Choices,
choices. There were plenty of them to make. Sonny found out from
Jason that Alexis and Scott Baldwin were close to persuading the
Justice Department to prosecute not one, but ten of their closest
associates. No matter what the outcome of the hearings were, it
would hurt their organization in a hundred ways to have ten good
earners under the Justice Department's microscope for months. But
what if the feds got inspired to start going after Sonny and Jason
themselves? Something would have to be done, and Sonny would be
remiss not to start planning now.
He and Alexis spoke about nothing related to their "real"
lives when they were intimate together. They existed in a world
outside the world during the times they were alone. But one Sunday,
while Kristina slept peacefully in her crib and Sonny held a warm
and satisfied Alexis in his arms, he decided to risk a mention of
the choices she was about to force on him.
"You know I think you're a great lawyer, Alexis. The best I've
ever seen," Sonny said. They both lay on their sides; Sonny
was snuggled up behind her. He kissed her ear.
"But…?" Alexis asked, suspicious already.
"But you're getting to be almost *too* good."
"You're talking about the DOJ?"she asked, turning in his
arms to face him. He scooted a few inches back so that they could
look at each other while they spoke.
"You're coming close to the heart of my business, and I'm going
to make some moves to defend myself. I just wanted you to know.
You can go after my people, but you won't get to me."
Alexis pulled the sheet tight around herself reflexively, taken
slightly aback at his words. "Are you threatening me?"
She was dead serious.
"No, I'm not. I'm just telling you: I'm not going to jail,
Alexis. I'll do everything and anything it takes to stay free."
Sonny was using the same warm, golden tone of voice he always used
when they were by themselves. He didn't want to scare her.
"So, what are you saying, exactly? You're telling me you're
going to run if they come too close?"
"Not as long as you're here." Sonny stated, eyes wide
and waiting.
"What does that mean?" Alexis' heart started to jackhammer.
She wasn't sure she wanted to hear what he was about to say.
"I'm asking you to come with me. You and Kristina. I'll be
good to her, I swear. I'll give her a good life. Neither of you
will want for anything." Sonny reached out and clutched her
hands to his chest. Alexis couldn't resist his heat, and she inched
closer, but her words protested his.
"Sonny, that's ridiculous! I'm trying to get the federal government
to go after you, and you're telling me that if I succeed, then you
want to run away - with *me*?! That doesn't make any sense!"
"Sense?! You expect our relationship to start making sense
*now*?!" Sonny laughed, incredulous and a little bitter that
she hadn't agreed immediately to his outrageous plan. He knew he
had no reason to expect her to want to go with him, but he was angry
that she didn't, reason be damned.
"Look, you'll do whatever you have to do when the time comes,"
Alexis said. "But why would you want my daughter and me to
come with you? What about your own family?" She was stunned
at Sonny's suggestion. She'd told herself from the beginning of
their strange, secret affair that she'd always come second to Carly
in matters of any real importance. But sometimes Sonny said and
did things that made it seem as if he thought of Alexis as his primary
commitment, and Carly as second-in-line.
Sonny looked away for a few moments. He seemed almost embarrassed,
ashamed. "I know. It would go against everything I've ever
stood for. I'd be abandoning my family. I'd do what I swore I'd
never do. I'd be turning into Mike."
Alexis put a gentle hand to his cheek and kissed his sad mouth.
"Then why would you even ask me?"
Sonny's eyes met hers and he said solemnly, "Because if I run,
I can only take with me what I can't live without." Alexis
drew in a sharp, surprised breath. Sonny reached forward and put
a hand on the warm curve of her waist slowly and almost shyly. "I…"
"Stop. Just…stop," Alexis begged. She couldn't bear
to hear one more word out of his beautiful mouth. "Let's not
talk about it right now, please? I just want you to hold me."
Alexis sounded like she was on the verge of sobbing. Faced with
her misery, Sonny drew her close and made tender love to her, denying
them both the power of speech.
Later he would wonder, *Did she stop me because she was about to
say no to me, or because she was about to say yes? *
****
A week later, Sonny was in Kelly's collecting the take-out order
that Carly had ordered. He automatically checked the room for Alexis
- he always hoped to run into her accidentally whenever he was out
by himself - but she wasn't there. Her boyfriend was, though. Dr.
Lewis was apparently having a lively conversation with Bobbie and
Elizabeth at the counter.
"Oh my gosh, Cameron, it's beautiful! Alexis is going to love
it!" Bobbie gushed.
"Yeah, wow, Dr. Lewis. That's a really gorgeous ring. She'd
be crazy not to say yes," Elizabeth said.
"Well, a woman like Alexis doesn't marry a man for a ring,
Elizabeth. She'll only marry for love," Cameron said.
Sonny approached the counter and cleared his throat. Elizabeth looked
up. "Hi Sonny! Let me go get your order." She turned and
went into the kitchen.
Bobbie smiled at Sonny in greeting, but then went quickly back to
admiring the jewel in the velvet box Cameron was holding. "Then
she's sure to say yes, Cameron. She's so in love with you. Anyone
can tell just by looking at her when she's with you!"
Sonny felt his hands curl into fists involuntarily. What the hell
did they know about Alexis' feelings? He knew quite a few things
about her that no one could tell just by looking at her. He craned
his neck and caught a glimpse of the delicate marquise diamond ring.
*Cheap ass*****, he thought. *A one-carat stone? Doesn't he know
the kind of money Alexis comes from? Her family probably gave rocks
that size as thank-you gifts to their servants. * Even as he thought
this, Sonny knew he was being unfair. Alexis wouldn't give a damn
how big a ring was, as long as it came from the man she wanted.
But he couldn't help but think how careful *he* had always been
when purchasing jewelry for Alexis. He'd given her nothing but priceless
treasures, and he'd still felt that none of them were precious enough
by half for her. It didn't matter that she couldn't wear any of
his presents in public. It was just important for him that she held
onto pieces of his choosing.
A moment later, he took three brown bags from Elizabeth's hands
and handed her a fifty dollar bill. As he told her to keep the change,
Alexis walked in the door. Her eyes met Sonny's first, and for a
moment, he felt like a king. He and Cameron were in the same room,
and whom did Alexis notice first? But his pride dissipated when
Alexis walked directly over to Cameron and touched his shoulder.
"Hi," she said with a smile.
"Hey there," Cameron said, turning to her and concealing
the ring just before she could see it. Cameron embraced her tenderly.
The instant their lips met in a kiss, Sonny bolted for the door.
*I don't have to watch this*, he said to himself over and over.
****
Alexis sat on a bench at the docks and willed Sonny to come to her.
She knew that wishing someone to hear her thoughts was crazy, like
Helena believing she had the power to curse people, and yet she
believed in it, like she believed in Helena's capacity to do evil.
"Waiting for me?" Sonny said, approaching.
"Yes," she answered honestly. "What are you doing
here?"
He sat next to her. "I was just restless. Wandering. But I'm
glad I found you."
Alexis looked at his face. He didn't look glad, not at all. He looked
like he hadn't been sleeping. He looked tired, and sad, and angry.
She sighed. She knew that she was the cause of at least a part of
his suffering. "Has the Justice Department contacted you?"she
asked.
"Yup," he said.
"Did they serve you a subpoena?"
"Yup."
"And that's why you're upset?"
"Well, the federal government coming down hard on my ass is
a lot of it, yeah," Sonny said. Then he looked at Alexis and
said, "You know, that doctor of yours is about to propose to
you."
Alexis looked away. Oh. That was the rest of it, then - why he was
upset. Well, after all, this was what she had wanted to talk to
him about. She had wanted to tell him before the whole town was
gossiping about it. "Yes, I know. I think he'll probably ask
me tomorrow. We're supposed to go to dinner at…"
"I don't need to hear the details," Sonny interrupted.
He took a breath. *Calm down*, he told himself. *Get a grip. It's
not like you didn't know this day would come.* "And you're
going to say yes?" Neither of them were looking at each other
anymore. They both stared out at the endless, dark sea.
After a pause, Alexis said, "He's better for me than Ned, don't
you think?"
*That's not an answer*, Sonny wanted to say. Instead, he said truthfully,
"Yes. He is."
"What are you going to do about the federal prosecutors?"
Alexis asked.
Sonny's heart tightened painfully. So this was her response. She
wasn't going to discuss it with him. "If I have to, I'll leave,"
he said in answer to her question.
"That's good," Alexis said. "I hope you go. I don't
want you in jail, Sonny. All I've ever wanted is for you to be out
of the terrible business you're in. I want you to be safe."
A thought came to Sonny, and he faced Alexis suddenly. "If
all you want is for me to be safe, then why don't I cut a deal with
the prosecution? You could help me turn state's evidence. If I give
up some of my people, I'll be granted immunity."
"But you'll be hunted forever. Your associates will make you
pay for testifying against them. I admire your willingness to do
it, but in some ways, that's the most dangerous thing you could
do,"Alexis said, frowning.
"But if I stay, we can still be together,"Sonny said.
He hated how he sounded like a desperate man. Alexis' eyes were
the picture of surprise. "Look, " he continued, "I
understand if you don't want to run with me. If you don't want to
expose Kristina to that kind of life, I get that. But if I found
a way to stay, *and* to get out of the business, then we can still
see each other."
"And what if I marry Cameron?" Alexis asked in a tight
voice.
Sonny swallowed. "That wouldn't matter to me," he said,
even though it was a lie. It would kill him to see her promise herself
to another man. But he'd accept being second in her life, or third
after Kristina, as long as he could still have a part of her, sometimes.
"But it might matter to me," Alexis said. She looked down
at her gloved hands.
Sonny went still. He fought down waves of rage and grief. "I
see. So no matter where I am, or what I'm doing, as soon as you
marry that man, we're over."
"If I make a vow, I'll keep it, Sonny," Alexis said.
"I know, I know." She didn't have to tell him that. He
knew how she lived by the power of words. He stood abruptly. "Between
your persecuting me in the courts and your getting married to that
quack, I'll be lucky to survive you this year," he said, and
laughed a brief, harsh laugh that didn't bear a trace of humor.
"Goodbye, Sonny," Alexis said from the bench. She kept
her eyes focused on her hands.
He closed his eyes. *So this is it*, he thought. He horrified himself
for a moment when he considered falling at her feet and begging
her not to end it. What if he told her he'd do anything, live by
any rules she set, see her as much or as little as she wanted, as
long as she didn't cut him out of her life completely? If she still
refused, he'd tell her he'd be willing just to see her, not as her
lover, but just as a friend, as long as he could see her alone,
as long as it could just be the two of them, together, from time
to time. He'd never stop wanting her, but if he could only still
have a part of her….
But he wouldn't tell her this. He knew Alexis. She had her honor.
Except where it came to him, her paramour, she'd kept her honor
intact. It wouldn't do him any good to ask her to change her mind
if she'd made it up. So he said, "Goodbye, Alexis," and
walked away, the darkness choking him more and more with every step
he took.
When he was too far away to hear her, Alexis burst into great, gulping
sobs and wept alone on the docks for longer than an hour.
****
The next night, Sonny spent alone in his office at the newly built
coffee warehouse. He was in his shirtsleeves, shredding and burning
documents. The subpoena was for all his accounting records, and
he didn't want anyone's help in getting rid of the more sensitive
files. He was also completely, sloppily drunk.
Earlier that night, he'd broken every bit of barware and glassware
in the penthouse. He'd terrified Carly and Michael with his shouting.
He'd told Jason to take care of them and clean up his mess, then
he'd had Max drive him to the warehouse, stopping off for three
bottles of whiskey on the way. Now, at eleven o'clock, he was well
into the third bottle. It didn't facilitate a very exact approach
to destroying documents, but he needed to do something to keep his
hands busy and his mind away from…certain matters.
Suddenly, the main matter he was trying to not think about appeared
in his office wearing an expensive overcoat and heels, obviously
dressed for a night out. "If you're going to do that, make
sure you delete all the electronic files, too," Alexis said,
taking in the scene. "Your hard drive is admissible evidence."
Sonny glowered at her. Did she come to rip him up even more? "Why
are you offering advice to the soon-to-be-defendant, Ms. Davis?"
She gave a tiny shrug. He noticed she didn't look smug. Or happy,
for that matter. "I can't help myself sometimes," she
said. "I guess that's been true quite a bit, where you're concerned."
His face was twisted with misery as he stepped forward and gripped
her by the shoulders. He knew he was acting poorly, but he was too
drunk to stop himself. "Did you say yes?" he demanded,
shaking her slightly. "I know he proposed tonight. Did you
say yes, goddammit?"
"Not yet," Alexis whispered, and undid the top buttons
of her overcoat to reveal the necklace she was wearing. It was a
necklace of more than fifty perfect diamonds, and where there should
have been a pendant, the diamonds formed a ribbon just below her
throat. Sonny had given her the necklace months before in Manhattan,
at the start of one of their most passionate nights together.
His mouth flew open and his expression changed utterly when he saw
what she was wearing. "You know what that means?" he asked.
"Do you remember what you swore when I put that on you?"
"Yes," said Alexis, afraid to meet his eyes. She was miserable
and terrified at the thought that she'd made the wrong decision.
But she couldn't help but put Cameron off earlier that night, telling
him she'd think about his offer. And she couldn't help but come
to Sonny as soon as she left Cameron's side. She just had to. If
it was the most unwise choice in the world, it was, nevertheless,
the most necessary. "I promised that whenever I wore this necklace,
I would remember who I belong to." Finally, she had the courage
to meet his gaze. "You, Sonny. I belong to you."
Sonny felt stunned. Lightheaded. Then, something in him that had
been formless took shape. "That's right, goddammit, you belong
to me," he growled, and hauled her by the shoulders over to
the nearest wall, pinning her there with his body. He proceeded
to devour her mouth, her neck, the delicate skin beneath her ear.
But after a few seconds, Alexis shoved at his chest with both hands.
"No, Sonny, I don't want to be with you here," she said.
She sounded firm and resolved. Sonny backed off slightly. "My
sister…"
Her sister Kristina had died in the old warehouse, which had stood
on this very ground. She had blamed him for a long time for Kristina's
death, and maybe she still did, he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure of
one goddamn thing about either of them or how they felt about each
other. "I understand," he said, breathless from kissing
her. "Not here. Where, then?"
"Nowhere tonight. It's late, and I have to get back to Kristina.
And, you're drunk," Alexis said. She couldn't miss the strong
taste of liquor when he kissed her, or his wild, disheveled look.
"Okay. Okay." Sonny backed away. It was true. He was too
drunk to be with her now; he'd only make a fool of himself and scare
her or make her angry. "Tomorrow, then, at noon? At the old
apple orchard, just outside of town?"
The old orchard, what made him think of that? But Alexis didn't
question it. She was still shaky from everything she'd done and
decided - or not decided. She needed to go home and think. "Yes.
I'll see you there tomorrow," she said hastily. She turned
to leave. Sonny stopped her with an arm on her elbow.
"I'm not so drunk I'm making this up, right?" he asked.
"You really didn't say yes when he asked?"
"I didn't," she replied, wincing a little at the thought,
and hurried out.
****
The next day, at noon sharp, Alexis walked up to the gate of the
plain wooden fence that marked the entrance to the old apple orchard
about 15 miles outside of Port Charles. It was summer, and apple
season hadn't begun yet, so the place was empty, except for her
and the handsome, dark-haired man waiting for her at the gate.
"Hi," she said, and smiled at the sight of him looking
so relaxed and informal in a plain white t-shirt and jeans.
"Hi," he said. His dimpled smile answered hers. "You
look damn beautiful."
To his surprise, she twirled around for him, showing off the white
strapless sundress with the full skirt. Old-fashioned laces held
the front of her bodice together. She looked and felt like a princess
from fairy-tale days. "I found it in a box on my desk this
morning. I wonder who put it there."
"Yeah, I wonder. I like your necklace, too," he said.
It was the ribbon-shaped diamond necklace she'd worn the night before.
She walked right up to him and put her arms around his waist. He
put one arm behind her neck and his other hand behind her head and
brought her face to his for a slow, deep kiss. "You're still
mine," he whispered against her luscious mouth.
"Yes," she breathed.
"Come on. I found a good spot for us under one of these trees."
****
Under one of the wide-boughed apple trees, they ate a leisurely
picnic together. They didn't talk about any of the difficult things
that had transpired over the previous week. They talked about apples
and orchards and told funny stories and laughed. They kissed in
between bites of toast and cheese and strawberries and held hands
and turned their faces up to the hot sun where it shone between
the green-and-brown branches. If anyone would have walked by, they
would have thought, What a lovely, happy couple in the summertime.
But when they'd finished all the food and the bottle of wine Sonny
had packed, Alexis had a serious question. "Sonny, why did
you want us to meet here?"
"Because neither of us gets enough of this. Sunshine. Apples
trees. Green grass. You know. Happy stuff like this. We both sort
of live in the dark, don't you think?"
Alexis considered his words. It was true that every time they'd
met for a tryst, it had been inside, where no one, not even the
sun, could find them. But when she was apart from him… "I
don't know. I've been trying to enjoy the summer a lot this year…"
"…with Cameron," Sonny finished for her. Even if
she wouldn't have said his name, he knew what she was thinking.
"Well, maybe I just wanted for a couple of hours what he gets
to have with you all the time." Before Alexis could say anything
to that, Sonny pulled something out of his jeans pocket. "Wait
a second, I have something for you."
"Another gift? Sonny, you give me too many…" Alexis'
breath caught when she saw what it was. It was a huge yellow diamond
on a ring, at least five carats of one of the rarest gems in the
whole world, surrounded by smaller, pure white diamonds. "What
is this? Sonny," her eyes flew to his in a panic. "What
is this?"
"You don't have to wear it right now. I just want you to have
it."
"But Sonny…" Alexis stopped speaking. She was overwhelmed.
Any fool could see that this was an extraordinary ring. Extraordinary,
like an engagement ring. And the setting they were in, in this beautiful
orchard, underneath this tree, with both of them wearing white….Alexis
began to weep. "Sonny, what are you doing to me? You know we
can never be together like this. You're married to someone else…and
everything that's happened between us…and I have commitments….
" She couldn't stop crying.
He cringed. She'd guessed what had been in his heart when he'd bought
the ring earlier that morning. He'd been thinking of the minuscule
pebble of a diamond that Cameron Lewis had tried to give her, and
he'd thought if *he* were going to give her a ring, what it would
be, and this was it. A stone that was worthy of a museum, or a royal
collection. It was completely unique, totally invaluable. It had
cost a good percentage of his liquid assets. But it was the ring
he would have given her, and so he got it. "I know it's too
much. I can't ask you this question, and you can't say yes. But
just think, if we were different people, Alexis, just think…"
He eased her back onto the soft blue picnic blanket beneath them.
"If you were just a woman, and I was just a man, and we met,
and got to know each other…" He kissed her tender ear,
and then each of her soft cheeks. "…and we had feelings,
just simple, uncomplicated feelings for each other, and I asked
you if you would wear my ring, under this big apple tree in the
middle of summer…What would you say?"
Alexis lay on her back, her arms around Sonny's neck, captivated
by his warm, passionate eyes, and she said, "In that different
world, I would have said yes."
