Returning to a Friend
by Cowgirl

Part 20

Alexis spent several hours enjoying having her daughter back with her. She fed her, gave her a bath, played with her and watched her, as she played alone. Several times shaking her head and tearing up. "I can't believe it's over," she kept repeating to Jax who would reassure her that it was indeed over.

Alexis finally acquiesced that her daughter needed to go to bed, but stood over her crib for over an hour watching her sleep. Finally she made her way out into the living room to find Jax sitting on her couch, reading a magazine.

"I'm surprised you're still here," she said taking a seat next to him.

He brought his arm down around her shoulders. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

She smiled at him. "I couldn't be better Jax."

He gazed at her and smiled.

"What?"

"It's good to see you happy again."

Alexis blew out a breath of air. "I feel like the weight of the world was lifted off of my chest." She patted his chest. "I owe you a huge thanks for whatever you did to get that horrid judge off of the case."

Jax wiped his mouth with his hand and shrugged. "It was easy really. Some creative investigating that led me to a money trail leading from the Q's to Baldwin, to Judge Farmer ... and you don't owe me a thing. I've been a terrible friend."

Alexis looked away. "I know that I've made it difficult for everyone to be my friend these past months, but ... " She stood up. "I felt like I was literally losing my mind Jax. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would be a mother, but the minute I knew that she was growing inside me, I was in love with her." She moved across the room and stopped at her window. "I was so frustrated and everywhere I turned I was making these horrid decisions." She stopped and looked at Jax. "And yes, I felt completely and utterly alone."

Jax lowered his head in shame. "Alexis, I was so wrapped up in my own woes about Brenda being alive and the whole thing with Sonny that I didn't even stop to look what was happening around me."

Alexis returned to the couch and sat down again. "Well, it's over and done with. I want to move on. I want to live my life with my daughter and not look back at the past anymore."

Jax shifted in his seat. "There's one piece of your past that won't go away Alexis."

Alexis turned her head. "Sonny," she said quietly.

Jax nodded. "That is ... if you're still planning on telling him."

"I am," she answered quickly. "Jax, I've had enough lying and deceiving to last me a lifetime. He's her father and he'll love her."

"Don't you think he'll fight you for her when he finds out and you'll be right back where you were with Ned and Skye?"

Alexis took a deep breath. "He knows."

Jax sat forward in his seat. "He knows?"

Alexis nodded. "I told him."

"Since when have you and Sonny been communicating?"

Alexis stood and moved across the room. "For a couple of months now."

"Really."

She turned to him. "A couple of months ago Carly came to me begging me to help Sonny." She put a hand to her forehead. "He's ... oh God I shouldn't be telling this to you. He's suffering from manic depression. He was in really bad shape and Carly thought he might respond to me."

"Did he?"

She nodded. "Yes, eventually, I was able to get him to see Cameron and he's doing well."

"And you told him about Kristina?"

"Yes."

Jax put a finger to his temple and leaned on it. "How did he take that."

"Not well," Alexis deadpanned. "We went through the whole 'you betrayed me ... how could you do this' speech."

"So now what? Are you representing him again?"

Alexis shook her head. "No, I don't think I'll ever represent him again, but we're trying to work on our friendship." She walked back to Jax and sat on the coffee table opposite of him, grasping his hands. "Jax, you can't use what I've just told you about Sonny against him in any way. If the wrong people find out he has a mental illness, he's dead."

"And this is the man you want to raise your child Alexis?"

Alexis closed her eyes and sighed. She reopened them and looked into his eyes. "Jax, you have always been one of the two people, Kristina was the other one, who have respected my relationship with Sonny. I know you didn't like it, but you warned me politely and then backed off. You didn't beat me over the head with it."

"What's your point Alexis?"

She stood and walked around the room, finally stopping and facing him. "I want to try and make you understand why I fell in love with Sonny."

Jax's jaw almost hit the floor. He knew that Sonny and Alexis had been best friends, he knew that they were close and that they discussed things with one another that they didn't even discuss with their significant others. He knew they had been intimate ... at least once and that they shared a child, but he never in his wildest imagination had thought Alexis had fallen in love with him. The shock must have registered on his face because Alexis smiled.

"I know what you're thinking." She shook her head. "I had the hardest time admitting that to myself." She held up her hands. "But that's what happened. I fell in love with him." She sighed and moved around the room some more. "There are parts of Sonny that everyone else doesn't get to see."

"Obviously," Jax said with a devilish grin.

Alexis narrowed her eyes playfully. "Nice. I meant that there are sides of him that are so different from what everyone else sees on the outside. I know everyone thinks that he manipulated me, but he didn't. I could look into Sonny's eyes and know when he was playing me or when he was sincere." She lowered her head. "And he could do the same thing with me. We had this connection between us and at one time it was very strong. He really could be a caring, kind and generous person when he wanted to be." She sat down and crossed her legs. "I know that trying to sell you on the virtues of Sonny Corinthos is a waste of time but ... " She stopped, her expression growing pained. "Sonny treated me like I always wanted a man to treat me. He didn't judge me, he didn't expect me to be someone that I wasn't and he accepted me for who I was."

Jax sat quietly watching a part of Alexis he rarely ever saw. He never understood how vulnerable Alexis could be. He always saw this strong, independent woman who didn't need help. Now he sat here watching her struggle with her emotions over a man who had hurt her so deeply.

She wiped a tear away from her eye and gazed back at Jax with intensity. "The night that Sonny and I ... the night we were together ... " she stuttered, her voice breaking. She closed her eyes. "I never felt so in love with someone ... and I never felt so loved. Even if it was for a fleeting moment. Sonny showed me a love that didn't come with expectations and tradeoffs." She sniffed back tears and looked at Jax once more. "I never had that," she whispered.

Jax opened his arms and beckoned her to come over to him. She crawled into his embrace and clung to him as she cried. Jax found himself stifling rarely displayed tears as his heart broke with the realization that it wasn't just about the past agonizing year for Alexis. It wasn't about the hurt of losing custody of her daughter, or losing her best friend. It was about the fact that Sonny Corinthos was the only person in the world who had ever made Alexis feel loved for who she was. He held Alexis tight to him. "I'm so sorry Alexis. I wish I could take away any pain anyone has ever caused you."

Alexis reached up with one hand and stroked his cheeks. "I know."

**********

Sonny wandered around down by the docks. He had a lot on his mind. Carly was calling day and night wondering when he's going to be better, Michael kept asking for him, and except for a few phone calls at night, he was running out of reasons to tell him why he and mommy couldn't come home. And then there was Alexis. The things she had said to him the other day were still leaving a stinging feeling in his chest. He knew every word she had said was true. He had gone to Dr. Lewis' office to chew them both out, but instead his eyes were opened to just exactly how much pain Alexis was in. Then he had heard about her hearing and sent Jason to find out what happened. He was happy for her when Jason reported back to him that Kristina was returned to her and that it came out in court that Ned was not the biological father.

He sat down on a bench as he remembered his conversation with Jason. He had been nervously pacing the penthouse all morning waiting for Jason to return and report what happened.

**********

Jason knocked and entered the penthouse. "Hey."

Sonny moved quickly across the room. "What happened?"

Jason sniffed. "You could have told me."

Sonny shook his head. "What happened?" he demanded.

Jason shifted uncomfortably. "Alexis got her kid back." He stopped and watched as relief flooded Sonny's features. "I think you know the rest."

Sonny moved a few feet and stopped, placing his hands on his waist. "The rest?"

Jason moved to the couch and sat down. "How long have you known that you're the father?"

Sonny froze for a few seconds and then slowly turned to Jason. "That came out in court?" he said with a worried expression.

Jason shook his head. "No. What did come out were the results of that paternity test that you and Edward had done while Alexis was in the hospital." He watched as Sonny's face became guarded.

Sonny shrugged his shoulders, determined not to give out any information that Jason didn't already have. "So it showed Ashton wasn't the father," he asked already knowing that.

Jason stood up. "We both know if Ned isn't the father then you are."

Sonny looked him in the eyes. There was no lying to Jason. He nodded his head. "The baby is mine. Alexis told me some time ago."

Jason's brow creased. "And you're not mad?"

"Of course I was mad ... I was furious." He waved his hand. "But it's not going to do anyone any good to put Kristina through anymore drama." He turned his back on Jason. "She needs to be with Alexis."

"And what about you?"

"Alexis and I will work it out."

"She's kept her from you so far."

"She won't deny me."

"How do you know?"

"She told me," Sonny said becoming agitated.

"And you trust her?"

"Yes."

"After everything ... you trust her ... how?

"Because I know Alexis."

"You haven't even spoken to her civilly in over a year."

"We’ve been talking."

"Since when?"

Sonny wheeled around. "Enough with the questions all right?" he shouted.

Jason held up his hands. "All right. I'm just trying to make sense of this. You and Alexis have been at each other's throats for how long, now all of the sudden you're friends again ... it's just odd."

Sonny raised a hand and waved it. "I needed help. More help than Carly could give me and she didn't know what to do so she went to Alexis."

Jason's eyebrows arched up on his forehead. "And she actually helped you ... after everything?"

Sonny moved to the bar and poured himself a glass of water, taking a long sip. "That's the kind of person she is." He stared off into space blankly. "It's why she was my friend. It's why we're trying to sort out everything that went on between us."

"Including having a child together?"

Sonny lowered his head and sighed. "I love her."

Jason took a step back as Sonny's words almost literally knocked him over. "What?"

Sonny turned to him. "I've always loved her." He stretched his neck to one side and brought a hand up to massage it. "Carly ... she always brings up the night I was with Alexis. Whenever we fight, it's right were she goes. I've always been evasive about it." He dropped his hand to his side and moved to the balcony window, placing a hand against the smooth glass. "I knew that Alexis was in love with me. Her sister blurted it out one day by accident. What her blurting that out did was make me realize that my feelings for Alexis had changed too." He turned and glanced at Jason who stood with his arms folded over his chest taking in what Sonny was telling him. He turned back and softly pounded his fist against the balcony door. "I was so scared of what I felt for Alexis ... because I had never felt that way for another woman. I was so scared that I bolted the first chance I got." He shook his head. "I didn't do it on purpose. I mean when Carly came back and Alexis gave me an out I took it because Carly was familiar. I knew how Carly felt about me and I knew how I felt about her."

"And how did you feel about Carly?" Jason interjected.

"You know I'll always love Carly."

"But you were in love with Alexis."

Sonny nodded.

"So what now?"

Sonny shrugged. "I don't know," Sonny said dejectedly. "So much has happened. I want to work on getting my friendship back with Alexis."

"What about Carly?"

Sonny turned slowly to Jason. "I don't want to hurt her ... " He scratched his brow nervously. "I don't know."

"What if Alexis doesn't love you anymore?"

Sonny wagged his head to one side. "I'm sure she doesn't. I've done more than enough to hurt her. I just want to try and salvage any friendship that may exist between us ... and raise my daughter."

Jason shook his head. "It must suck to be you sometimes man."

Sonny smiled and rubbed the beard that still grew on his face. "It's not easy." He looked at Jason with a serious expression. "I need you to keep what you now know between us."

Jason nodded. "Done."

"Not even Carly can know. I'll deal with her in my own way."

Jason nodded once more and left the penthouse. As he waited for the elevator he couldn't help but think that he should be more shocked than he was at the revelation that Sonny had loved ... still loved Alexis, but something deep inside had always told him that something strong existed between his friend and his attorney.