The Quiet Before the Storm
by bcandylandgirl

Part 14

As she sat there, willing herself to believe him, she was finally able to push away all of the doubts in her head. Her own inner voices seemed to quiet and took on one solitary voice, as if she were alone for the first time, in a long time. Even if she weren’t alone physically, she WAS alone mentally. That thought alone scared her AND made her glad. Where was little sis all of a sudden? Listening to her own inner voice, she finally was able to let both her heart and her mind become connected as one. Her head was no longer at battle with her heart. “Believe him,” her heart and mind told her. “You love him, don’t let your insecurities let him slip away. Tell him how you feel.”

This time she knew she could do it.

“Sonny,” she said while touching her heart. “You have NO idea how long I have waited to hear you say that.”

“And Alexis, you have no idea how long I have waited to say it.”

As tears stream down her face, she can’t help but breath in a deep breath and let it go. Something she hadn’t been able to do in quite some time. She now felt that with every breath she took, she was breathing because she felt alive. Not because she felt she had to breathe for her daughters sake, like in those times when she didn’t want to live. Before now, she had kept going because she knew her daughter needed her. A child’s love for their parent is one thing. But to be loved by a man, by someone like Sonny, someone she knew she loved but didn’t think loved her, made her heart swell and stretch inside of her chest. To the brink that she thought it might burst.

Taking her hand and pulling her close to him once again, she reveled in his arms, but this time with an assurity that he wouldn’t let go. Closing her eyes, she let his scent drift up into her senses. A scent that always calmed her. A scent she longed for in the long nights spent in restless sleep. A scent she now knew she would never have the opportunity to miss again. She knew he’d never leave her alone again. That thought alone seemed to dry up the few remaining tears she had left. For now on, she would only cry tears of happiness.

When she finally let go, she knew she believed him now, and she knew that everything was going to be okay. Neither of them had any secrets to worry about hiding. They were where they were always meant to be. Together, with no secrets to bind them out of guilt, and no secrets left unsaid to tear them apart.

“Alexis…I know now that until I met you, I never knew what real love was. I only went by what I knew to be love. Growing up with Deek, I thought that even if I found someone to share my life with, that even if you argued with them, that if no one ever laid a hand on one another, if no one physically hurt the other person, that that was a heck of a lot better than what my mother and I knew when I was growing up. But I know better now. I know that a family is made up of people who love one another. TRUELY love one another. And that love isn’t something that you use as a weapon on the other person to get what you want. You can’t use quilt or lies to show you care. It’s twisted, and it’s something that I was apart of for far too long. Love for another person should be about mutual respect, friendship and trust. And I realized that the only person that I have ever found all of those things and more in… is you. YOU are who I want in my life. YOU are who I love. No one else holds the place in my heart that you do. Even if Carly hadn’t betrayed me as many times as she did, I would always know that if I could have my hearts desire, that you would be it. But now look at us. We have no chains to bind us, no lies to keep us apart…right?”

Nodding her head in the affirmative, he continued on.

“Alexis, lets not repeat the past. Let’s not let all of the ugliness we’ve known all our lives mess up what little bit of it we have left. Forget what anyone says about me and you. We let others have way too much power over us already. I want you. And you say you want me. If that’s true, then let go and trust me. I’m here with you as I said I would be. No one’s making me say the things I am telling you. The only thing I’m letting lead me right now is my heart. I want to make a family with you and Kristina. I know that it may be awhile before that can happen. But once you finish your therapy, I want to be there with and Kristina, every step of the way. Let me be a husband to you, and a father to our child. The kind of man I always dreamed I could be.

“Sonny, I want all of those things too. I couldn’t image spending the rest of my life with anyone but you. You are the love of my life. You were and always will be. And just so you know…Sonny, I never meant to lie to you about Kristina. I only wanted to protect her. I swear, I thought about telling you the truth, on more than one occasion. But each time, something stopped me. The first time I came to tell you, Carly answered the door. Wearing the shirt you loaned me. It's silly I know, but…"

"No Alexis, it's not," he interrupted. "At least I know that what we shared was special to you. That what I was feeling, you also felt in return." He smiled at her, letting her take her time to go on.

"I wouldn't admit it to myself then, but I was hurt, jealous that you would so quickly replace me. I tried to put my feelings aside for the moment, but I failed miserably. The only thing I could do was leave. I decided to tell you at another time, when we could be alone, away from Carly. But when I mustered the courage to try again, I heard you tell Jason that you wanted Zander taken care of. The next thing I know, Zander is in the hospital. Beaten to a pulp. I couldn't understand how you could do that to someone you said you cared for. Like family."

Sonny, unable to deny what he had done could only say, "Alexis… I'm sorry that what I did hurt you. I'm sorry that I had to do what I did. It hurt me more than you know. Zander put me, my family AND my organization in jeopardy. I won't apologize for that. But I will tell you that I would never have had him killed. I did what I did to survive at the time. To let Zander know that yes, he did betray me, but I still cared enough for him to spare his life. I can't ask you for forgiveness, but I do want you to try to understand," he said looking at her imploringly.

"Sonny, I can't say that I'll ever forget what you did to Zander. But I can try to let it go. I above anyone know what its like to want to change the past. I'm sorry for all of the hateful things I said to you. I never meant any of it. I could never hate you. You're my friend. My best friend. We may not have been on speaking terms, but I knew I was still connected to you. I could feel you with me. Sometimes my dreams seemed so real. It almost felt like you were there with me," she said, looking at him with an embarrassed smile.

"I know what you mean," he said, smiling softly, looking away. Refocusing on her eyes he said, "I dreamed of you so many times. I thought I could even smell you. I'd wake up smelling gardenias in the air. But I'd look around, reach out for you, and you weren't there. It killed me every time.” Smiling at her like a naughty boy, he said, “But you're here now. You're here with me, and that's all that matters," he said, clasping her hand in his. Alexis' skin warmed at the heat from the fire and his touch. She blushed at the feelings Sonny's words stirred in her. Sonny, noticing this flashed her his thousand-watt grin. Dimples ablaze, unsettling her already unsteady nerves even more.

Silence enveloped them at the awkward moment. The lightning from the storm could still faintly be heard, as the rain continued to pour down heavily outside. Sonny, not knowing anything else to say replied, "Hey," giving her hand a light squeeze. Smiling a seductive smile that made her stomach flip-flop, jogging her out of her cramped and over analyzed thoughts.

"Hey hey yourself," she replied, inhaling and exhaling. Grinning with the realization that they were back where they needed to be. At ease, with the undeniable chemistry they shared, sitting in the room. Palpable and renewed.

Alexis, with her head lowered was shocked by the change in Sonny's voice as he said, "Alexis, come here," in a whispered command that made her heart beat. Desire evident in his eyes.

She warred within herself, "Should I, or shouldn't I?"

The storm seeming to sense her slight uneasiness had made itself known again by a loud crack of lightning, causing Alexis to jump into the safe haven of Sonny's arms. Her breath as well as his came in short clipped gasps as they both felt the sexual tension rise up a few notches in the already steamy room. Her hands found themselves splayed against his chest. Feeling his rapid heartbeat, her eyes flew to his in that scared rabbit sort of way. That look always seemed to help fuel Sonny's desires to tease her like he use to before they slept together. But he realized, he didn't want to tease her. He didn't want to play games. His life, all that he had gone through had led up to this one moment. He squandered his chance last time. He would be damned if he did it gain. Her eyes watched him as if she could see his mind at play. Wanting nothing more than for him to take the lead and make it easy for her to give in. To make it all ok.

part 15