The Long Road Home
by Terry

Chapter 71

"You know, we’re going to have to deal with it sooner or later. We can’t stay out here indefinitely."

Johnny and Alexis had returned to the gazebo and sat quietly for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Looking over at her, Johnny hated to have to bring up Sonny, but there was no way around it. He would be waiting for their return and Alexis needed to be prepared.

"Actually, I was thinking that maybe I could go home now. But, I don’t really have a home anymore. I don’t want to go back to the apartment yet. I can’t look at those walls day in and day out knowing that what happened there cost me my sister."

Johnny couldn’t sit back and let her continue to blame herself for her sister’s death. He felt he needed to say something for her sake.

"Alexis, there is so much that you do not know about what was really going on when Kristina died. Don’t you want to know what really happened?"

"I know what happened. Someone was going after Sonny again and my sister paid the price for my association with him. But, if I had told her the truth… if I had just been honest with her… trusted her … she would not have been in that warehouse."

Johnny was out of his league and he knew it. What Alexis needed to deal with where Kristina was concerned was more than he knew how to handle. She needed to talk to Kevin. Trying to move the conversation away from any role Alexis felt she was responsible for in Kristina’s death, Johnny asked her if she wanted to know the why of the bombing.

"No, Johnny; that’s not your story to tell. I need to hear it from Sonny. I want… I have to see… it just has to come from him. I hope you can understand."

He didn’t really understand, but he left it alone. Maybe there were just some things that Alexis still needed to hear from Sonny in order for them to make sense to her. And maybe she just needed to see how Sonny felt about everything now that all of her memories were intact. Whatever the reason, Johnny respected her enough to let her deal with it the way that was best for her.

"You know he is going to be waiting on us when we get back."

"I know."

"Can you handle that?"

"I don’t know. All I know right now, is that I’m angry. At myself… at Ned… at ‘him’… at…"

Johnny frowned as he watched her look away from him. Her face was filled with remorse, guilt and confusion. He didn’t know whether to press her to finish her sentence or not. His question was answered when he heard her take the initiative to finish it on her own.

"I loved Kristina with all my heart. She was a part of me. But… I… I’m angry with her and that makes everything so much harder to deal with. How can I face myself when I am just so angry with her? I don’t want the anger… not at Kristina, but I just can’t seem to stop. I’m angry that she left me… which just makes me even angrier with myself and with Sonny. Why couldn’t she trust me to handle my own life? Why couldn’t she just trust me?"

The more she tried to explain what she felt and why, the more nervous and agitated she became. Johnny was becoming afraid of the damage she could possibly be doing to herself and the baby.

"Alexis, please calm down. Look, as much as you hate the idea… you need to talk to Kevin. Please."

"No, I don’t want to talk to Kevin. I don’t want to talk to anyone. This is mine to deal with and I will. Johnny, don’t push me toward Kevin."

"Is it because he has a way of getting down to the root of a problem or is it because he is too rough on you? Don’t you want to get rid of the baggage that keeps you so tied up?"

"It’s my baggage, Johnny. Mine to deal with as I see fit. I’m asking you to leave it alone. For now, just let me handle this my way. I made you a promise that I intend to keep. If I get into trouble I’ll let you know. Now, as much as I hate the idea of leaving here, my little girl needs me to take care of her. I need to eat something and I need to find a way to calm down.

Johnny nodded his head and glanced around him. He lifted his head as a gentle breeze blew by and closed his eyes to take in the full effect. As much as his friend was feeling in that moment, Johnny took a moment to remember that part of his soul that kept him at peace. A small smile touched the corners of his mouth as his grandmother’s face appeared before him.

Alexis watched him with envy.

"Someday Johnny… someday I want to know what that feels like."

"What feels like?"

"Contentment, peace, love… all rolled into one. I wonder if it’s possible… with the life I’ve led… what I have cost those around me… I wonder."

Johnny looked at her lovingly and reached over to draw her to him. He lay a companionable arm across her shoulders and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

"Want to bet me a dollar that by this time next year you’ll have all that and more?"

She smiled at him patronizingly and turned her back toward the pathway leading to the road.

"Well I certainly can’t put it off forever. Let’s go, Johnny. It’s best to just get it over with."

Johnny caught up with her and took her hand.

"Just one more thing, partner. You might want to let me drive the truck back. You take Joy’s car."

Alexis peered at him quizzically.

"Why? I didn’t have any problems with the truck."

"Uhm… I think I’d like to back it away from the ditch myself… just in case."

"What ditch?"

Johnny stopped abruptly.

"The ditch you almost drove it into. You mean you didn’t see that ditch?"

"You’re crazy, Johnny. There wasn’t a ditch."

Johnny started off again dragging her with him. As they came out on the other side of the trees, Johnny guided her toward the truck and almost lost his balance as she stopped dead still jerking him to a standstill beside her. He couldn’t help but laugh at her pronouncement.

"There’s a ditch there! I almost drove your truck into a ditch!"

"I know, Miss Smartie. Did you think I was pulling your leg or something?"

"Or something. Can you back it away without it going in?"

"No problem. Give me the keys and here… you take Joy’s. Meet you back in the parking lot."

Alexis looked up at him with an unreadable expression.

"I don’t want to go in alone, but I also don’t want you to interfere. Are we clear, Johnny?"

"Yeah, we’re clear. Now let’s head this little convoy back, shall we."

***************

Arriving back at the sanitarium, Alexis and Johnny parked the vehicles and got out. Johnny saw Alexis’ step falter and then she hesitated. He walked toward her and stopped a step away.

"You ready, partner?"

"No, I’m not. But, I don’t guess that makes much difference at this point. Come on, let’s get this over with."

Alexis took hold of Johnny’s hand and with an uncertain first step, she straightened and called upon that part of herself that always handled the rough parts of her life. As she walked along beside Johnny, she bowed her head briefly to try and settle the chaos that held a firm unyielding grip on her. Failing, she stopped and lay an unsteady hand on Johnny’s arm.

"Johnny, can you give me a minute?"

"Sure, whatever you want."

Johnny watched with concern as Alexis walked a few steps away and leaned heavily against a tree. He saw her lower her head and close her eyes. He stood there a few moments and then finally saw her straighten. Her head came up, her shoulders drew back and her whole posture strengthened. When she turned back around to face him she wore a mask. No one who saw her now would ever guess what she had just been through… there was no sign of weakness, no sign of grief or loss… all that remained was a steadfast resoluteness. Alexis successfully put away all of her vulnerabilities. No one could touch her now. Johnny knew in that moment who was running the show now. Natasha Alexis Davidovich was protecting the princess behind an impregnable wall of determination. And Johnny’s heart cried.

Alexis walked back toward Johnny without looking at him. She was completely focused on keeping all things in order and would not allow any obstacles to get in her way. And that included Johnny’s kind heart.

The two of them entered the building and walked steadily up to her suite. Just as they rounded the corner onto the hallway where her suite was, they both drew to a sudden stop. Without touching her, Johnny felt the tension in Alexis mount.

Hearing someone start down the hall, Sonny looked up and froze. His blood ran cold at the look on her face. It was almost as if he were looking at a stranger. He was so intent on the expression or lack of on her face that it barely registered that she was again walking toward her room. As she came to her door she stopped and looked directly at him. He rose from the chair he placed outside her door to answer whatever she asked of him.

"Just what is it you think you are doing, Sonny?"

Her voice was cold and hard, but he refused to hide behind his own shell of protection. He returned her gaze and answered.

"I’m returning a favor a friend of mine once did for me. She bent the rules to stay with me until I was released from my own private brand of hell. I want her to know that I respect her and care enough about her to do the same thing. I’ve worked it out so that the suite right across from yours is mine until you’re ready to leave. I’m going to sit here with you until you’re okay. I’m not going to intrude on your privacy, not going to force you to talk to me. I’m just here in case you need something."

Sonny dropped his gaze and stepped around her. He quietly opened her door for her then returned to his chair and waited to see what her reaction would be. It wasn’t what he expected.

"Suit yourself. Johnny, I’m going to find a bite to eat then take a nap. Would you wake me in a couple of hours? I think I would like to take a walk alone this afternoon."

Johnny was struck dumb by the absolute coldness that Alexis was exhibiting toward Sonny. He didn’t see her flinch once… not one crack in her demeanor as she walked through the door that Sonny opened for her. Looking down at Sonny, he threw his hands up.

"What was that?"

"Don’t worry about it, Johnny. She’s just letting me know that she’s not ready to see me or talk to me yet. Go on now. Go take care of her. Let me know if she needs anything."

"You’re just going to sit here?"

"Yep."

"I don’t get it."

"You don’t have to. She does and that’s what matters. Now go on. I’ll be fine."

Johnny walked slowly into the suite shutting the door behind him. He leaned against it for a moment shaking his head in disbelief before going to check on Alexis. He needed to find Joy… wanted her arms around him. He needed a little bit of relief from the intensity he had been through the last couple of hours.

"Alexis, you okay?"

"I’m fine."

"I’ll go look for Joy and see what’s on the menu for the day then I’ll come back."

"You don’t have to come back, Johnny. You need to spend a little time with Joy. So, please… go be with Joy. I need a little quiet time if you don’t mind."

"Sure thing, partner. Just holler if you need anything."

Johnny turned and went toward his own room figuring that was where he would find his wife. He wasn’t disappointed. He found Joy reclining on the bed, reading. Lying down beside her he felt her arms close around him and he breathed a sigh of relief. He was home, safe and in the arms of love.