The Long Road Home
by Terry

Chapter 82

"Sonny? What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?"

She couldn’t understand why he was looking at as if she were a stranger.

"No. Alexis, you totally amaze me. You're sitting here with all kinds of questions for me. You've lost a couple of months of your life. You just got through reliving the past year of your life... a year of things that no one should ever have to go through once let alone twice. And yet, here you sit talking about what's fair. How can you do that? How can you continue to give so much... "

Sonny raised his hands to draw them down his face once then dropped them. He looked back at Alexis who was smiling softly at him. He closed his eyes against the feeling of inadequacy that flowed through him. His whole body stilled as he heard her quiet voice. There was no way to count how many times her soft voice calmed the tempest in him during their time together regardless of whether it was as his attorney, his friend, or his confidant. Her voice comforted him and the familiar warmth that always blanketed him at the sound now once again quieted the turmoil.

"Sonny, we've both been through a lot this past year. We both have questions that need answers. It's called working together to achieve a common goal. We're on the same road trying to get to the same place. Now come on. It's your turn, although I probably know already what is uppermost in your mind."

Sonny returned to sit beside her.

"Do you?"

"I think so."

"Tell me."

Alexis looked down at her hands were clasped together in her lap. Separating them she laid one on the child that lay within her, sleeping contentedly.

"I've always known how you feel about family. It was one of the things that originally drew me to you. For me to keep your child from you... I know you’re probably very angry with me."

"Why Alexis? Why did you keep it from me?"

"You know why, Sonny. You more than anyone should know why."

"Tell me, Alexis. When did you find out you were pregnant with my child? And when did you decide to keep it from me?"

Alexis heard the edge in his voice. He was trying so hard to keep his anger under control. Drawing a deep breath she began to tell him the story.

"Ironically it was Kristina who clued me into it at first. It was the day that you returned to Carly. I almost fainted in the foyer... you were there."

Alexis heard Sonny groan and looked toward him. She saw the recognition in his eyes, but kept on. If she stopped now... she wouldn't be able to finish.

"After I went inside, Kristina came down and started her normal routine of taking care of 'Alexis'. But this time, she was more concerned than usual. She insisted on taking my temperature and with all of her rambling on about my health... something just kind of clicked. The way I had been feeling, the constant weariness, things like that. So I bought a pregnancy test and it proved positive. You were there for that as well... well, not right there. But, you knocked on my door right after I found out. I was still trying to process the enormity of finding out that I, Alexis Davis, Attorney at Law, spawn of the house of Cassadine... was pregnant with my best friend slash client's child. I couldn't deal with you until I came to terms with it myself. At that point it never entered my mind to keep it from you... I wasn't thinking that far ahead."

Sonny interrupted her with something that he was finding hard to contain his anger over.

"How did Ned get pulled into this?"

"Give me a little time to get there, Sonny. You need to know the whole story. I made an appointment with Dr. Meadows at General Hospital."

Alexis shifted on the couch so she was no could no longer look directly at Sonny. Watching the varied expressions flash across his face was quickly becoming her undoing. She nervously brushed her hands across the top of her thighs a couple of times as if she were trying to wipe away some foreign matter then took a deep breath and continued.

"Dr. Meadows talked about 'my options'. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what she was delicately trying to point out. But for me, aborting this child was never an option. I wanted her... I wanted her more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. She became everything to me... the reason I got out of bed every morning. That was the day you asked me to take that check to Courtney. You sat in my living room talking about family and how much family meant to you. I thought about what you said and after you left I decided to tell you. I walked across that hall determined to tell you, but Carly got in the way of my attempt. She came down the stairs wearing the same black shirt I wore that morning after we... I lost my nerve, so I walked back across the hall and had another talk with my little girl and made up my mind that Carly wasn't going to stop me from what I thought was the right thing to do. When I opened my door again, I heard you and Jason in the hall talking. Jason had already taken care of Roscoe and you told him to go take care of the rest of the situation. I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell you after I heard that. Then Zander's beating happened... Ned accidentally found out I was pregnant... Carly somehow finds out about the baby and comes at me threatening that if anything should happen to me then you and she would raise my baby... Kristina died... It was all happening so fast... I stayed in a state of panic. And the only thing that made any sense to me was the fact that my baby needed to be protected. There was no way I was going to allow Carly anywhere near my child. I decided that in order to protect my child I was left with no other choice but to keep her away from your world. That’s when I moved out of the penthouse and severed my ties with you. Next thing I know you're standing in my doorway asking me if the child I'm carrying is yours. That infamous temper of yours sent me reeling into a stunned silence. Ned was in the kitchen and when I didn't respond as quickly as he thought I should have; well... in trying to protect my baby and me he stepped in and claimed the child as his. And I allowed it, because I couldn't see any other way of protecting us from you at that time. I didn't want you taking my baby away from me."

Sonny could feel his anger rising.

"How could you think that I would take our child away from you? I would never do that."

"Wouldn't you? Sonny, where is Michael right now? Did you not take him away from AJ first and if I'm not mistaken you've probably already barred Carly from his life. How could I think anything else, especially with Carly constantly coming at me spewing her venom every chance she got?"

Sonny blew. He stood abruptly and put distance between himself and Alexis. How could she compare his actions where Michael was concerned with that of her own where his daughter was concerned?

"I WILL NOT DEFEND MY ACTIONS WHERE MY SON IS CONCERNED."

And Alexis in a quiet voice with chilled razor precision...

"Nor will I, where my daughter is concerned. Would you like to try and tell me what difference there is between my protection of my baby and yours in regards to Michael? You might want to take a minute and think before you answer. And while you're at it... lower your voice. I do not wish my child to witness her father's inability to control his temper before she even enters the world."

Sonny's palms were itching. His anger had reached the level where previously only an act of physical release would help. Raising his hands he placed them on the back of his neck where the tension was most pronounced and began massaging slowly. He knew he needed to gain control of his emotions. He began to assess where the anger was coming from in hopes that he could bring it under control. He drew a deep breath and went to stand in front of the window releasing it slowly. Closing his eyes he began moving the emotion out of the way in order to get to the facts. Finally reaching the center of what caused him to erupt, Sonny's head fell forward. He was afraid; afraid that in his own world it was more dangerous for him to have a child than it was for AJ or Carly... afraid that he would be unable to keep his daughter and his son safe... and finally he understood that Alexis did the only thing she could given his treatment of her.

Alexis kept her eyes on Sonny. A few moments passed while he stood in front of the window and when she saw his shoulders give way and his head fall forward she got up and went to stand beside him.

"What is it, Sonny? What are you thinking?"

Instead of looking at her his gaze settled on the grounds outside the window. He was not able to meet her eyes but she saw the tears that suddenly formed in his eyes. His voice was filled with sorrow when he finally spoke.

"There's a part of me that wishes I didn't know she was mine. But I do know and I can't walk away. She is a part of me... she has already staked a claim on me. I can't walk away, Alexis. As much as I probably should... I just can't."

"I didn't ask you to, Sonny. I know what this child means to you. As much as I adore her and need her in my life, I know you love her and need her as well.

Watching Sonny's face grow more solemn, Alexis reached toward him and touched him lightly needing to give him something that would lessen the pain he was feeling.

"Sonny, listen to me. Look at me."

Alexis placed her hand under his chin and tried to force his eyes up to hers. He resisted her attempt and kept his eyes directed down toward the floor. She spoke quietly knowing that her words would do more for him than her touch would this time.

"Sonny, you were there the first time I heard our little girl's heartbeat. You heard it also. You were there, Sonny."

Sonny looked up as what Alexis was telling him finally sank into his consciousness and he remembered another time... another place.

"I went to the hospital... into the exam room where Carly was. I heard the sound of a baby's heart beating. It sounded so... amazing... it was a... a beautiful sound. I told her to listen... she got more upset... that was my child?

"Yes, Sonny. I was the patient in the next room."

Alexis saw a tear finally fall down the side of his cheek and her heart ached for what she kept from him. Steeling herself to continue, she went back to the sofa and sat down to finish the story as Sonny followed her and took his place beside her once more.

"After you left that day, the day you accepted Ned's explanation... I turned on him and slapped him with such anger that I am surprised he stuck around. I was angry with him for taking control of my life away from me. But, I think I was more angry at you than I was at him."

Alexis knew that what he was fixing to hear from her was going to be hard for him to hear... harder than anything she had said yet. So in an effort to make it easier for him she dropped her voice to a quieter, gentler tone and continued.

"You once told me that you were tired of having to explain yourself to people that should know you. Well, I completely understand that now. After all we shared together of each other, for you to think that I would go back to Ned... that I would do something so out of character... hurt my sister in such a manner. At first, I thought maybe you were just playing along. It was easier to think that you were rather than have to accept that in the final analysis you thought so little of me. When you accepted that lie you put me into the same category as women of Carly's moral fiber. It hurt... more than you could ever imagine. It made the decision to accept Ned's lie a lot easier. Then Kristina involved herself in the whole mess and I ended up losing her to it. She was so hurt. She couldn't believe that her big sister, the one she spent years trying to find would betray her so horribly. Right before you walked into her hospital room the day she died I told her the truth. And being the wonderful, loving and compassionate woman she was... she forgave me. In the end she kept my secret out of love for me. Her capacity to love and forgive still amazes me to this day. What I wouldn't give for my own daughter to have a heart like my little sister's."

During her discourse of the facts as she knew them, Alexis did not hear a single sound from Sonny. Her own tears of loss and pain kept her head downcast. When she finished her story silence filled the room. She couldn't even hear Sonny breathing. She glanced his way and felt her heart fall into the pit of her stomach. His face was buried in hands that trembled from the grief consuming him. She watched him stand slowly and turn away from her. She saw just enough of his face before he turned away to see the wetness on his cheeks. Her eyes followed him as he stumbled toward the door. He stopped a moment to regain his step then continued. She couldn't let him leave like this... not this time. She needed to know what he was thinking... needed him to stay with her. She whispered just loud enough for him to hear her.

"Sonny... don't leave me again."