The Long Road Home
by Terry

Chapter 77

Sonny immediately noticed the tear stains on her cheeks and that she appeared highly disturbed.

"Alexis, are you okay? Is he giving you a hard time? Something I can do to help... "

The look on his face, his complete concern for her and the stance of his body... unquestionable proof that he would do anything she asked of him in that moment. She couldn't help it... it bubbled up and out before she could stop it. Alexis laughed amazed at the irony of the whole situation. "No Sonny, there's absolutely nothing you can do." Without further comment, she turned to walk away lifting her hand to stop them as they started to follow. There remained no doubt that she wished to be left alone.

Sonny glanced at Kevin. Before waiting to hear what he and Alexis had been talking about, he attacked.

"What did you do? What did you say to her? So help me, if you've hurt her in any way you will live to regret it!"

Kevin took a step backward. Not out of any threat he felt at Sonny's words, only to put a little space between himself and a man quickly headed toward losing his infamous temper.

"Ok, down boy. Back off a little. I didn't hurt her. She is just facing a lot of truths right now that she's never faced before and a lot of it has to do with you. So if you wouldn't mind settling down a little maybe we can discuss this like a couple of rational sane men. Or would you prefer to go ahead and let go of that head of steam you've built up, I might add without provocation. Go ahead if you think it will make a difference. But I have to warn you. I'm not in the mood to baby-sit your temper right now and frankly, I've grown quite tired of it. And just so you know, I don't have time to sit here and coddle you. I have a few problems of my own to deal with, which is where I was headed before Alexis stopped me just a while ago. So if you don't mind, could you please excuse me while I continue... "

"Ok, Ok, Ok. Damn Kevin. You sound like Alexis when she gets on a roll. Take a breath, man. I'm sorry. I saw she was crying and I kind of lost it."

Sonny waited a moment then glanced up furtively at Kevin.

"... so you guys were talking about me?"

Kevin shook his head back and forth sighing in unbelief. The man was absolutely hell to deal with, never mind trying to get past his obsession with himself. Kevin's daily portion of patience was gone.

"Sonny, just... go. Go somewhere. Take a plane, hire a car, take a boat for all I care. Just go somewhere and leave me in peace. Is that ok... I mean can I ask that much just this once... just for tonight? Maybe tomorrow I'll be more willing to attend to your inability to center on anything besides yourself."

With that Kevin walked off leaving Sonny dumbfounded.

*************

Arriving back at her suite, Alexis went in search of Joy. All she wanted in that moment was a little time. She needed time to regroup, time to assess everything she heard that day. Finding Joy in the kitchen finishing dinner preparations she wondered where Johnny was, but that question would be best left unasked. She didn't need anyone else coming at her with their best intentions to help in some way. There was enough for her to think about right now.

"Joy, I need a favor. It seems I'm going to need a little help in achieving something I really need to do right now."

"Name it, Alexis. I'll do what I can to help."

"Thank you. What I need is a couple of uninterrupted hours. Joy, I need to be able to sit quietly and think. You and Kevin along with Johnny have given me quite a lot to think about over the past couple of days and I just need to sit a while and try to put it all together."

Joy looked up at Alexis with a small smile on her face.

"Sounds perfectly normal to me. Why don't you go into your room and close the door. Dinner is almost ready and when it is I'll bring you a plate. And don't worry, if anybody tries to disturb you I'll take matters into my own hands. I had my very first lesson today in that particular art form. Now go. I'll take care of things out here."

Alexis laughed and hugged Joy fiercely.

"You're absolutely the best, Joy. Thank you."

"No problem. Now go before someone comes in and accosts you again with well meaning drivel."

Alexis laughed again as she headed toward her room. Closing her door behind her she moved toward the chair in front of the window. Looking out at the grounds she began trying to settle the chaos that was running rampant within her. Sitting down she lay her hand upon her child caressed her lovingly. She whispered softly, "My little girl, it's time to get down to business. I have to do this for you as well as for myself. We can do this. It's just a matter of laying it out and looking at it piece by piece. Let's start with your Aunt Kristina... ' as a wave of grief passed over her she shook her head and sat down. 'No, not yet. We can't go there yet, my little one. We'll have to save her for last. I need to be in a better frame of mind before I can tackle that one. Let's start from the beginning.'

Alexis looked over at her bedside table where the book Kevin loaned her lay untouched for the past few days. Getting up she retrieved it along with a pen and legal pad then returned to settle down for some much-needed soul searching.

'I guess the best place to start is to look at and accept exactly who I am. So, Alexis your dominant temperament is Choleric. Ok girl, what all does that entail... write it down.'

Opening the book to the correct chapter, Alexis began jotting down the different aspects of the character of a Choleric temperament and was again struck by the fact that there were names that could be attached to the different types of people. There were reasons behind the why's and wherefore's of human actions. She read aloud as she began jotting down each characteristic.

'All of life is utilitarian to her. "I guess an example of that would be when I told Sonny I wasn't attractive, I was an attorney, usefulness before beauty." Her brain is filled with ideas, projects or objectives and she usually sees them through. "Ok, that fits." She is self-sufficient. "You betcha." She has a tendency to be harsh or cruel. "Well, who wouldn't be with some of the people I've had to deal with?" No one can be as cutting and sarcastic as a Choleric. "They call it a defense mechanism in my world." They make good supervisors, generals, builders, crusaders, politicians, or organizers. "Well somebody has to step up to the plate in order to get things done." They have a strong willpower. "That's an understatement." Their success can be attributed to determination rather than native ability. "I don't know so much about that one. I am very determined, but I do have exceptional legal skills. I guess the question would be, did I learn them through determination or was the natural ability already there. Interesting thought. We'll save that one for later." Everything she does has purpose and meaning. "Well of course, why waste your time if it doesn't?"'

Alexis flipped the page on her legal pad and started again.

'Ok. Let's look into the other temperament. Melancholy. Geez, that word sounds so dark.'

Alexis jumped slightly as she heard a knock on her door. She looked around and saw Joy stick her head in. She was carrying a tray,

"Hey, how's it going? You doing okay in here?"

"I'm doing just fine, Joy. Mmmm... that smells good."

"Just my own personal brand of Chinese fare. Hope you like it. I'll get out of here now and let you get back to it."

Alexis hesitated a moment before calling Joy back. She was curious.

"Joy, is everything ok out there? Everybody where they're supposed to be?"

Joy smiled widely knowing exactly what Alexis was asking.

"Well, not exactly. He looked so lonesome sitting out there in that hard chair. So, I asked him to join Johnny and I for dinner. They both are under strict orders not to come anywhere near this door and being the great guys that they are... you'll have all the peace and quiet you need until you're ready to come out. I promise."

"Thanks, Joy."

"Just looking out for my buddy. See you later."

"Bye."

Alexis lay the pad and pen aside for a few minutes while she ate. The longer she sat with her plate in her hand the more the felt the need to get back to her analysis. Sighing in exasperation she mumbled. 'I wonder where my lack of patience comes from.' Resigning herself to the fact that it was useless to fight the pull of the legal pad she lay her plate aside only half eaten and reached for the pad and the book once again.

'"Now, Melancholy." A person with the melancholy temperament is usually blessed with a gifted mind and a tremendous capacity to experience the complete spectrum of emotions. "Well, like I've always said, anything worth doing is worth doing well." Her greatest danger is in giving in to negative thinking patterns. "Well, what do you expect given the road I've traveled?" She is a natural perfectionist, very sensitive, and appreciative of the fine arts, analytical, and a faithful friend. "Hmmm... analytical, perfectionist, sensitive. Not so great, right? Analytical... what's wrong with that? I call that being prepared. Wait a minute, what was that Kevin was saying about taking the big picture apart and analyzing it bit by bit. Damn Alexis, look at what you're doing. Your analyzing being analytical. Get over it. It is what it is." She is not out-going as a rule and rarely pushes herself forward. "That holds true unless I'm defending someone else's rights. No, let's not go there yet either." Melancholy people excel under pressure because external motivation spurs their latent talents. "I guess that's one that Sonny ought to be grateful for." Once the pressure is off, however, they tend to recede into apathy. "I don't think that's true at all. But, then again with Sonny when was the pressure off long enough for me to know whether that was true or not. Ok Alexis, enough with the sarcasm. We've already established you have the characteristics of a Choleric temperament. We're working on Melancholy now. Focus." One of the hallmarks of a melancholy temperament is a desire to be self-sacrificing. "I don't know if I like the sound of that." It is almost impossible for a melancholy to graciously receive commendation or congratulations. "I'm liking this less and less." Strong melancholy individuals find it difficult to enjoy ease without a guilty conscience. They are often prone to dedicate themselves to some sacrificial cause. This usually is on a personal basis with a high personal cost. Sometimes they cramp and misdirect their lives in a self-sacrificing endeavor that actually is self-serving--a means of heightening pride through self-abasement.'

Slamming the book closed, Alexis sighed in aggravation.

'Let's just say there is enough melancholy in me to temper the choleric side and leave it at that. Alexis, sometimes your need to analyze things to death is just downright frustrating and in this case highly irritating. You are who you are, accept it and move on.'

Alexis sat there for a moment as her last thought caught on. 'I am who I am right now. It doesn't mean I can't change. It doesn't mean I can't grow. Whoa... wait a minute. What was that last right Kevin was telling me? Think Alexis. What did he say? You have the right to... to... to change and grow in your values with age and experience. Yeah that's it. So wouldn't that also apply to my character as well? Why not?'

Sitting back with a smile on her face she remembered one of her other rights and whispered it to herself with satisfaction.

"I have the right to be proud of my accomplishments... even if it is on a personal level. What do you think of your mother now, little girl? Pretty good start I'd say, wouldn't you?"