The Quiet Before the Storm
by bcandylandgirl

Part 12

He hoped his joke about throwing things would have reassured her that things would be okay, no matter what she told him. But he could tell by the strained look on her face that she was tormented by thoughts of him lashing out at her. He knew that she was aware that he would never physically hurt her, but his words, if released in anger could scare her, and that’s the last thing he wanted to do. He never wanted her to be afraid of him. He knew he had to reassure her that it would all be okay, and that he’d do his best to control himself.

Speaking softly to her, he looked her pointedly in the eye. “Alexis…you can trust me. I’m not going to throw anything, and I’m certainly not going to lash out at you,” he said, thinking the only thing she really had to say was that he was baby Kristina’s father. He had already made it up in his mind to forgive her, so he truly believed this was a conversation he could handle without getting angry or upset.

As she eyed him with a look of unbelief, he knew she might be right on some level. “Alexis, I promise to try and keep my cool. I can’t say that what you’re about to tell me won’t upset me, but I’ll do my best. You know I won’t hurt you. I never would. I may yell a little, but you of all people know my bark is worse than my bite,” he said, hoping to get her to smile a little.

“But”

“But nothing Alexis,” he said taking her hands into his. As she tried to pull away from him he gently pulled back, linking his fingers within hers and pulling her closer into his space.

As she gave up the fight of trying to pull away, she could only look down at the floor. Trying to gather the strength to reveal her many secrets.

Seeing her pained expression he lifted a finger to her chin, drawing her face to eye level with his. “Alexis. You can tell me anything. We use to be best friends. Though a lot has happened this past year, we still have a connection. That connection is still alive. Can you feel it? Can you see it? Look into my eyes and you’ll know it’s true. You can tell me anything.”

As she finally looked into his eyes she could see that his words were true. She realized she was looking into the eyes of the man she had fallen in love with. The man she still loved with a passion that it sometimes physically hurt her inside. She knew she could trust him. They would deal with it together.

Inhaling and then releasing a long breath, she squeezed his hand, as though hoping to draw strength from him through his touch.

“Sonny. I guess I need to start my story here. In this place. This cottage holds the key to where my life started to go wrong.”

“Here? Jax and Brenda’s place? What do you mean?”

“Sonny. This was the place Ned and I destroyed both our lives,” she said, her thoughts drifting back to that terrible night. “It was raining badly outside, on a night just like tonight. What we did wrecked so many lives, including my sister Kristina’s life, as well as the lives of many others.”

Sonny, who was sitting quietly listening, couldn’t help stop the images that floated through his head. He remembered the night that he saw Ned and Alexis wrapped up in blankets, sitting by this same fire in one another’s embrace. The images flooded his mind and senses. It was the night she gave herself to someone else. It was the night he knew he had lost her forever.

“Sonny. One night last spring, Ned and I were here. We had taken refuge here after my car had stalled down the road. That night was the night I had done something I can never forgive myself for. We had decided to intentionally hurt my sister. We made her worst fears come true. I hadn’t thought about the repercussions that my actions would bring. I only knew that I was scared. I didn’t have anyone else to turn to, and Ned was there for me. If I had known then what I know now, I never would have done it. But I did. I hurt my sister more than I thought I was capable of. I thought of myself as my sister’s protector, but in actuality…I was the one who broke her spirit. I took away the relationship she had with Ned. Hell, I took away the relationship I had with her. In the end SHE was the one who was stronger, not me. She was so angry with Ned and I for hurting her the way we did. But in the end, she was there for me like never before. She was able to find a way to forgive me for betraying her like I did. She even forgave Ned! I can still remember her coming to grips with what had happened, in a way that only she is, well was capable of. She actually found something in all that mess to be happy about. In the end, she was actually very supportive of me having a baby. She couldn’t wait to be an aunt,” she said with a slight smile at the memory. “I was a basket case as always, but she was there for me! Full of love and acceptance of my faults. I didn’t think that kind of love and forgiveness could be possible with anyone in my family. We always seem to disown one another, even if it’s over the slightest of wrong doings. But with Kristina, she seemed to embody all that Stefan and I aspired to be. I thought things were going to be okay for a while after that. But I soon realized that I was wrong. I knew that keeping the secret from her and pretending as if everything was okay would come back to haunt me. It wasn’t fair to anyone involved, and I knew that. In the end Kristina found out the secret Ned and I were keeping. But instead of her being angry with us for lying to her, she didn’t get angry. She decided to reveal the truth. And her love and trust in the truth is what got her killed.”

“Alexis, what are you talking about?”

Looking into his eyes, she could see the confusion there. Taking another deep breath she continued on. “Sonny, the night when Kristina was coming to see you at the warehouse…”

“Yeah, go on Alexis,” he said when he noticed her hesitation. He was doing his best not to sound impatient or pushy.

“Sonny…Sonny she was coming to tell you the truth. She was coming to tell you that YOU'RE Kristina’s father. Not Ned. I never slept with Ned. We both lied.”

As the words died on her lips, she felt an eerie chill wash over her. She realized that it was because Sonny’s grip on her hands had become cold. They held no warmth for her.

As she felt him disentwine his fingers from hers, she felt apart of herself die inside. Now all she had to do was wait for Hurricane Sonny to hit. Even though he promised not to blow up at her, his silence at this time was more than she thought she could take. She now wished he’d just say something, anything. If he said something she knew he was still there with her, instead of inside his head where all sorts of ideas could be formulating. Thoughts she didn’t think she’d like. She knew she had no right to push him at this time, so she waited for him to respond on his own.

During the long moments that Sonny had sat there, staring at her in disbelief, his anger and his love for her were waging a war. He didn’t know if he wanted to yell at her for blaming Kristina’s death on him, or kiss her because she finally told him the truth he knew, that Kristina was his daughter, and also the truth that he didn’t know until now, that he wasn’t to blame for her sisters murder.

As he scooted himself away from her and sat back against the couch, he pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, trying to soothe away the throbbing in his temples.

“How could I have ever think that keeping these secrets from him was best for all involved? He just told me about all the wonderful things that he has done to help me over the last few months, and what do I do? I go and crush him. I repay him by hurting him. I know he needed to know the truth. I just wish the truth I had to give him consisted of something to bring a smile to his beautiful face. A face which is now devoid of any happiness or appreciation. God, if I could take it all back I would. But I know I can’t. I have to deal with the repercussions of my actions and take whatever comes with it. I made the decision to lie.” With silent tears streaming down her face, she made a silent plea to God to help her and Sonny through this terrible moment. “God…please don’t let my lies tear us apart again for a second time. Let Sonny hear me and try to understand.”

With his eyes still closed he was able to finally gain composure of his voice. While clearing his throat as he held back the choking sobs that threatened to overtake him with emotion, he spoke anyway, knowing he had more questions for her. Knowing there were still things that were left unsaid.

As he bobbed his head from side to side, trying to loosen the knot that had suddenly formed in his neck and shoulders, he spoke to her softly, trying his best to control himself as he had promised.

“So, so. Alexis, what your saying is…I didn’t cause Kristina’s death. You admit that I had nothing to do with it. You admit that she was there because she was going to tell me the truth, a truth you refused to admit to me. That Kristina is mine. She’s ours.”

“Yes Sonny. Yes, it’s the truth. I blamed you for so long. I said that you were the cause of Kristina’s death. But I lied. I lied because it hurt too much to admit that I was the one to blame. My lies killed my sister, and they killed the friendship you and I shared. Even after the whole Carly mess. I was the one who broke all ties by doing what I did.”

Reaching out a hand to touch him, he immediately flinched away from her. His movements tearing a new imaginary wound in her chest as she grieved for all they had lost. She ached for him, for what she had done to him. Keeping him from Kristina all these months was finally taking its toll on her. She knew it was wrong, and now she was feeling the full effect of what she had done to him. To keep his child from him was cruel…and she knew it. After all she had been through with the Quartermains, she knew she wouldn’t wish that on anyone, the least of all Sonny.

“So!” he yelled as he jumped to his feet, startling her for a moment. Seeing her visibly back up from him he quieted his voice, beginning again. “So, you’ve known all along that I wasn’t to blame for your sisters death, and yet you let me go on believing it. You of all people know what I go through when I think of all the death that has happened because of me. And the one time when I could have been spared feeling like a monster…you, you go and let me believe something that wasn’t true? You let me believe that I had taken someone else’s life because of my business, because of who I am? How could you do this to me!”

“Sonny, I.”

“Why are you telling me this now Alexis? Huh?”

“Sonny.”

“Don’t Sonny me! Answer the damn question!”

“Sonny, I knew I had to tell you one day. I’m telling you now because that’s what you deserve. You deserve the truth. I know you don’t deserve to be hurt like you are right now, but by me telling you the truth, hurt has to come along with it. There’s no way around it. I’m so sorry Sonny,” she said while clutching her chest for support. “I really am. More than you know.”

He knew that she was keeping Kristina’s paternity a secret from him. That was something he had forgiven her for, months ago, for he knew why she was doing it, to keep their daughter safe from his world. But the realization that she knew he had nothing to do with Kristina’s death hit him, like a Mack truck to the chest. “Dammit!” he yelled as he moved away from her, stalking towards the door.

As she saw him make his way towards the door she knew she had to stop him from leaving. “Do something!” her inner voice screamed. “Stop him!”

As he neared the door he was suddenly stopped in his tracks, her voice calling out to him.

“Sonny!” her voice screamed as it mingled with the thunder and lightning outside. “Sonny please don’t leave. Please don’t leave me again!” she pleaded with him.

part 13