Losing Balance
by Lionel

chapter 12

"Thank you for talking to me, Alexis," Lorenzo said quietly when they were back in the limousine. He sat a little closer than he had on their earlier ride, with his right hand resting casually on the seat in between them in a posture of openness. "I know it isn't easy. But it helps me understand a little better."

Alexis was a bundle of tension, sitting ramrod straight and looking out the window rather than at him. "So do you think it explains everything about me?"

Lorenzo laughed gently. "No, of course not. I don't think people are that simple. We're all shaped by thousands of different influences and experiences. I don't think any single experience, even one as horribly traumatic as yours, can ever dictate everything about us."

She glanced at him briefly then looked back out the window. "No, I don't either. I have this friend -- well, not exactly a friend. He likes to call me Natasha. He thinks Natasha is this person inside of me that I've pushed down, that I try to cover up with everything else. He thinks I should let her out." She raised an eyebrow and shrugged in perplexity. "But you see, I don't know who Natasha is. I realize that Alexis Davis is an invention - my invention, Stefan's, Helena's - but at least I know who she is. I don't remember who I was before I watched Helena slit my mother's throat."

Lorenzo reached out for Alexis's left hand, which was balled in a fist on her lap. "We're all inventions, Alexis. People who think there is some true self underneath it all that we can uncover are deluding themselves."

Alexis turned to Lorenzo again, as if considering her response to his words, then turned back to the window without saying anything. A shock of color from a hillside full of tulips caught her attention as they drove by, and she noticed, for the first time, that spring had really arrived. Everything seemed to be in bloom all at once. The trees everywhere were thick and lush with pale green leaves that looked as soft as Kristina's skin. The cherry blossoms had already laid down an inch-thick layer of petals on the sidewalks. Was nature always this profligate? Alexis rolled down her window and felt a rush of air hit her face, then leaned her head back into the seat and closed her eyes. She let out a long breath that seemed to release some of the tension she had felt since the conversation about her mother began. The day had turned much warmer in the hours since her early morning outing to Kelly's, and she rested her right arm on the windowsill to soak up the sun's first heat in months. The warm rays of the sun and the cool air rushing over her skin created a delicious contrast of sensations, and she smiled to herself.

Lorenzo was certain he had never seen anything as beautiful as Alexis resting next to him. Her hand was still balled up in his, but everything else about her looked peaceful and relaxed. He brought her hand onto his lap and, holding it gently in his left hand now, used his right hand to pry her fingers open one by one. He rubbed at the tense muscles of her palm until her fingers stayed open on their own and then ran his fingertips firmly along the length of each of her fingers, from base to tip, pulling the remaining tension from her hand.

Alexis gasped at the sensation of Lorenzo's fingers on hers. Each pull of his strong fingers seemed to draw out the electricity that had been dancing in her belly, switching on a current that ran through her body to every extremity and left her fingertips tingling madly. If he were able to see her eyes, she would have had to pull away, but behind the shield of her closed eyes and the excuse of her already relaxed posture, she left her hand in place and allowed the sensations to roll over her.

Lorenzo left her fingers behind and began to rub his thumb slowly around and around in a circle on her palm. She melted into the seat, feeling like she hadn't a muscle or bone in her body. She couldn't move. She was trapped by wave after wave of exquisite sensation. She couldn't think to stop it, or to wonder where it was going or when it would get there. So this is what it's like to let go, she thought, to turn yourself over to someone else.

The watch on Lorenzo's hand beeped, and Alexis's eyes opened. She didn't move, but after a moment a message made it through her muddled brain. "What time is it?"

"One. Shhh." Lorenzo continued tracing circles on her hand, but Alexis sat up slightly, relaxation interrupted.

"I have to go to the hospital. I have an appointment." Another thought came to her and she smacked her right palm lightly against her forehead. "And I missed lunch. Jax was coming home for lunch." She pulled her hand away from Lorenzo, and he looked down at his empty lap in annoyance.

"How sweet. Will he be very upset with you?" Lorenzo tried not to grit his teeth. He leaned forward and addressed the driver. "Mario, we'll be taking Ms. Davis to General Hospital."

Alexis shook her head as if the idea was ridiculous. "No, he'll understand. He's always very understanding."

"That's nice. Still, it must be very hard for him having you living there."

Alexis bristled at the insult. "I'm not that difficult."

"No," Lorenzo grinned. "I mean having you back under his roof but not in his bed."

"Really," she said, drawing back in exaggerated offense. "What makes you think we haven't resumed all the ways of our marriage?" Her tone was taunting, but there was a smile tugging at her lips and a twinkle in her eyes.

"You mentioned you were a lonely woman." Lorenzo raised an eyebrow knowingly.

"Maybe that was just a quip."

He took her hand back defiantly and pressed his fingers to her pulse. "I don't think so. You wouldn't react to me this way if it were."

Alexis blushed. "So you think I'm just . . . deprived?"

Lorenzo laughed gently in a conciliatory manner. "No, that's not what I mean. I mean that you wouldn't let any of this happen if you were really with Jax."

"I'm not letting anything happen."

"Sure you are. You push me away, but not hard enough to make me go anywhere. You need to resist, to satisfy the part of you that says don't play with fire. But you can't stay away from the flame, can you?" Lorenzo pulled her hand up to his mouth, putting his lips softly where his fingers had been, kissing the inside of her wrist right at the place where it joined her hand. Alexis moaned slightly. Lorenzo laid down a trail of kisses as he spoke, all the way around her wrist then across the palm of her hand. "Here you are . . . alone with me . . . in the back of a car . . . letting yourself feel things . . . and enjoy things . . . that a married woman shouldn't."

"I'm not married," Alexis managed, her voice breathy and weak.

"And you're not sleeping with Jax," Lorenzo concluded confidently, his attention focused now on the tender flesh between her thumb and forefinger.

"You're awfully sure of yourself." She cleared her throat and found the strength to pull her hand away again. "But I told you, even when I was married I always had a lover."

Lorenzo sighed and dropped his now empty hands back to his lap in frustration. "I don't believe you. You're not a casual woman, Alexis. I've seen that you care about Jax. And I've seen the way he looks at you. You didn't hurt him that way."

"Maybe Jax wasn't hurt," Alexis hinted. "Maybe he had a lover, too." She gave him a conspiratorial look.

"Why would he do that? I may not know Jax, but I can promise you that there's no man on earth that would look anywhere else once he had you." The intensity in his words and gaze made Alexis's stomach flip.

"Maybe he never had me."

Lorenzo's brow wrinkled. "What does that mean?"

"We weren't . . . We didn't . . ."

"Never?"

"Ever."

"Why the hell not?"

"Oh, our marriage was a bit of a fraud, actually."

"A fraud?"

"Well, it was perfectly legal. And quite happy. It just wasn't . . . romantic. We were involved with other people at the time."

"Excuse me? Then why were you married?"

"It's a long story. We didn't really mean to get married. It was a favor for a friend." Alexis grimaced slightly and rubbed a finger under her eye. "A dear friend who was later murdered by my psychotic brother, which makes the story a lot less amusing. I'd really rather not say anything else."

"Of course. I'm sorry."

Alexis forced a smile and tried to chase away the ghosts. "I guess I've shot my air of mystery all to pieces today. I seem to be telling you all my secrets. I don't know what's come over me."

"Don't worry about it," Lorenzo assured. "I'm pretty trustworthy." Alexis thought she picked up a note of wistfulness in his voice, but then it was gone. "Besides, mystery is overrated. Mystery leads to assumptions and mistakes. I like to know people. And the more I know about you, the more fascinated and intrigued I become."

Alexis was thoughtful. "Well, you're quite a mystery, Lorenzo. Am I making a mistake?" There was a serious note in her voice.

Lorenzo paused, considering. They were approaching the hospital. "Have dinner with me tonight and find out. You can ask me whatever you want."

Alexis shook her head. "I can't."

"Alexis . . ."

"No, really, I can't. Not just for all the usual reasons. I don't have a babysitter. Alice is off at five, and Jax has a meeting tonight."

"Bring Kristina then. We'll go someplace child-friendly."

She looked at him skeptically. "Have you ever been to a restaurant with a one-year-old? You can't actually talk, or even eat. You just try desperately to avoid disasters."

"Then find someone. Please. Hell, I'll find someone. Marcus can babysit."

Alexis laughed. "No, I don't think so. Look, I'll see what I can do, but no promises, okay. Call me later on and I'll let you know."

The limousine pulled up to the front entrance of the hospital, and Mario came around and opened Alexis's door. She started to get out, then sat back down abruptly. "Just a minute," she said to Mario, closing the door again. Alexis looked at Lorenzo contemplatively for a moment, and he watched her with curiosity. Finally she seemed to make a decision. In one surprisingly smooth motion she turned and got up on her knees on the seat next to Lorenzo, paused for a moment, then pulled his head toward hers, her left hand buried in the short hair on the back of his head and her right in the soft skin of his neck. She kissed him tenderly, enjoying the softness and warmth of his lips, and feeling the heat surge through her body. Initially stunned into passivity, Lorenzo received her kiss, letting her lead. When his passion got the better of him and he tried to pull her body closer, she released him, moving away with a satisfied grin on her face. His arms fell empty. She opened the car door and Mario helped her out. Once she was standing, Alexis leaned her head back in the door and looked at Lorenzo one last time. "See you tonight." He was too flustered to respond.

Alexis maintained her composure until she was safely inside the glass doors of the hospital, then sank down on the nearest bench and tried to catch her breath. She closed her eyes, knowing she needed to wipe the flush and silly smile from her face.

Sonny Corinthos watched intently from across the foyer. He was standing just inside the glass doors with his cell phone to his ear, but he was no longer paying attention to whoever was on the other end of the line. The arrival of Alcazar's limousine had caught his attention, and he had watched with interest as Alexis appeared in the car door and then finally got out. His curiosity quickly transformed to disbelief and anger when he saw Alexis's easy flirtatious manner, then an empty ache of jealousy and loss took hold when he saw the flush of arousal on her face as she entered the hospital. Now, watching her on the bench, intruding on her private moment, he felt like a voyeur. He disconnected his call and approached her.

chapter 13