Pieces of You
by Linda

Alexis emerged from Kristina’s room with her hands clasped in front of her. Ric had not moved from his position in front of the fireplace. It was the same spot he took when they first entered the apartment. That was over twenty minutes ago. They watched each other for a moment, neither one of them willing to be the first to speak.

“Ric--”

“Alexis--”

They both began at the same time.

They were the first words spoken to one another since they had left the hospital. The car ride home was excruciatingly quiet. The only conversation that went on was between Kristina and Lamby. It had been deathly silent since the little girl had fallen asleep.

“Kristina still asleep?” he asked her softly.

A smile crossed Alexis' face. “Out like a light.”

He nodded slightly. “I think we should talk, Alexis. About what happened at the hospital.”

“You mean me being a neurotic, overprotective insane mother?”

He ran a hand through his hair. “No, I never said that, Alexis. But I do think we should talk about our fight.”

“Fight? What fight?” she crossed her arms across her chest. “I recall you yelling at me in front of Sonny. Yelling again at the hospital and then you walking out on me. Again. What am I missing?”

“You putting your health and the health of our child in danger, that's what you're missing.”

“I was worried about my daughter, Ric,” she told him through clenched teeth.

He took a few steps forward meeting her halfway in the middle of the living room. “You shouldn't have left the hospital.”

“You shouldn't have left Kristina with Sonny.”

He raised his arms in surrender. “Fine, Alexis. We were both wrong. Can we agree on that?”

She nodded slightly in agreement.

“I’m sorry that I yelled and that I did it in front of Sonny no less. He shouldn't have seen that. It was a private matter that should have stayed between the two of us. But I was scared, Alexis. Do you realize that? God, I thought I almost lost you last night. I panicked when I went to check on you and saw that you were gone.”

She bit her bottom lip. “I’m sorry, Ric. I am. But I couldn't leave Kristina there. Not after the kidnapping. We don't know what she remembers. She could be traumatized. Being in the house where she was taken from her family for over a month cannot be good for her. Maybe I should have told you that I was going to get her, but you wouldn’t have agreed.”

He shook his head. She was right, he wouldn't have agreed with her. “Fine, we agree to disagree on this one.”

She cleared her throat slightly. If they were going to apologize, then so be it. “I-I shouldn't have said you stopped caring for Kristina since we found out about this baby, Ric. I never meant it. I know you love her. I know you love her like your own. I wasn't thinking and I was just so angry with you.”

“I know,” he sighed.

They stepped closer to one another.

“I think we should talk about Sonny.”

Alexis stiffened at the mention of his name and took a step back. “You want to fight again?”

“No,” he told her sadly. “But it has to be talked about.”

“Fine. I want him out of Kristina’s life for good. Next topic?”

“You can't be serious, Alexis.”

“Why are you so steadfast in defending him, Ric? He's a criminal. He’s a danger to all of us. Yet you stand there and defend him as if he were the best father in the world. You tell me what's wrong with this picture!”

“I’m not trying to defend him, Alexis. If it were possible, I would keep Sonny away from you and Kristina, but it can't be done. Not right now. Not without any real proof that you could present to the court and show that he's a danger to her."

"He needs to be out of her life. Now."

"Why?"

“Gee, I don’t know . . . to keep her alive?” she responded sarcastically.

Ric took a step back and crossed his arms across his chest. “Do you honestly believe that? Do you think his enemies will think ‘hey we won’t go after that kid because he doesn't spend time with her’?”

She shook her head angrily. “If I have to leave this town, this state, or this country to keep my daughter safe, I’ll do it. I guess what it comes down to is if you'll be with us or not. I won't put anyone ahead of her. I never have. Not since the moment I knew she existed. I should have left this godforsaken town when no one knew I was pregnant” She spun around and walked towards the desk. “None of this would have happened if I had.”

He nodded looking towards the ground. “Yeah,” he sighed. “But she still would have gotten sick and then what, Alexis? No one would have been able to donate their marrow and you would have lost her for forever. You would have gone through that torture alone. No friends. No family. No--” he stopped suddenly the unspoken word hanging in the air.

“No you,” she finished for him.

“Is that what you would have wanted, Alexis?” he asked her sadly. “If we're going to play 'what ifs', let's play this one. If you had left town, we wouldn't have met. We wouldn't have gotten married. We wouldn't have this new baby. We wouldn't have fallen--” he stopped again. It was too soon for that. “Would you have preferred that?” he asked her finally moving closer to the couch, his hands on his hips.

Alexis pushed back a few strands of hair away from her face. She remembered the dark days and longer nights while she watched her daughter slowly become sicker and sicker. She remembered the pain, the worry, the heartache. She remembered the one other constant in her life at that time. Ric. He had been at her side day after day. Lending his support and a shoulder to cry on. She wouldn't have been able to get through that ordeal without him.

“I needed you,” she admitted. “Is that what you want to hear?”

“No,” he told her sadly. “I want to hear that you still need me and not sound like it’s the worst thing in the world.”

He might as well have asked her to admit that she loved him.

“I--”she stopped. “What does this have to do with Sonny, Ric?” He sighed and finally sat on the couch. “I see what this is about now,” she offered quietly. “This is part of your agenda.”

His gaze quickly shot to her face in disbelief. Did she really think that? Her eyes darted about the room. No, he pushed her too hard too fast and she felt trapped.

“I believed you when you said that your agenda changed,” she continued. “That you didn’t want to use me and Kristina as a way to get back at Sonny. What happened, Ric? Did you come up with a new plan? A new purpose? You’re so focused on obtaining Sonny’s love that you’re willing to sacrifice my daughter to get it?”

Ric stood from his seat in a flash. “What are you accusing me of exactly?” he asked her angrily.

“You’re so desperate for a kind word from your brother, who will never give a damn about you, that you’re willing to put Kristina in danger.”

Ric’s mouth opened in shock at her accusation. She saw it. She saw in his eyes the moment that the pain she caused with her words struck his heart.

“I understand,” she continued, the words tumbling out of her mouth as if she no longer had control of her own actions. “I do. You want him to acknowledge you. To love you.” She nodded her head once. “You broke your promise to me, Ric,” she told him sadly. “You promised that you would fight Sonny to keep Kristina safe. And now you’re bending over backwards to make him happy. You told me months ago that if Sonny reached his hand out to you, you would take it. And he did, Ric. He’s given you what you always wanted. Your agenda changed. You stopped using me and my daughter to put Sonny away and now you’re just using us to get closer to him.”

“Do you honestly believe that?” he whispered hoarsely.

Her heart screamed ‘no’, but the word escaped her lips as if on its own accord. “Yes."

He nodded his head thoughtfully and moved towards her and then past her as he made his way to the front door. “Then there’s nothing left here,” he began not looking back to face her. “Because if you honestly think that I would do that -- to you, to Kristina, to me -- then you don’t know me at all.”

She watched him from the corner of her eye. She would wait until he was gone to cry as she always did.

Ric paused for a few seconds hoping that she would say something. Anything. It killed him a little that the only sound he could hear was his own labored breathing struggling to keep his tears from falling. He shook his head sadly and turned the doorknob. And then he heard it. A soft whimper barely above a whisper. So soft that he wasn’t quite sure if he actually heard it at all. But it was enough for him to be able to clear his mind. This is what she wanted. She wanted him to leave so she could be alone and not have to admit that there was something deeper between them.

“No,” he said softly and Alexis finally turned to him surprised. “No, I’m not leaving this time. I’m not going to let you push me away, Alexis.” He turned around as well, a small tear already leaving a trail down his cheek. “You can say what you want, but I know that you care about me. That you care about this marriage.” He shook his head again. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Her mouth opened in shock. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to happen. He was supposed to leave and be angry with her, enough that he wouldn’t come back again. It would be easier to leave town that way. She would be able to tell herself that she had been delusional. That he never cared. That she and her children were better off without him. They would be lies, but the empty words would be enough comfort. The flow of tears she tried to fight off finally begun to fall.

“Ric,” she began.

“No,” he interrupted. “You get to listen to me now. I wouldn't put Kristina anywhere in danger willingly, Alexis. I’d rather die than see her hurt again.”

“Then why leave her with Sonny?”

She could fight with him about Sonny. It was an easy fight and she knew that no matter what he said her position wouldn't change.

He ran a hand through his hair. “He’s her father, Alexis.”

“I don't care. She’s not safe with him.”

“Let’s-let’s just forget about Sonny for now. We need to talk about us.”

"Us? The instant happy family you want isn't here. I can't have you in my life if you're going to put your relationship with Sonny ahead of my daughter's safety.”

“Our daughter, Alexis. Our baby. Our family.”

She shook her head sadly. “It doesn't exist. I don't think it ever did.”

The unshed tears glistened in his eyes. She knew where to strike that much was certain.

Alexis knew she had hurt him. She didn't believe her own words, but it was easier to fight with him. “Why don't you call Elizabeth Webber? I’m sure she'd be more than happy to take you back. She has Cameron and he needs a father.”

He stared at her as if she had grown two heads. Was she actually suggesting that he trade in one family for another?

“She still loves you, Ric and I know you love her. Let’s face the facts here. If I weren't pregnant with your child, you'd be with her right now. So go. Go and be with her. I’ll be fine and you don't have to worry,” she placed her hands over her still flat stomach. “I promise that you'll always be part of this baby's life.”

She was insane. His wife was insane.

“Are you insane?”

“No, I’m just right. I explained all this to you a long time ago, Ric. She’s the love of your life and now that things have cleared up between the two of you, you can be together. It’s my fault really. I knew that you would end up back together again. This,” she spread her arms out, “was just a small detour for you. What matters is that you can be with her now.”

“I am not leaving you, Alexis. You can say whatever it is you want, but I’m not leaving.”

She chuckled sadly. “Why would you want to stay? You're in love with someone else. It's--”

“I'm not in love with Elizabeth!” he shouted. “I'm in love with you, Alexis!”

His own eyes widened in shock at his admission. That was not the way he wanted to tell her. She was unconscious the first time he said it aloud and this wasn't what he had in mind when he actually voiced his feelings to her. But then again, when did they ever do anything the "normal" way? He watched her carefully. No sign of a panic attack yet.

“Ok, that---that wasn't the way I wanted to tell you, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't make it any less true. I said it and the world didn’t come to an end.”

She continued to remain speechless.

“Alexis?” he tried. He caught the quick glimmer of fear in her eyes and it finally hit him. “I'm in love with you and . . . you . . . you're in love with me,” he added softly. “And it scares the hell out of you doesn't it?”

“I'm not scared,” she finally answered. “I'm not in l-love with you,” she said looking everywhere but at him.

“You're lying,” he told her. “You can't even say the word, Alexis. LOVE. What I feel for you and what you feel for me.”

He was back on a level playing field with her again. She didn't have the upper hand and that meant he had a chance of breaking through to her. “I love you, Alexis. I love Kristina and I love our unborn child. There's no way in hell that I’m letting any of you go.”

“I want a divorce,” she told him quietly.

Ok, that, that he wasn't expecting.

“What?”

“This isn't going to work, Ric. I want to keep Kristina safe and you and I are never going to agree on this again it seems. I want a divorce.”

“No.”

Her eyes widened in shock. “It wasn't a request.”

“Too. Damn. Bad. I’m not giving you a divorce, Alexis.”

“I don't need your permission,” she told him angrily. “I want you out of my home.”

“No.”

She stared at him for a few moments. “Then I’ll leave.”

She grabbed her purse and headed towards the door, but he quickly followed. “Oh no. Wherever you go, I go.”

“I’m going to stay with Jax.”

“Jax?” he scoffed.

“Yes, he happens to be my friend.”

“Some friend, Alexis.”

“Unlike you, I can count on him.”

Ric’s eyes danced across her face in anger. God, he was so sick of hearing about her bestest friend Jasper Jax. It seemed the only time he was there for Alexis was when he needed her.

“Really? I don't recall seeing that much of him when Kristina was sick. I don’t remember seeing him when she was kidnapped and you were worried out of your mind. Was he there for you then? How about when she came home? Did he stop by to see the two of you?"

“I saw him the next day,” she told him softly.

“Right, because he needed a lawyer, Alexis!”

She didn't answer him. Partly because she didn't want another reason to fight and partly because she knew he was right. She was going to have to call Jax soon and try to figure out when their friendship began to stray.

She crossed her arms across her chest. “I meant what I said,” she lied.

“No you didn't, but I meant every word I said. I love you, Alexis.” The more he said it, the easier it got. “I’ll say it a hundred times a day if I have to . . . I know,” he cleared his throat. “I know that this is hard for you. Every time you let someone into your heart, they break it. I’m not going to let that happen this time, Alexis. This isn't a temporary situation for me. I want to have a family with you. I want to raise Kristina and this baby in a loving family. Something that neither one of us had. You just have to trust me.”

She flinched at his comment. Trust. It was such a deep and scary thing for a five-letter word. “I can't trust you, Ric,” she told him sadly. “Sonny's too deeply involved. I can't trust you to put the kids ahead of your never-ending quest for his love and approval.”

Every time he thought he was making progress, she took ten steps back.

He looked at her sadly. “What do you want me to do, Alexis? Ban him from Kristina’s life? What are you going to do when she starts asking about her 'daddy'?” He inwardly winced at the word. Deep down he knew it would always hurt that she referred to Sonny as that and he was just 'Uncle Ric'. She hadn't answered him. “Do you want to petition for full custody again? Even if Sonny didn't pay off a judge last time, there's still nothing on record that he's a criminal. Alexis, you know this."

“My daughter was kidnapped from his house!” she seethed.

She had a huge point, there was no doubt, but Sonny knew how to play the system to his advantage when it came to court hearings. “Are you willing to take that risk in court, Alexis? You know better than anyone does what Sonny's capable of in court. He comes across as the victim, not the big bad villain.”

“You see! This is what I’m talking about, Ric. You’re already siding with him.”

“I’m siding with you, Alexis! I just want you to see this with both eyes wide open. He just lost a son. Do you really think you'll be cast in a good light for trying to take away his daughter too?”

She shook her head in disappointment. “If I had the right lawyer I would be. Obviously, that's not going to be you. Is it?”

“I think it's a mistake. What if he tries to counter and asks for sole custody? Then what? Is Kristina going to spend the rest of her life in court being fought over by her parents?”

“Who are you?” she asked him disbelief. “Where’s the Ric Lansing that wanted to beat Sonny at all costs?”

“He’s dead, Alexis. I told you . . . that old part of me died when something better than revenge and jealously took its place. And that was you, Alexis! You and Kristina! Why can't you see that? You know as well as I do that Kristina is going to be in danger if Sonny sees her or not. People know Alexis. They know that she's his child. She’s at risk no matter where she is.”

“If that's the case, Ric, then why aren’t you trying to help me to keep that risk to a minimum? You just think I’m an overprotective neurotic woman, don't you?”

“No, no, I don't. Not after everything you and Kristina have been through. Sonny, her illness, the kidnapping. I don't blame you for wanting to keep her close, but going after Sonny in court isn't going to help. Not right now. I’m not saying that it’s impossible, but maybe it’s better if you wait until we can get something solid on him.”

“I can't talk to you anymore,” she told him sadly. “When you're back on my side, let me know.”

She moved to the door, but Ric grasped her arm. “I’m not letting you leave. You are not going to walk out on me, Alexis. If I have to fight hard enough for the both us, then so be it.”

“Let go of me,” she told him coldly.

He released her arm after a moment. “Wherever you're going, I’m going with you,” he told her again.

“I don't need a stalker, Ric.”

“You’re right. You need your husband. I’m ready for this fight, Alexis, are you?”

“Ric, Sonny is just going to use you. He knows that you want to have a relationship with him and he's going to use that to his advantage. You’re fighting his battles for him. He’ll pat you on the shoulder and then he'll go back to ignoring you. Don’t let him do that to you. You deserve better. Don’t let him do that to us, because we deserve better.”

“Sonny doesn't matter right now, Alexis. You do! I don’t want a relationship with Sonny if it means losing you. I don't want to go back to the life I had before you because I was miserable. I was full of hate and bitterness and you changed that Alexis. Not Sonny. Not Elizabeth. You! I hated you for it at first, but I wouldn't change a single moment that's lead me to this. Yes, I had an agenda in the beginning and I’m not proud of that. I can't tell you how sorry I am that I hurt you, but all of it -- it's all lead to this.” He spread his arms out and took a step closer to her. “You tell me what I need to do to prove to you that I love you, Alexis and I’ll do it.”

She shifted uncomfortably on her feet. She knew he loved her. The same way that he probably knew that she loved him.

“I think you should leave now,” she told him quietly.

He shook his head slowly and leaned back against the door. “No, not this time, Alexis. You can try to push me all you want, but I’m not leaving. You don't want me to leave.”

“I just asked you to.”

“You asked me because you're hurt. Because you're scared. Because you think I’m going to stick around for a while and then just walk out on you one day. It’s not going to happen, Alexis. I know you better than you think and you know me well enough to know where to hit me where it hurts.”

“I don't want to hurt you, Ric,” she sighed.

“I know. It’s just a reflex. I was the same way,” he admitted. “But I changed.”

“How?”

“I gave in. I let myself fall and I’m glad that I did." He made his way towards her. His fingers burned to touch her, but he didn't want her to run. "Let yourself fall, Alexis. I swear that I’ll be there to catch you when you do.”

God, she was so tempted. It would be so easy to let him know all of her just as she knew all of him. His eyes danced across her face hopeful. She couldn't do it. She couldn't let herself take that final step into the darkness. Once she did, there was no going back.

Ric saw it. The second where she stepped back into the light. He was close. At least that much he knew. “Every time I think make a crack into those walls of yours, you patch it back up,” he told her softly.

Her eyes glared as her face began to flush in anger. He was getting too close to the truth. “I’m serious, Ric. We’re done.”

But Ric wouldn't budge from his spot. “You can say whatever you want, Alexis, but you're not going to push me away. Not this time.”

“I hate you,” she seethed.

A smile finally played across his lips. “I love you too.”

She scoffed in irritation and turned away from him towards their bedroom. She couldn’t be around him anymore. The walls he mentioned were beginning to crumble and the longer she talked to him, the foundation grew shakier. If he wouldn’t move, she’d have to retreat. “I’m going to take a nap.”

“Good, I’ll join you.”

“No,” she spun back around to face him. “You’re not welcome in my bed anymore. You can sleep on the couch.”

He placed his hands on his hips. “Fine. When you can't fall asleep without my arms around you, you know where to find me.”

She stared at him wide eyed. “Don’t flatter yourself, Ric. It’s unbecoming. I’ll sleep just fine without you, you pig.”

A smile spread across his face this time. “Ok,” he laughed.

"Maybe you should be gone when I wake up," she tried again.

“What do you want me to do, Alexis? Because I’m not going to let you go. If I have to beg and plead so be it.”

Her eyes lit up in amusement despite herself. “Are you going to recite the lyrics of 'Ain't Too Proud to Beg' to me next?”

He smirked as well. “If I have to, yes.”

Alexis moved towards the bedroom again, but stopped and suddenly turned around. There was something she needed to know first. Her mouth opened and closed, the words getting stuck in her throat. She didn't want to ask him, but she needed the answer before she could do anything else. “Why do you love me?” she asked him quietly.

Ric's eyes glazed over with sadness. She was serious and it made him sadder than he could say. “Why do I love you?” he repeated softly.

She simply nodded her head and he took a few steps towards her. “I mean, I know that you're grateful to me. For the baby--”

“No,” he cut her off. “I would still love you, child or no child. Yes, I love that you've given me a family. Grateful, but beyond all that I love you because you're you, Alexis."

She nodded once and bit her bottom lip. And he realized that wasn't that answer she was looking for. How could he tell her what she meant to him with simple words? What he felt was beyond anything he had ever known.

“I love you because you're beautiful and strong and smart and stubborn," he began. "I love you because you're sexy as hell when you get mad.” He took a few steps closer to her. “I love you because you're loyal to your last breath to those who've earned it in your eyes. I love you because when you love someone, you do it with all of your heart. I love you because I think you’re the only person who could ever know me, the real me, the good and the bad and not flinch at the ugly truth. I love you because you've made me happier that I have the right to be. I love you because you're amazing and you never stop surprising me.” He was only a few inches away from her now as he smiled at her. “I love you because you're a wonderful mother and our children are lucky to have you. I love you because I could give you a list of a hundred different adjectives that describe you and you would still think that I was wrong. I love you because, yes, you are a little neurotic, but it’s gorgeous at the same time." He cupped her face with his hands and pushed away her tears with his thumbs. "All of these little pieces of you that make you uniquely you. That’s why I love you, Alexis.”

He kissed her softly once. Her heart was thumping wildly in her chest. So much so that she was sure he could hear it. His answer was beyond what she was expecting and she knew that he was speaking to her from his heart.

“I meant every word I said at the hospital, Alexis. I pleaded with God to let you be ok. I think I even offered my soul somewhere in there.”

“You were worried about the baby,” she told him softly, trying to calm herself.

He smiled at her. “Yes and no. This is one strong kid we made, Alexis. Half Cassadine, half Lansing. We broke the mold. He’s as stubborn as the both of us combined. I don't think he's going anywhere until he's good and ready.”

A delicate eyebrow went up “'He'? Stop referring to our daughter as a 'he'.”

“It’s a boy, I can feel it.”

“Girl.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’ll love him or her as much as I love their mother.”

She smiled at him for a moment. “I think I’m going to take that nap now.”

“Ok,” he whispered. “I’ll be here.”

She took a step away from him, but turned back to face him. “I know you will be,” she replied.

She walked towards their bedroom and closed the door softly behind her. With a heavy sigh, she leaned back against the door and squeezed her eyes shut.

“I love you, too,” she whispered.

Her face lit up with a smile as she brushed away the tears that were still falling and made her way towards their bed. She’d tell him soon. Very soon. But at least now she was sure that he'd be there for keeps when she did. They would have to talk about Sonny again, but at least now she knew in her heart and in her head, that Ric wasn't pushing aside their family for him.

They would get through this. Together.

They had a reason now.

The Missing Piece - a sequel