Losing Balance
by Lionel

chapter 27

After a quick shower and a meandering chat with Kristina, Alexis adjourned to Jax's office to call New York. She spent the better part of two hours on the phone with partners in her old firm's New York office, and by noon two dozen associates in the firm's branch offices around the globe were busy preparing the papers that would need to be filed the next day. The initial drafts would be passed back up the chain of command and reviewed by the partners in New York before finally being sent to Alexis for her approval and sign-off sometime in the evening. That left Alexis with little to do but worry for the rest of the day.

Jax left the house just after noon, but not before adding to Alexis's list of worries. He stopped by the office on his way out, briefcase and car keys in hand. Alexis was still on the phone and waved goodbye, but instead of leaving, Jax hovered in the doorway until her call ended. "I have a meeting at ELQ this afternoon," Jax began hesitantly when she finally hung up. Alexis frowned, unsure why an ELQ meeting would make Jax nervous. "I thought I might go a little early so I can have a talk with Ned."

Alexis's frown deepened and her eyes narrowed in suspicion. "About what?" she asked warily, hoping her suspicion was wrong.

"About you and me." He spoke quickly, nervously anticipating her response.

Alexis shook her head. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I owe him that much," Jax said more firmly. "He's a friend, of a sort, and you're very important to him."

Alexis stared at Jax in disbelief. "Don't you think it's a little soon? It's been all of two days. I really don't feel the need to update Ned on my sex life in real-time."

Jax shrugged matter-of-factly. "No, I really don't think it's too soon, Alexis. Ned's going to find out sooner or later, and I think it will be easier for him if he hears it from one of us. I know that's what I would want."

Alexis threw up her hands. "What are you going to tell him? 'By the way, Ned, Alexis is sleeping with me now'? I don't even know how to define our relationship, Jax. I don't know where it's going. What are you going to tell Ned?"

"I'll tell him what I do know, Alexis," Jax said simply. "My feelings about you have changed. I think he deserves to know that."

Alexis shook her head in exasperation, and then her exasperation gave way to a rueful laugh. "Boy, you sure take this gentleman thing seriously, don't you?"

Jax smiled. "Well, if you'd rather talk to Ned yourself, ladies first."

"No," Alexis said definitively, rolling her eyes. "I'll gladly let you slay that dragon for me. I can't deal with Ned right now. I'll talk to him later, when things calm down a bit."

"Okay." One hand still on the doorknob, Jax raised the other hand in farewell. "Then I'm off. I should be home by dinnertime. Call if anything comes up."

"I will. Good luck." Alexis smiled as Jax turned to leave. "I'll get the ice packs ready in case Ned hits you," Alexis called after him teasingly.

Alexis ate lunch with Kristina and Alice and put the little girl down for her nap, and then she went to her own room in hope of getting some sleep herself. She took off her clothes and slid into bed in her underwear. Alexis rarely napped, but there was something perfectly decadent about lying in bed in a room filled with sparkling sunlight and crisp spring air with the feel of cool cotton sheets brushing against bare skin. Alexis stretched out, threw her head back on the pillow, and closed her eyes.

Her exhausted, achy body sank eagerly into the bed, her muscles relaxing almost instantly, but she couldn't make her mind stop racing. Over and over again she went over the steps she would take in the legal battle with Helena, each move and countermove, and she ran through every safety precaution, every contingency she had discussed with Lorenzo and Luke. As her mind raced, her nervousness and self-doubt grew, and she sought in vain for the confidence and assurance that had swept over her during the night. In the light of day, she feared she was making a mistake. Wasn't it wrong, even dangerous, to indulge her inner fury, to go on the attack in her lust for retribution? Wouldn't the smart thing be to take cover, to focus on protecting what she could, and just swallow whatever bitter pill was necessary to keep Kristina safe?

As these thoughts flooded her, Alexis knew that she despised them in herself. Caution and accommodation and feigned thick skin had been her tactical strength since childhood, and in many ways they had served her well, but she despised them. She despised the neverending effort of repression; she despised the sick feeling it left in her stomach, the knot of anger and fear; she despised her symptomatic nervousness. What a relief it had been to be free of all of it for a short time during the night, to luxuriate in the power and primal certainty that came over her when Lorenzo rested his hand on her belly.

Alexis reached over to the nightstand and picked up the phone. She dialed the number she had committed to memory the previous night, and held her breath as it rang. When voicemail picked up, she let out her breath sharply and squeezed her eyes shut, preparing to leave a message.

"Lorenzo. Hi. It's - it's Alexis." She paused to swallow. "I just thought I should check in with you and let you know how things are going. If you have a minute, could you give me a call? I'm at home. I need -- I'd just like to talk to you. I'm having a little trouble remembering why I'm doing this. Thanks. Bye."

Alexis hung up the phone and rolled over onto her stomach, hiding her head in her pillow in embarrassment and guilt. She imagined Lorenzo listening to her phone message. He would have that knowing smirk on his face, the one that said he knew how much he got to her. And he did get to her. It made no sense. What was it about him that triggered her body's unchecked erotic response? Was it his eyes - those intense blue eyes that always seemed to be undressing her? Was it the way he was so completely unabashed about his desire, the way his heated sexuality permeated every move he made, seething right there on the surface instead of being properly hidden away? Was it his hands - those strong hands and sturdy fingers that made her skin burn and haunted her dreams? Alexis let herself remember each time those hands had touched her - on her shoulders, her hands, her lips, her stomach - and every exquisite sensation they had drawn out. It had never been enough, just a hint of how they could drive her mad if she let them.

Suddenly Alexis felt a pair of hands on her bare shoulders. They were warm and strong and welcoming as they began to work the muscles around her neck. She tried to turn her head to see who was there, but she couldn't seem to move; she quickly gave up the effort. Still, she needed to know. "Jax?" she mumbled.

"No," came the response in a familiar low voice that sent reverberations through her core. "Just relax," Lorenzo commanded, making her stomach flip.

Somewhere in the back of her mind Alexis knew she shouldn't obey, but her will melted away under the pure pleasure of Lorenzo's touch. Fire raced through her body as his hands glided over her skin, working away every last bit of resistance. She couldn't muster the strength to move, and she let herself sink into the bed.

Lorenzo's fingers worked their way down her neck, along her shoulders, and across her upper back, pushing and kneading gently as they went. His hands seemed to be everywhere on her at once; she was all nerve endings, and each touch sent a pulse of generalized pleasure coursing through her body. Alexis was in heaven, on the verge of exploding, hovering on the edge of a wave that would never break as long as Lorenzo's hands continued their patient ministrations to her upper body.

Lorenzo unhooked her bra and slid it off her shoulders, and then ran his hands appreciatively over the naked expanse of her back. Alexis silently urged his hands south. She held her breath as his hands did slide down to the small of her back, and she gasped when his fingers traced a line across her lower back just above the outline of her panties. When Lorenzo slipped his thumbs over the edge of her panties and slid them down, she whimpered. Still she couldn't move.

There was a knock on the door and alarm bells went off somewhere in her head. Alexis struggled to find a coherent thought, to pull herself out of the erotic fog she was in. There was another knock, and she opened her eyes, guilt and panic beginning to set in.

The door opened, and there was Lorenzo in the doorway. Alexis stared at him, breathing hard and licking her lips, trying to regain her bearings. She blinked her eyes tightly in a vain attempt to clear away the haze of her arousal, and then stole a glance behind her on the bed. She was alone. She looked back at the door. There was Lorenzo, across the room, not in bed with her. It had been a dream. A very vivid dream.

From the doorway, Lorenzo watched Alexis's struggle to awaken, and struggled with his own reaction to the unexpected scene. She took his breath away, lying there on her stomach almost naked, a sheet drawn up to her waist, her dark hair fanned over the white pillow. Lorenzo fought for air against the wave of desire that swept over him. Her face revealed everything - the height of her arousal, her confusion, her fear of the lust for him that still lingered after her dream, the conflict in her soul - and left him trapped in indecision. He felt like an intruder, catching her in an absolutely vulnerable moment, and he knew that having entered uninvited, exposing her without permission, it was now his responsibility to protect her.

For a minute they watched each other, neither one able to move. Lorenzo expected Alexis to be the first to rein in her raging hormones and gather herself together, to cover herself and throw him out, but she just kept watching him with all of her lust and conflict naked on her face. As the seconds ticked away and Alexis seemed to remain trapped in the echo of her dream, Lorenzo's desire overwhelmed his sense of responsibility. He needed to be with her in bed, to join her in her dream. He wanted to take her back to wherever she had been in her sleep, to be whatever she had dreamed he was. "Close your eyes," Lorenzo instructed in a gravelly voice. "Let your dream come back to you."

His words sent a rush through her; if she had been standing her legs would have failed her. Breathing hard, she closed her eyes and waited for his touch. Before Lorenzo reached the bed, her eyes opened again, and she swallowed hard. He paused mid-step. Her distraught face reflected her agony, and when she finally managed to speak, her voice was desperate and pleading and breathless. "Please. Go," she begged.

Lorenzo hesitated for a moment, hoping for a reprieve, his own desperation and need and disappointment plain on his face. He was so close to her, close enough to touch her, close enough to place his hands on her shoulders, her back, her hair, to lay claim to her body once and for all. But he saw the pain etched into her face and the helpless pleading in her eyes, and he forced himself to turn away and walk to the door. He didn't dare look back at Alexis as he closed the door gently behind him.

As the door clicked shut, an intense sob swept over Alexis, releasing some of her body's tension and unleashing a torrent of tears. She pulled her knees to her chest and buried her head in her pillow, feeling all of her pent-up emotion wash over her. She let the tears soak her pillow and the sobs wrack her body until she was spent, and then she slipped into a quiet sleep.

chapter 28