Losing Balance
by Lionel

chapter 50A

Bubbles and water again. A different sort, but also a lovely way to end the day. Bubbles tiny as pin pricks, scattered through liquid the color of late summer straw, rising fast to the surface, lingering in the meniscus with tension mounting, then popping into nothingness into the air. Water cold as a high mountain stream, or maybe the arctic, ice floes waging a game but losing battle against dissolution, drawing the moisture out of the night air and leaving it draped, wet and sloppy, around the outside of the glass.

Alexis took a sip of water, then of champagne, and set the two glasses down on the broad stone railing that ran the length of the balcony. Bubbles and water brought an evening of dancing to a very civilized conclusion. The ice water cooled the core and replenished fluids lost to the light exertion of talk and dancing; the champagne added festivity, a current of possibility, summoning spirits of romance with the dance it did down the throat. But this particular day wouldn't end with bubbles and water; at least, not yet. Alexis was quite certain now, and eager, that this day would end with something much less civilized involving the man at her side.

It had been a lovely, civilized, even joyful evening of dancing. She didn't dwell on how unlikely it was: Lorenzo Alcazar, of all people. They had talked and teased and flirted as they danced to the orchestra's music, laughing easily with the lightness she had always resisted with him. They smiled happily at each other, true smiles of affection, for once not dimmed by the shadows of conscience and restraint and regret. Somehow the tumult and worry and angst of their past and present had melted away, as if vanquished by Alexis's decision, or by their shared certainty about what would come next, or maybe just by some fortuitous bit of psychological congruence. They had danced, more slow than fast, for as long as Alexis could tolerate on her tender ankle and ambitious shoes, and then Lorenzo had led her out onto the balcony where they swayed slowly under the night sky. When a waiter passed by with glasses of champagne and ice water, they had finally untangled themselves to sip and moved to the quieter shadows at the far end of the balcony. Desire was a low murmur in the air, audible but not overwhelming.

Lorenzo sipped appreciatively from his ice water, a light sheen of perspiration dampening his forehead, and set his glass down beside the others. Her eyes caught his, and they both broke into sly smiles at some shared joke neither could manage to articulate, much as they had been making each other grin and laugh for the last hour and a half. For now they played at civilization, in their pretty clothes with their pretty manners and a mysterious patience bestowed on them by some unknown benefactor, but eventually they would throw off the veneer and the clothes and engage in something primitive, something as elemental as hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen. No, not just eventually, Alexis corrected, watching too intently as Lorenzo's fingers moved over the buttons of his jacket, unfastening them in an easy, offhand manner. Soon. Soon this forceful, highly sexual man would take her to bed. The anticipation made her ache.

Pulling her eyes away from the delicate mastery of his indelicate hands, Alexis looked over the balcony at Lafayette Square and the glowing White House beyond. She shivered lightly as the cooling night air brought a chill to bare skin that had previously been warmed from within by the heat generated between their bodies. Lorenzo wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and leaned his head over her shoulder. “Chilly?”

Alexis shrugged slightly and brushed her cheek against Lorenzo’s. “Not when you hold me.”

He moved his arms higher, hugging her tight, enveloping her bare shoulders and arms as best he could. He adored everything about the dress she wore – the drifting silk that clung to every curve, the deep red that brought out the flush in her cheeks and the fire in her eyes, and of course the enticing slit running from the floor so very high up her thigh – but most of all he adored the deep V of the neckline, which left her so bare and necessitated that he share his warmth with her. "I'm terribly gluttonous, you know."

She looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. "How so?"

He tipped his head down just a bit and brushed his lips against the softness of her cheek. "Yesterday, the day before, every day before that I can remember, I wanted to hold you. A few seconds would have been enough. Just a taste of you in my arms would have made me happy. Now here I've been holding you all evening, gorging myself on you."

"And have you spoiled your appetite?" she teased. "Lost your taste for me?"

"Not at all." His eyes sparkled with a smile that began somewhere deep inside. "To the contrary, every second I've held you has been delicious and satisfying, and well-appreciated. It's just that I'm still so hungry. I want more and more." The last words were murmured into her ear.

The tickle of his breath made her draw her shoulder to her ear, and she turned her head to meet his eyes. "It's nice to indulge sometimes," she said quietly.

He felt a shiver run through her and rubbed his hands up and down her bare arms. "Are you sure you wouldn't like my jacket?"

"No, I'm okay. The air is nice." She nodded toward the White House. “There’s just something about the way Washington feels at night that always gives me a little chill. All that crisp alabaster and the soft yellow lights. It’s stirring, even to a cynic like me. Even the air feels softer down here, though I suppose that’s just the swamp.”

Lorenzo laughed lightly in her ear. “Unfortunately, all those yellow lights and the moist air also mean lousy stargazing. You asked for dancing beneath the stars, but I’ve failed.”

Alexis leaned her head back against Lorenzo’s shoulder and scanned the sky. She pointed up. “There. There’s a star.”

“I think that’s an airplane.”

“No, it’s a star.”

“It’s moving, Alexis. I think it just landed at National. I can see them unloading the luggage now.”

Alexis raised her hand over her shoulder and patted Lorenzo gently on the cheek. “No, it’s a star,” she insisted. “Close your eyes.” She brushed her fingers over his eyes and began to sway gently. “The sky is full of stars. I can see billions and billions of little spots of light, so many it’s like a blanket on the sky. I can see the line of the Milky Way right over there.” Lorenzo tried to look, but Alexis covered his eyes more firmly. “Do you see?”

Lorenzo nodded. “Yeah, I see it. All that ancient light.”

Alexis smiled, pleased. “Mm-hmm. It’s been traveling millions of years to get here. To our little planet. At this moment in time. This blink of an eye in the vast expanse of time when there are people here to see it, this one instant when you and I are here to see it.” She turned around to face Lorenzo and wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning against his chest and tucking herself inside his jacket. “None of the rest really matters, right? Not money and legacies, not governments and their laws. Just two people holding on to each other. Not alone.”

Lorenzo's arms tightened around her, pulling her close to his chest, and he nodded just a bit, solemnly, something like a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He pressed a kiss to the top of her hair. "None of the rest matters," he agreed softly. After a moment, he loosened his hold, put his fingers to her chin and tipped her head up.

Alexis met his kiss and closed her eyes. His lips were soft and hot and clung to hers as he kissed her. He buried his hands in her hair and kissed her slowly and patiently, tasting champagne on her lips and her tongue, exploring every corner of her lips and every bit of her mouth. She offered him whatever access he sought, letting his heat and power flow through her at all the places where they touched. All of her resistance was gone now.

Alexis knew what it was to be left dizzy by lack of air, but this was different. This was swooning, she thought idly, as the world twirled about her and her legs grew weak and she melted into him. Though her body was flush to his, and his warmth and solidity filled her encircling arms, he seemed to be spinning with her and so was a dragging anchor. She reached for the balcony railing with one hand to steady herself and held tight to it as Lorenzo kissed her again and again.

They stood there kissing for what seemed like hours, taking their fill of a simple pleasure previously sampled only in servings that were too small and too fraught. Alexis's hands remained resolutely still, one gripping the railing, the other loose at Lorenzo's waist. He kept his hand curved around the nape of her neck, framing her for his kisses, while the other traveled a modest path up and down her back, never pulling, never insistent. Each kiss was a gentle bellows blow to a smoldering fire, raising the flames until they finally burned too hot and out of control.

Well-behaved hands grew greedy, and kisses grew urgent. Lorenzo's palm slipped low on her back and pulled her closer, hard against him, as he delved deep into her mouth. Alexis relinquished her grip on the railing and grabbed his shirt instead, driven again now to merge him into her. He pressed her up indecently against the balcony wall, and his fingers sought out the gap in her dress, retracing their earlier path up her thigh and again finding bare skin and lace, eliciting a soft moan from her lips. The moan became a pleading whimper as his thumb slipped for just an instant under the upper line of lace, sweeping over delicate skin in a fiery curve, before his hand settled somewhat more discreetly at the back of her thigh. As his mouth ventured down the length of her neck, past implicit boundaries, she slid her knee immodestly up the inside of his leg, absorbing his responsive groan, and then pulled away enough to whisper in his ear. "Now. Take me to bed."

They gathered themselves and walked back inside hand in hand. They managed a quick goodbye to John Schaeffer and the others remaining at their table, the dinner companions they had neglected all evening, with obligatory avowals of how wonderful it was to get together and perfunctory promises to keep in touch made to faces that were just a blur. Alexis retrieved her handbag and throw, and they walked to the door, about-to-be-lovers trailed by five sets of knowing and envious eyes.

Once outside the ballroom doors they drew back into a kiss, fervent from the start, tongues tangling and teeth nipping, hands pushing and pulling, bodies pressed against each other. They circled around and around each other until they came to a stop against a wall, Lorenzo pressing hard up against Alexis and feasting on her neck. “Te amo, te amo,” he whispered into her, his mouth trailing along her collarbone until she moaned. He took her by the hand and led her farther down the empty hallway, trying to get to the elevator, but they didn’t make it far before she pulled him back to her and they were at it again, kissing and touching and pulling and pushing and circling until Lorenzo’s back slammed into a wall and she pressed her body up against him. “Te amo,” he said again, and she stood on tiptoes to capture his soft mouth and sweet words, which penetrated now but somehow didn't frighten her. When they paused for breath, gasping, they grinned at each other, and set off down the hallway again hand in hand, making it into the elevator this time before collapsing against a wall as the doors closed.

With Alexis kissing him roughly, biting his lip, and her hand bullying its way inside the front of his still-fastened trousers, Lorenzo reached for the elevator panel. He pressed three wrong buttons before finding the one for the third floor, and the old elevator made its way slowly downstairs. Each time the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened on a new floor, Alexis and Lorenzo tried to pull away from each other and stand discreetly side by side, but the stops were excruciatingly long and each time they ended up tangled again before the doors closed. Finally the doors opened on the third floor and they stumbled out.

Lorenzo took one look down the length of the hallway they had to traverse, and one look back at Alexis, wild and beautiful, his own hunger reflected in her eyes, and he swept her up in his arms. They had to speed things up. He carried her down the hall to the door to his suite, kissing her feverishly as he went, then set her down and, still kissing her, fumbled in vain for the key. As Lorenzo's frustration mounted and he pulled away from Alexis to focus on his search, Marcus appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, and held up a key.

"Everything quiet?" Lorenzo asked, standing back as Marcus swiftly unlocked the door.

Marcus noted the claiming arm Alexis had casually thrown around Lorenzo's waist under his jacket. "Yes, sir," he answered, pushing the door open.

Lorenzo nodded and let Alexis walk into the room ahead of him. "No interruptions," he instructed Marcus, his voice quiet but unmistakably serious.

Marcus hesitated an instant, his hand reaching for the envelope he carried in his pocket but then drawing back. "Of course, sir," he nodded.

Lorenzo stepped into the room in time to see Alexis disappear into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and moved through the suite, adjusting lights and curtains, turning on soft jazz, feeling for a moment like some teenage lothario trying to score on prom night. As he hung his jacket on the back of a chair, a pair of slender arms wrapped around him from behind, hands slipping between the buttons of his shirt, fingers trailing over the hard muscles of his stomach, and he felt the soft heat of Alexis's womanly body pressed against his back through thin layers of cotton and silk.

Lorenzo cleared his throat roughly. "I was thinking about ordering room service. Do you want anything? Food, champagne?"

He could feel her shaking her head against his back. She scraped her nails lightly over his stomach. "Just you," she said, her voice impossibly husky.

His breath caught, and he pulled her hands away, turning swiftly and catching her face in his hands. He kissed her hard, and they were both lost again. Her hands grabbed his shirt, his waistband, anything for support, and they circled and stumbled until they hit the bed and fell onto it, Alexis on her back and Lorenzo hard on top of her.

For a moment they just looked at each other, wide-eyed and panting, utterly surrendered to the command of their bodies and the need to be joined, their muddled brains trying to figure out what had to be done next to make that happen. The position was right, but there were clothes in the way. Somehow they were both still fully dressed. Despite their stumbling, giddy, greedy journey to the hotel room, hands had been too crazed to master the intricacies of ties and buttons and zippers. But now the clothes had to come off. They had to be naked. They would have to slow down. Think. Not get carried away. Lorenzo felt the nervousness sweep through Alexis's body beneath him.

He leaned back on his heels, surveying her dress and summoning the self-control he would need to get it off without wrecking it, but Alexis moved away. She sat up and drew her knees to her chest, watching him warily, her lower lip pulled between her teeth. A frown passed over her face, and she moved to the edge of the bed and onto her feet. Her back was to him, and for a long, agonizing moment Lorenzo watched her shoulders rise and fall, rise and fall, in deep, unsteady breaths. Finally she turned around and extended her hand to him, her eyes inching up to meet his. Lorenzo took her hand and stood in front of her, and their eyes met in consultation. She licked her lips and smiled briefly, tightly, and gave the smallest nod.

Fighting the sense that she was falling into Lorenzo's eyes, Alexis took a steadying breath and reached for his collar. With trembling hands, she began unknotting his black tie. Lorenzo placed his hands over hers, stilling them. “Your hands are shaking. Are you frightened?”

Alexis shook her head, but her words were an affirmation. “I feel like I’m about to fall. Or jump."

Lorenzo brought her hands to his lips and kissed them gently. “I know. It’s like standing at the edge of the world. All that promise and terror.”

Alexis nodded her head nervously, trying to control her breathing. "It's easier when we're carried away, out of control. It's hard to do this calmly."

"If you're not sure ---"

"I'm sure," she interrupted. "I want this. I can't not do this. I'm just scared."

"Of what?"

Alexis shook her head, struggling for words. What was she scared of? Loosening her grip on the feelings she'd been holding inside for so long? Being overwhelmed by her response to him? Unleashing all of Lorenzo's volatile energy and power and facing the full force of this confident, demanding, sexually aggressive man? Being disappointed? Disappointing him?

"Everything," she said shakily.

"Of me?"

"Mostly I'm scared of how much I want this. How much I feel. I'm scared of feeling this way about you, of all people. I don't know where the escape hatch is."

Lorenzo smiled softly and pressed his lips to her furrowed brow. "I won't hurt you, Alexis. I won't do anything to make you regret this."

Alexis grimaced painfully. "I know better than to believe people who say that to me."

Lorenzo brushed his fingers down her cheek, trying to wipe away the worry etched on her face, and placed a kiss on her lips. "Close your eyes," he instructed softly. Alexis met his piercing gaze for a moment, finding reassurance in the warmth she found there. She let her eyelids fall. Lorenzo pressed the palm of his hand to her belly. "Breathe slowly and let the feelings wash over you."

Alexis took a deep breath, and the warmth of Lorenzo’s hand on her belly spread through her, making her head swim. "I'm --- I feel dizzy."

"Like you can feel the earth hurtling through space?"

"Maybe. Yes."

"Do you see the stars? Look at them, mi amor. They're all around us. Can you see them?"

"Yes," Alexis murmured, smiling softly. "Nothing but darkness and millions of little lights. I can't feel the ground."

"Just hold onto me, Alexis. Hold on tight. I've got you. I promise I won't let you fall."

Alexis opened her eyes slowly and met Lorenzo's familiar gaze again. So familiar. From that very first day at his house, the first time she saw in his eyes compassion and not contempt, when he was unknown, still a stranger to her, there was something so familiar about his eyes. So different, yet somehow like looking into her own.

She stole a glance at the mirror on the wall. Her own eyes were dark and burning, her skin was flushed, and her breathing was slow but rough with nervous excitement. Different, yet familiar. And that was how he made her feel. The emotions and desires he lured from their lair deep inside her, the fury he unleashed -- it was all new and unwieldy, powerful and frightening, yet deeply familiar. And strangely, unexpectedly peaceful. Maybe there was a real self underneath all those layers of façade. Maybe Luke was right.

With one last slow, shaky breath, Alexis leapt. She held out her hands to Lorenzo, and when he offered his own in return she wrapped her fingers tight around his and pulled him close. She raised up on her toes and kissed him, tentative at first, and then slow and sure and sensual. She pulled his hands behind her back, and when Lorenzo followed her lead and locked his arms around her, she moved her hands back to his tie, steady and quick this time. She didn't look down.

chapter 52

(Note: Chapter 50B, and chapter 51 are too "sexy" for a public board. Those interested and of age (over 18) can inquire about the missing chapters at Odi Et Amo. E-mail me for more details.)