Returning to a Friend
by Cowgirl

Part 27

Three days had passed since the latest session with Cameron. Sonny had used the time to think about his situation and to see Carly. It was time. He was doing better and he thought a visit with Michael would cheer him up. He had arrived at Bobbie's house shortly after noon and the visit had gone well. He made small talk with Carly, for once, she seemed to understand that he didn't want to do any heavy talking ... yet. He had taken Michael out for pizza and then for a trip to the arcade. After several hours of playing the various machines he had taken him home and promised Carly he would stop by again soon. He could tell she was dying to ask him questions and she deserved answers, but he wasn't prepared to answer anything yet. He was still at a crossroads as to where he wanted to head with their relationship.

After leaving Carly and Michael, he found himself headed towards the part of town that housed Alexis' apartment. He pulled into a gas station and pulled out his cell phone. It rang four times and he was about to give up when Alexis' harried voice picked up. "Hello?"

"You sound out of breath."

There was a momentary pause on the other end and then she said, "Sonny."

"Yeah, it's me. I um ... was wondering if I could stop over and see her today."

Another pause and then. "Sure ... I just got done giving her a bath."

"I'll be over in a little while," he said not wanting her to know he was just a few blocks away. "Are you hungry?"

"Sonny ... just come over and visit with your daughter. I think we should keep it this way for now."

"I understand. See ya."

"We'll be here."

He hung up the phone and drove around for the next half an hour to make it appear he wasn't in any hurry. Finally he decided that enough time had passed and he parked his car and made his way to her door. He knocked and took a step back from the door as he heard her footsteps nearing. The door swung slowly open and his heart did a little flip as Alexis appeared in the doorway. "Hey," she said stepping aside and letting him in.

"Hey," he said, looking around the room. "Where's my girl?"

Alexis pointed down the hallway. "In her crib."

"She awake?"

"Uh huh. Go on in."

He walked down the hall and into the nursery where his little girl, his first born sat in her crib toying with the stuffed animals in front of her. She looked up at him as he approached and smiled.

He smiled back, she had his dimples ... or they could be Alexis' dimples, it was hard to tell. He picked her up. "Hey there Kristina. How's my girl today? Did you miss daddy this week ... did you?" He cooed at her as she reached her little hand up and patted his cheek. Sonny closed his eyes and relished her touch. "I love you so much baby girl. I'm going to be the best daddy you've ever seen, you'll see." He opened his eyes and stared at this wonderment that was his daughter. Her little chestnut curls splayed out on top of her head, her dark, mocha eyes and her olive skin tone. It was hard to decipher which physical characteristics came from which parent. He hugged her tight. "Let's go see if we can get mommy to join our visit today shall we?" He leaned closer to Kristina's little ear. "I know your mommy said she doesn't know if she and I will ever be friends again, but I'm going to try real hard to make that happen. You see ... I needed your mom once. I needed her a lot and I let her go. I'm not going to do that again."

Alexis bit down on the corner of her lip and silently backed away from the door so Sonny wouldn't see her. She had come to see how they were doing when she heard him talking to Kristina. Maybe he knew she was standing there all along, maybe that's why he said all of those things. Maybe he didn't and maybe he really meant them, but one thing Alexis was sure of was that she did not like the tremors that were passing for her heart beats as she heard his words. She quickly tiptoed to the living room and pretended to be picking up Kristina's toys as the two of them entered the room.

"There she is," Sonny said to Kristina. "There's mommy."

Alexis couldn't help but smile at her daughter. "Hi sweet pea. Are you enjoying your visit with daddy?" She said as she tickled her daughter's chin. She looked up and suddenly her eyes locked with Sonny's. They held one another's gaze for what seemed a long time before Sonny blinked several times and cleared his throat. "Uh ... I want to thank you for everything."

Alexis raised and eyebrow. "Thank me?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I admit that I was mad at you for keeping my daughter from me, but after much soul searching, I realized that I understand why you did what you did." He shrugged. "I regret that I missed being there for you during the pregnancy and when Kristina was so sick."

"Sonny I ... "

"No, let me finish. You did the right thing." He looked at his daughter, smiled and walked over to the couch, sitting down. Sitting down on Alexis' couch. It felt so natural, like old times. Just walking around her apartment like he belonged there. He looked at her again. "Thank you for helping me get through my depression ... I mean ... making me get help." He chuckled. "After the way things were between us this past year, you had every right to leave me to suffer ... but you didn't."

Alexis looked at the floor. "I couldn't."

"Why?"

Her head snapped up and she shook it side to side. "I'm not ready to have this conversation."

Sonny nodded his head and turned his attention to Kristina. "Okay then. Why don't we play with Uncle Cameron's blocks," Sonny said with disdain. "She seems to like those."

Alexis retrieved the blocks from their place in the corner of the room and dumped them on the floor. "She does like the blocks."

"Yeah?" Sonny said kicking one with his toe before sitting on the floor, placing Kristina between him and Alexis. "Well, daddy's going to have to take her shopping soon and buy her some real toys. Blocks don't stimulate the mind."

Alexis surpressed a giggle at Sonny's obvious jealousy of Cameron's blocks. "Well, they do promote motor skills, so the blocks stay."

Sonny wagged his head from side to side. "The blocks stay," he mimicked.

The three of them sat on the floor for an hour building up block towers and watching Kristina swat them down and giggle uncontrollably at her accomplishment. Sonny watched as Alexis interacted with their daughter ... her daughter, the daughter she fought so hard and lost so much to protect. His heart melted at the obvious love and joy that shone in Alexis' eyes as she looked down at their little girl. His chest tightened and he closed his eyes for a second. She still meant the world to him. Of all the women who had come and gone in Sonny's life, Alexis had made the biggest impact on him, she was the woman who evoked so many emotions and feelings from him. Alexis was the one woman ... one person in his life who he could not live without even though he wasn't sure in what capacity.

Alexis looked over when she felt him staring at her. Her eyes met his and she immediately blushed and lowered her eyes. "Why are you staring at me?" she asked quietly, turning her attention back to Kristina.

Sonny gave her a cockeyed grin. "You're just so good with her."

Alexis smiled and placed a few blocks in front of Kristina. "It's easy to be good to her ... she's my angel."

Sonny nodded and glanced at their little girl. "She's an angel all right." He swallowed and looked back at her. "Did you mean what you said in Cameron's office today?"

Alexis sucked in a breath. "Did I mean what?"

"When you said you didn't know if you and I could ever be friends again."

Alexis froze for a second and stood, lifting Kristina with her as she did. "I think it's time for this one to get tucked in," she said, deliberately avoiding the question. "You want to help me?" she asked over her shoulder as she headed toward Kristina's room.

Sonny followed and the two of them put their little girl down for the night. Alexis read her a story, part way through she was out like a light and the two of them tip toed down the hall and back into the living room. They stood in an awkward silence. Sonny not knowing if he should leave, Alexis not sure if she wanted him to. He cleared his throat.

"I uh ... I could make us some coffee."

Alexis bit down on her lip. "I don't know," she said looking away.

"I make you uncomfortable," Sonny stated matter of factly.

Her head snapped back in his direction. "It's just ... its awkward." She held up her hands and then let them fall to her sides. "We used to be so good at being alone and talking to one another and now ... "

Sonny shifted anxiously. "Why does it have to be different now?"

She looked at him. "How can you ask that? It is different. Any shred of friendship or trust we had between us was shattered to pieces ... by you ... by me ... by the lies and the threats. How do we get past that?"

Sonny pinched the bridge of his nose. "Maybe by having a cup of coffee together, maybe by talking. We ... you and I had a strong connection once. I can't believe that was permanently severed."

Alexis wrapped her arms around herself. "It feels like it was."

"Have you missed me Alexis?"

She closed her eyes. "Sonny ... I"

"Have you? I've missed you."

She opened her eyes and looked at him. "Of course there are things about our previous relationship that I miss. And there are other things that I don't."

"So you've decided that things can't work between us and that's that."

She shook her head. "No, that's not it at all. I'm ... I'm unsure of how I should feel about this. I'm scared of what may happen if I let you back into my life on that level again."

Sonny took a few steps out of nervousness and played with the end of a comforter that sat on the back of the couch. "I ... you know I'm trying to change. I'm trying to be a better person." He shrugged. "I was a better person when we were friends."

Alexis rubbed her temples. "All I'm saying is that for now I think we should concentrate on being good parents to our daughter." She shook her head. "There are so many things I have to sort out in my head. There are things I can't let go of Sonny."

"Like?"

"Zander and the way you treated him and then lied to me about it for one and ... " She stopped.

"Your sister."

Alexis' head dropped and she closed her eyes. "I miss her every day Sonny. I think about her and what happened to her every day of my life."

"Alexis, I know you blame me for her death ... but I'm sorry. I just can't rationalize that it was my fault. I had no idea that she was even coming to see me. I had no idea Alcazar planted a bomb."

"You should have stopped him before it got to that."

"I didn't even know why the guy was after me ... I never met him until he came to town."

"He had threatened you, you knew he was after you and you could have stopped him."

"And you could have told me you were pregnant with my child and Kristina would never had been on her way to tell me about it at the warehouse."

Alexis wheeled around, anger rising in her chest like a match tossed on to a pool of gasoline. "And you could have treated me better then bedding me and tossing me aside like yesterday's newspaper. You could have not called a hit on a boy that you once treated like a son. You could have not lied to me Sonny and maybe I wouldn't have been so afraid of losing the child I was carrying."

Sonny put his hand to his forehead. "All right ... look we both made mistakes ... we both made bad choices. What the hell good is it going to do for us to dwell on them?" He moved to Alexis and put his hands on her shoulders. "We both hurt one another bad, I know that." He squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them. "Why couldn't you tell me you loved me?"

"Because it wouldn't have mattered," Alexis said in a whisper as a tear rolled down her cheek.

Sonny tipped her face up to his. "It would have mattered a whole lot Lex."

Alexis stepped away and out of his reach. "Don't say that. You and I both know you wanted to go back to Carly. You did what you wanted."

"Because I thought you didn't want me that way. Because I thought that you regretted what happened between us."

Alexis looked up at the ceiling. "Sonny, you can sugar coat it any way that you see fit. The truth is you didn't want me ... you wanted me to be there when Carly didn't agree with you."

"Lex ... "

Alexis held up a hand. "No ... I'm not going to do this."

"I thought we were going to work on our problems Alexis, remember? We sat in that park that day and had a good conversation and we agreed to work on things."

"For our daughter. We agreed to learn how to get along again for our daughter."

"So there's no way that we can learn to get along just for us," Sonny stated.

Alexis sighed and moved around the room. "I don't know ... I'm trying." She turned to him. "It takes time Sonny. Give me time okay?"

Sonny looked down and stared at his feet for a minute, shaking his head. "All right. I can ... you know ... I can live with that."

"I'm still not making any promises."

"Neither am I."

They stared at one another both knowing inside that they still cared and they both still wanted to retrieve what they once shared, but neither willing to actually take that leap of faith.

Finally, Sonny broke the silence. "I'm ... I'm going to kiss Kristina one more time and head home."

"Okay."

Alexis waited on the couch as Sonny went to say goodnight to their daughter and then walked him to the door. Sonny opened it and stepped into the hallway, turning to Alexis once more. "I'm not going to give up Alexis ... on you ... on me. We still have a connection and now with our daughter I think it's stronger than it ever was. We just have to find it again."

"Good night Sonny," Alexis said softly.

"I'll call you."

Alexis nodded and shut the door, leaning against it. Everything that had happened to her in the last eighteen months or so was never so emotionally draining as having to deal with her still lingering feelings for the man who had her heart.

part 28