The Long Road Home
by Terry

Chapter 69

Sonny panicked when Johnny confirmed their fears that Alexis had indeed left. Anger suddenly rose up in him and he turned slamming his fist into the wall behind him. How could he have left her? He promised he wouldn’t leave. But, the minute the door closed behind Johnny earlier, he allowed himself to be talked into leaving for a coffee break. He felt repulsed at himself for failing her yet again. He was there to witness her devastation when Kristina died. He saw her go from one extreme to another emotionally. Unlike when she lost Chloe; when Alexis lost Kristina she completely lost control in her grief. With what he knew of her and the way she handled trauma, he should have known she would try to find someway to escape them. Now she was out there alone and he was terrified.

"Okay Johnny, you wait here. I'll go call some of the boys and get them started looking for her."

Johnny stood there a moment shaking his head imperceptibly. It was going to take Sonny some time to understand that his initial reaction wasn't always the best. Especially where Alexis was concerned.

"Sonny, wait. Don't go and do something you're going to regret. Alexis is not going to want a lot of people knowing what's going on here. If she gets any idea that you have pulled in the boys, she's going to be angrier than she already is and she may never talk to us again. Let's don't screw this up, Sonny."

Shocked at what he was hearing Sonny glared at Johnny menacingly. It defied all reason to him for anyone to attempt to stop him from looking for Alexis. He turned on Johnny with a vengeance, advancing closer until he stood almost nose-to-nose with Johnny.

"Just what do you suggest we do then? Leave her out there... not knowing where she is or if she is ok?"

Johnny took a step backward to put a little distance between Sonny and himself and lay a comforting hand on Sonny's shoulder.

"No, that's not what I'm suggesting. But... I think I know where she is."

"Then let's go."

Johnny caught hold of Sonny's arm to stop him from walking away.

"No, Sonny. You can't go with me. If I'm right, then where I'm going is private. Not only to her, but to me especially. I will not allow anyone to disturb where I think she is. Besides, her being there is just a hunch. If she's not there, I'll call you and we'll figure out where to go from there. Give me about twenty minutes... I'll know by then. If she's there we won't be coming back right away. You go ahead and do what you were going to do before we knew she was gone."

"You expect me to go off knowing she's somewhere out there... maybe in trouble?"

Johnny looked at him unwaveringly and nodded.

"That's exactly what I expect you to do. Remember who this is about Sonny. Don't go getting selfish on me now. You do what you have to... what you planned to do. I'll take care of her until I can get her back here. Look, I know I'm asking a lot from you. But I need you to trust me right now. Trust that I will take care of her. "

Sonny stood still for a moment longer. There was a war raging inside of him. He wanted to go with Johnny... he wanted to make sure Alexis was ok... he wanted to talk to her, make her understand... and he wanted her well. Mentally stepping back from the situation he did his best to view it objectively and immediately saw that Johnny was right.

"Ok, I'll wait to hear from you. If she is there, then I'll take Courtney home and take care of what I need to do for her."

"Thanks, Sonny."

Sonny watched helplessly as Johnny turned to Joy and asked for her car keys. He saw Johnny lean down and kiss her, then speak quietly to her. Joy caught hold of Johnny's face and the look that passed across her face made Sonny feel very inadequate. He wanted to be looked at like that; wanted to be loved that completely. In watching the scene between Johnny and Joy, he found himself yearning for the type of relationship they shared. No one fought for the upper hand... they just drifted from one moment to the next working together, sharing moments, giving their all. Hearing Joy answer Johnny, Sonny turned and walked quietly down the hall to give them a little privacy.

"Johnny, you need to go now. You are probably right in where you think she is. It somehow makes sense that she would go there. Don't worry about me. I'll be here waiting when you get back. Now go. Hurry. She needs you."

"Joy, I'm not so good admitting when something scares the life out of me. But, right now..."

"I know, love. You're dealing with a lot more than you ever really bargained for. You did not expect things to get this heavy. But don't worry; you are doing just fine. If she is there, then you have to know you've done more for her since she's been awake than you ever realized. I think when Alexis ran, she ran to the one place she felt safe, the one place that holds no bad memories for her. Now go, my love. Go find her."

Johnny took hold of Joy and pulled her into his arms with urgency. He never realized he was capable of loving someone so much. His love for Joy filled him completely and sometimes he felt like he would explode from the depth of how much he felt for her. Looking down into her eyes he leaned down and kissed her fiercely. Once again the thought crossed his mind that the only way he could get enough of her was to crawl inside her and pull her around him like a second skin.

"Joy, don't ever leave me. You would tear my heart out if you did. I don't have the words to tell you how much you mean to me."

"I know, Johnny. I feel the same way. You and I were meant to be together. It was written in the stars before time began. Now, go. Johnny you have to go. Don't leave her out there alone too long. I'll be right here sending prayers to heaven for both you and Alexis. Sonny and I will wait together for your call."

"I love you... bye."

"Bye, Johnny."

Joy watched Johnny run down the hall. When he left her sight she turned to look for Sonny. He had moved down the hall out of hearing distance. Walking toward him, she met his gaze as he raised his head. She drew to a stand still beside him.

"Why don't we go in and wait together? It won't be a long wait and you should not be alone either right now. Would you like me to find Courtney for you?"

Sonny couldn't take his eyes from hers. He wanted to know what a woman in love... really in love looked like; one who knew without question that she was completely loved in return. What he saw in Joy's eyes left him full of shame and regret. Each time he found himself close enough to look deep into Alexis' eyes there was a host of emotions evident; ranging from hope to sadness, from calm to anger, from mischief to seriousness. But through it all one thing remained constant. There were always questions in her eyes, questions waiting to be answered. Somehow in that moment he knew that he was the only one who could answer her questions. Looking at Joy, he found a question of his own that needed to be answered.

"What does he give you that puts that look in your eyes, Joy?"

"That's a loaded question and one that could take a little time."

"Time is all we have right now and I... "

Sonny looked down at the floor. The struggle that was going on inside him was tough to handle. He wanted so much for things to go right the next time around with Alexis, but having to admit to himself that his way of dealing with things... with someone he loved was flawed... It was a tough pill to swallow. On top of that... having to ask anyone for help with anything gnawed at him. Exhaling forcefully he forced himself to see Alexis' face in his mind he looked back up at Joy.

"I need to know, Joy. When I looked into Alexis' eyes this morning I knew that she loved me, but there was something missing. It's not missing in your eyes when you look at Johnny. There's this thing there that looks like you've given the rest of your life to him and it satisfies you. You look satisfied with your life... your choices."

"That's because I am. I am satisfied with who I am... who I have chosen to spend my life with, and satisfied that I will never have a reason to question the decision I made when I gave my heart and future to Johnny. I will be sitting with Johnny on a porch somewhere 50, 60, 70 years from now more in love with him than I am now. It's what I want more than anything in this world and we have both unconditionally dedicated ourselves to that end."

They both turned quickly as they heard Courtney coming up behind them.

"Sonny, are you ok? What's going on? Alexis asked me to call this number and check her messages. But there is such an overload that I thought I should get a tablet and pen to write them all down."

Sonny took Courtney by the hand and led her into the suite. Just before he entered behind Courtney he turned to Joy.

"Once I tell her what's going on, can we finish this?"

"Of course, Sonny. Do you want a little privacy while you two talk?"

"No, that's not necessary. There's not much about this whole situation that I would care to keep from you at this point. Besides I think it would greatly benefit Courtney if she were to spend more time around you."

Joy couldn't resist teasing him a bit. He was much too serious for his own good.

"Thank you, Sonny. That's quite a compliment coming from you... given your reputation I mean."

Sonny paused a moment and looked intently at Joy. He saw the twinkle in her eye and relaxed realizing that she was in fact just teasing him. He winked at her and turned back to Courtney with a snide remark.

"I think my reputation has taken a serious blow lately hanging around all you independent women. I just may be forced to jump on the bandwagon with Johnny."

Sonny followed Courtney into the living room and joined her on the sofa. Taking both of her hands in his, he grew serious and looked at her with care.

"Courtney, I'm afraid Alexis saw fit to jump ship on us. She got rid of everyone in her way then took off in Johnny's truck. Johnny is out now trying to find her."

Courtney gasped then quickly began studying Sonny trying to gauge where he was emotionally. As much as she liked Alexis, it was Sonny that concerned her most.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm worried, but I'm ok. Johnny thinks he may know where she went. And if he's right, he'll call us and let us know. Once I know she's safe I'm going to take you home and then come back."

"No, I want to stay with you."

Sonny smiled a bit and reached up to caress her cheek.

"I like it a lot that you want to stay with me, but right now none of us know what the next hour is going to hold. I have something I have to do for Alexis and I won't be able to give it my full attention if I'm worried about you. So... please... let me do this my way. I appreciate you wanting to be here for me... more than I can tell you. Having you with me... I'm beginning to understand what Alexis tried so hard to get me to see. I want you to know that I'm proud of you... I'm proud that you are my sister."

Courtney's eyes misted at the words she had waited all of her life to hear. It somehow felt right that they would finally come from her older brother. She had always wanted... needed someone to be proud of her.

"Thank you, Sonny. I'm glad you're my brother. Maybe before it's all over with we'll have walked ourselves right into a real brother and sister relationship. I know that would be a wish come true for me."

"Awww, that's nice."

Sonny patted her hands a couple of times then looked toward Joy who stood just out of earshot then he turned back to Courtney. He found himself trying to find the proper way to ask for privacy, not because she was his sister, but because he cared about her... about how she felt. It totally took him by surprise that she became so much a part of his heart in so little time. He smiled sheepishly.

"Look, I know you must be hungry by now and there is something I need to discuss with Joy regarding Alexis. The kitchen is just down that hallway there. Is it okay for me to ask... I mean for a little... "

Courtney giggled at Sonny's attempt to be polite. It was so new to him that she found it quite comical watching him struggle for the right words.

"Need a little privacy, big brother? I mean that is what you are so nicely trying to ask for, isn't it?"

Sonny laughed at her teasing and reached up and gently tugged at a strand of her hair.

"I can tell right now, you are going to be a handful. Yes, that is what I was trying to ask for little Miss Know-it-All."

"Now see, that wasn't so hard was it. Why don't I make us all some lunch… do you mind, Joy?"

Joy stepped forward with a smile on her face. It had been hard not to overhear the exchange between brother and sister and she found it equally hard at that moment to find the man Johnny once described Sonny to be.

"That's a fine idea, Courtney. Thank you so much for offering. Once Sonny and I get finished here I will join you and we'll finish it up together, then you two can set off to do what you need to do."

Sonny watched Courtney get up and leave the room. He couldn't contain the smile on his face. He was so proud of her and found it tough even now to accept that such a loving and giving person was his sister. He turned his attention back to Joy.

"It's still hard for me to believe she belongs to me."

"Belongs to you, Sonny?"

"Yeah, that she's my sister."

Joy walked around the corner of the sofa and sat down next to Sonny.

"I think we just hit on one of the problems. What did you mean by 'belongs' to you?"

Sonny looked at Joy quizzically. He wasn't sure exactly what kind of answer she wanted from him.

"That she's... my sister. You know a part of my family... mine."

Joy sat up straighter and pointed at him.

"There, that's the one. What do you mean by 'mine'?"

Sonny was still having trouble understanding what she was driving at.

"It's just a word, Joy."

"No, Sonny. It's more than that. That word... words like that... they come from a certain frame of mind. From the way you view life in general."

"I'm not following."

Joy reached down and pulled his watch from his wrist and held it before him.

"This is a possession, it is an object that can be owned. It does not have feelings. It does not have the capacity to make choices. It is simply an inanimate object. You can say to me 'this watch is mine' and I can agree wholeheartedly. But, when you say to me 'Courtney is mine'... there's where the way you view things gets a bit skewed. We cannot own people. They have rights, they have feelings, they can say yes and they can say no. It is their choice to either be with us or not to be with us. We cannot force them to be what we need them to be like you can this watch. If you try to treat them as you would this watch then they lose their sense of individuality and you lose the gift of discovering who they really are and enjoying the best they have to offer you. You asked me what Johnny gave me... Every morning when Johnny wakes up he asks himself, what can I do to make today special for Joy? When he looks at me, he sees me... not who he would like me to be. He accepts the woman that I am... doesn't try to change me... doesn't try to ask more of me than I am capable of giving. He gives everything that he is to me. And because I know his heart is mine, I don't harbor any jealousy at all when it comes to his friends. There is a total trust between us... no secrets... nothing false. We don't hide anything from each other. We have chosen to walk through life as partners both giving 100% to each other. Because he makes it his business to make life as easy as possible for me, I in turn, do my best to see that the home he provides for me is full of love and laughter... I see to it that he has everything that he needs at home so that when he is away from me during the day he wants nothing more than to come home to me at night... he is eager to return home to me. Do you see what I'm trying to say? The wide-eyed, touchy, feely emotion of love is nowhere near what it's all about. Love is commitment. Love is staying true to the one who holds your heart; in good times and in bad. Emotions and turmoil may rock the boat a bit... but it's the commitment to each other that keeps the boat afloat. If you stand hand in hand, rooted in a good foundation... then your love will survive. And it will stand the test of time... as long as you remain totally committed to the care and well-being of the one you love."

Sonny glanced up at her and grinned mischievously.

"Just how old are you anyway?"

Joy laughed and leaned a little closer to whisper.

"Old enough to know a good man when I see one."

chapter 70