The Long Road Home
by Terry

Chapter 65

Entering the suite just as the clock struck 10:00, Alexis led Sonny and Courtney into the living room and found that Kevin arrived during the short time she was out. Taking Courtney by the hand she led her over to Joy.

"Joy, I would like you to meet someone who means a great deal to Sonny and I. This is Courtney, Sonny's sister. May I ask you to take care of her for me while we tend to what needs to be done today."

"Of course I will, Alexis. It would be a pleasure."

Joy looked Courtney over discreetly and was immediately impressed with her. No one but another woman would ever be able to see the level of fear and concern Courtney was hiding beneath the calm exterior of her face. Joy reached and gently pulled Courtney a bit towards her to hopefully help calm the girl.

"Hi Courtney, it would please me greatly if you would spend the day with me. There are some errands I need to run that won't take long. And it will keep us busy until things are taken care of here with our friends. Do you mind?"

Courtney looked back at Sonny, who was talking quietly with Johnny and Kevin then back at Joy.

"I need to be here in case Sonny needs me. I mean I would love to help any way I can, but... "

Alexis smiled understandingly at Courtney and put her arm around her.

"It's ok, Courtney. Joy won't be gone that long. You'll be back in plenty of time to help Sonny if he needs you. Should anything go wrong, Johnny has promised me that he will see that Sonny is cared for. So please, don't worry. I have to talk to Kevin before we do anything anyway, so I don't think we're going to talk about the other part for at least an hour or so. Does that give you enough time, Joy?"

"That gives me more than enough time. You just take care of what you need to and I'll make sure we're back in plenty of time. Now go, you just leave Courtney with me. We'll get along just fine."

Alexis leaned close to Joy and hugged her tightly whispering a heartfelt 'thank you' in her ear and felt warmed as Joy returned her hug. Letting go she turned to Courtney.

"Thank you for being here, Courtney. I knew I could count on you."

Courtney's eyes were bright as she gazed at Alexis.

"He's everything and more than I expected. You were right, Alexis. I do need him... and he needs me."

Courtney shyly reached toward Alexis and gave her a hesitant yet grateful hug before she walked over to Sonny to let him know of the new plan.

Alexis watched her and felt her heart catch as Sonny listened patiently then placed a kiss on the cheek of his sister as his arm went around her. She was so intent on watching how they were interacting together that she didn't realize tears of joy had gathered in the corners of her eyes. Catching Sonny look over at her as Courtney left to join Joy, Alexis smiled encouragingly at him and melted as he smiled back. He had such a beautiful smile when it was unrestricted by the worries that plagued him on a daily basis. To see only half of it this morning made her heart ache for him. Walking toward him she felt her heart begin to race a little... as she drew near to him he reached for her and pulled her close.

"I'll be right here when you and Kevin get back. If you need me... you just call, deal?"

"Deal. Don't worry, Sonny. I won't be long. I just need to make sure things are where they are supposed to be in my head before we go any further. Wait for me?"

"Always."

Sonny watched as she turned and joined Kevin as he walked toward the door. He felt his heart sink at the sight of her retreating back and couldn't let her go yet.

"Alexis... wait... please... "

His heart lifted a little as she turned back to him. Crossing the space between them he pulled her into his arms and rested his cheek against hers so that his lips lay close to her ear. And for her ears alone he whispered.

"Remember me... "

Clutching him tighter she turned her head just enough to return his whisper.

"Always."

Releasing him slowly, Alexis lay her lips against his cheek for a moment then walked out.

Hearing the door close behind her, Sonny sank into the nearest chair and felt Johnny's hand fall on his shoulder.

"I don't know if I can do this, Johnny. I don't know if I have the strength to do it. You know what's fixing to happen. It's going to tear us apart. It's going to tear her apart."

Johnny rounded the side of the sofa and sat down across from Sonny.

"I don't believe it will, Sonny. Alexis doesn't want to lose you any more than you want to lose her. She loves you. Yeah, you two are going to have to work your way through some pretty heavy stuff. But, you both want to be together. I believe you're doing the right thing. If you can do this for her, she will know that you gave her your best. When she is able to think rationally again she will remember what you did for her and why."

Sonny stood abruptly with a sardonic laugh and walked over to the window.

"Do you honestly believe that once she knows that the sister she adored as a child came back and was with her for a year before dying in my warehouse as a result of someone who was coming after me? I may not have understood her relationship with Kristina as well as she would have liked, but I understand more now than I did then. If it were Courtney in that warehouse... "

"But, it wasn't. And all the 'what ifs' in the world are not going to change what's going to happen here today. What we have to do is find a way to help her get through it. Now, I understand that you both have a lot to lose here if this is not handled right. So, I'm all for spending what little time we have before she gets back trying to work out just what we need to do for her."

"There's not much I can offer not much I can do. You' re the one who is going to have to help her get through this, Johnny."

"I know. But, this is going to be really tough. I don't know if I'm going to be able to help her with this one. I'll do what I can... all that I can. There is something you can do though. You can make sure I don't have to split my time between the two of you."

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?"

"Sonny, right now Alexis is just as concerned about you as she is for herself. She's worried about how you are going to handle all of this. So concerned that she has asked that I take care of you once everything is out in the open. Her words "don't let him slip into that dark hole of his". Sonny, I'm going to have my hands full with Alexis. I need to know that you are as committed to seeing this through as the rest of us are. Don't make me have to choose between the two of you because I can tell you right now that if you go into some kind of tailspin I'm not going to be there to help you out. I'll choose Alexis every time over you. Whether she will admit it or not she is going to worry about you even if she does turn away from you. And if she sees you go down its going to cause her more hurt and more stress and I'm telling you right now... if that happens, Sonny... I'm going to come after you hard."

Sonny was getting angry. He didn't need Johnny coming down on him. What he was doing to himself was hard enough.

"Back off Johnny. Just back off. I don't need this from you, right now."

Fact of the matter was Sonny was terrified that he wasn't going to be able to give Alexis what she needed. He wanted her to be the center of his life. But, he didn't know how. He spent his life building a world around himself that was totally and completely self oriented. How could he give her what she needed? He had never before set himself aside completely for anyone. Looking back at Johnny he found himself facing a situation that he was unsure of and he knew he needed help.

"Johnny, how do you do it? How do you make a woman the center of your life forget what you learned... you know... change things...?"

Johnny was stunned at what Sonny was asking him. Not only was he opening himself up as he never had before... but he was doing it to a former employee as well.

"It's a choice, Sonny. Every man has this need inside of him. If that need is satisfied... then he feels complete. I believe that there is one woman born for every man and if fate smiles on him and he is patient then he will find her. She possesses the ability to fill every part of his soul... every need... every desire... But, the ultimate fulfillment of both can only be obtained if they give everything of themselves to the other. No holding back. For the man, he must look to her needs before his own... before everything else in his life... even the children take a back seat to his relationship with the woman who holds his heart. If she is content and safe in the knowledge that she is his highest priority then her desires... her needs... everything she holds dear... is wrapped up in the man of her heart. She gives him everything. As each of them dedicate their lives to fulfilling each other's needs... desires... dreams... they come as close to perfection in their relationship as is possible on this earth. But, it begins with a choice. One man choosing one woman; one woman choosing one man. No holding back."

"Alexis already has that going for her. She is the most giving woman I have ever known. She already gave every part of herself that mattered most to me. How do I catch up?"

"It's not about catching up, Sonny. This is not a race. It is the natural progression of two becoming one. You take a step, she follows. She takes a step, you follow. You begin by simply letting go of you and taking hold of her... giving of yourself... she will follow."

Both men turned at the sound of the door opening and waited a moment more to see who was coming in. Sonny's heart leaped at the sight of Alexis rounding the corner. Walking quickly toward her he took her hands in his.

"Are you okay, Alexis? Is everything okay?"

Alexis gazed into eyes full of love and concern for her and smiled.

"Everything is fine, Sonny. I just had an encounter with 'Natasha Cassadine' last night and Johnny thought I should talk to Kevin about it before we proceeded today. That's all. Don't worry, I'm fine! Kevin seems to think I'm a little stronger now than I was yesterday because of the experience."

Sonny was a little confused by her response, but he figured it was only because he didn't have the whole story. Looking deep into eyes that held his own captive, he found she was doing her best to be strong for him in spite of the fear and uncertainty that was clearly evident in her own beautiful eyes. Her voice wavered the smallest bit as she questioned him.

"So, are you ready... is it ok to go ahead with this now?"

Stepping closer he pulled her into his arms and spoke softly so only she could hear.

"If you're ready, then I am. I'm here... I'm not going anywhere. I promised you I wouldn't leave. But... you have to promise not to leave me either. Do what you have to do... however you need to. I'll be here... waiting... I love you. Don't forget that..."

Taking half a step back he took both of her hands and brought them up to lay against his heart.

"Feel that. It’s yours now. All I'm asking of you is that you... remember me."

Leaning forward he kissed her on the cheek then stepped back again and studied her face. He took in every nuance of her features and committed them to memory. Leaning forward he rested his forehead against hers for a moment.

It was Alexis who wasn't sure anymore... it was too much to ask of him. She could see in his eyes how painful this was for him... but she saw his determination to give her what she wanted as well.

"Sonny... maybe we should wait. I don't want to hurt you... and I can't lose you... not again. I can't. I don't think I could survive it again."

In that moment, when he saw the fear and uncertainty increase in her, Sonny made his choice. Taking her by the hand, he led her into the bedroom and shut the door behind them. Turning back to her he took her into his arms and gently kissed her. Raising his hands to hold her head, he kissed her lightly on the forehead then on each side of her face before he returned to her mouth. It was a sweet gentle kiss, a kiss that spoke of love and comfort, of caring and commitment. Separating just enough to look at her, he spoke quietly.

"I'm not going anywhere, Alexis. You have to believe that. I've found a part of myself that I never knew existed. That part belongs to you. Whatever happens today... you and I are a part of each other. I will not leave you and I won't let you leave me. This is going to be hard... but, we can survive it if we really want to be together."

Sonny watched Alexis bow her head. He knew she was on the verge of giving up and not going forward with the plan.

"Look at me, Alexis. Look in my eyes.”

He waited until her eyes met his once again and he cringed at the fear he saw in them.

“Whether we do this today, tomorrow or not at all... the memory will come. The result will be the same. You are going to be hurt and angry. You may never want to see me again... but if what we feel is right... if it is meant to be... then we will find our way back to this place again. I promised you I wouldn't let you go... and I won't. But, I want to make you another promise. I'm through hiding behind a veneer of darkness every time something goes wrong or I don't get my way. Don't worry about me. Johnny won't have to help me. You just concentrate on taking care of what you need to. And if you need anything... want anything... doesn’t matter what it is you just tell Johnny and I'll see that you get it."

Alexis needed to feel his arms around her. Reaching up she fiercely pulled him to her and held him tight. She knew he was hurting and just as unsure as she was, but here he was trying to console her. Knowing what this was costing him, she leaned back to look into his eyes again and her heart clutched at the absolute and total commitment to her she saw in his eyes. He held nothing for himself. Reaching up with trembling fingertips she lightly traced every crease of his face; the line of his mouth, the curve of his jaw... she memorized every aspect of his beautiful face. Leaning forward she placed her lips against his and at his response... she deepened her kiss inviting him to take more. She finally released herself into his care and gave him everything... her past... her future... every reservation ever held where he was concerned... she left nothing hidden... she was his completely and she wanted him to know it. Slowly and reluctantly she released him and stepped back. It was time. They needed to get this over with so they could begin to get past it. She silently took his hand in hers and opened the bedroom door. Leading the way back into the living room she gently squeezed his hand reassuringly then addressed Kevin and Johnny.

"I apologize for the delay, but there was something that Sonny and I needed to settle before we continued."

Looking back at Sonny she stepped aside to allow him to take over.

"Ok, since Alexis is ready to go ahead with this I think we should just get it done as best we can with as little trouble for her as possible. Johnny, I want you to sit beside Alexis on the sofa. Kevin, if you will sit beside her in the chair please."

Sonny waited while everyone took their place and when he was satisfied that they were settled and ready, he knelt in front of Alexis. Taking both of her hands in his he spoke quietly and with great care.

"Once I give it to you, Alexis I'm going to back away."

Watching her closely he saw she was about to argue so he raised himself up enough to be able to lay his cheek against hers.

"Please trust me to know the best way to do this. You are going to be angry with me... you are not going to want me near you. I understand that and I accept it. But just remember, if we love each other and want to be a part of each other then we will survive this. Right now though I need you to just trust me... trust that I know you well enough to know what your response is going to be. Do not worry about me... I love you... that's not going to change. I will be waiting for you when you are ready. Now, I want you to take a deep breath. Breathe in deeply then release it slowly."

Leaning back he watched her breath deeply. Her eyes were round with apprehension. His own heart was clenched in fear at what he was about to do to the woman who held his life in the palm of her hand. He watched as she slowly released her breath.

"Now one more time. Breathe in deeply, then release it. Try to relax as much as you possibly can."

When he was satisfied, he leaned forward one more time. Sliding his cheek against hers he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply once to calm the tremors that were overtaking him. Very quietly he breathed his last request of her...

"Remember me... "

Sitting back, he reached into his pocket and pulled out an object and lay it in her lap then quietly backed away as a tear fell down his cheek.

Alexis looked down at the object he placed in her lap and she gasped. Picking it up and holding it tenderly... she looked up and met Sonny's gaze.

With the quietest of whispers she asked the only question she had in that moment.

"Sonny? Where did you get... It's my mother's... It's my mother's necklace."

She watched in confusion as Sonny slowly bowed his head as a look of abject guilt and sorrow fell on his face. Looking back down at the necklace she still held in her hand a solitary image began to appear.

It started as a pinpoint and grew larger and larger until it slammed into her consciousness jerking her body backward as her hands flew up to hold tight to each side of her head in an attempt to stop the agony that descended upon her. One solitary gasp finding its way past the devastation.