Losing Balance
by Lionel

chapter 37

Alexis was sitting in an Adirondack chair on the patio watching the patterns of ripples on the lake and soaking up the tentative warmth of the May sun when she heard the door slide open behind her. She knew without turning around that it was Lorenzo, though she really didn't know what made her so sure - whether it was some subtle scent of his that she was only subconsciously aware of, simple common sense, or something more ethereal, like confidence in cosmic serendipity. She didn't look at him, and she didn't acknowledge his arrival. She just waited for him to approach.

Lorenzo closed the door behind him and paused for a moment, waiting for some reaction from Alexis. He couldn't see her face, but he knew from the way her shoulders had tensed that she heard him come out. She had changed out of her business clothes, and he saw that she was wearing the same white blouse she had on the first time he had been on this patio, just a week earlier. A lot had happened since that day, but she was as far away as ever. He tightened his jaw and approached.

Alexis glanced in his direction only briefly when he sat down in the chair next to her, and then she returned her attention to the water. She thought that if she didn't look at him it might not be so hard to keep from being pulled under. Lorenzo folded his arms across his chest and watched her, eyes narrowed and an unsure frown on his own face. "You called," he said quietly.

Alexis pursed her lips and let out a sigh. "Tell me, is there some reason that when I ask you to call me, you take that as an invitation to come to my home? My daughter is here."

Lorenzo flinched as if he had been slapped. Alexis was stunned herself by how harsh she sounded. "Whoa, " he said, taken aback. "Did I miss something here?"

"Apparently you missed the part of my message where I asked you to call me. And you seem to have missed my message each and every time I've told you that I need you to keep your distance from me and my daughter." Alexis was surprised by how easy it was to be nasty to him, as long as she kept her eyes on the water and didn't engage him.

"Maybe that's because I liked the other messages I was hearing from you a lot better."

Alexis shook her head, her lips pressed tightly together. He was right, and she hated it. "You know, I really hate it when people don't believe that I mean what I say. I don't use words casually, Lorenzo."

"Yeah, I know that about you. And I've never doubted that you were telling the truth about your fears and your reservations. But you've said a lot of things without words, Alexis, and they're true, too. You and I both know you're conflicted."

"No, I'm not conflicted, Lorenzo. I know exactly what I want. I've told you what I want." She shook her head. "God, I hate this. I hate having to repeat myself again and again, having to convince you that the words I say are my truth."

"And I hate fighting the same battles again and again." His eyes dug into her, trying to will her to look at him. He didn't dare touch her. "Obviously you're angry with me for something, Alexis. Why don't you tell me what it is instead of just pushing me away?"

"You already know, Lorenzo. It's nothing new. If you've listened to anything I've said, you know. You are not someone I can allow in my life. I've been letting my hormones distract me from that basic truth, but I'm not going to let it happen anymore."

Lorenzo ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He felt like he was drowning, and he had no idea where the life ring was. "Please, tell me what happened."

Alexis glanced at him for a moment. "Why don't you tell me about Carly?"

Lorenzo nodded, relieved to have something concrete to address. "Okay." Mike had told him about the heat of her cross-examination. "I asked Marcus to follow her when she left the courthouse, and to intercept her and bring her to me if it appeared she was going to contact Sonny. But that wasn't necessary. She met up with Leticia and her kids outside the courthouse and they went to the park. I can't be certain, but I think that this time she calmed down on her own."

"And what would you have done if she didn't?"

"I would have talked to her. I would have tried to convince her not to tell Sonny. It's not in her interests to tell him, and she just needs to be reminded of that when she flies off the handle."

"And that's all that happened?"

"Yes."

Alexis's lower lip slipped between her teeth for a moment, and then she nodded. "Okay. That's all I was calling about. I assume you can find your way out." She leaned back in the chair and gazed out at the water as if he were already gone.

"Stop it, Alexis." Lorenzo reached out and put his hand on her arm, demanding her attention. She flinched and looked up at him sharply. "Is it really necessary to treat me like a stranger? Or an enemy?"

She pulled her arm away from him and shrugged bitterly. "And how should I treat you?"

"How about like a friend? Someone who cares about you and is doing everything he can to help you?"

Her eyes went back to the safety of the water. "You know, I wish you wouldn't. I don't like owing you, Lorenzo. I can't seem to shake the feeling that your help comes with a price tag. You seem to think that my gratitude gives you carte blanche to roam around in my personal life and my home . . . and in my bed."

"Well, obviously that's not true," he said, bitterness seeping into his tone. With a counter-surge of tenderness, he put his hand under her chin and tugged gently, encouraging her to look at him. Her head turned to him, but her eyes darted about. "My help is freely given, Alexis, and I've never suggested otherwise. There is no quid pro quo here. And as I recall, you've let me into your personal life of your own free will. If you regret that, say so, but don't try to tell me that I've forced anything on you."

She dared to meet his gaze for a moment, but the tears welled up quickly. He was just too damn gorgeous, and every emotion was etched so beautifully on his face. She felt herself sinking into him, and she looked away again. "I'm sorry, Lorenzo. I just really don't know how to handle this."

"How to handle what?"

"Who you are. And how I feel about that."

Lorenzo took a deep breath. "What's going on, Alexis? What's changed since Friday?"

Alexis shrugged wearily. "Nothing, really. I just opened my eyes. I stopped ignoring my brain."

Lorenzo groaned. "It would be really helpful if you could be a little less cryptic."

"Helpful for what, Lorenzo?" she asked, frustrated and plaintive. "This isn't a problem you can solve. It's just the way things are."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not prepared to accept that."

"Can't you just let it go, Lorenzo? Please, please listen to what I'm saying."

"I am listening, Alexis. But you're not very convincing."

Alexis pressed her palms to her eyes and rubbed her hands down her face in frustration. She wasn't getting anywhere. Finally she turned to face Lorenzo and met his gaze squarely, but with a hard, suspicious look that shielded her from his eyes and the power they held to pull her into their depths and forge a connection. "Tell me something, Lorenzo. Did you blow up Sonny's warehouse on Friday?" She watched him carefully, with some distaste, like a cop interrogating a perp.

Lorenzo gave the slightest sigh of understanding and shook his head. "No, I didn't, Alexis."

She peered at him, trying to decide if she believed him. "That was the warehouse where your brother murdered my sister," she said bluntly, trying to shake him.

Lorenzo winced and shook his head again. "I didn't realize that. I heard about Friday's explosion, but I didn't know it was the same place. It must have been upsetting for you to revisit what happened with your sister. I'm sorry."

"Why should you be sorry, Lorenzo? It has nothing to do with you, right?" Her tone was unpleasantly taunting. "You didn't help your brother kill my sister. You didn't go after Sonny. This time."

"I'm sorry because you were upset, Alexis. It's called empathy. And yeah, I can't help but feel a little responsible. I'm sorry that your sister died, and I'm sorry that you thought I would have blown up that warehouse again. But I didn't. And I wouldn't. I have no plans to make a move against Sonny."

"But plans can change, right?"

"If Sonny comes after me, I will defend myself. And if he comes after you, I hope you'll let me defend you."

"Do you think he'll come after me?"

"I think it's inevitable."

Alexis was silent for a moment. She agreed with Lorenzo, and she knew it was time to get serious about preparing for the inevitable. She stood up. "I'd really like you to go now, Lorenzo. Before my daughter wakes up. Before someone sees you here."

Lorenzo looked toward the house. "Before Jax sees me here?"

"Before anyone sees you here. Jax, Carly, Sonny, the Quartermaines. None of it is good, Lorenzo. Please just go."

He sat there stubbornly, his eyes pleading with her for more time, for another hearing, for a fair chance to argue his case, but she kept her eyes averted and her arms wrapped tightly across her chest. Finally Alexis turned and walked to the door, stepping inside and closing it behind her, and Lorenzo rose reluctantly from his seat and made his way down the path to his car.