. If I have to keep this yacht out to sea until the cows come home, I damn well will. I'm tired of watching two people I love hurt so much and be so unwilling to do something about it."

She glared at each in turn. "Do I make myself clear?"

They both stared back at her slack-jawed. She was very angry and being a Cassadine they knew she wasn't kidding - about any of it. They looked at each other and Cameron noted, with pleasure, the glint in his son's eye. They'd connected in that look and he hoped Alexander knew what he was doing.

Zander looked at her with his patented 'aw…shucks' face, his hair falling over his eye - a mirror image of his father. "Wow, Alexis. You must have been a terror on the debate team. Yeah, I'm clear." He looked at his father. "You clear Dad?"

Cameron bounced on his heels and nodded sagely, "You bet, son. Haven't been lectured like that since my baseball broke Granny's 100 year old Waterford crystal bowl."

Alexis stared at them and could see the slight turning up of their mouths. Well, she thought, whatever works. If they could work together to tease her, there was hope they could do it again.

"Well, just don't make me have to repeat myself. It won't be pretty." She walked over, kissed Zander and ruffled his hair and then pulled Cameron down for a deep kiss.

Zander watched them together and got the same twisted feeling in his stomach when he saw his father kiss Dobson. He kept silent as Alexis released his father, looked at him with an odd smile and walked over to go below stairs.

"I'm going to change into my bathing suit. You boys try to play nice until I get back." She descended the stairs with a chuckle.

Zander opened his mouth to berate his father about leading Alexis on when she popped her head back onto deck and tossed over her shoulder.

"Zander, while you're waiting, you may want to ask your father about his attraction to that bearded butler."

In the silence, the only sound heard over the water was the laughter bubbling up from below.

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