Losing Balance
by Lionel

chapter 22

"To Natasha Cassadine. We've been waiting for you." Luke held up his drink in salute.

For a moment Alexis just looked at the glass that Luke had put in her hand, no expression on her face, then she squinted at Luke uncomfortably. She opened her mouth to chastise him, to call his toast presumptuous and melodramatic, but the objection died on her lips. Some part of her liked the sound of his words, and liked the feel of the cold glass in her hand. They made her feel powerful and edgy and excited.

She raised her own glass and drank down the icy vodka, closing her eyes at the familiar and welcome burning as it made its way down her throat. The taste for vodka must be written into her genetic code somewhere, she thought. The smooth liquor brought a jolt of primal connection with generations of Cassadines before her; she could feel her Russian and Scandinavian roots down to her toes.

Alexis opened her eyes to find both Lorenzo and Luke watching her carefully, their own glasses empty. They were waiting for a response from her, a reaction, anything. Surging adrenaline made her heart beat harder, and a rush of exhilaration filled her chest. Slowly a small, satisfied, almost mischievous smile came to her lips.

Alexis set her glass down on the table with the others, and Luke poured another round. The second one went down more quickly and without hesitation, and then Alexis placed her hand over the top of her glass to indicate she would have no more. She needed her wits about her to think clearly about Helena, and she knew her will to resist Lorenzo wouldn't survive a third drink.

"Is it decided, then?" Lorenzo asked, surprised that Alexis would let herself be goaded into action by Luke.

Alexis nodded slightly. "If I can get comfortable with the details." Lorenzo was reassured to see Alexis's habitual caution piercing through her adrenalized confidence. "If I can be certain that Kristina will be safe. But, yes, I want to do this. I need to do this. For her as much as for me. I'm afraid it's the only way she'll ever really be safe."

"Then we should get started on the details." Lorenzo kept his tone purposefully neutral. He had his own opinions about what Alexis should do, and a vested interest in partnering up, but he didn't want to be the one to convince her to go after Helena. The final decision was one that Alexis needed to make on her own.

"Shall we move this to my office?" Luke offered. "We can plot the old witch's downfall without worrying about any of her snakes slithering in."

Alexis crossed her arms and looked at Luke questioningly. "'We'?"

"Oh, come on, Natasha," Luke protested. 'You don't expect me to sit in the bleachers watching this one, do you? I've been preparing for this game for years." He smiled coyly. "Besides, we made good partners, didn't we?"

Alexis looked at Luke in disbelief. "If I remember our partnership correctly, Luke, not only did we miss our target but you double-crossed me. You framed my brother." She touched his sleeve in mocking consolation. "Don't take this personally, Luke, but I don't trust you. You always have your own agenda where the Cassadines are concerned."

Luke pursed his lips and tipped his head, absorbing the charge. "That may have been true where Count Vlad and the prince were concerned. But not Helena. When it comes to Helena, you and I are on the same page, Natasha. You hate her for murdering your mother and making your life a living hell. I hate her for every lousy thing she's done to my wife, and her mother, and my kid. That's my only agenda. The rest of them are gone; once she's gone, I've got no axe left to grind."

"What about me?" Alexis challenged. "When I'm all that's left of the Cassadines, are you going to want to wipe away that very last stain from the face of the earth?"

"No." Luke looked genuinely surprised and hurt by her suggestion. "I'll be cheering you on. Unless you get it in your head to freeze New York." He smiled slightly. "Listen, darling, I know you and I have had our differences from time to time. In the end, family is family, and you know I'll always do what I have to do to protect mine. But we're friends, right? And I owe you. You've helped me and Lucky out of some real jams. Let me help you on this. I know Helena better than anyone. You know how useful I can be."

Alexis peered at Luke skeptically for a long moment. "Okay," she conceded finally. "We'll give it a try."

"Good," Luke said. He got up from his chair and gestured at the back office. "Shall we?" He picked up the half-empty bottle of vodka, and started toward the office.

Alexis hesitated a moment before pushing back her chair and standing. Lorenzo followed suit, and then draped his arm protectively around Alexis's waist as they followed Luke to the back of the club. The vodka had begun to affect her, just enough that she was grateful for Lorenzo's supportive arm and even leaned into his embrace a bit, feeling the warmth of his upper body against her shoulder and his hip moving against her as they walked.

Luke opened the door to the office and turned to usher Alexis and Lorenzo in. He was caught by surprise by the obvious change in their manner since leaving the table. Lorenzo's arm around her waist might have been innocent enough, but the way they pressed together as they walked - they probably thought they were being discreet - belied their mutual craving for contact. Both of their faces wore the passive expressions of those trying hard to seem composed and focused, but in their flushed skin, parted lips, and slightly glazed eyes Luke saw the unmistakable signs that they were ready to tear each other's clothes off.

Luke had no interest in playing chaperone. Lorenzo and Alexis were adults, and however unlikely and complicated their pairing, he saw no compelling reason not to get the hell out of the way. Luke set the bottle down on the desk, flipped a switch to turn on the stereo, and made an exaggerated showing of checking his watch. He turned back to the door and spoke in an off-hand manner. "You know, I think I'll close up early. The place is pretty much cleared out already. Let me just send the guys home and close things up. You can get started without me." Luke walked out the door, leaving Lorenzo and Alexis standing side by side, dazed, in the middle of the office. Luke turned back to them and smiled. "Take your time. I'll knock." Then he closed the door.

"Subtle, isn't he?" Alexis said, her voice unexpectedly guttural, as she turned to face Lorenzo. She meant to roll her eyes as a comment on Luke's behavior, but even her eyes felt thick, and she was unable to pull them away from Lorenzo. His arm was still around her waist, but now she could feel his heat pressed against her from thigh to belly. They were both breathing hard, faces just inches apart, entranced, leaning into each other for support and release.

"I guess we're pretty obvious," Lorenzo managed, his throat tight with desire. "I want you so much my legs are numb."

Alexis swallowed hard, trying to conjure up a coherent thought, trying to remember why she couldn't give in to Lorenzo's welcoming heat, why she couldn't just lean another inch forward and kiss those dry lips. It would feel so good to let go, she thought, like letting herself be pulled down into a warm bath of swirling water, a whirlpool. If Lorenzo had kissed her then, Alexis knew she would not have been able to stop.

But he didn't kiss her. He took a deep breath and shook his head quickly as if to clear it, and then he stepped back from Alexis. He took another deep breath, exhaling hard. He grinned slightly, a little embarrassed, as if he couldn't believe what he had just done, that he had actually pulled away. Alexis's face fell, her jaw almost dropped, in an odd cocktail of disappointment and relief.

"You said you couldn't do this," Lorenzo explained, still unable to break his gaze with Alexis. "Jax," he added, not certain if Alexis even remembered any of her reasons right now.

Alexis nodded and closed her eyes for a moment. She took a deep breath, trying to pull herself back to reality. For the first time she heard the music Luke had turned on, and the plaintiff wail of a saxophone cut through her. "Thank you. I . . . almost forgot."

Lorenzo smiled wryly at her gratitude. This was the most unlikely and unwanted of the many favors he was willing to do for her. He shook his head slightly. "You know I want you desperately; more than I want to breathe. But not like this. I don't want to make you hate yourself, Alexis. And I know you would."

Alexis looked down and squeezed her eyes shut as a wave of guilt and embarrassment washed over her. "At least one of us was thinking about Jax. Your nobility is . . . unexpected, to say the least."

"Yeah, I surprise myself sometimes. But don't count on it happening the next time. I'm only a man." Lorenzo put his fingers gently under her chin and lifted it so she was looking at him again. "Alexis. I know how hard this is for you. I know you have a million voices in your head telling you not to do this. I hear them, too. But I think they're wrong. I think this just might be exactly what we need. But I know you need to figure that out for yourself. I think you've begun to do that."

"You do?" She was like a lost little girl, biting her lip and watching him with those sad brown eyes that held both doubt and hope.

"Yeah, I do," he said gently. "Maybe I'm fooling myself because I want this so much, but I think now you're saying 'no, not yet'; before it was 'no, not ever'. I am certain that this is going to happen eventually for us, mostly because I cannot conceive of living the rest of my life without making love to you. And when we finally do make love, I want you to be happy about it." He smiled warmly. "And I sure as hell don't want it to be on a ratty old couch in Luke Spencer's office."

Alexis laughed in spite of her misery and wiped away the tears that had gathered in her eyes. Then she grew more serious. "You're pretty astounding, you know that? This is the last thing I ever expected from you. I don't really know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, Alexis."

"No, I think I do. I need to make sure you understand something. Come here, I need to sit down." She took his hand and led him to the couch. Once they were seated, she turned to face him, biting her lip as she considered what to say. Lorenzo tried to hide his nervousness. "I don't want to lead you on, Lorenzo. I know I've been sending some seriously mixed signals, and I'm sorry about that. But I'm really not trying to play a game here. When I say I can't be with you, I mean it. And I don't expect that to change."

Lorenzo looked down and spoke in a subdued voice. "I know that."

"Do you?" she queried. "You know I'm attracted to you. I don't know what this thing is between us, but there's no point in denying it's there. And it's possible that one of these days I won't be careful enough and you won't be noble and we won't walk away when we should. And whether it's a ratty old couch or an alley or we actually make it to a bed, I think it will be a mistake. I can't imagine that I'll be happy about it. It's just wrong on so many levels. So if you're stepping in to help me with Helena because you think we're moving toward something, I think it would be best if we didn't go any farther."

Alexis watched Lorenzo's downturned face carefully for his reaction. She didn't know what she hoped to see. Finally he looked up at her and nodded. "Understood," he said quietly. "But it doesn't change anything. I still want to do this. Shall I get Luke?"

Alexis nodded tightly, and Lorenzo went to the door and opened it. He turned back to Alexis. "You know there's no chance I'm giving up, right?" he asked with a smirk.

Alexis couldn't help herself. She smiled back and nodded. "I know." Lorenzo's smirk broadened to a grin as he went to seek out Luke.

chapter 24