On This Mother's Day
by temo

Alexis pulled on her wig. She liked this one much better than the first one, but she still longed for her own hair. It was starting to grow back, just a little, in tufts and spurts. It was ugly. Not unlike the hair on a little mouse. She shook the comparison out of her thoughts. Alexis Davis was many things, but she'd never thought herself vain. Surprise!

She was ready for the bad stuff to stop. This had to be the worst year of her life. And she grew up under the thumb of Helena Cassadine, so that was saying something. She had found her daughter, a woman she knew and did not like, on her deathbed. They'd tried. As Sam grew physically stronger, her emotional weakness increased as well. Alexis sighed. She knew it was partly her fault; she had used Jason's guilt to get him to walk away. She had simply not fathomed Sam's total dependence on him. If there was any question in her mind whether Sam was hers, this sadly confirmed it. Sam was Kristin Bergman reborn.

But truly, Alexis realized, last May and June could have been considered the good old days. Then in July she developed a cough, Sam openly hated her, and for some completely unknown reason her husband lost his mind. The day she got her diagnosis, lung cancer stage two, she went home to her family only to find her oldest daughter and latest husband having sex on her living room floor.

Alexis sometimes wondered if she should have burst through those doors and confronted them immediately. Part of her wished she had, but what was done was done. She pretended. She pretended she knew nothing. She was in a panic. She was going to die. She needed her girls to stay together. So when Sam tried to slink out of town, she stopped her. She told her she was dying. The change had been immediate. Alexis was testing her, and she was passing. But she hated her … and she loved her.

The same couldn't be said of Ric. They had been married less than two years, and this was the second time he'd cheated. And the second time he seemed to think it didn't matter. She had forced herself to believe that he loved the girls enough to be a good father. But she had been wrong. He had taken her job and left town for days at a time when he'd been the only available parent for the girls. She'd heard him threatening Sam to keep quiet and heard grumbles that he was abusing his position at work.

When she had finally confronted them, they had been angry with her. They had acted as if she'd committed the greater crime. Sam was as attached to Jason as ever, and Ric … Ric was a monster.

"Morning, Mommy." Kristina wandered in. If this year had been hard on Alexis, it was nothing compared to what it had been for her 6-year-old.

"Good morning, baby girl." Alexis hugged her tightly. All she had left. She smelled her sweet hair and pushed her self-pity aside.

"Can we visit Molly today?" Kristina asked into Alexis' shoulder.

Visit Molly. They had to VISIT Molly. Her 20-month-old, Kristina's baby sister … they had to visit her. The worst day of her life wasn't last August; it was this past March when her beloved legal system ripped her baby out of her arms and gave her to her misogynistic, egotistical, borderline psychotic father. And now, if she played nice, she got to VISIT Molly.

Alexis had died that day. She had plastered a façade of smiles, quips, and a better wig and had roamed around under Teflon armor. Nothing had bothered her, nothing had made her upset.

Can we visit Molly? Oh, not today, babe, but we'll have fun, just you and me.

Can we visit Molly? Let's ask Daddy pRic … I mean Ric.

Can we visit Molly? Mommy's not allowed to see her anymore; Mommy isn't good enough; Mommy won't fall on her knees and beg forgiveness because her husband cheated on her.

"I don't know."

"But it's Mother's Day, Mommy."

She didn't mean to cry; she tried so so hard not to cry in front of Kristina, but the tears wouldn't stop.

"I'm sorry, Mommy, I'm sorry," Kristina cried, running from the room. Alexis moved to go after her, to assure her this wasn't her fault, but her legs betrayed her.

Sam backed away from the door. Her ears almost hurt. She had known. If she was honest with herself, she had known that he was the father. And that their relationship had been over since last August, maybe even longer than that. Maybe it had truly ended when she was shot. When scar tissue developed that made her unable to carry to term. They hadn't known then, of course, but that was why.

She hadn't blamed Jason. She hadn't blamed him for anything. She never did. No, she'd blamed herself. It was her fault. And when it hurt too much to keep blaming herself, she blamed the one person she always blamed -- Alexis.

Alexis who, in a short span of time, had gone from a woman she admired and resented to the woman who threw her away at birth. The woman who had the nerve to ask Jason if he would walk away from the mob for her daughter. How dare she? How dare she put Sam before Jason and his job? How dare she try and keep her children safe? How dare she ask Sam to walk away from Jason and concentrate on her sisters?

Her sisters … It had been so easy to love them. She had always felt a connection to Kristina. Ever since she'd lost her baby, and the baby's stem cells saved Kristina's life. She'd not been consulted about that. It had happened quickly without her knowledge, and she sometimes wondered if she'd have agreed to it? She was afraid the answer might be no. She was afraid that if she'd been given the choice, she would have chosen to hurt Alexis and not save an innocent child. It made her sick to her stomach, or would have if she wasn't so nauseous already.

She'd first held Molly only a few days after she was born. She and Alexis had made peace. If she'd found out right then that Alexis was her mother … but she hadn't. Things had gone from bad to worse and then got even worse. She'd been arrested by Ric on a trumped up charge, and even though her mother offered to represent her and told her she would get her out, she hadn't trusted her, and instead she'd broken out and … and … the warehouse. Krissy's scream still haunted her. She broke her little sister that day, but still her mother stood by her.

She couldn't say the same of herself. Alexis needed her, and she'd walked away. Embraced her CAREER. Ha. She had chosen Jason over her career; they wanted her to distance herself from him, but no … And now here she was again, unemployed and alone. Jason could walk away from Liz, but not his son, especially for someone who would never give him a child. She wondered if she had a neon sign floating above her head blinking: SAM MCCALL: LOSER!

She automatically reached for her phone when it rang. Alexis … oh God, no, she couldn't deal … but …

"Hi, look, Alexis--"

"Mommy's crying … I didn't want to make her cry, Sam."

"No, I understand Viola … I'd forgotten how long a drive it was to your mother's. It's really nothing to worry about. Give Virginia my best."

Alexis disconnected with a shaky hand. She could call Sonny, but he'd want to know why she wanted him to take Kristina on today of all days, and God knows he'd probably try to fix it. Sonny's ways of fixing things had a certain appeal. She laughed. She laughed because she was all cried out.

Nikolas wasn't an option. He'd been so cold lately, and, like Sonny, he'd ask questions she didn't want to answer. And he'd try to fix it. Cassadines had interesting ways of fixing things too.

Really, that's what they all did … tried to fix things … Sonny, Nikolas, Jax, and Ned … even that odd Mr. Brosnan. She didn't want anything fixed; she just wanted her girls. She thought briefly of calling Sam, but that wouldn't be fair … it was her birthday too, and she would want to spend it with Jason.

No, she simply needed to put on her mask and hope that Kristina didn't see through it. She always did lately, but, frankly, it couldn't be helped.

The doorbell startled her. She really wasn't up for company, but it was probably the best thing for Kristina, and that's what was important.

"I'll get it!" Krissy sang out.

"No, Kristina, we don't know who it is." But she wasn't quick enough. She heard the door open. She hurried down the stairs, stopping shortly, wondering if perhaps she'd lost her mind: Molly was toddling toward her with a proud grin.

"Mama …"

Alexis lifted her baby to her tightly and silently thanked God that Ric had come through this once.

"Ric, I can't thank you …"

She was going to say enough, but it wasn't Ric at the door.

Sam was smiling.

"Happy Mother's Day, Mom."

On This Father's Day (companion piece)