Losing Balance
by Lionel

chapter 28

When Kristina woke from her nap at half past two, Alexis pulled herself out of bed and dressed for work. She had two of Lorenzo's guards drive her downtown to her office to pick up various background documents and precedents she would need that evening, and then she met up with Alice and Kristina at the playground in the park.

Alexis was pushing Kristina on a swing and chatting with Alice when she saw Lorenzo walking down one of the paths leading to the playground. Alexis fell silent and watched him approach, more curious than nervous. Her tears and sleep had calmed her nerves somewhat, and Lorenzo's visit to her bedroom earlier that afternoon now seemed strangely unreal. Nothing had happened, really, nothing tangible, and she could almost convince herself that the intensity of the encounter, with its raw eroticism and naked intimacy, had been only in her head.

Lorenzo paused when he reached the perimeter of the playground, and when his eyes met hers he raised his head slightly in greeting. He held up the two cups of coffee he was carrying in his hands and gestured with his head toward the empty park bench where they had talked a few days earlier. He took a seat on the bench.

Alexis continued pushing Kristina's swing, contemplating Lorenzo's invitation and stealing an occasional guarded glance his way. She felt oddly calm, and it seemed perfectly reasonable and natural to join Lorenzo on the bench for coffee and conversation. After a moment's hesitation, she ceded the task of pushing Kristina's swing to Alice. "I need to speak with Mr. Alcazar," she explained to Alice, nodding toward the bench. She bent down slightly to speak to Kristina. "Mommy needs to talk to a friend, but Alice will keep pushing you. I'll be right over there."

Alexis walked over to the bench and sat down at the opposite end from Lorenzo. She accepted the cup of coffee he held out to her. "Thank you," she said.

"You're welcome." For once Lorenzo didn't smile or smirk or smolder. His manner wasn't unkind or unfriendly, but he seemed to be making a conscious effort to rein in his usual overt sexuality. "Your phone message said that you needed to talk."

Alexis's brow wrinkled slightly in surprise. Apparently Lorenzo was going to behave as though their erotic near miss had never happened. She felt relieved. "Right. I did," Alexis stumbled, recalling the internal debate and self-doubt that had prompted her call to Lorenzo. "I was having some doubts about this whole thing with Helena."

"Okay," Lorenzo said carefully. "What can I do to help assuage your doubts?"

Alexis shook her head. "Nothing, really."

Lorenzo raised an eyebrow skeptically. "You called me for a reason, Alexis. Tell me what you wanted me to do."

Alexis winced and closed her eyes. She shook her head again. "It's not so much what you say or do, Lorenzo. It's just the way I feel - " Alexis cut herself off. "Never mind. I'm better now."

Lorenzo frowned slightly. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure." Alexis nervously took a sip of her coffee and looked toward the swings.

Lorenzo drank his own coffee, watching Alexis cautiously. "I'm sorry about earlier," he said in a quiet voice. A pained expression came over her face. Still looking at Kristina, she shrugged helplessly, unable to find words to form an adequate response. "I didn't intend to intrude," Lorenzo said.

Alexis looked at Lorenzo for a moment, then averted her face again. Apparently all of those raw emotions were much closer to the surface than she had realized, and the intensity of looking in his eyes was almost too much. It was easier when they were acting as though nothing had happened. "Can we just not talk about it?" she asked, squinting and shaking her head. "I really don't know what there is to say."

Lorenzo frowned, but nodded his head. "Okay. Then why don't you give me that update then? How is the legal work going?"

Alexis let out a sigh and relaxed somewhat, relieved to move on to a less sensitive topic. "It's going fine. Everything is on track. Document drafts should start rolling off the fax machine in a few hours, and then it's just a matter of doing what I'm trained to do."

"So is it going to be another late night?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. Fortunately, I could almost do this part in my sleep."

A mischievous grin tugged at Lorenzo's lips. "Do you want company?" A hint of flirtation slipped into his voice. "I can feed your fax machine, make you coffee."

The lascivious twinkle in Lorenzo's eyes was infectious, and Alexis couldn't help but laugh at the ludicrous thought of Lorenzo collating papers. "You don't even remotely resemble my idea of a secretary, Lorenzo."

"Oh, I'm a lot better than a secretary, Alexis. I'll take care of your every need." Lorenzo raised one eyebrow suggestively and tried to suppress a grin. "Strategic advice, motivation, backrubs." Alexis's smile faded and she blushed crimson at the memory of her dream. "You can even chase me around the desk if you want."

"How is your dictation?" she teased.

"Excellent." Lorenzo feigned seriousness. "Really first-rate dictation skills, or so I've been told. What do you say? Wanna dictate?"

Alexis laughed. "Yes," she admitted. Somehow Lorenzo managed to be seductive even when he was making intentionally absurd double entendre. "But I'm going to have to say no," she said, turning more serious. "Thanks anyway. Maybe some other time."

Lorenzo nodded, accepting defeat. "Definitely some other time."

"Besides, you must be exhausted. You were out even later than me last night."

Lorenzo shook his head. "I've never felt more awake, Alexis." His teasing tone was gone, and in his voice was a sincerity that touched Alexis's heart. "Thank you for last night," Lorenzo said, smiling gently. "For letting me share your sunrise. And for insisting on seeing it through until day. I will never forget the way you looked in the first morning light."

Alexis smiled almost shyly. The speed with which their conversation had moved from business to flirtation to intimacy left her dizzy. "I'm sorry I fell asleep."

"I'm not," Lorenzo grinned. "I liked carrying you to bed. I really would have liked to tuck you in, but your ex-husband didn't think that was such a good idea."

Alexis bit her lip nervously at the mention of Jax. "I understand the two of you talked this morning."

"Mm-hmm," Lorenzo nodded. "At some length. I told him about our plans. He made it clear he doesn't like my participation. I'm afraid Mr. Jacks doesn't trust me."

"Can you blame him, Lorenzo? Even from where I sit, your involvement is a little suspicious."

Lorenzo shrugged. "I don't blame him for wanting me to stay away from you."

"He's worried I might be in danger from you."

"He's worried he's going to lose you, Alexis," Lorenzo corrected. "That's why he wants me to stay away. But I'm not going anywhere. It takes a lot more than a possessive ex-husband to scare me away."

Something in Lorenzo's tone or words sounded a warning for Alexis and brought a latent concern to the surface. Eyeing him warily, she hesitated a moment before speaking; she needed to choose her message carefully. "I really hope this goes without saying, Lorenzo, but don't even think of pulling a stunt with me like you did with Carly."

Lorenzo raised one eyebrow, waiting for Alexis to elaborate.

"You don't get to decide whether I'm with Jax or not." Alexis's voice was firm. "Believe me, if you lay a hand on him or do anything to interfere in our relationship, that's it. You and I won't be friends, and we certainly won't ever be lovers. I don't react well to people who try to manipulate and control me. That's not my idea of foreplay."

To Alexis's surprise and relief, Lorenzo laughed heartily. "Understood," he said. "I know you're not Carly, Alexis. And Jax isn't Sonny. I may not like the fact that you're with him, but I respect your right to make that decision. You wouldn't be with someone who treated you the way Sonny treats Carly."

"Or the way you treated Carly," Alexis added pointedly.

Lorenzo sighed. "I was trying to help her."

"You were trying to control her, Lorenzo. You decided what was best for her, and then you did any number of reprehensible things to make her do what you thought she should do. Frankly, that's a little hard for me to excuse."

Lorenzo ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "The thing with Carly was an aberration, Alexis. I wish I could explain it better. I made a series of mistakes, about Carly and about what she wanted."

Alexis grimaced. Carly was the last person she wanted to think about, but Alexis knew that she couldn't just ignore Lorenzo's relationship with her. "Were you in love with her?" she asked carefully. "Are you still?"

Lorenzo laughed. "No," he said definitively. "I thought I was. Or at least I said I was. I felt something, and I wasn't sure what else to call it. Now I realize that what I felt wasn't for her at all. It was for a ghost."

"What do you mean?"

"Carly reminded me of someone I once knew, and I made the mistake of thinking that the similarity was more than skin deep. Somehow I convinced myself that Carly was spirited and brave and the soul of maternal devotion, when really she is demanding and insecure and cruel, and more self-centered than anyone I've ever met in my life. I was so caught up in helping her, I didn't realize that she didn't want to be helped."

"'Caught up in helping her'?" Alexis raised an eyebrow. "Is that what you call it? I think most people call it stalking when you use kidnapping and gaslighting as seduction techniques. Of course, I really shouldn't talk. In my family, it's practically a tradition. That's how my brothers reeled in most of their mates."

"I'm surprised you find it so humorous."

Alexis shrugged. "Actually, I find it quite disturbing. But if I can laugh about it, I can avoid dealing with how insane it is for me to be sitting here with you. It's difficult to reconcile what I know you've done with the man I've been spending time with."

"You and I, we're not simple people, Alexis."

Alexis frowned, not quite comfortable with Lorenzo's continuing conviction that they were somehow alike. She remained silent for a moment. "Can you at least understand why I'm wary about what's going on between us?"

Lorenzo nodded. "Sure. I can understand. You see me chasing you, trying to help you, and you wonder whether I've just replaced Carly with you."

"Yes, that's part of it."

"I haven't. I'm not mistaken about you, Alexis."

Alexis's attention was drawn back to the playground, where Kristina was now making her way up the steps of one of the climbing structures. Once she reached the platform, she stood at the edge of a wobbly bridge, contemplating the crossing. Kristina had crossed it successfully in the past, but the bridge always made Alexis nervous. The railings were too open and it sagged too much in the middle, which meant that once Kristina took her first step onto the bridge, gravity would pull her forward, and she would have to churn her little legs to keep up.

With a grin, Kristina stepped forward and ran onto the bridge, stopping in the middle. She jumped up and down over and over, making the bridge bounce and laughing gleefully. Suddenly the bucking of the bridge caught her off balance and she wobbled for a moment, dangerously close to tumbling off the side of the bridge. Though Alice was much closer, instinct made Alexis stand up, but before she took a step Kristina had steadied herself. Alexis sat back down.

She looked at Lorenzo skeptically. "By all rights, you and I should hate each other. But here you are, bound and determined to help me. I really don't understand, Lorenzo. I don't understand how you can just forget that I killed your brother. Why aren't you angry with me? Why don't you hate me?"

Lorenzo drank the last of his coffee, considering how to make Alexis understand. "Do you hate Luke Spencer?" he finally asked. Alexis shook her head. "No, you're friends, right? And yet he killed your father and your brothers."

"That's different."

"Why, Alexis? Was what you did any less justified?"

"No."

"Then don't you think I'm capable of the same understanding and forgiveness you are?"

Alexis thought seriously. "Maybe not. Maybe that's what it is. In my family we don't forget and we don't forgive. I assumed it was the same in yours."

"You're right. And yet you forgive."

"My mother's influence, I guess. It's one of the things that makes me a disappointment as a Cassadine."

"A disappointment to whom? You are a Cassadine, Alexis. Why can't you be the one to decide what that means? Even families like ours aren't static. Like it or not, they are susceptible to outside influences; they can change."

"Is that what happened to you?"

"Maybe."

Alexis sensed that she was finally getting closer to some kind of truth from Lorenzo. "Who was the woman that Çarly reminded you of?" she asked, watching him closely.

Lorenzo wanted to look away from Alexis, but he forced himself to meet her gaze. "My wife, Sophie."

"She's dead?"

Lorenzo nodded.

"Because of your family?"

"Indirectly."

"And does that have something to do with why you're helping me? The war you wish you had fought?"

Lorenzo nodded, then shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "Yeah, I guess it does."

Alexis saw Lorenzo's discomfort, but she didn't relent. "Please. Tell me. I need to understand."

Lorenzo folded his arms across his chest and sank down into the bench a little. He looked out at the playground, not really seeing it. "I thought I could just walk away from who I was, from my family. I saw this life that I wanted for myself - scholar, husband, father, a life far removed from the ugliness of my father's and brother's lives. I tried to get to that future without dealing with my past, with who I really was. I ended up caught in the middle. My family kept making demands of me and I couldn't say no, and I left Sophie unprotected in a dangerous situation."

Alexis had turned to face Lorenzo, resting her arm on the back of the bench and her chin on her hand. "What would you do differently?"

Lorenzo considered the question for a moment. "Accept that my family is part of who I am, for better and worse. Find a way to be safe and happy without running away."

Their conversation was interrupted by the approach of Alice and Kristina. Kristina ran to Alexis and quickly climbed up onto the bench, then turned around and sat primly right between Alexis and Lorenzo. "Pretzel?" she asked.

Alexis found a bag of broken pretzels in her purse and handed one to Kristina. "Have you two had enough of the park?" she asked Alice.

"Yes, I think she's ready to go," Alice replied. "I thought I would take her to the sing along at the library. Would you like to come, Ms. Davis?"

Alexis winced and shook her head firmly. "No, Mr. Alcazar and I haven't quite finished our business yet. I'll meet up with you at home."

Alexis gave Kristina a big goodbye hug, and Alice carried the little girl to the parking lot, followed closely by a team of Lorenzo's guards. When they were out of range, Lorenzo spoke. "Should I be flattered that you chose me over a sing along at the library?"

Alexis rolled her eyes and laughed. "Try to visualize me sitting on the floor in a room full of women singing their hearts out to the Wheels on the Bus. Don't get me wrong -- I love being a mother. I truly appreciate each and every minute that I get to spend with Kristina. Except the thirty minutes of my life that I spent at that sing along last week. Even Kristina was looking at me funny when I tried to sing."

Lorenzo laughed. "Smart and beautiful, like her mother. She's going to have all the boys eating out of her hand, with those big brown eyes and curls."

"She's got her daddy's charm. That's what Stefan said." Alexis smiled sadly. "I always wondered if he knew. Sometimes it seems so obvious to me that I wonder why everyone doesn't figure it out. Especially Sonny. I don't know how he can look at her and not see himself."

"Sonny lets his emotions blind him."

Alexis nodded. "I guess I should just be grateful for that."

"It won't last forever, Alexis. If nothing else, you know Carly will tell him sooner or later. It's too big a weapon for her to resist."

Alexis nodded grimly. "I know."

"So what are you doing to get ready?" There was challenge in his voice.

Alexis looked at Lorenzo questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"Right now, you have the advantage over Sonny. You know the fight is coming, he doesn't. This is your chance to get ready. To be better prepared."

"What would you have me do?"

Lorenzo considered the question. "If I were you, I would consider leaving Port Charles. Find a new place to live where Corinthos doesn't own the judges and the laws favor mothers. Maybe he won't even find out about her if you and Kristina aren't around. Out of sight, out of mind, might work, at least as far as Carly is concerned."

Alexis was skeptical. "You would run? I find that hard to believe."

"No, you're right," Lorenzo conceded. "I wouldn't run. I would fight. But if I were you and I didn't want to fight, I would seriously consider running."

"I didn't say I wasn't willing to fight, Lorenzo. I know this fight is coming, and believe it or not, I have been getting ready for it, in my own little ways."

"Such as?"

"Not getting involved with shady arms dealers," Alexis smirked. "And I've put together a very damaging dossier on Sonny's illicit business activities and his dysfunctional personal life. He has this ridiculous notion that attorney-client privilege protects everything that I might know about him. He'll be surprised by how much will be admissible."

"You didn't use this dossier in Carly's trial? You would have lost if I -" Lorenzo stopped.

"If you hadn't blown up his limo?" Alexis smiled humorlessly. "Yes, and maybe Carly would have told Sonny about Kristina. But she may tell him anyway, so I thought it best to save it and be able to throw it at him as a surprise. And I was afraid that using the dossier would have blown the secret anyway - he would have wondered why I had been gathering all this information."

Lorenzo nodded. "Well, that dossier will be helpful, but you know it won't be enough, Alexis. You're trying to play by the rules. You think that if you show the court that you're the better parent, you'll win. That's not the way it's going to work. You need to neutralize him."

Alexis raised an eyebrow. "I don't want him dead, Lorenzo."

Lorenzo laughed lightly. "There's more than one way to neutralize him. You can undercut his power. Sonny thinks he owns a lot of judges in this town; you can make sure they owe you. Use your friends, Alexis. Especially the rich and powerful and shady ones. Beat Corinthos at his own game."

Lorenzo's attention was drawn behind Alexis, where Helena was fast approaching and three of his guards were closing in. He tried to signal to Alexis, but she mistook his meaning and only spoke louder and more insistently.

"I don't want to play his game, Lorenzo. I think I can beat him without resorting to his methods. I can handle Sonny Corinthos."

Alexis was stunned to see Lorenzo's manner turn suddenly cold and formal. A chill went through her until she caught on to what he was doing.

"I certainly hope you can handle Mr. Corinthos," he said. "I'm paying you very well to do a job for me, Ms. Davis. If you can't achieve the results I want, you may find that I reacquire my thirst for vengeance very quickly."

Helena approached the bench, circled by a phalanx of Lorenzo's men, and Lorenzo and Alexis both looked up in feigned surprise.

"Mr. Alcazar, isn't it?" Helena said politely. "I'm Helena Cassadine. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Mrs. Cassadine," Lorenzo acknowledged coldly. He didn't stand and he didn't extend his hand. For a moment Alexis worried that his overt hostility would reveal their alliance, but then she remembered that Lorenzo was usually cold with strangers.

"I didn't realize that you and my step-daughter were well-acquainted, Mr. Alcazar. I must say, I'm rather surprised."

Lorenzo did not offer an explanation, so Alexis spoke up. "Mr. Alcazar has insisted that I help him with some legal work." She tried to sound resentful.

Helena ignored Alexis. "Well, Mr. Alcazar, if the two of you are finished, perhaps you and your very efficient men could give us a little privacy. I need to speak to Alexis alone about some family matters."

Lorenzo bristled. He certainly wasn't going to leave Alexis alone with Helena. "I'm afraid not, Mrs. Cassadine. Ms. Davis and I still have business to attend to."

"Oh, but it's really quite important," Helena purred. "I'm sure you know how difficult estate management issues can be."

"Ms. Davis's family troubles are of no concern to me, Mrs. Cassadine. We have a meeting to attend." Lorenzo stood and Alexis followed suit.

"Oh, is that your business with Mr. Corinthos?" Helena asked innocently. "Pardon me, I couldn't help but overhear you mention him earlier. Don't tell me you're going to the ELQ board meeting, too?"

"As a matter of fact, yes we are," Lorenzo confirmed, as they began to walk away. He heard a small gasp escape from Alexis's lips, and he had to resist the urge to put an arm around her for support.

"What a coincidence," Helena called after them. "I'll see you there."