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The
Quiet Before the Storm Part 4 “What about your baby’s father?” Shifting from foot to foot, she finally decided to look at him. “He’s been haunting my dreams lately.” “Is that a bad thing? Has he done something to scare you in your dreams? Make you feel like you need to protect yourself?” The alarm clearly showed in his voice and face. Even though he knew a dream could not physically hurt her, he knew it could hurt her emotionally. His own nightmares about life with his son from years ago still woke him from his sleep. They tormented him still, even as he was now working to rebuild a relationship with his son. They may be less frequent, but the shame and hurt he felt from them was still the same, each and every time. He knew it would take much time before he could forgive himself and his son. Not wanting the same thing for anyone, let alone Alexis, he couldn’t stop what he felt inside. His inner voice yelling, “If he has done anything to hurt you I’ll make him pay!” “Yes,” she replied. Her voice breaking through the mental war he was engaged in. Unaware of his secret thoughts. “In my dreams he has scared me, many times.” Before he could respond, she went on. “He scares me because my feelings for him are still so raw. The way I feel about him hasn’t died. I still love him, even after all that we’ve been through. After all this time I still feel connected to him. It’s like I can feel him with me in my dreams. I can smell him, I can feel his touch. I’m scared of my feelings for him because I feel so much for him, and I can’t have him. He chose someone else. And the rejection I felt, coupled with the death of my sister left me bitter, and I took it out on him. I pushed him too far. I know he hates me, and even if he doesn’t hate me now, I know that if I ever tell him that I lied to him, that Kristina is really his child and not Neds, I know that he WILL hate me. How could he not? I kept him from his daughter; the one thing I know he cherishes above all else is a child, to have a child of his own. I now know that when I first lied about who her father was, I did it to protect Kristina from his world. It was a cruel and ugly place that I did not want my child to be apart of. And it was only made worse by the fact that my greatest fears could become reality. The reality that my child would go through the same nightmare that I did, growing up with someone who hates her as much as Helena hated me. I couldn’t do that to any child of mine. I knew that Carly would hate her because she would be a reminder of me. Of the night Sonny and I slept together. I couldn’t do that to my child! I couldn’t take that chance!” she cried. Cameron, seeing how visibly upset she was getting looked at her and told her to breathe. Beckoning her to join him on the couch, she took in a few more deep breaths, and moved to sit beside him. Pulling her into his arms she laid her head against his chest, still breathing deeply, trying to calm her nerves. She knew that the ‘Kristina’ she didn’t want to see could take charge at any moment if she didn’t calm down. “Now is not the time to lose it Alexis,” she told herself. “You can do this. Cameron’s your friend. He’s only trying to help.” As shock was registered on his face, he continued to rub her back, trying to sooth the stress of her outburst away, also biding his time so he could think about what she had just said. She did it. She finally admitted who Kristina’s father was. Cameron had had his suspicions, but it was all too real to him now. Sonny Corinthos was the father of Alexis’ baby. “How come I didn’t see this before?” His inner voice chided him for his stupidity. “You know why you didn’t, be honest with yourself. You didn’t want to know. You let your own feelings get in the way. It was easier no to think about it. If you didn’t know his name or who he was then you could go on thinking you had a chance with her, that you could make a life with her. It was easier to forget he existed because an unknown person is easier to fight. If you pretend they’re not real, then you think they don’t exist. You thought that the man from her past was no real competition for you to win Alexis’ heart. You thought you could win, that you could win her love. But it’s too late now. The man does exist. He is real. Sonny is real and her love for him is real. It doesn’t matter if they never get back together. I will never have Alexis’ heart, because it’s not hers to give to me. It belongs to someone else. It belongs to Sonny. No amount of denying it will make it untrue.” Releasing a huge breath, Cameron looked towards heaven, silently asking God to give him the strength to let go of Alexis from his heart. Wiping the tears that had escaped from his eyes, he faced the truth. He and Alexis weren’t meant to be. To keep her from Sonny would only be self-serving. The ultimate act of love he could do for her was to let her go. The room was still and quiet for a while as thoughts ran rampant through both their minds. Alexis, taking another deep breath picked up where she left off as she adjusted herself more comfortably into Cameron’s embrace. This time, her voice more in control, but hating the truth she had to speak. “I realize now that I was hiding from the truth. I didn’t want to see that I could bring as much danger into the life of my child as Sonny’s could. Who am I to point the finger of blame at anyone? I ran from the truth and hid how I felt for so long that I had to invent another personality just to deal with what I was going through. This new Kristina was the strong one. She did what I couldn’t do. She killed a man; she killed Alcazar for me, for my baby. She may have been the one to do it, but I still have his blood on my hands. Kristina did it for all the right reasons. But I know the world is better off without him. My baby is better off without living in a world he breathes in. For that I will forever be indebted to Kristina. She was there for me when I was alone, and protected me when I was too afraid to do it for myself. I was so grieved for what I had lost with Sonny. It was easier to be Kristina. When I was Kristina, the world was a bit lighter. Kristina didn’t love Sonny like I did. She didn’t spend countless hours awake at night pining for him like I did. When I was her, I was free from feeling the rejection that overtook me. I guess she became apart of me because I felt so alone. I needed someone to be there for me. Chloe was gone, my sister Kristina was gone, and then Sonny was gone, from my life anyway. My own sister, God rest her soul was taken from me. And I guess this was my own twisted way of getting her back.” Looking up into Cameron’s own emotionally filled eyes, she took his face into her hands, and looked at him pointedly. “I know my sisters gone. I know she’s in heaven with my mother and Chloe. This Kristina who lingers down here on earth with me, in my head, isn’t Kristina. She isn’t my beautiful sister. But she is someone who I deeply care for. And I know that sooner or later I have to let her go.” Laughing slightly she said, “ Funny, someone who has done all of the things she has, I feel like it’s going to be hard to let her go. By her being here she brought out the worst in me, but most of all she seems to have brought out the best in me too. I’ll never forget that.” “Alexis, it’s only natural to feel that way. She is apart of you. Maybe she always will be in some way. Just keep the best of her and incorporate it into who Alexis is now. In the end it’s your choice. I can’t make Kristina go away for you. It’s up to you to let her go. You need to come to the forefront. You need to be in charge of your life, not Kristina. You can stand on your own. Take back your life and make it better. I know you’re not superwoman, but you can do super things,” he said as he smiled at her. “I believe in you. I always have. Don’t let your past control you. Forgive Sonny, forgive yourself. Your baby will benefit from it. She will benefit from having you both in her life. I’m sure the two of you can find a way to protect her. And maybe the two of you can heal together. You never know.” Pulling herself away from Cameron she moved to the far end of the couch. Hurt registered on Cameron’s face at her actions, but he let it be. “Cameron, I wish more than anything that I could tell Sonny, and I want to. But the thought of him hating me, or even taking my baby away from me scares me too much! You’ve never seen his temper before. He can be soo unpredictable. I can’t lose my child, to anyone, not even him.” As Sonny walked along the docks he sat down upon the bench, looking out at the water as the sun had just recently set. The clouds overhead turning darker still as light thunder crackled out in the distance upon the face of the water. Still no rain had come down all day. Thinking about the current state of his life he was saddened by all that had happened to him lately. Two months ago Alexis was the number one suspect in the Alkazar murder case. Shock and disbelief overcame him as he learned this, and a gloating Carly had floated into the room to spread the news as if she were carried in on the wings of angels. As if all was right with the world. But he knew that things were anything but all right. The mother of his child could possibly go to jail, and his daughter might face the cruel reality that she too, like her mother would have to grow up without knowing her mother, or her mothers love. That was something he would not stand for. Though Carly begged and pleaded with sonny not to help Alexis, he knew that no amount of guilt from Carly would turn him around. “Why are you helping that witch?” she screamed. “Why are you helping her now? After all she has done to you, you still want to help her. That kid is not yours Sonny, no matter how hard you may want to believe it. You saw what the test results said. She’s not yours. Get over it! Alexis cares nothing for you. She hates you, so why would you lift a finger to help her?” With cold steel and determination in his face, he told her,” Because Alexis and I were friends! She means more to me than I was ever willing to admit. I let my pride and guilt over you get in the way and I turned my back on the one person who was always there for me. I won’t do that to her again. She needs someone to help her, and I’m going to do all I can to do just that! If you can’t handle that then you’d better leave.” Seeing the sincerity in his eyes Carly stormed from the room. “This isn’t over Sonny! Not by a long shot!” Sonny, already turning his back to her reached for the phone and dialed Benny. As the phone started to ring he listened, waiting for Benny to answer. He did not hear the stomping of Carly’s feet as she made her way out the door. Benny, finally picking up the phone a moment later responded. “Yeah.” “Benny, it’s Sonny. I need the number to Judge Griffin.” ******************************************** * I
cry and you comfort me Gonna
stand by your side now I walk
but you can run through fire Gonna
stand by your side now So
when you're feeling like you can't go on Gonna
stand by your side now I'm
gonna stand, stand by your side “Stand
By Your Side” By Céline Dion
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