Losing Balance
by Lionel

chapter 9

Alexis had hoped that a good's night sleep and the clear light of morning would bring a fresh perspective, but she awoke overheated and disoriented after a restless night. She had to get out of the house. Jax was still asleep but Kristina had begun to stir, so she packed the little girl up and left a note behind for Jax. She would take her daughter out for breakfast and an early morning visit to the park.

For once Alexis was grateful for Lorenzo's guards; her cast and crutches made it impossible to drive and difficult to manage Kristina's things. As they drove down to the waterfront, Alexis considered the likelihood that the guards would report her outing to Lorenzo. She felt a slight flush of shame when she realized she would be annoyed if they did, but disappointed if they didn't. Though she felt compelled to keep him at a distance, the thought of not seeing Lorenzo again was dizzying.

The driver stopped the car in front of Kelly's, and the other guard helped Alexis out. He opened up Kristina's stroller and put the little girl in, then held the door as they went into the restaurant. He would wait outside.

All eyes in the restaurant turned to the door as Alexis and Kristina entered noisily, and the man at the counter turned his head, too, his heart skipping when he saw them. Sipping his coffee in an attempt to suppress his excited nerves, Lorenzo watched as Alexis struggled to maneuver the stroller to an empty table without losing her balance on her crutches. He wanted desperately to go over and help - to clear away the chairs blocking her path, to put his arm around her waist and lead her through -- but instead he just watched. Lorenzo was relieved when Mike Corbin stepped forward to lend Alexis a hand.

With Mike's help, Alexis finally got herself and Kristina settled at the table, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She hated feeling clumsy and awkward. A mug of coffee and plastic cup of milk appeared on the table, and Alexis looked up at the disappearing waitress in gratitude. Behind the waitress she caught a glimpse of a man in a dark suit, and her stomach lurched. In the instant before the sightline cleared, Alexis knew her brain was playing tricks on her, but then the waitress was gone and there was Lorenzo, fifteen feet away and watching her hungrily.

Alexis pulled her eyes away quickly and turned toward Kristina. She said something - she wasn't sure what - to the little girl in a happy singsong, trying to appear deeply engaged with the child when in fact her attention was focused across the room. She felt Lorenzo's eyes on her, and it took an unnatural effort to keep her eyes from meeting his in their ordinary scanning of the space in front of her. The reappearance of the waitress provided a moment of respite as Alexis focused on placing her order, but the rest of the meal was a haze of self-consciousness and growing tension. Alexis barely managed to swallow two bites of food. She waited for Lorenzo to make some move, to come over, to leave, but he did nothing. He just sat there drinking a seemingly bottomless cup of coffee, exchanging occasional pleasantries with the people behind the counter, and watching her. She tried to keep her eyes on Kristina, her food, her coffee, anything, but he was there in her peripheral vision, this shadowy figure her eyes kept trying to bring into focus.

One time her control lapsed and her eyes flickered over to him. His intense blue gaze locked onto hers and she couldn't pull away. She felt like he was undressing her, piece by piece until she was naked, and she could almost feel his hands moving over her. The fire that had been simmering inside her was stoked, and she felt her whole body flush. Her trance was broken finally by the noise of Kristina slamming her bowl down on the table, and she was able to look away.

Out of the corner of her eye, Alexis saw Lorenzo stand. He threw money down on the counter and walked toward her table, his eyes never leaving Alexis. She stopped breathing as he drew near, awaiting his voice and his touch. He slowed as he passed her and seemed to reach his hand to the back of her neck -- she flinched in anticipation -- but then his hand dropped and he continued to the door. Alexis's heart sank and, as the door closed behind him, she jaggedly released the breath she had been holding.

Alexis paid her bill and gathered her things together, her movements rough and clumsy with anger and frustrated desire. She pushed the stroller to the door and it opened in front of her. One of the guards stood outside the door, and he reached forward to pull the stroller through, then wheeled it to the waiting car as Alexis gathered her crutches under her and followed. Suddenly Lorenzo stepped in front of her, from behind the door, and she almost ran into him. His hands reached out to her hips to steady her, but his touch and his nearness only turned her legs to jelly. She gave up trying to breathe.

"Marcus, please get the young lady settled in her car seat," Lorenzo instructed in a low voice. "I need to have a word with Ms. Davis."

Lorenzo moved his right hand to the small of Alexis's back and firmly guided her around the corner of the building. She couldn't find the words or will to resist. Once they were out of sight, he stopped and turned her to face him. He was too close; his hands on her hips felt like live wires; she couldn't breathe. Alexis tried to back up, but she felt the cold concrete of the restaurant wall behind her. There was nowhere to go.

Alexis waited for him to speak, to say whatever he had to say, but he just stood there looking down at her, breathing heavily, his eyes clouded with desire. She saw her own tumult reflected in his uncomposed face, his parted lips, and her last coherent thought was that he was taller than she had realized, and too far away. He seemed to be unable to move, so she reached forward and pulled his hips to her. She moaned as their hips met, and he was released from his spell.

Suddenly a flurry of activity, Lorenzo pushed the length of his body hard against hers, almost crushing her against the wall. Her whole body seemed to buckle at the long-delayed contact, and she wrapped her arms tightly around him to keep from falling. Their mouths met in a hard, open, devouring kiss, then another and another. His hands found the warm bare skin under her sweater and roamed roughly over every inch of her back and belly. There were no skillful or calculated touches; they desperately pressed and pushed and consumed, as if somehow they could get inside each other and become one.

Alexis's sweater was halfway off and her hands were fumbling with Lorenzo's belt when she sensed someone else's presence. Marcus had appeared around the corner and stood looking discretely away. Alexis froze. Lorenzo noticed the change in her, and looked up too. Marcus cleared his throat. "I'm very sorry to disturb you, sir, but Mr. Corinthos's limousine just pulled up." Marcus disappeared back behind the corner, and Lorenzo leveled a murderous gaze in his direction.

Alexis pulled her sweater down and leaned back against the wall, catching her breath and watching Lorenzo. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration, then placed them gently on her shoulders. He rested his forehead on top of her head, breathing heavily. "I can't believe I have to go," he said finally.

"It's okay," she said, her voice husky. "I have to go, too. Kristina." She tried to gesture in the direction of the car.

He nodded. "When can I see you again?"

Alexis shook her head. "I can't." She bit her lip to keep the tears at bay.

Lorenzo lifted his head and looked at her in disbelief. "Alexis, please. You can't mean that. We have to do this. You're all I think about, you're all I can see. I need you. Don't tell me it isn't the same for you."

Alexis focused on a button on his shirt to avoid looking in his eyes. "That's part of the problem," she said, her voice cracking. "This . . . thing here, it isn't normal, Lorenzo. I don't know what it is, but it isn't sane. I can't work, I can't sleep, I can't even read a book to my daughter. I think I was just about to have sex with you in an alley. I don't do that. This just isn't right." She finally looked up at him.

He touched her chin softly and looked at her with a sweet hopeful gaze. "Or maybe it's more right than anything else has ever been, Alexis. Maybe this is how good it can get, and we just never knew it before." She gave him a skeptical glance.

"Even if that were true, Lorenzo, I would still have to say no. I don't understand what's going on here -- I don't know if it's because of our families, or what happened in the basement, or just some accident of chemistry - but I do know that getting involved with you can only cause me trouble. I can't risk Kristina's safety and happiness for . . . " She threw her hands in the air, searching for a word to describe what was going on. ". . . sex. No matter how good."

"Wait a minute, Alexis," Lorenzo insisted. "You understand that this isn't just about sex, right?"

Alexis shrugged. She really didn't know what it was about. "I have to go."

Lorenzo watched, stunned, as Alexis walked away. His hands fell to his sides. The car door closed, and he slammed his hand against the wall.

chapter 10