Returning to a Friend
by Cowgirl

Part 26

She looked into his eyes and couldn't help but want to be honest with him. He was there, her friend, the man she had fallen in love with and he was touching her and he was asking her to be honest with him. She sighed and choked back a sob. "Yes ... I loved you with all my heart."

Sonny couldn't believe his ears. Yes, Kristina had said it to him, yes he suspected it might have been true, but still he never thought he would hear those words come from Alexis' mouth. He breathed deep and looked into her eyes as she stood before him shaking uncontrollably. He moved slowly forward and wrapped his arms around her as she collapsed in a heap of quivering sobs against him. "I'm so sorry Lex," he whispered into her hair.

Cameron stood at a distance, leaning against the edge of his desk. He had heard from both of them independently that they had cared for and yes, even loved one another, but as he stood there watching them comfort one another silently, he saw the true depth of their feelings for one another. He started to understand, maybe not why these two people from such different worlds came together, but maybe why it was and what it was that made them so passionate about one another.

Almost as suddenly as she had started crying, she stopped. She didn't want to be standing there in his arms letting him comfort her. She stiffened and separated herself from his grip. "Don't," she said desperately. She closed her eyes and shook her head vigorously as she folded her arms across her chest. "I loved you Sonny - that's true," she said as she paced the room. "But I don't think I could ever get past the hurt I felt when you turned away from me." She held up a hand. "You can say I sent you back to your wife all you want, but you ran. You ran and you ran fast." She turned to him with a desperate look in her eyes. "Did you ever stop to think how it felt for me?"

Sonny's head dipped down in shame. "Lex I ... "

"No, let me finish." She looked at both men. "You wanted to know how I felt and I'm going to tell you." She said keeping her voice even. "The night you took me to your bed ... I can't even describe the feelings. I had kept them so guarded and so hidden and there they were ... I was finally free to show you how I felt about you and God I wanted to believe so badly that you wanting me in your bed meant that you wanted me period." She stopped her pacing. "I know ... I always knew that you were in love with Carly, I never kidded myself about that, but still ... " She closed her eyes. "I tried to leave. I tried to get up that morning and go back to my place so we could sort of get past what happened, but you stopped me. You stopped me, you kissed me, you made me breakfast and you teased me. And when Courtney came over to wish you a happy birthday and you made a wish ... the look you gave me. The way you looked at me I couldn't help but think that maybe there was a remote possibility of a future for us."

She moved to a chair and flopped down into it. "You know the rest Sonny, I'm not going to rehash it. You wanted to know how I felt ... that's how I felt. I felt hurt, used, betrayed ... " She paused and looked directly at him. "And I felt insignificant. After Carly's rise from the dead I didn't matter to you anymore."

"Alexis that's not true and you know it," Sonny's voice pleaded. "I tried ... I tried to communicate with you and you shut down. You wouldn't talk to me, you wouldn't even look me in the eye."

Alexis pursed her lips. "Why do you think that is Sonny?" she shouted.

There was a momentary silence as Sonny let that sink in. He knew why. He never understood before now, but like someone slugging him upside the head, he was getting it now. He slowly sat down in his chair and brought a hand up to his forehead. "Jeez ... how could I be so stupid?" He said more to himself than to anyone else. He looked up at her with a look of utter and complete shame in his eyes. " I never realized ... "

Alexis nodded. "Never realized that while you were trying to pretend that everything was normal between us that I was breaking inside? You would come over and try to talk to me like we were old friends but I couldn't do that. Not after what happened." She looked down at the floor as all the pain she had felt then rushed back to her now. Tightening her grip on herself she rocked back and forth slightly. "And then when I found out I was pregnant ... ." She shook her head. "Nothing clicked with you. I literally almost passed out in the hallway that day, and you couldn't get it." She raised her tear stained face and looked at him. "You were just so willing to believe that I ran and jumped into the bed of the man my sister was in love with." Her face contorted in pain. "How could you think that about me?"

Sonny leaned back in his chair and pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead. Everything she was saying made sense. The dizzy spells he had witnessed, the extreme nervousness around him, the nauseousness around food, they all made sense now.

Alexis licked her lips and went on. "I was so hurt that you would believe that I would jump into bed with another man so soon after we ... I felt like you didn't want to see the signs that I was pregnant ... "

Sonny moved to her. "Alexis ... I was so wrapped up in Carly ... "

Alexis laughed. "You always were. Don't you see? You wouldn't have wanted this child. It would have been an inconvenience for you."

Sonny's anger rose. "How can you even say that? You knew how much I wanted a child. I would have done everything in my power to help you."

"I didn't want to be an obligation in your life Sonny." She turned her back to him. "After the way you began acting, I didn't want to be in your life period."

There was a silence as Sonny fought the guilt for everything he had done or not done to make Alexis' life more difficult since that fateful night. He ran a hand through his hair and blew out a breath.

Cameron stood and moved in front of both of them. "Okay," he said calmly. "We all agree that there is bad blood here and I think we're making progress in moving past it. Both of you agree that Sonny now knows Kristina is his, he needs to be part of her life and vice versa ... so how do we make this work?" He waited for one of them to answer.

Alexis turned around slowly. "I can't offer anything other than what I already have."

"And what is it you think you've offered Alexis?" Cameron asked.

"I've offered ... I told Sonny about his daughter. I agreed to work out a reasonable visitation schedule. I agreed to come here and try and work out some of the problems between us ... for her benefit." She looked at Sonny. "She's all I'm concerned about."

Sonny nodded his head. "I know that."

"I can't promise you that you and I will ever be friends again or that we'll be close, but I will promise you that I will never again stand between the two of you."

Sonny sniffed. "That's all I ask."

Cameron stood. "Well, I believe we've had a hell of a session." He carefully looked at the two people before him and studied them. "I think you'll both benefit from another one. What do you two think?"

Sonny nodded. "I think so." He looked at Alexis. "Lex?"

Alexis took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'd ... I'd be open to another one."

Cameron nodded his head. "Good. I'll see you both next week."

Alexis left the room without saying a word to either man. She was emotionally drained and just wanted to get home and get as far away from Sonny as she could for now.

Sonny purposefully lagged behind knowing that Alexis needed to be alone. He looked up at Cameron. "I think I'm more confused than ever Doc."

Cameron raised and eyebrow. "How so?"

"I don't ... I don't know what to do about her."

"Do you love her Sonny?"

He breathed deep. "Yeah."

"And you love your wife."

He nodded.

"You've got some tough decisions in front of you." He looked at him. "But what ever your decisions are ... I don't think Alexis could take ... or deserves any more pain. Not from you."

"Is that your personal opinion?" Sonny shot back as his jealousy arose at Cameron's not so doctorly concern.

Cameron smiled. "Mr. Corinthos. While it's true that Alexis Davis is an attractive woman and I may have had an impure thought about her once or twice since I've met her, she's my patient." He paused as Sonny carefully stared him down.

"She's a friend Mr. Corinthos and while that blurs the doctor and patient line I can assure you I have no designs to act on that."

Sonny calmed himself inwardly and nodded. "See you later Doc," he said quickly and left the office.

part 27