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The
Quiet Before the Storm Part 10 “What?” “Alexis, I said aren’t you going to join me? Honestly, I just want to talk. I figured the best place to do that would be beside the fire. You’re cold aren’t you? Come on, I can see you shivering from over here. Let’s talk, that’s all. Really,” he told her. “And it would enable me to get closer to her. Even if I can’t touch her, just to be beside her is enough for me right now.” Looking at him with that deer caught in headlights look, she contemplates his offer. “What’s the worst that could happen? I mean I know he doesn’t want me like that anymore. If you feel any sexual tension in the air then it’s probably your own wishful thinking. The man has something he wants to say, and that’s it. If he seems like he’s being nice to me it’s only because he probably doesn’t want me to freeze to death. Even when we were friends he did care enough to not want anything bad to happen to me, like getting sick, even if his feelings didn’t go further than that. He wants to talk. No more no less. Give it a try.” Alexis hadn’t even realized that Sonny himself had been holding his breath, impatiently awaiting her answer as she weighed the pros and cons of the situation. Not until she moved towards him did he slowly release and inhale a cleansing breath. “Get a hold of yourself. Now is not the time to get scared. You can do this. You’ve been waiting to talk to her for months now. Now's your chance.” As Alexis took the few steps tentatively towards the fire, she finally sat down a good three feet away from him. Removing her heels she then pulled the blanket closer around herself. As she ran her hands up and down her arms trying to warm herself, she was unaware that that’s exactly what Sonny wanted to do for her himself, but he kept himself in check. He didn’t want to frighten her. Seeing that she was finally settled he readied himself to begin. “Well Alexis, there’s a lot I need to tell you, and as you yourself have said to me in the past, the best place to start is at the beginning." Taking in a deep breath, he finally let it go. “Alexis, after that night that we spent together, and with all of the craziness of Carly coming back from the dead, I knew that in some way I had hurt you when I went back to Carly, even if you never admitted it me. “ Seeing her simply look at him with stony silence he took that as a yes and decided to keep going. “I know that you told me to go back to her, and you did it because you were my friend. My best friend. I know that you wanted only what was best for me. I knew that if you were willing to be as unselfish at that time as you had been many times before that, that I had to honor you by doing the same, at least once. So I gave you your space. I left you alone. I knew you needed time to yourself. You were only doing what you thought would make me happy. And that’s one of the things I love about you. You’re always thinking of everyone else. You never give yourself a second thought. Had I known what I know now I wouldn’t have listened to you, but that’s beside the point. I was the one who decided to go back to her. I can’t blame that decision on you or anyone else. That decision was mine to make. I decided that a promise to Carly was more important than my promise to you that night that we spent together. I said that everything was going to be alright, and it wasn’t. And I’ll forever be sorry that I didn’t keep that promise. I was just so unsure of how I felt at the time. I knew that even if I wasn’t in love you, that maybe I was falling for you. But you never gave me a chance to even think about it, or talk about it with you.” “Sonny.” Seeing her tense up and ready to fight he stopped her. “Alexis please. Hold on, hold on. I know you’re angry with me, and you have every right to be. But I have so much to say to you. And while I don’t want to upset you, I do have to say this. You stopped me from telling you how I felt once before. I won’t let you do it again. Please, just let me finish.” Seeing that he was right she stayed quiet. “After I left your apartment that day, I tried to put what had happened between us out of my mind. I was happy that you at least still seemed to want to be my friend. I thought that I could live with that. As long as you were in my life in some capacity then I was happy. And I know this will sound really selfish to say, but I thought that if I could keep my promise to Carly to always take care of her AND have you in my life at least as my friend, then everything would be alright.” Shaking his head as if chastising himself he went on. “I know that was wrong, but that’s what I was thinking at the time. I know that I AM a selfish man. I take what I want and damn the consequences. For weeks after that I thought that maybe things would be okay. But you came up pregnant, saying that Ned was the father. And that hurt me more than you could ever know.” Seeing his sincerity she felt she had to say something, “Sonny, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you like that. I know children are important to you.” “I’m glad that you know that Alexis.” Taking in another deep breath he began again. “Anyway, after trying to deal with the outcome of the paternity tests I put all my energy into trying to rebuild a family with Carly and Michael. And when Alcazar came into town I was so wrapped up in making things right with Carly that I didn’t pay much attention to what you might have been going through or how Alcazar’s presence would affect you. By then you had moved out of the penthouse and resigned as my lawyer. I thought that you were clear of any danger you might have been in as my lawyer. Taking in a deep breath he forged on. “After your sister Kristina died…” “Sonny please…” Holding up her hands in surrender she stopped him. “I don’t want to talk about her.” Hearing the dread in her voice he spoke quietly and with determination to her pain filled face. “Alexis,
I know that this isn’t a subject that you want to discuss.
But I’ll make it as painless as I possibly can. I know that
your loss is still fresh. And I know that you blame me for your
sister’s death...” Her grieved expression was not a result of anything he thought he had done, but it was her own actions and words that had disturbed her. She felt shame cloud over her heart at the things she had said to him over the past year. The accusations, the name-calling. She wished she could take them all back and erase the past. But she knew she couldn’t. Not knowing what to say she remained silent, unable to look at him. “Here he is being so sweet about it when he should be tearing into me! I blamed him when it was my own guilt over the part I played in her death that caused her to be taken away from me. If I had only told the truth in the beginning, things would be different.” Moving a hand towards her arm and resting it on her shoulder, he again gained her attention. When she did not move away from his touch he felt a moment of relief. But the look of sadness still played across her face. Momentarily leaning into his touch she stopped herself. “I have no right to want his touch. I’ve been terrible to him, and he still blames himself. Here he is comforting me when I don’t’ deserve it. What am I going to do?” “Alexis, I need to say this, for your sake and mine. You said you wanted to know the truth, and that’s what I’m trying to do. Okay?” As a few seconds passed, Sonny waited for her response. Hoping she would be willing to address all that had lead them up to this point. With a shakily silent nod from her he saw that she was still with him, ready to move on with what he had to say. Taking his hand away he continued. “As I was saying, after your sister died,” he said in a whisper, “I realized all that I had put you through. Even though I did nothing to provoke what happened with Alcazar and your sister, I know that my life did bring danger to those around me, and I’ll be eternally sorry that my dangerous life touched you in anyway. I know how special your sister was to you. I just didn’t know what I could say or do to make things right between us. After what happened at her memorial service, I knew things were irreparable between us. I knew you hated me, and I didn’t know how to deal with that. The only thing I knew was that if you hated me then maybe that was for the best. If you hated me you would stay away from me and you wouldn’t find yourself in the crossfire like your sister. It would have killed me if something had happened to you. Before I knew it months had gone by. Me and Carly had made up and it finally seemed like you were going to be ok. I knew that Ned was taking care of you so I left you alone. But then Kristina was born and you had almost lost her. I knew that I was the last person you wanted to be around, so I kept my distance. But when things heated up and the truth about Alcazar’s murder was revealed, it felt like someone had sucked the life out of me.” Seeing her tense up he once again he put a strong hand to her shoulder to keep her in place. “When I found out that you had been arrested for his murder I knew what it might cost you. If the judge had found you guilty you would end up in jail, and worst of all you would never get to see your little girl grow up. I was so angry because I didn’t take care of the problem for you. He was a monster that should have been stopped the moment he rolled into town. But I hesitated and waited. I’m sorry that you had to handle him on your own.” “Sonny…I know you must hate me for putting Jason and Brenda through that trial. But I really didn’t know who had killed Alcazar. I know that after the trial the details of the courts findings were kept sealed. The only thing that they would say was that I was found not guilty of his murder. But that was only partially the truth. The only good thing I had on my side was that Judge Griffin was presiding over the case.” “I know you didn’t kill him Alexis. But I know who did.” Her eyes shot towards his in a searing look of desperation and fright. “How…how do you know that?” “I know you. I know that you would never let anyone take the rap for something you did.” “Me? Sonny, I have to tell you something…” “Alexis, I already know about ‘Kristina’” “Oh my God! You do? How did you find out?” She tried to stand up and get away from him, but he expected this and was able to stop her before she got too far away from him. He gently pulled her back down. He could see the fear in her eyes. He knew that she felt exposed. Gripping her lightly by the arms he stilled her movements and looked her in the eye. “Alexis baby, calm down.” He said soothingly. “Everything’s alright,” he said as he rubbed her back in a motion meant to calm and sooth her frayed nerves. Neither one noticed he had called her baby, nor did they notice their close proximity to one another. She only heard him pleading with her to calm down and felt the heat of his hands as they ran up and down her spine. As his words and touch sank into her, she knew in a strange way she believed him. After all they had been through she still believed him. Although her breathing was still a little erratic she closed her eyes to still her nerves. She willed herself to remain calm. She did not want to lose it in front of Sonny and have him see her change before his eyes to “Kristina.” For that to happen would have killed her. She still cared what he thought about her whether she admitted it or not. She felt so small sitting before him. She didn’t care what others thought of her, but the idea that Sonny could feel even a moments pity for her, or even think that she was even a little mentally unstable made her want to be sick. She knew that she needed to deal with this on her own without “Kristina’s” help like Cameron had said. What she didn’t know was that “Kristina” had no intention of coming out just yet. She knew that Alexis could handle this on her own. Quickly standing up and moving to the kitchen she didn’t even notice that Sonny had left the room until he returned a moment later with a paper bag in his hand. Thrusting it at her she quickly opened it and breathed deeply into it. The smell of the brown paper bag enveloping her like an old friend. When she finally regained her composure she looked up to see a worried look on Sonny’s face. A look she hadn’t seen associated with her in a long time. Even after all they had been through she still hated to see him upset over anything, let a lone her. “But I must admit, it does feel good to know he still cares.” Wanting to reassure him that she was okay she slowly reached out her hand to him. As she took his hand in hers she found that he was not at all squeamish about her touching him. She would have thought he would be frightened or repulsed by her touch. Everyone else she came into contact with besides her close friends had seemed to shy away from her like she would explode at any moment. They didn’t know the outcome of the case besides the fact that she was found not guilty, but rumors could still spread like wildfire in a small town like Port Charles. After they sat in silence for a few moments she thought she should say something. “Sonny, how did you know about ‘Kristina?’”
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