The Long Road Home
by Terry

Chapter 62

Hearing Johnny's response, Alexis stood and walked toward him with a frown of concern on her face.

"Johnny? What's wrong? Why don't you want me to know the rest?"

"Alexis, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so forceful. It's not that I don't want you to know it. I simply don't want you to deal with it tonight."

Alexis looked back at Kevin then toward Sonny.

Thinking he could help Alexis explain the reasons behind their decision, Sonny stood and went to stand beside her and started to address Johnny. Before he could even speak Alexis stopped him.

"No Sonny, please let me take care of this. It's my memory we're discussing and since Johnny has been with me through all of this, he has a right to his opinion and I want to hear it. Johnny... why? What is it that’s disturbing you?"

Glancing back at Joy who stood just behind him, he saw her slight nod then turned back to send a quick look at Sonny then Kevin. He was not concerned about them, but he didn't want to step on any toes either. Looking back at Alexis he saw the moment she realized he didn’t want an audience while he talked to her. When she reached toward him he silently took her hand in his and followed her out of the room and into the kitchen.

"Now, tell me what it is that is concerning you, Johnny. Just between you and me. You know I trust you, so the fact that you have a problem with this is important to me. So please, tell me."

"It's just that it's late. Things somehow seem worse at night than they do in the daytime. All I'm saying is I don't think it's such a good idea for you to do this tonight. Wait until in the morning. What you are going to find out is going to be bad enough without adding additional stress to the situation. That's it. That's all that is concerning me. I'm just asking you to wait until in the morning."

Alexis looked deep into Johnny's eyes and weighed his words. She finally saw what she was looking for. As always before in their time together there were no ulterior motives; he had no wish to hide anything from her. He simply wanted what was best for her.

"You're afraid of how I'll react to the new memories, aren't you? They're bad enough that I could possibly go back, right?"

"Yes, I am concerned about how you will react. But I promise you I won't let you go back there. Please don't do this without me. I have to be there when you are told… as your friend; someone that you know only wants you to be well and happy. Promise me, Alexis. Promise me you won’t do this without me."

Seeing his increasing agitation she stepped closer to him and put her arms around him to calm him down.

"Johnny, I would never have thought about doing this without you. I couldn't. You've been my rock in all of this. I woke up to your kind and gentle face. Please don’t worry so much."

Alexis let go of him and stepped back just enough for him to be able to see how serious she was.

"It was you who cared enough to be here with me and take care of me. You made me feel safe enough to wake up. I promise you I will not… could not leave you out of this. I need... I mean you have to be there... you know... in case... "

Tapping her on the nose he grinned and lightened the mood.

"Now do you think I would actually let you go anywhere with me now, partner. I'm kinda' liking this little thing we got going here."

Alexis knew she needed to tell Johnny about her new relationship with Sonny so she let go of him and turned to head out the door.

"Good, then it’s settled. Hey, why don't I get rid of everybody and we sit down and have a talk. I'd like to catch you up on what's been going on today."

"I'm all for that, but I just have one request."

"What's that."

"Don't get rid of my wife just yet, okay?"

"YOUR WIFE?"

"Yeah, the woman who's out there waiting to... oooffff."

Johnny didn't get a chance to finish his sentence as Alexis squealed and jumped back into his arms.

"Johnny, you got married?"

"Yeah, we did it last night. We just wanted it to be the two of us. I told her she could do it up right later if she wanted to, but she didn't. She wanted it just the way I did. It was great. She's great."

"I think you're great, Johnny. Now, come on. I have to congratulate the bride."

Alexis drug Johnny back into the living room by the hand only to drop it in order to give Joy the biggest hug she could.

"Congratulations, Joy. You got the real prize this time."

While Alexis and Johnny in the kitchen Joy was busy informing Kevin and Sonny of their marriage. Hearing Alexis' description of Johnny, Sonny stepped closer to Alexis to tease her a bit.

"Uh, if he's a prize what does that make me?"

Laughing at Sonny's question Alexis turned to answer him.

"A prize in training."

Chuckling at her reply, Sonny stepped closer and whispered in her ear.

"Someday you'll pay for that one."

"Promises. Promises."

Taking hold of his arm, Alexis addressed the group, but left her eyes focused on Sonny.

"Guys, I've agreed to wait until in the morning to hear the rest of the story. Sonny, I listened to his reasons for wanting to wait and it makes sense. So, if it's ok with you, will you come by in the morning around 10? Would that be ok with you, Kevin?"

Kevin stood quietly and patiently waited to see what was going to take place. He had learned that once Alexis got something into her head it was a waste of time to try and change her mind. But, he needed to at least try one more time.

"Are you sure I can't talk you out of this?"

"Kevin, I want to go home. I want to start building a life for my little girl. I can't do that until everything is out in the open and I've coped with it. If it's as bad as everyone thinks it is, my coping with it will probably take some time. The longer I wait, the longer it takes for me to deal with it. Please understand, Kevin. I need to do this. For me and for my little girl."

"Alright. But, I'm asking you not to do this without me. Medically speaking, I need to be with you when this takes place. Agreed?"

"Agreed. Can you make it at 10 in the morning?"

"Yes. Do you want to do it here or would you like me to find a more neutral place?"

"Thanks for remembering, Kevin. But, I think maybe it would be wise to do it here. It’s safe here. I mean I feel safe here and I think it would be best for all of this to happen in the most comfortable place."

"No argument from me. Now, if you'll excuse me... I would really like to get home to my wife."

Taking his cue from Kevin, Sonny turned to Alexis.

"Walk me out?"

"I'd like that. Johnny, I'll be back in a minute. Joy, make yourself at home."

Johnny watched Alexis walk out with Sonny, then turned to Joy.

"Tomorrow is going to be real hard, Joy. How do you want to handle it for you and I?"

Taking Johnny into a warm embrace, Joy looked up and kissed him softly. Placing her hand on his heart she eased his mind.

"Ok, so we weren't expecting anything of this magnitude on our first evening back. Don't worry, Johnny. I know where your head is and I know where your heart is. You take care of Alexis. I'll go back to my place this evening and pack a bag. You need to spend some time with her tonight. Talk to her! Try to keep her from getting anxious about tomorrow. I'll come back in the morning like always and fix breakfast. I'll be here all day if you need me."

"I love you, do you know that?"

"Nah, you just like my cooking?"

Hugging Joy tighter he voiced his concerns about the following day's trouble.

"I'm worried about her, Joy. Her sister meant everything to her. I mean just look at how far she's buried her sister's memory. She doesn't remember anything at all about her and Kristina was with her for a whole year. It's going to be bad. And it looks like she and Sonny have come to some kind of understanding. Once she knows Kristina died in his warehouse... I don't know if I'm going to be able to help her handle all of it without losing her."

"Do you know all of the circumstances surrounding her sister's death? I mean was it actually Sonny's fault?"

"No, it wasn't. Someone was coming after him and Kristina was in the wrong place at the wrong time tending to business that wasn't hers to tend to."

"So, when the time comes... that's what you tell Alexis."

"I can't tell her that. She's going to be so angry and hurt by all of it that she's not going to want to hear the how and why."

"She's a smart lady, Johnny. She will want to know. Maybe not at first... but Alexis is going to want to know everything. You know that. You're just letting your heart get in the way right now. Just wait until she's ready. She'll let you know when that is. But, you need to be ready for her to turn to Sonny as well. I saw her with him tonight and you're right. There is something different. They know what they feel for each other and I'm thinking they've probably voiced it at sometime today. So you just be prepared yourself for the time to come for her to look to him for comfort... because, my love, it will come. They've come too far together for them not to look to each other for what they need."

"I know you're right, Joy. I'm just real worried right now. This is not going to be easy for any of us. I'm glad we got married last night. Just knowing that I have you with me heart and soul... I cannot tell you what that means to me right now. No matter what happens tomorrow, I know that at the end of the day, it's just going to be me and you. And that's enough for me."

Leaning down slightly he kissed her. Everything that he was, everything that he had been... he put everything into that one kiss and received just as much from her. Holding her gently, he felt the depth of his love grow even deeper and he relaxed. It would all be ok now. No matter what happened tomorrow with Alexis and Sonny... Johnny's life was complete and his heart and soul finally rested. Because of Joy, he could be what he needed to be for Alexis... and Sonny and he could finally look into his own heart and know that the dreams of his 'Nana Rose' had come true at last. Johnny was truly loved."

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As they stepped outside the door of the building, Sonny took Alexis by the hand and drew her to him. Holding her loosely and with care he looked deep into her eyes.

"I want you to know that no matter what, even if you decide you don't want me around anymore after tomorrow... even if you can't keep your promise to remember me... I want you to know that I will always love you."

Alexis wrapped her arms around Sonny and hugged him to her. She loved the feel of him in her arms. She remembered what it felt like to touch him. The tingle that went through her even if the touch was accidental... just to have him close enough to feel the heat emanating from him. She could not imagine anything that could be horrible enough to cause her to not want him in her life. Taking a step back she drew her hands to his chest where his heart beat and returned his gaze for a soul-searching moment. In his beautiful eyes she saw his pain, his fear of what was coming and she saw his love for her. Her heart broke at the raw emotion she saw in his eyes.

"Sonny, what could be so horrible... what could have happened that would put that kind of fear in your eyes? If it weren't so important for me to know, I think I would almost give it up if it would take that look out of your eyes. But, I can't... I have to know. Do you understand? I mean really understand why I have to know."

"Yeah, I understand. Nothing will ever be right for you until all of this is out there and you have your life back... until it is all settled for you. I can't lie to you though. I don't want to do this... I don't want to lose you... It's going to be hard to tell you what I have to tell you, but you have to know Alexis... this is going to hurt you more than you've ever been hurt before... maybe more than all of the past hurts put together. Please... when you go back in... sit with Johnny a while. Talk to him... let him do whatever it is that he does for you that makes you feel safe. Promise me, Alexis. Promise me you'll do that."

Alexis saw his eyes fill with tears and pulled him to her again fiercely. Holding him tight with one arm she stroked his back gently with the other.

"Hold me, Sonny. Hold me tight. Don't let go. Just for a little while... before I go."

When she felt his arms tighten around her, she also felt him tremble with his restrained emotions. Knowing he needed to be reassured by her, she gave him her promise.

"I promise I'll talk to Johnny. I promise you, I will. But, what will you do? I don't want to leave you alone. I don't want you to be alone tonight. Call Mike... no... Sonny, I want you to call Courtney. Tell her you need her... tell her you need someone to talk to. And talk to her. Tell her what's been going on. Tell her how you feel... talk to her like you talk to me. Now, it's your turn. You have to promise me now. Promise me, Sonny."

Turning his head slightly he breathed in deeply the scent of her. That scent... the essence of her... the absolute fragrance of her... it was uniquely hers and it brought him achingly awake from nights filled with visions of her. Bringing his hands up to cup the back of her head he drew back just enough to be able to look deeply into eyes that would forever haunt him with their beauty, their depth... in her eyes he saw the man he wanted to be. Shaking his head ruefully he thought to himself how ironic the situation was. In order to become the man she knew he could be... he had to risk losing her.

"You know, it's been a ride I will never regret. I promise you I will talk to Courtney. But I want you to know that if I had never known you... If I had never had the chance to have you in my life... I know without a doubt that I would have ended up dead or in prison by now. You saved my life, Alexis. How can I not do what I have to in order to make it a life worth saving?"

As the two stood closely entwined, tears that needed release finally found their way down to land just above two hearts that beat together with a singular rhythm. Alexis made the final plea.

"If what you say is true... if by some chance that I can't fathom at this moment... if I do turn away from you... Don't give up on me, Sonny. Follow me... force me to see you... do whatever you have to... but don't let me lose you. Don't let me walk away."

Wrapping his arms tighter around her he rocked her gently back and forth to calm her as a sob barely escaped his own throat as he tried desperately to gain control of emotions that lay close to the edge of his own personal form of darkness. It was a whisper that finally met her ears.

"I'll follow you... I won't let you leave me. Never again... you and I were meant to be together. We share a child between us... we weren't just friends all those months ago. We loved each other whether we knew it or not. It was just you and me... your soul and mine. We can't lose that. We've not had the best of childhoods, and our adult years have had their fair share of problems too. I need you. We need each other."

Alexis separated herself from Sonny’s arms just enough to be able to look at him. Reaching up slowly she traced her finger down the side of his face toward his jaw. Bringing her other hand up she wiped away the trail his tears had made down his other cheek then softly kissed one cheek and then the other.

"Sonny, no more talk. Just be with me, here... right now. Leave tomorrow to itself."

Smiling gently with a hint of hesitation, Sonny kissed Alexis. In his heart he knew that it could be the last time he held her like this. Resigning himself to what he knew was coming, he abandoned his restraint and deepened the kiss. As his passion for her took over his senses, he felt her follow his lead.

Time paid heed and stood still for two friends who had become more... for two who had been taught by lives filled with misfortune and chaos that all they were guaranteed in life was the single moment they found themselves in. It had been burned into their hearts that the future was too uncertain to depend on. One knew that the past was something to leave behind and the other was slowly learning to let go. But tonight, they were given a moment to remember. A time of coming together... a time of rest from lives burdened with heartache, uncertainty and trouble. One moment that in years to come they would both look back on and smile.

chapter 63