Returning to a Friend
by Cowgirl

Part 5

Alexis drove to the hospital, and for the second time this week, raised her hand and gently knocked on Cameron's office door. She heard the heavy trod of his footfalls as he crossed the room and opened the door to her. He gave her and encouraging smile. "Alexis," he said as he swept his hand into the room, inviting her to enter.

Alexis moved into the room and took her usual seat in the chair across from his desk. Cameron made his way to his desk chair and sat down. He reached for her file and opened it. "So, what shall we talk about today?" he inquired.

Alexis sighed. "How about the weather?" she joked half-heartedly.

Cameron straightened his posture and touched the fingertips of both hands together.

"Alexis," he cautioned, giving her a raised eyebrow. "We both know that these sessions are BS, but we still have to have them." He tilted his head. "Besides, it would seem after our last conversation that maybe we could use this time to help you through your problems with your ... friend."

Alexis gave him a pointed look. "You can say his name," she said bluntly. She leaned forward and placed her hand on her file. "You cannot, however, write it down in here," she said as she gave the file a pat and settled back into her seat.

"Noted," Cameron smiled. "So, has there been any progress with Sonny?"

Alexis nodded her head. "I don't know how much of a good thing it was, but I did get him to move." She leaned her elbow on the arm of the chair and placed her head in her hand, casting her eyes to Cameron. "I'm not violating anything by telling you about Sonny's current state, am I?"

Cameron leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "I don't believe so. He's not a patient of mine, and he directly affects what's going on with you ... who is my patient."

Alexis cringed. "I hate being called that."

"Patient?"

"Yes."

"Why is that?"

Alexis sat up straight and ran her hands down the length of her lap, smoothing out her skirt. "I'm not really in need of psychological care Dr. Lewis, and it puts me on edge to have to be treated as if I do."

"Why does that put you on edge?"

"Because it does, all right?" Alexis snapped and stood up, pacing the room.

Cameron followed her with his eyes, watching her movements. "Is it because you are not in control of this situation?"

Alexis stopped and snapped her head around. "Do you enjoy this Dr. Lewis? I mean throwing up the fact that I'm a control freak and you're the one in control?"

Cameron spread his hands out over his desk. "I never indicated that I was the one in control here Alexis. The court and the judge are in control of this particular situation, I'm merely a mediator." He stood and moved around to the front of his desk, leaning on the edge. "You Alexis, ultimately have control over what happens here. The better we work together, the faster you are perceived by the courts as getting well, and the faster you are reunited with your daughter."

Alexis shook her head. "You're not getting it. I am well. There is nothing wrong with me."

Cameron nodded. "Yes, but only you and I know that. Everyone else sees it differently and you yourself created that situation. You relinquished some of your cherished control when you came up with this brilliant scheme of yours."

Alexis turned around so that she was fully facing him and looked at him. Finally she shook her head. "You're right ... I did this."

Cameron moved to Alexis and stopped a couple of feet in front of her, putting his hands on his hips. "You're agitated today Alexis. What's really the issue here?"
Alexis turned her head away and squeezed her eyes shut for a minute. Taking a deep breath she said. "I don't know how to help him."

Cameron nodded slowly, gesturing for Alexis to take a seat on the couch. When she did, he turned the chair she had previously occupied around and sat down. "You want to tell me what happened?"

Alexis folded her arms across her stomach. "I thought that if I played hardball with him that he would snap out of this. I thought if I badgered him a little and coaxed him into one of our famous bickering sessions, that he would stand up and fight back."

"And he didn't?"

Alexis dropped her head into her hands and took a couple of deep breaths. "I lost it Cameron. I got so frustrated when he wouldn't respond to me that I ... did something stupid." She let her trembling hands drop into her lap. "I went into his kitchen and got a knife ... I told him to just do it ... end it quickly instead of making everyone who cares about him suffer with him."

Cameron leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "What did he do?"

Alexis' eyes roamed aimlessly around the floor in front of her. "He stood up and put the knife to his throat," she said dryly.

"And that scared you," he replied matter of factly.

Alexis snapped her head up. "Hell yes it scared me. I gave a man who is clearly in some sort of deep depression a knife and told him to kill himself."

"But he didn't."

Alexis shook her head. "No, he didn't."

"That's because he didn't really want to." Cameron stood up and moved to the couch, sitting down next to Alexis. "I couldn't possibly know what is wrong with Sonny without talking to him and analyzing him. Clearly, like you said, he's in some kind of depression, and depression has all sorts of forms, but if I know anything from what you've described, he's feeling trapped ... maybe like he's sinking and he's trying to find a way to stop feeling that way. Alcohol is one way, shutting down is another." He looked at Alexis who seemed to show some minute feeling of relief at his prognosis of Sonny not wanting to kill himself. "How did you leave it with him?"

"After a few minutes of him holding the knife to his throat, he rushed me and pinned me up against the wall ... "

"Wait a minute Alexis. Helping the man is one thing, putting yourself in physical danger is another," Cameron interrupted.

Alexis shook her head. "No, he wouldn't hurt me."

"How do you know that? You said it before ... he's not at all himself."

Alexis looked down at her lap and then directly at Cameron. "Sonny and I ... we could always look at one another and know what the other was thinking ... always. There were times it seemed we had entire conversations by just staring at one another. I could see it in his eyes ... he didn't want to hurt me. He was angry with me for a second, but he didn't want to hurt me." She stood up and began her pacing again.

"Anyway, his bodyguard Max ... he always stands outside the door. He heard me yelp when Sonny ... he came running in immediately. He knows how Sonny's been. He wouldn't have let him hurt me."

Cameron ran a hand down his beard. "I don't know if I like this Alexis."

"What else can anyone do? It's not like he's going to get help on his own. Someone has to help him. Someone has to bring this out of him."

"What if he gets violent Alexis? What if Sonny is dealing with a mental illness, a chemical imbalance of some sort and he can't control what he's doing? He may need medication Alexis and if he snaps, what if it's you he takes it out on?"

Alexis slumped back into the couch and shut her eyes. "I won't turn my back on him again."

"Again?"

Alexis shook her head. "I don't want to get into this."

"Why not?"

"Because Sonny is what's important right now. Not me ... not how I'm feeling."

"I think you're wrong Alexis. I think this has more to do with you than you think."

"How could you possibly know that?"

Cameron straightened up and put his hands on his knees. "Well, let's examine the facts. You are the one Sonny always trusted ... even more than his own wife, correct?"

Alexis shrugged. "I guess."

He nodded and continued. "You are the one his wife, who you say hates you, came to for help. You are the one who got him to respond. His wife, his best friend, his own sister couldn't make that progress."

Alexis shook her head and stood up once more. "That's just ... I happened to annoy him enough to get a response out of him. He hates me Cameron. He's so damn mad at me he had no choice but to react."

"Do you really think that he hates you? Didn't his wife tell you that he doesn't?"

Alexis said nothing. She wasn't sure of anything anymore.

Cameron put his hand on her arm. "I think that Sonny is reaching out for help Alexis ... and although I think that he is a dangerous man, I think that maybe by helping him, you can help yourself."

Alexis brought her hand up to her head and rubbed her temples, massaging the dull ache that started to chip away at her skull. "I want to help him," she said matter-of-factly. "I will help him because no matter what I've said or done I will always, for some unknown reason, care about that man." She tucked the corner of her lip in between her teeth and thought for a moment. "I just don't know if I can take ... " She stopped and stood, walking over to the window and folded her arms across her chest.

Cameron stood up as well. "Take what Alexis?"

She turned back to him and sighed. "I don't think I can take it ... helping him out of this, helping him get better so he can go back to his happy little family and forget that I exist again."

Cameron nodded and paced a few steps. "Alexis, let's back up a minute. You stated earlier that you won't turn your back on him again." He stopped pacing and faced her. "When did you turn your back on him before?"

Alexis lowered her head for a minute and blew out a puff of air. "I don't want to get into this." She moved to Cameron. "Just tell me how to help him Cameron."

Cameron placed his hands on Alexis' shoulders. "Alexis, I think it's time you talked about what happened after Sonny went back to his wife. Did the two of you talk? Did you talk about the night you spent together and what it meant to both of you?"

Alexis backed away from his hold on her and turned away, a small tear trickling down her cheek. "I told him to go back to his wife." She held her hands up for a second before letting them fall against her sides. "I mean he still loved her. How could I tell him what I felt when I knew damn well he still loved his wife?"

"Did he ask you to tell him?"

"He wanted to talk about it. He told me he would do whatever I wanted."

"Did he tell you how he felt?"

Alexis stood silently for a moment as she remembered that day in her penthouse. The day her heart broke in two. "He wanted to ... I didn't let him. I sent him back to his wife." She shook her head and turned around to face Cameron. "Don't you see? If Sonny wanted to be with me then he wouldn't have went running back to Carly. He did. He made his choice. Who was I to stand in his way?"

"Don't you think that maybe by you telling Sonny to go back to his wife ... that he could have taken it to mean that you didn't want him?"

Alexis began moving around the room again. "I know Sonny, Cameron. I can ... could read him like a book. He wanted to be with her. To ask him to choose me would have been selfish."

"So you let him go because you loved him that much."

Alexis drew her eyebrows together in a vain attempt to stop the tears that threatened to fall. "I did what I had to do. I did the right thing."

"By taking away one of his options?"

"It wasn't an option. I wasn't an option. Sonny and I were not an option. He's a ... he's who he is and I'm who I am ... it wouldn't have worked even if he would have stood there proclaiming his undying love for me."

Cameron nodded and moved to the nearby chair, leaning on the back of it. "So now we have it. You were afraid of telling Sonny how you felt because you were afraid of how it would look to other people if you were with him."

Alexis felt a yellow streak of anger rising in her spine. She breathed heavily as she moved to her purse and picked it up. "I believe that I've been here the required amount of time Dr. Lewis. May I leave now?"

Cameron spread his hands. "Of course. I'm not holding you here against your will Alexis, but like I told you ... I think that in order to help Mr. Corinthos ... you need to help yourself."

Alexis glared at him. "And like I told you. I don't want to talk about this. Good day Doctor," she fumed as she marched to the door and exited with a loud slam.