Losing Balance
by Lionel

chapter 41

"So how much do you hate Judge Farmer?"

It wasn't the greeting Alexis expected to hear when she dug her ringing cell phone out of her purse and saw Lorenzo's number. He sounded playful, mischievous, almost jaunty. Certainly he was in much better spirits than he had been the previous day. He sounded like a man with a plan. She could picture the cocky smirk that went with that tone - even by phone it made her toes curl -- and she couldn't help but smile back.

"With the heat of a thousand suns," she answered, her curiosity piqued. "Like Boston hates the Yankees. Why?"

It was just after lunch on Wednesday and Alexis was in a limousine in the parking lot of the PCPD. Marcus and another one of Lorenzo's men - allegedly named Moses, though Alexis hadn't yet managed to call him that with a straight face - were in the front seat. Rain was coming down hard, but there was a momentary break in the raucous thunderstorms that had been moving through the area for the last hour, and Alexis had been about to get out of the limousine and make a run for the front door of the PCPD as best she could. Instead she settled back into the car seat.

"A sports analogy, Alexis?" Lorenzo noted with amusement. "I think that's a first. I had no idea you spoke ESPN."

"I don't. And I have no interest in learning. Ever. But I did live in Boston. Even with my head buried in law books I couldn't help but notice that particular civic obsession. Answer my question. Why do you want to know how deep my hatred for that sanctimonious bitch runs?"

"Would you say she's incompetent, corrupt or evil?"

Alexis sighed in mild frustration at Lorenzo's insistence on playing games, but she gave the question due consideration. "Certainly incompetent and corrupt. I'd throw in irresponsible, insensitive, condescending, grossly overstepping and drunk on her own power. But not truly evil. Not Helena evil."

"So if she were to suffer the just consequences of her actions, would you lose sleep?"

"The just consequences? Not a wink. Why? What are you up to, Lorenzo?"

"I'm in a position to get Judge Farmer out of the picture -- if it would be acceptable to you." He sounded very pleased with himself, or rather as if he were trying hard not to sound too pleased with himself.

Alexis arched an eyebrow, equally wary and intrigued. "Define get her out of the picture."

"That's up to you. What would you like to see happen to her?"

"What would I like to see happen to her?" The simple query threw Alexis off balance. It was a question for her gut and not her head, and to consider it at all was to tap into her submerged lust for revenge and to feel again the terrible powerlessness of having her fate in Judge Farmer's untrustworthy hands, to feel her impotence mocked. She didn't quite dare take the question seriously. "My attorney is advising me not to answer that. Given who you are I could be charged with solicitation of murder."

Lorenzo chuckled. "I'll rephrase the question then. What would you consider just, Alexis? Do you think the dishonorable Judge Farmer should be re-assigned to night court? Lose her judgeship? Be caught in a compromising position with an underaged boy? Go to jail?"

Alexis frowned. "What, I just pick one and you make it happen? Sort of like sitting on Santa's knee?"

"You can pick more than one if you want, but that's the idea."

Alexis watched the water pooling at the bottom of the car window and shook her head. "I don't know. Unlike the rest of my illustrious family, I'm not really comfortable playing god."

"Think of yourself as a judge handing down a sentence. Handing down justice."

"Awfully presumptuous of me, isn't it?"

"Justice isn't a naturally occurring state, Alexis. You have to help it along."

"I thought that's what the legal system was for. I thought that's what I was doing working eighty hour weeks."

"My way is easier. And it has a much higher success rate."

"Your way," she repeated with a weary laugh. "Your way was also my brother's way and Sonny's way, Lorenzo. It's not unfamiliar, but I've never been entirely comfortable with it. I had really hoped to leave it behind."

"Do you really think that's realistic, Alexis? Never mind Judge Farmer. There's too much at stake with Kristina, with Helena. You can't afford to trust the legal system to procure justice for you. You need to use all the weapons at your disposal."

"Including yours?"

"I know you have firepower of your own if you're willing to use it; I can put even more in your hands."

"Careful. I may start to get a little drunk on power myself."

"Would that be so bad? I trust you to use your power wisely, Alexis. Don't you trust yourself?"

Alexis shrugged wordlessly, a gesture that was lost on Lorenzo. "Perhaps I'm not immune to the corrupting effect of power."

"Is that what you're afraid of? Is that why you shy away from power games?"

She started to speak but then hesitated for a moment, searching for an answer to the question. "I'm wary of the part of myself that's like them," she said finally.

"It's wise to be wary, Alexis, but it is a part of you. You might find that it's an enormous relief to embrace it."

She squinted out the window, not really seeing anything for the rain pouring down. "I like being the sane, reasonable, law-abiding Cassadine, Lorenzo. I like being socially acceptable. Or I did. Do you know Luke calls me the warm, fuzzy Cassadine? I actually like that."

"Maybe you could be the sane, reasonable, ass-kicking Cassadine. Warm and fuzzy until they're dumb enough to mess with you."

Alexis laughed. "When you say that, I picture myself in big black leather boots holding a submachine gun. I look ridiculous."

"Nah. You look great."

His light-hearted words came out as a low, hungry growl that rumbled inside her, and Alexis felt herself flush. She quickly shook off the reaction. "I'm a little afraid of shooting myself in the foot, Lorenzo. My attempts to be dastardly and manipulative usually backfire."

"Mine don't, Alexis."

"Is that supposed to be reassuring?"

"Yes, it is actually." His frustration was beginning to show through.

"Well, I'm sorry. I'm sure you find being a talented criminal gratifying, but the fact that you are exceptionally good at exerting corrupt influence doesn't really make me any more comfortable with any of this."

Lorenzo let out a short, testy sigh. "Fine. Fine. I give up, Alexis. The last thing I want to do is pressure you to do something that makes you uncomfortable. Why don't you take some time and think about it. If you decide you want to stop that woman from dictating your relationship with your daughter, let me know. I won't do anything until I hear from you. Goodbye."

Alexis was stunned. "Lorenzo, wait -- " She hesitated, unsure whether he had already hung up. Apparently she had found the limits of his patience.

"What?"

She licked her lips nervously. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For - for being so difficult."

"Isn't that a bit like the rooster apologizing for crowing?"

"I suppose it is. I'm sorry for being a jerk when you're trying to help me in a very reasonable and respectful way. You're offering to do something that I would very much like to have you do, but instead of accepting graciously I'm fretting about the morality of your methods as if they're somehow beneath me, as if my own hands are too clean to do anything so distasteful. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry I make everything so hard."

"Oh, I barely noticed." There was no mistaking the gentle sarcasm in his tone. "But I do appreciate the apology. Thank you."

"You're welcome. And now this is me dismounting my moral high horse. Thank you for your offer, Lorenzo. I would very much like your help."

"Okay. Tell me what you want."

"Nothing illegal, Lorenzo. No physical harm, no phony charges or setups. Just what the evidence supports. I don't need her to suffer. I can live without her humiliation. I just want her out of my life. I don't want to ever hear another word from her again. And I don't think she should be in a position where she can make decisions about custody of a child again. Beyond that … I don't need anything beyond that."

"I'll bet when you sat on Santa's knee you asked for a rain slicker."

"I never sat on Santa's knee. Nothing but coal for Cassadines."

"Then you'll have to sit on mine. If you tell me what you really want, not just what you need, I'll put Santa's elves to shame."

"Even if I'm naughty?"

"Especially if you're naughty."

"You can't be Kris Kringle without the beard."

"You want a beard?"

"Yeah. Not a fake one, either. One good tug and a child's illusions are shattered. It has to be real."

"Anything for you." His tone was suddenly serious.

"Can you really do this, Lorenzo? With Judge Farmer, I mean."

"Yes."

"How?"

"Magic."

"Lorenzo."

"Even if we weren't on a cell, I couldn't tell you. But I think you'd be okay with it."

"No strings attached? No piper to pay?"

"No strings. The piper has already been paid."

"I'm really trusting you on this, Lorenzo. That isn't easy for me."

"I know, Alexis. I promise you won't regret it."

"Okay. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'll call back in a little while when it's set up."

For a long minute after Lorenzo was gone, Alexis didn't move. With her cell phone still pressed absently to her ear, she was off inside her own head, trying to identify the reaction she was having to what she had just asked Lorenzo to do. It was the missing reactions that surprised her - where was the nervousness, the guilt, the second-guessing? All she could discern was a sense of satisfaction and a small thrill, much like the feeling she had when turning in a particularly compelling brief. She wasn't quite sure what to make of any of it, but she didn't have time to figure it out. She put her cell phone back in her purse, readied her umbrella and stepped out into the rain.

chapter 42