Losing Balance
by Lionel

chapter 21

When Alexis arrived at Lorenzo's office just before midnight, she found the door open and Lorenzo sitting at his desk talking on the phone. He motioned for her to sit down on the couch against the wall, but instead she took a seat in one of the armchairs across from the desk and waited for him to finish.

Alexis immediately regretted coming. She had assumed that the volatile reaction she felt around Lorenzo would have subsided in light of the events of recent days, but as soon as she walked in the door and saw him she felt a rush of heat and a familiar tension growing in her belly. Entering his office felt like walking through a magnetic field, and the sight of Lorenzo behind his desk - gorgeous and masculine and sexy with his tie off and shirtsleeves rolled up - made her mouth water and breathing difficult. Alexis sat up straight in her chair and wrapped her coat tightly around herself.

Lorenzo was growing increasingly frustrated with the caller on the other end of the line, but was trying hard to maintain his veneer of charm and reasonability. "I understand your client's concerns, Mr. Bhaskara, I really do, but I thought we had reached an agreement on this point that we could all be comfortable with. No, I'm really not in a position to reopen this discussion. It's not a matter of money, Mr. Bhaskara. My lawyers tell me that anything else we may want to do to demonstrate our appreciation for your client's assistance will push up against certain legal restrictions under American law. No, I really can't be specific. I would have to get the lawyers on the phone to go over that. Fine, let me put you on hold one moment."

Lorenzo put his call on hold and took a deep breath. He looked at Alexis and grinned. "Hi."

Alexis almost melted into her chair. "Hi," she answered breathlessly.

"I'm sorry about this. It shouldn't take much longer." He pressed a button on the phone and dialed a number, then continued talking to Alexis as he waited for someone to pick up. "There's a rather difficult, but sometimes useful, minister of something or other in Indonesia who's getting greedy fingers. It seems our usual arrangement no longer satisfies him . . . . Well, surprise, surprise. My esteemed attorneys have gone home for the night."

Lorenzo turned his attention back to the phone and began leaving a message on his attorney's voicemail. His voice was steely with contained annoyance and command. "Daniel, this is Lorenzo Alcazar. I need you to call me back as soon as possible. I've left a message on your cell phone and email as well. It is quite urgent. Thank you." Lorenzo sighed angrily and pressed a button to disconnect the second call.

Alexis watched him with some amusement. "Ooh, you're the kind of client I just hated when I practiced in New York."

Lorenzo smiled and nodded, acknowledging the charge without apology. "Perhaps. But I would bet that you always returned your clients' calls promptly."

"That's true. Often to the detriment of my social life. But I certainly wouldn't have dared to keep a man like you waiting."

"A man like me?"

Alexis backtracked. "Not that I would ever have represented a man like you."

"No, of course not," Lorenzo agreed with mock seriousness, a slight sarcastic smile on his lips. He eyed the flashing light on the phone with dread. He couldn't keep the minister's representative on hold forever. He pressed the lighted button to reconnect the call. "Mr. Bhaskara. I'm sorry for the delay. I'm afraid I wasn't able to reach my attorneys. Yes, I realize the time pressures we are under." Lorenzo grimaced as a torrent of words came back at him.

Giving in to impulse, Alexis stood and leaned across Lorenzo's desk and pressed the speaker button on his phone. Lorenzo looked up in surprise as Alexis sat down on the edge of his desk, facing the phone. She shrugged her shoulders at him, as if to say she just couldn't help herself.

"Mr. Bhaskara," she interrupted politely when the caller paused. "Pardon me. This is Alexis Davis. I'm an American attorney, and I have extensive experience with U.S. law in this area. If you'll give me a moment, I would be happy to walk you through it."

The caller sounded relieved. "Yes, please, that would be very helpful."

Lorenzo sank back in his chair and watched with admiration and growing lust as Alexis walked Mr. Bhaskara through the restrictions and disclosure obligations imposed by the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. By the time she was done, Mr. Bhaskara was convinced that the best thing he could advise his client to do would be to maintain his existing arrangement with Lorenzo. With the issue resolved, Mr. Bhaskara thanked Alexis profusely, then addressed Lorenzo. "Mr. Alcazar, you are very fortunate to have such counsel."

"Unfortunately Ms. Davis is not my attorney, Mr. Bhaskara," Lorenzo clarified. "Not yet, at least."

"Well then, Mr. Alcazar, you are very fortunate to have such a friend. Friends sometimes make the best counsel. I hope you both have a good night."

"I couldn't agree with you more," Lorenzo said, his eyes raking over Alexis. "Goodbye, Mr. Bhaskara."

Lorenzo disconnected the call and turned his full attention on Alexis, who was still perched on the edge of his desk. The discussion with Mr. Bhaskara had distracted her for a moment from the intensity of Lorenzo's presence, but now she flushed under his predatory gaze. "Thank you," he said, his voice low. "Once again you've come to my rescue."

"You're welcome," she responded nervously, wary of the undisguised desire in his eyes. He radiated energy, barely contained, like a big cat about to spring. "I guess when I see trouble, I just can't help myself. Just call me Alexis Davis, freelance legal superhero." She tried to smile, but her smile faded as Lorenzo stood and walked quickly around the desk toward her.

He stopped right in front of her, much too close, and she could smell his aftershave. He leaned down to her, as if to whisper something in her ear, and she could feel the heat of his body. Her stomach tightened.

"I really like watching you do that," Lorenzo growled in her ear.

She felt his hot breath on her cheek, and every inch of her ached to feel his body hard against her. Some dark unfamiliar part of her urged her to pull him down on top of her, to wrap herself around him and let him take her right there on the desk. Instead she turned her head slightly toward him, brushing her burning cheek against his. She almost gasped at the electricity that surged through her at the contact. She savored it for a moment, and the contact provided a kind of release, discharging enough current that she was able to find the strength to pull away. Alexis stood and stepped sideways away from Lorenzo, then walked around the armchair she had been sitting in and turned to face him, her white-knuckled hands gripping the back of the chair for support.

"This was a mistake," she said when she could speak. "I shouldn't have come here."

"I'm sorry," Lorenzo said softly, though he didn't know why. He could see that she was genuinely distressed by her feelings, and it touched him. "It's still overwhelming, isn't it?"

Alexis swallowed hard and nodded. "I'd better leave."

"No, wait. You said you wanted to talk about Helena."

"I do. But I can't do this here. It isn't fair." She shook her head as if it might help to clear her mind.

"Do you want to go someplace else?"

"I should just go home. Jax is going to wonder what happened to me." She squeezed her eyes closed as guilt poured over her.

"I thought you said he was asleep."

"He was when I left. But he might wake up." She didn't mention the note she had left on her pillow.

"And he'll go looking for you?" Lorenzo's face dropped almost imperceptibly as he figured out the answer to his own question. "Oh, I see. You're afraid he'll reach for you and you won't be there. You're sleeping with him now." Lorenzo stated it as a conclusion, not a question. "Wow." He scratched the back of his head distractedly, adjusting to the acrid wave of jealousy washing over him and making his stomach churn. He sat back down at his desk.

Alexis shifted uncomfortably but didn't respond. She let go of the chair and wrapped her arms tightly around herself, then rested her chin on one palm.

"I guess I sort of knew," Lorenzo said quietly, as he replayed the scene at Kelly's in his mind. "I knew something had changed when I saw you at lunch today. Jax seemed very . . . happy. But you didn't. You looked uncomfortable. Why? Do you regret it?"

Alexis rubbed her hand over her eyes and shrugged. "I am happy. There are just a lot of other things going on right now."

"Like you and me."

"Like Helena," Alexis insisted. "There is no you and me."

Lorenzo tilted his head skeptically. "You slept with him because you were angry with me. Now that you know I wasn't lying about Helena, it's only natural that you would feel conflicted."

Alexis's temper flared. "Boy, you're arrogant. That's unbelievably presumptuous. My relationship with Jax began long before you and I ever met, Lorenzo. If it has changed, it's the result of years of evolution and not one night of anger at you."

"Is it serious then?"

Alexis shrugged. "I don't know. But I do love him. He is a dear, dear friend, and I don't want to hurt him. You were right the other day when you said that I wouldn't let you touch me if I were really with Jax. This really has to stop. I can't let it happen any more."

Lorenzo cocked his head. "Do you really think it's that easy?"

Alexis shook her head wearily. "No, I don't think it's easy at all. But that's what makes us moral beings, right? We can overrule our impulses and desires and do what we know to be right."

"I'm not so sure about that. I haven't met very many moral people in my life."

"Maybe that has something to do with your line of business." Alexis couldn't resist smirking.

"No. I'm not talking about good or bad people. I'm talking about moral people. People who do things, or refrain from doing things, simply because it's the right thing to do. I'm not sure they exist." Lorenzo paused, considering whether to continue. Most people's eyes glazed over when he started to philosophize.

"Go on, professor. I'm listening." Alexis walked around the chair in front of her and sat down.

Lorenzo smiled. "Thank you. I think people always choose to do what they most want to do. I think when people make what look like moral choices - say, resisting the temptation to steal a candy bar - they're really motivated by something else. Usually it's fear of consequences. Maybe some people can truly be motivated by love. Tell me, why did you sneak out tonight?"

"I didn't sneak out," Alexis objected. "I left a note."

"Okay, fine. Why did you come here when you knew Jax wouldn't like it?"

Alexis sighed, giving in. "Because I wanted to. I get it, okay? I wanted to talk to you about Helena more than I wanted to avoid this conflict with Jax."

Lorenzo smiled in satisfaction. He stood and walked to the front of the desk, leaning against it as he had in his lecturing days. "Exactly. You push me away, not because it's the right thing to do but because you're afraid of the consequences of giving in - to your daughter, to your career, to your relationship with Jax. Right now, you want to avoid those consequences more than you want me. Just barely more. But sooner or later that balance is going to change. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you can overrule your desire."

"Maybe not," Alexis considered. "But I think I can control it to some extent. I think I can try to keep the balance of what I want from shifting. For example, I can choose not to be alone with you in your office in the middle of the night." Alexis stood up. "In fact, I can choose to leave now."

Lorenzo reached out and took her arm as she turned to go, pulling her back to him. "Don't leave."

Alexis closed her eyes and took a deep breath, hot and uncomfortable once again with Lorenzo so near. She shook her arm free of his hand. "I didn't come hear to talk about moral philosophy, Lorenzo."

He raised his hands in surrender. "I know. I'm sorry. You came to talk about Helena. Let's do that." He gestured for Alexis to sit down again.

Alexis shook her head. "Not here."

"Where then?"

"Are you really sure you still want to do this, Lorenzo? Despite everything?"

Lorenzo nodded. "Yes."

"Okay. I don't understand it, but thank you. Do you know Luke's Place?" Lorenzo nodded. "There's someone there I need to talk to."