Realization
by Cowgirl

Ric entered the apartment weary after a particularly exhausting day. Everything that could've gone wrong down at the courthouse today did and John Durant being on the warpath didn't help things down at the PCPD either.

As soon as he opened the door he caught sight of his wife lying on the couch, one arm dangling limply off the cushions, just beneath her hand a brief that had fallen free from her grip, the other lay across her abdomen, her tortoise shell glasses resting within her fingers. He quietly closed the door and shrugged himself out of his over coat and suit jacket. He stopped for a moment and just listened. The apartment was incredibly quiet. He glanced down the hall and saw the door to Kristina's room partially shut, open just a crack. Closing his eyes he reveled in the quiet ticking of the mantle clock mixed with the slow, methodical breathing of his slumbering wife.

Moving quietly across the room he sat down on the coffee table opposite her and rested his elbows on his knees, his hands clasping together beneath his chin. He stared at Alexis' face, so peaceful. No crease in her usually worried brow, no intense expression etched across her face. It had been a long time since he had seen her without worry. He watched as her breathing hitched for a second as she stretched out her leg. Ric reached forward and carefully extracted her glasses from her hand, placing them on the table next to him. He looked at them and smiled remembering a conversation with Alexis.

Well, I certainly haven't been able to make you see anything --
I mean, if that's actually a sign that she's more than what she appears to be --
I am not more than anything. I am what I am.
Then I say bring on the wire rims, baby.
If you're going to kiss me again, I think that we should discuss it first.
We just did.

Ric smiled brightly to himself at the memory of coaxing Alexis on top of his desk. He often wondered, sometimes to the point of obvious embarrassment, what would've happened if John Durant had not interrupted them. Would they have gone through with what they started? Would Alexis have chickened out at the last second? Even more than that, Ric wondered what had made him let it get to that point that day. His intent had been to fluster her like he had been accustomed to doing so easily, but then something changed. He closed his eyes. That was the day that he realized that he was starting to feel differently for Alexis. That was the day that he came home after work, poured himself a drink and agonized over the strange feelings that arose in him that afternoon in his office. It was more than lust more than need…it was her. The way her skin smelled and felt…so warm and fragrant. It was the way she her eyes flashed as nervousness gave way to passion. More than anything, it was the realization of Alexis Davis the woman. She was not a pawn, not a weapon to be used to get back at his brother. She was a warm caring woman with feelings and vulnerabilities that he believed he was one of the rare people she let see. Suddenly, and without warning, he grew a conscience where Alexis Davis was concerned. It suddenly seemed very wrong to continue with his plan of manipulation and deceit. His eyes quickly opened as Alexis stirred before him and her eyes fluttered open. Ric said nothing as he watched her break from her slumber. She let out a sigh and squinted at him. "Hi." She said her voice raspy with sleep.

"Hi yourself," he answered her as a smile forced its way onto his lips.

"How long have you been watching me sleep?"

Ric shook his head. "Not sure."

"Okay," she said, attempting to sit up. "Why are you watching me sleep?"

Ric put his hand on her arm to still her movements. "Don’t get up…just…don't get up."

Alexis' brow creased in confusion. "Why?"

"I just want to…you looked so peaceful just now. I haven't seen you look so serene."

She gave him a tiny smile. "I haven't felt serene in a long time."

Ric looked down for a minute and then back to her. He reached out and took her hand. "Do you feel serene right now?"

She stared into his eyes, God how she had come to love those eyes, and nodded. "You didn't tell me why you were watching me sleep."

"I did too."

"Okay, I looked peaceful…that's why you were watching me sleep."

Ric nodded. "That…and…"

Alexis patted his hand and sat up so she was facing him. "What?"

Ric stared back at her, it finally dawned on him that his breathing was short and his heart was beating fast. He licked his lips. "I was looking at you and thinking about us."

Alexis shifted nervously, her hands instantly folding into her lap. "Really…us. What about us?"

Ric sniffed and cleared his throat. He smiled. "There you go getting into your defensive stance."

"What? I'm not…"

Ric laid a hand on her knee. "Hey, I just meant that when I mentioned us, your body language shifted that's all. Don't worry what I was thinking about is all good."

Alexis smiled and looked at him. "You just think you know me so well."

"Actually, I don't think that. I think I know some things about you and I'm learning to read you…but I'm looking forward to the day when I can actually say I know you so well."

Alexis smiled. "Why all this sentiment all of the sudden?"

"Why not? It's been lacking between us don't you think?"

"I didn't think so up until now." She wagged her head from side to side and indicated her tummy. "I mean…"

Ric laughed. "I don't mean sex. Obviously the sex is one thing, but I mean…" He stopped and stood up. "I mean we're married and no, it didn't start off traditionally…or even in a well meaning way, but damn it Alexis if it didn't turn out to be right." He sat down again and took her hands. "Very right. I want all the things now that come with a marriage. I want to walk down the street holding your hand. I want to take you out to dinner and dance and hold you. I want to come home from work and have a sappy family dinner, put Kristina to bed and sit right here on this couch with you cuddled in my arms and I want people to actually be repulsed at the syrupy level of our public displays of affection."

He grinned. "I want all that with you."

Alexis smiled at him, but Ric knew immediately that it wasn't a genuine that's what I want too honey smile. It was a placating smile. Her eyes shifted from his face down to her knees, her hands wringing.

"What is it?" He asked softly, not sure he wanted to hear the answer.

She stood up and moved around the room, finally stopping to face him. "That's all very, very nice Ric…and tempting." She shrugged. "I want that too."

"But…"

"But…we have to be realistic. I mean yes, right now things are good. We're infatuated with one another, we're compatible mentally and certainly physically, but how long will that last?"

Ric watched her pace. "As long as we want it Alexis."

"Okay, tell me this. What happens years down the road? What happens when one or both of us needs more? Holding hands and public displays of affection are nice, but where are they coming from Ric?"

"I don't understand."

Alexis stopped her movements and went back to him, sitting in the same spot she occupied earlier. "You and I…we had similar backgrounds. I mean emotionally. We had no real love or security growing up. We dealt with it, but secretly we craved it…we still do." She looked deep into his eyes. "We found that in one another…the security, the companionship. We understand and accept one another and I don't think anyone has really ever done that for either one of us."

Ric laughed nervously. "I'm not seeing the down side of this Alexis."

"The down side is what we have here is a partnership…not a relationship. A relationship needs to be based on…" She stopped, her expression changing.

"You can't even say the word, can you?"

"It's never been an easy word for me."

"Love." Ric said simply. "A relationship needs to be based on love."

Alexis nodded her head.

"And you don't love me," he said matter of factly.
Alexis' mouth opened slightly and then closed again. "On the contrary…" She cleared her throat. "I do."

"Then what's the problem?"

She stared at him and absently her hand went to her stomach, only the slightest hint of a baby bulge peeking out. Ric's eyes watched her movement and then he understood. "I see," he said.

"See what?"

"You don't think I love you."

Alexis licked her lips, her teeth capturing the bottom one. "I think…I know you care about me…a lot. I know you love my daughter and I know you love this baby inside me and I know that you'll be a wonderful father."

"But you also think that I'm with you now because of the baby."

Alexis lowered her head.

Ric stuck his finger under her chin and drew her gaze to his. "You must be crazy Alexis."

"Thank you."

"No." He chuckled. "I mean how can you not see what I feel for you." He reached out and touched the locket he gave her. "I gave you my heart."

Her hand came up and captured his wrist. "Because you owed me for giving you a child."

Ric winced. "That's not what I meant by saying that at all." He moved from his spot on the coffee table, taking a seat next to her on the couch. She turned her body to him and he placed his hands on her shoulders. "Alexis…you asked me before why I was staring at you while you slept." He shook his head. "I came home and there you were lying on the couch sleeping and you looked so…"

"Serene." Alexis finished remembering their earlier conversation.

Ric smiled. "Beautiful," he whispered. "You looked beautiful and right then it hit me. I am one lucky man. I screwed up so badly with my plan to use you to get to Sonny. I almost didn't stop and see what you were." He stroked her cheek with his index finger. "But then I did. I saw how beautiful you are and how drawn to you I became. I noticed the way you smell, how soft your skin feels, the way you push your hair back behind your ears when you're nervous and it made me stop and think. That's why I was staring at you. I was trying to pinpoint exactly when it was that you became not a way to get back at my brother, but the woman I was falling head over heels in love with."

Alexis couldn't speak, she looked at him so moved by his words that she couldn't help but believe him. Finally she cleared her throat. "Did…did you pinpoint it?"

Ric shook his head. "I didn't."

Alexis' eyes darted downward in disappointment until Ric spoke again. "I couldn't. I've been in love with you for so long now I can't remember when I wasn't."

Alexis pulled back from him just a bit so she could see his face.

Ric's smile grew wide. "It's true. I love you…for you…because of you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Kristina…this new baby…that's all an extraordinary and wonderful bonus to having you."

Alexis grabbed his face with both hands. "I love you Ric. For the first time in my life I'm not afraid of love and commitment and that's because of you."

"So what do you say? You want to give Leave It to Beaver the old college try?"

Alexis laughed and nodded. "I look horrible in pearls…and you already know about my cooking…"

"Alexis."

"Hmm?"

"Kiss me."