The Quiet Before the Storm
by bcandylandgirl

Part 13

As her pleading voice permeated the night air, her heart breaking cries for him not to leave her seemed to get through to him, and touched his very soul. No one was able to do that, no one but her. Baby Kristina was his heart, but Alexis was his soul. The realization that he was the cause of her current pain tore at him emotionally. So much so that his momentary anger seemed to dissipate, as if done by magic or the will of God. For he knew an entity more powerful than himself must be in control at that time. Maybe it was the power of love. No matter what it was, he decided to surrender to it. To let it guide him at that moment, for he knew it was one of the most important moments of his life.

Turning around he looked for her in the semi darkness. As he wiped his eyes and tried to clear them of the tears he had shed a moment ago. His vision cleared and settled on the broken form of Alexis, as she appeared weeping and small on the floor in front of the fire. Her hands covering her eyes as if trying to block out a bad dream.

Seeing her looking so helpless and small he knew he had to do something to make things right. He had to be different with Alexis than he had been with the other women in his past. He knew he wanted her for life, and the things he planned to do and say to her would have to be chosen with great thought and care. She was his life, his very soul; he couldn’t lose her again, not when he was so close to having her back in his life.

Walking slowly towards her, he called her name. When she didn’t respond to him, only weeping softly he kneeled in front of her. Pulling her body towards him, he lifted her flush against his chest until she was straddling his lap, her arms quickly enfolded around his neck. As he held her tightly he rubbed her back in soothing circles. As he kissed her forehead and neck, he hoped to sooth her cries, letting her know that he was there, that he hadn’t left, that he wasn’t going to leave her.

As her sobs continued, he rocked her body back and forth as he had done with baby Kristina on many occasions, for at this time Alexis was as fragile as their daughter was.

For a time they sat there together like that, enfolded in one another’s embrace. A feeling of rightness finally washed over Sonny. He knew that even though she hadn’t said anything since her outburst, she was now feeling a little better. Her steady breathing let him know that she was still there with him, mind and body. He realized he hadn’t needed to remind her to breathe, not knowing that she could already hear the words in her head, his voice calling out to her. “Breathe.”

He silently cursed at himself for his carelessness. He knew that she was still fragile. Even though she was on the road to recovery she still had to battle keeping “Kristina” at bay. Sonny wanted to talk to Alexis, to make things right with her. If “Kristina” emerged he didn’t know how he would handle that, or how long it would take before Alexis would return. He had to watch his temper for both their sakes.

Taking a deep breath he moved his hands to her neck, encouraging her to lay her head on his shoulder. As she did so she snuggled into the crook of his neck and closed her eyes once again, content that he was not gone. Content that he was holding her once again after so much time. It had been so long since someone held her like that. The last time she could remember feeling that safe was a night a year ago, but that night had ended and brought out the birth of a new morning. A morning that she had thought had torn them apart forever. But here he was, holding her how she wanted to be held. Nothing else mattered. She was where she wanted to be. Nothing could tear her apart from him at that moment. As the memories of the past year flashed like a kaleidoscope in her head, she pushed them aside. She knew that they still had a lot more to discuss, but for once she didn’t feel the need to analyze the situation. She just went with the moment, hoping and praying that this time would be different.

Taking a deep breath he decided she was okay enough to try opening the lines of communication again. They had said so much in the last few minutes with their bodies, but he knew she needed to hear him speak the words to her. Words were something she could believe in. And he’d oblige her with them soon enough. He was just happy that she was quiet for the moment. Quiet enough to let him speak for once and get it all out.

Speaking softly to her he began.

“Alexis. I’m so sorry that I yelled at you like that. The one thing that I have always valued about our friendship is your understanding that I value truth and trust above all else. I know that we both haven’t been that honest with each other over the past year, but tonight is different. Tonight we came together under unusual circumstances, and we began to get back what we lost. We have gotten back some of the trust we had by telling each other the truth; truths I may not like, but truths I needed to hear none the less. I’m sorry that I blew up at you for telling me the truth. I know how hypocritical it was of me to yell at you for the very thing I have always asked of you. I just didn’t think it could hurt as much as it did. But knowing that if I don’t get past this it could tear us apart again, I would rather forgive you and move on than let it come between us.” Rubbing her back his hands warmed her body like an electric blanket, helping to steal away the cold that had enveloped her just moments before. His body once again held warmth for her, and she was eternally grateful for that.

“Alexis, I can’t sit in judgment of you and I would never want to, because I know I wouldn’t want and of my mistakes examined with too fine a magnifying glass either. I’m not saying that since you have wronged me and I have wronged you that we’re even. Not in the least. This isn’t a game of one-upmanship where we try to keep score. It’s too important to try and trivialize. All I want us to do is to put it all out on the table once and for all and try to forgive one another. Is that possible Alexis?”

Sitting there with her still in his arms he waited for her response. He couldn’t bully her into anything like he had done with others in his life. Alexis was different. She wouldn’t respond well to that. He had to regain her trust again. They had to move on, but he needed to know if it was something she wanted too.

Suddenly she slowly moved out of his embrace and sat down in front of him. Taking in his serious gaze she looked him in the eye and nodded her head in the affirmative.

Letting a breath of relief out at her answer he sank down to the floor Indian style, readying himself for whatever was next.

Once again she looked up at him, the only question on her mind at the moment springing from her lips. “Sonny, why don’t you tell me the reason you came here in the first place?”

Of all the questions Sonny thought she would have asked at that moment that was the last thing on his list. But as he sat there thinking about it he knew that her current question was probably one of the most important. His promise to their daughter brought them back together, and he wanted and needed her to know that.

“Alexis, part of the reason I came here tonight was because you asked me to.”

“But Sonny I didn’t…”

“Alexis I know. I know now that it was probably ‘Kristina’ who called me, but you have to remember, ‘Kristina’ is apart of you too. She let me know that I needed to get to you, and that’s why I came.”

As a semi-embarrassed look crossed her face she chose that time to be quiet and not question him about it, but to let him explain.

“I know that you may be angry at me for saying this, but Alexis, over the past two months I have been visiting our daughter.”

As a shocked expression came across her face he reached out to her, taking her hand in his, hoping she wasn’t mad enough to pull away from him. They had done enough running in the past. He hoped she wouldn’t give into temptation and do it again.

He noticed that she didn’t reject his touch, but she didn’t give into it either. She simply let him hold her hand, not because she was angry, but because she was still stunned by his revelation.

As disbelief washed over her, the wheels of her mind started moving and turning. “So that’s why he hasn’t said anything about Kristina being his yet. When I think about it he only seemed to get mad when I told him about my role in my sisters death. Not once did he seem surprised about Kristina being his.”

Alexis, I know that you’re probably wondering why I never said anything about Kristina being mine, but I had my reasons for doing so. And I promise I’m going to tell you what they are…right now. I’ve known since the paternity results came out that Kristina was mine.”

“How did you...?”

“Alexis, I knew in that hospital room that she was mine. I chose to let you think I believed your lie because I wanted our daughter safe. I thought that if you were that set against her being apart of my life because of my business. I had to respect your wishes and do the same by pretending I didn’t know she was mine. I had already thought that I had taken one person you loved away from you because of who I was and what I did for a living, and I didn’t want to take that chance that I could do it again. You have seen so many people you love being taken away from you, and I knew that I never wanted the same fate your sister had been dealt to touch our child, or to touch you for that matter. So I walked away from you both. Not because I didn’t care, but because I cared so much.”

“Sonny…I can’t believe you would do that. You actually walked away from your only child to keep her safe?” she said, tears starting to well up in her eyes at the latest revelation he had bestowed upon her.

“Alexis, you have to believe me when I say that that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. For years I didn’t think that I would ever be a father. But once you came into my life and gave me Kristina, I knew that the only way I could make up for my pasts wrongs was to let you both go, knowing that you would be safer without me.”

“Sonny you have to know that I never kept her from you because I thought you would be a bad father. I only kept it a secret because I was scared and alone. The only person I had left in the world was my child, and I didn’t want to give her up or lose her…I didn’t want to lose her to your world.”

“I know that Alexis. When I saw the fear in your eyes I knew that you were lying. I can still read you pretty good, except those times when I didn’t want to believe the truth.”

“You once told me that it’s easy to lie to someone when they want you to. I guess you were right.”

“Right,” he said, thinking about that day. Bringing his focus back he picked up where he left off. “So anyway, I kept my distance from you. I didn’t want to make your pregnancy any more stressful than it already was. I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t tell anyone that I knew.”

“Sonny, you’ll never know how grateful I am to hear you say that. Don’t get me wrong, I want you and Kristina to spend time together now, but I’m glad that you put her well being first. I always knew you’d be a great father,” she said with a brilliant smile. “And after everything you’ve told me tonight, I know it’s the absolute truth.”

Seeing her face lit up made his heart smile. He was so glad they weren’t at each other’s throats and angry anymore as they had been just a little while before.

“So after that day I tried to put both of you out of my mind. But when I heard about you being arrested it’s like a switch was flipped back on inside of me, and I couldn’t look the other way anymore. I had to do something. You needed someone to be there for you before, but instead you had to deal with Alcazar on your own when I should have done it for you. I did all that I could to help you during the trial, and then afterwards, but I knew my help had come too late. I’m glad that things are getting better for you now, but I promised our daughter that the next time you said you needed me that I would come running, no questions asked. I couldn’t believe that my chance to help you would come so quickly. So when I got that call saying you needed me, I knew it was my chance to make things right. But then Carly showed up and slowed me down, trying to reel me back in as always. But over the last few months, and especially tonight I finally saw her for what she was. We don’t belong together. I will always care for her because she’s the mother of my son. He may not be biologically mine, but he is my son just the same. I will always be there for him, just as I will always be there for you and Kristina. You are both apart of my family. I want to be apart of your lives… if you’ll let me. Please tell me that’s what you want too,” he said pleadingly.

“Sonny, of course I want you to be apart of me and our daughters lives. I know she probably already loves you, and I know for a fact that I want us to be friends again. My life hasn’t been the same since you’ve been gone from it. And looking back over the past year I know that I want my friend back. I want you back as my best friend. Not as we were before, but better, with our secrets behind us and the future to look forward to.”

Not realizing the impact of her words she was surprised when he leaned forward and placed the softest feathery light kiss upon her lips. As he moved his mouth lightly against hers he felt a rush of heat wash over him. He knew he should stop, but the sound of her involuntary moan only worked to encourage his actions as he pulled her against him once again, and she leaned more fully into the kiss, deepening it as she ran her fingers through the ebony soft curls at the back of his neck. As he felt her open her mouth wider to receive his exploring tongue, he stabbed his tongue inside her mouth, letting it dance with hers as he reacquainted himself with her taste, with the intoxicating flavor that he had been so long denied. A kiss that set him on fire and had haunted him in his dreams at night, but seemed to vanish in the light of day. But this was different, he was really kissing her he thought, and he didn’t want to let her go.

As she melted into his embrace, she felt herself being lowered onto the cushions behind her. His mouth branding her mouth, chin and neck. Passion driving them both on as they got to know one another again through touch. Moving lower he finally reached the delta between her breasts, eliciting passionate moans from deep in her throat as his hot mouth scorched her skin with slow wet kisses, his tongue darting out, tasting her flesh once again. This is something she had wanted for so long. She had dreamed of being with him again and again lately, but something had always stopped them. And then the reality of her reactions hit her. HER. She was the one who always stopped it before they went too far in her dreams, but she now knew the reason why she always did. They still had things to say to one another, and she couldn’t fully give herself to him until these questions were answered, until she knew the absolute truth. It would have been so easy to just give in and let things take their course, but she didn’t want to make the same mistake again. She needed to know how he felt, and she needed him to say it out loud, no matter what his answer may be. She only prayed that what he said wouldn’t devastate her.

Fighting the harsh battle of either staying in his arms and being unsure of how he felt about her or her heart being torn at what he might tell her was a hard fight, but a fight that had to come to an end. With her decision made she disentangled her tongue from the dueling dance they had begun, pulling her mouth away from his as she tried to catch her breath in the process. As his hands started to unbutton her blouse she slowly but gently pushed him up off of her, ignoring his sounds of protest as they both sat up breathing heavily from the intensity of their kisses.

The air was thick with desire, a palpable thing that the two could feel, eating away at their souls. The only sound in the room was their ragged breathing and the crackling of the fire.

“Alexis…what’s wrong? Am I pushing you too fast? Is this something you don’t want to do?”

“Sonny, it’s not that. It’s just…”

Seeing her eyes cast down he knew she was uncomfortable about something, and when he thought about it the answer came to him. She was hurt so badly the last time they were together. Them being together physically again wasn’t something she would probably take lightly, and for good reason. She had been hurt and she needed to be sure of how he felt this time, and he needed to let her know that he was also sure of his feelings for her.

“Honey, if this is something you don’t want to do, we can stop.”

Alexis, breathing heavily, eyes cast down could not muster the courage or the strength to look into his eyes, for she knew that it would be her undoing. Sonny, seeing this and not wanting to let another chance go by without touching her and connecting with her as he dreamed about many a night, found the courage to make his move for the both of them. The courage to start again between them what was once so right and he hoped would still be there after all this time.

Sonny slowly but with great purpose raised his hand to cup her face. Stroking her cheek in hopes that his light touch would not scare her, but give her a sense of peace. When she did not push his hand away he reveled in the soft warmth of her flushed face for a few moments. He hoped his touch would spark memories of their past, and of the gentle nature that only she could bring out in him. Feeling her lean into his touch sent a ray of hope into his heart, as she cupped her hand to his and finally looked into his eyes. Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears. They told the tale of past hurt, and present desire.

Mustering the strength to finally speak, she says, "Sonny, I am so scared right now. So very frightened of my feelings for you." Closing her eyes momentarily and opening them once again, she sucked in a ragged breath as she patted her chest with her free hand for strength, all the while her inner voice encouraging her, willing her on. “Do it Alexis. Do it! Don't stop now. Say what you feel. Don't hide from him any longer.”

Starting once again, "Though my head is telling me to run away, my heart, once again won't let me. I need to know. Please tell me what's in your heart right now. Please tell me if it's me who you are in love with. No games, no dodging the question, no telling me what you think I want to hear. I need the truth Sonny. Please, always and only the truth. My heart can forgive the past. I can forgive you. I know you didn't mean to break my heart before. You did what you thought was right at the time. But now, at this moment, be truthful with me. Lies would be too much for me right now, or even later on if we continue this. Because my heart can't take another lie."

Sonny, once again taken aback by the sincerity in her pain-filled voice was waging a war in his mind. Should the guarded man he has come to be after years of survival knock down the wall that has encased his heart? Or should he simply go with his gut? Or does he let pride maintain control? His eyes focused on her, her eyes sucking him in as only she could. His mind was too filled with thoughts to concentrate on anything else. ”I need to make a decision, a decision for life. It's time I tell her what I feel for her. No more word games telling her that she means a lot to me. No more telling her that I simply care for her as a friend. I need to tell her what's in my heart, right now. I stopped the dance before when I thought I was sure. I can see how that turned out. I know that I wasn't, but I didn't want to admit it at the time. But now the unthinkable has happened. Now she has stopped dancing. I know this is hard for her. How can I look into that beautiful face and be anything but honest right now? I can't. I won't do that to her. The truth is what she wants, and that's what she'll get. Nothing less. The ball is in my court. Time to undo what I did wrong.”

Looking down, releasing her face from his hold, he was shame-filled at what he had done to her beautiful heart. He gathered the courage to speak the one truth he now knew for sure, with utmost sincerity. Lips trembling and tears running unencumbered from his eyes, he spoke no truer words in his life. "Alexis, that night when Carly returned and I came to see you. I was scared, more scared than I have ever been in my life. I was all at once happy that Carly was alive. But more than that I was scared that, that what had happened between you and me was gone when you pushed me away. I wanted to tell you how I felt, but I let my pride get in the way. I let you push me away. I didn't think that I deserved you. I thought about all of the horrible things that I have done in my life, and I thought I deserved Carly. I thought that the kind of destructive love me and Carly had was the best that I could do or hope for. At least I knew she loved me. In the only way Carly knows how. But I also knew that you cared for me. Yes, you defended me to everyone, but you never spoke those three words that I needed to hear. And even if you did, I was scared that if we did make a go of it, one day something would happen. You would see a part of me that you couldn't accept. And you would leave me. At the time, I couldn't, no no that's not right, I wouldn't take the chance of that happening. It was easier to let you go then to have you love me then leave me. I knew that Carly would fight tooth and nail for me. It was what I was comfortable with. I knew where she stood. Even if me and Carly repeatedly hurt each other, as we have, over and over again, I knew she'd fight for me. I guess what I'm saying is I wanted you to fight for me."

Pain and tears filled his eyes once again as he gulped in a breath and released it. "I wanted you to tell me that you loved me. But you didn't." The wounded look he gave her pierced her heart. She tried to form words to say to him, but he quickly covered her lips with his fingers, his eyes begging her to let him continue without interruption.

"I accepted it at the time. I let you go. I closed my heart and did what I thought was best for me. I know it was a selfish thing to do. I was selfish. I shut my heart and mind off to what we had and I let it go. But it's time for me to turn away from the man I used to be. It's time to let go of the past and chose happiness. Alexis you make me happy. You and Kristina are my life. I know that now. I didn't fight for you before, but I'll fight now if you let me. I love you. I am IN LOVE with you, and no one else! My love for you is real. It's right, and it's sure. I know that I don't deserve your love, but I'm asking for it anyway. Please choose me once again. I'm fighting for you now. Please fight for me!"

Finally gathering the courage to look Alexis in the eye, "I love you Alexis. Do you love me? Are you in love with me? Are you willing to take a leap of faith and trust that what I'm telling you is real?"

part 14