Losing Balance
by Lionel

chapter 19

"Uncle Lorenzo? Did you hear me?"

Lorenzo's attention was drawn back to his niece sitting across the table. "I'm sorry, honey. What did you say?"

He had spirited Sage away from school in the middle of the day to have lunch with him. He wanted to welcome her back from her week in Barcelona with friends from her old boarding school, but he was having a difficult time concentrating on their conversation. Every time the door to Kelly's opened, he looked up to see if it was her. Lorenzo had been privately pleased when Sage chose Kelly's for lunch. He knew Alexis was working at her office today, and he thought there was a good chance she would show up at Kelly's for lunch. He had eaten breakfast at Kelly's, too. Normally his pride would never have let him chase Alexis this way, but he needed to see her. He couldn't just leave things as they were after their phone call that morning; he couldn't accept his dismissal. He wanted to put himself into her path. He wanted to see what would happen next.

"I asked if you've ever been to Bilbao." Sage looked at her uncle curiously. It wasn't like him to be so distracted.

"Yes, several times. But not since they built the new museum. Is it as remarkable in person as it appears?" asked Lorenzo brightly, trying to focus his attention and charm on his niece.

"Yes, it is." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Uncle Lorenzo, are you okay? You seem distracted."

Lorenzo smiled reassuringly and squeezed her hand. "Yes, I'm fine. I just have some things on my mind. I'm sorry. I want to hear more about your trip. Tell me the truth: did you spend every night at the clubs?"

Sage smiled coyly, but he didn't hear her response. The woman he had been waiting for walked by outside the restaurant and stopped in front of the big plate glass window. His stomach flipped and his heart began beating harder. She had turned into Alexis Davis, attorney-at-law, again - for the first time since he had seen her outside his basement window, she was wearing a suit, this time a lovely robin's egg blue suit that seemed unusually cheerful for her. Her hair was pulled back slightly, and she wore an off-white trenchcoat that was just barely wrapped around her with a loosely tied belt. Only the walking cast on her foot marred her perfectly professional, perfectly sexy appearance. How had he ever thought her cold? At that moment he would have given up anything to be able to take her in his arms and untie that belt.

As desperately as he wanted to go to Alexis, he had enough presence of mind to think of Sage, and he was held in place. He would have to find some way to explain all of this to his niece, to the girl whose father Alexis took away.

He saw Alexis look up at someone he could not yet see and smile a welcome. Lorenzo wasn't surprised when Jax appeared, and he felt a twinge of jealousy when Jax and Alexis hugged hello and she kissed him briefly on the lips. Alexis turned to walk to the door of the restaurant, her right arm wrapped loosely around Jax, but Jax stopped. Alexis turned back to him in mild surprise, and Jax took both of her hands in his and held them to his chest. He said something to Alexis, and she seemed to smile shyly. Then they kissed again, and this time it wasn't casual and it wasn't brief. It was intimate and lingering, and Lorenzo thought he might be ill. His stomach clenched and began to burn with the bile of jealousy and regret, and he couldn't breathe. Alexis and Jax ended their kiss and walked to the door of the restaurant hand in hand. Lorenzo wrenched his attention back to Sage. He felt like he was gasping for air, but he forced his demeanor to remain calm.

When they came in the door, Alexis's eyes found Lorenzo, and for an instant he thought she looked happy to see him, looked as if she wanted to come over and say hello, but he saw her eyes flicker to Sage and the moment passed. She gave Lorenzo a brief, forced smile, then turned her eyes back to Jax, who was gesturing toward an empty table. Jax pulled out a chair for Alexis and, reaching around from behind her, untied her belt and slid her coat off her shoulders. Lorenzo died a little bit.

As Alexis sat down, Jax pushed in her chair, then leaned over and kissed her softly and intimately on her neck just below her ear. Alexis smiled tightly and shrugged her shoulder a bit. Alexis seemed uncomfortable with Jax's display of affection, Lorenzo thought, and he wondered why. Was it simply the public display that bothered her, or was it Lorenzo's presence, or was it something else? Was it just wishful thinking on his part?

Sage reached out and touched Lorenzo's arm, drawing his attention back to her. "Uncle Lorenzo," she said. "You haven't heard a word I've said, have you?" Lorenzo smiled sheepishly. "It's hard seeing her, isn't it?" Sage asked, gesturing with her head toward Alexis. For a moment Lorenzo was confused, and he looked at Sage quizzically, wondering if her intuition was really that good. "Alexis Davis, I mean. Knowing that she killed daddy."

Lorenzo sighed and nodded. He felt a surge of guilt for forgetting what Sage was going through. As precocious and challenging as she could be at times, she was just a kid, and to her Luis was daddy. It was difficult enough for Lorenzo to reconcile his newfound feelings for Alexis with his love for his brother and his sense of obligation to his family; he couldn't expect Sage to understand. "Is it hard for you?" he asked gently.

Sage shrugged. "Yeah, I guess it is. I mean, I know we're supposed to leave it to the legal system and all, but it just doesn't seem fair that she's out walking around, totally free, not a care in the world, when daddy's dead."

"I know it doesn't seem fair, honey. But nothing's ever that simple."

"Doesn't it bother you, Uncle Lorenzo? How can you just sit here and watch her? Don't you want revenge? I thought that was the Alcazar way."

Lorenzo smiled. If Sage had been a boy, she would have known far more of the Alcazar way by now. But she was a girl, and Lorenzo had been able to convince Luis to keep her away from the ugly side of the family business as much as possible, to try to give the girl an ordinary life. As a result, she knew little of the truth about her family, and to her the ways of the Alcazars were more a fanciful story than anything real. "It was the way of your father and grandfather, Sage. I don't happen to think revenge is terribly helpful. You know she has a little girl of her own. Would you really like to see me take away that little girl's mother?"

Sage sighed. "No. I don't know. Of course not."

"Listen, Sage. You know I loved your father. And I'm so sorry you lost him. But in this case I really do think justice has been served."

"What do you mean? Because she was crazy?"

"No. Because I don't think Alexis had a choice. I think that if she hadn't killed Luis, she would be dead, and her daughter probably would be, too." Sage rolled her eyes slightly, as if to say that was a trade she might accept. "And I think that would have been wrong, Sage," he added gently. "I don't like saying this, but your father wasn't a good man. I think you know that. And at the end he was out of control. I blame myself for that, in part. Maybe if I had been here, I might have been able to help him. But I wasn't, and if Alexis hadn't killed him that night, there were half a dozen other people who might have. And they all would have had good reason. And I'm sorry about that."

Sage was unusually quiet and still, absorbing his words. She shook her head slightly. "But does that mean you can just stop being angry? Because I don't know if I can. I hear what you're saying, Uncle Lorenzo. And I believe you when you say that revenge is not an answer. But it still seems so unfair."

"I know. Would it help if I told you that Alexis Davis saved my life last week?"

"What?"

Lorenzo nodded. "It's true. It's kind of a long story, but she really did save my life. She took a chance to help me, and if she hadn't, I would be dead. Maybe there is some kind of justice in that, Sage. Maybe it all balances out in the end."

Lorenzo's gaze drifted back to Alexis, and he watched her for a minute. She seemed to be listening to Jax tell some kind of a story. He was animated and gesturing, and she laughed and nodded in the right places, but she seemed a little sad and distracted. She toyed with the salad in front of her without really eating anything. Jax seemed to recognize her discomfort, too, and he reached for her hand and gave her an encouraging smile. In Jax's face, Lorenzo saw a new look of adoration, something that went beyond the affection and protectiveness Jax had displayed at the hospital.

Lorenzo turned his attention back to Sage. "Let's not think about Alexis Davis anymore today. Are you ready? I'd better get you back to school."

"Yes." Sage stood up. "Thank you for lunch, Uncle Lorenzo. And for taking care of me."

Lorenzo stood and gave her a slight hug, kissing the top of her head. "You're welcome." They walked to the door arm in arm, and Lorenzo tried not to look over at Alexis. Once they were at the door, though, he couldn't help but look back one last time.

Alexis felt Lorenzo's gaze on her, and she almost squirmed in her seat. From the moment she had entered the restaurant she had been keenly aware of his presence. She wanted to concentrate on the beautiful charming man across the table from her, the one who so easily made her laugh and feel loved, but Lorenzo felt like a third chair at the table. She breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the door finally close behind him.

Jax looked over her shoulder at the closing door. "He's gone," Jax said.

Alexis raised her eyebrows and shrugged her shoulders as if to say Lorenzo's presence or absence was of no concern to her, but the matching words died on her lips. Instead she nodded. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Were you hoping to speak with him?"

Alexis shook her head. "There really isn't anything to say. We sorted things out about Helena this morning. I apologized. He promised he wouldn't say anything about Kristina. And that's it."

"Do you want there to be more?"

Alexis shook her head again, regarding Jax affectionately. "No, I don't. I'll admit I'm a little tempted by his offer to help with Helena, and maybe I've been a little intrigued by him. But I know I can't let him in my life. He's a thug, an arms dealer and god knows what else. And just in case I needed another reason to stay away from him, did you see that look his niece gave me? She scares me," Alexis jested lightly.

"Yeah, I saw that. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you were planning a date with the man before you thought he'd lied about Helena, right?"

"That was a mistake. I wasn't thinking clearly."

"Okay. I guess I just want to be sure that you don't think last night was a mistake. Do you?"

"No," Alexis said firmly.

"Now that you know he wasn't lying about Helena, you don't wish we hadn't made love?" Jax prodded.

"No, Jax," she insisted. "Last night was wonderful. It was really wonderful, and it wasn't about me being angry or disappointed about Lorenzo. It was about us. Right?"

"Yeah, it was." Jax smiled at the memory. "And it was wonderful. But as thrilled as I am, I don't want you to feel trapped by the way things worked out. You were really uncomfortable when Alcazar was here. You don't have to deny that."

Alexis waved her hand, grasping for sense. "You're right, I was. And I'm not really sure why. A lot has happened this week. It's a little hard to wrap my head around. You and me; this strange détente with Lorenzo; now Helena."

Jax took her hand. "I know. Of course you're overwhelmed. I don't mean to make it any worse."

"You're not making it worse, Jax. You're trying to help. And I really do appreciate it." She smiled at him with affection. "And now I should get back to the office." She stood up.

"I'll walk you back. How is it going?" Jax put money on the table and stood, then helped Alexis with her coat.

Alexis shrugged. "It's going. It's a complicated process. There are still a lot of papers that I need to prepare to turn things over to Helena. If I'm going to do that."

"If?" Jax asked sharply. "Are you having second thoughts?"

"Yeah, I am," Alexis admitted. "Second and third and fourth. I really hate doing this. But I don't seem to have much choice, so I will plow forward this afternoon. Everything will need to be signed and filed tomorrow afternoon to meet her deadline." Alexis grimaced. "God I hate that woman."

"Do you need any help?" Jax offered.

"No, thanks," she smiled. "I'm good with paper."

They walked to the door and Jax held it open for her. "Will I see you for dinner?" he asked.

"Yeah, I should be home for Kristina's dinner." Arms around each other, they walked side by side away from the restaurant.

"Great. Maybe we can have our own dinner a little later. A celebration." He kissed her softly on the head.

Alexis looked up at Jax a little oddly and bit her lip. She didn't feel very celebratory. "That would be nice."