The Long Road Home
by Terry

Chapter 59

While the conversation between Kevin and Alexis slowly drew to an end, Sonny was arriving outside Mike's apartment door. He stood still a moment before raising his hand to knock. The next few moments would be difficult to face, but face them he would and do his best to call a truce between himself and his father. He wanted the chance to begin again with Mike. As much as he hated to admit it, he wanted a relationship with his father. And in order for that to happen Sonny needed to lay to rest the anger, the bitterness and the hurt Mike had caused him. Taking a deep breath, he brought his hand up and knocked twice.

"Sonny?"

As Mike opened the door and his jaw dropped a little in surprise to find his son on his doorstep. He couldn't remember a time when it was Sonny who initiated a visit between them.

"Mike. Can I come in?"

"Sure. Sure, son. Come on in? Is there something wrong. Is it Courtney?"

"No. I needed to talk to you about something."

"Ok. Come in. Come in. Please have a seat. Can I get you anything? A drink, glass of water... anything?"

Sonny felt a bit of irritation rise at Mike's eagerness to serve his son and forced himself to look past it. Looking at his dad with fresh eyesight, Sonny saw for the first time not only his need of a father, but a father's need to love his son. It was a place to begin.

"Mike, I've been doing a lot of thinking... about a lot of things. There's been a lot of time wasted... Most of it... I'll take the blame for. I didn't want to give you another chance to... well, you know."

"What's going on Michael? What are you trying to tell me?"

Sonny was having trouble with his words again. Prodding himself a little he tried again.

"I don't want to fight with you anymore."

"I don't either, son."

"Let me finish this, please Mike."

Looking around the room, Sonny moved toward the only window in the room. Needing a moment to regroup, he looked toward Mike.

"I could use that glass of water after all, I think."

"Sure son, coming right up."

Taking advantage of the break, Sonny closed his eyes and visualized himself sitting with Alexis. Drawing strength from the vision he breathed deeply and accepted the glass of water from Mike who returned hurriedly from the kitchen.

"Thanks, Mike. Why don't we have a seat? I have something I want to talk to you about."

As both men sat down together at the dining room table, Sonny smiled uncertainly and began to tell Mike what he had been up to lately.

"I've been spending quite a bit of time out at Ferncliff the last few days."

"Ferncliff? The crazy house? Why?"

"That's really not an appropriate way to describe the place... but, I've been visiting someone there."

"I didn't know you knew anyone out there. Who were you visiting?"

"Alexis."

"Davis?"

"Yeah. She... got sick. Look I'll explain all that later. But let me finish, ok?

"Sure, go on."

"Over the past few days, I've begun to realize that holding on to the past has left me somewhat... hard to get along with. I've been pretty hard on you in particular. I guess you've probably already figured out I blamed you for Deke being able to get hold of my mother and me. Couldn't let it go."

"I know, son."

"Well, I have to... I mean, I need to start... damn. Sorry, just not to good at this sort of thing."

"What is it, son? What are you trying to tell me?"

"I want... I want a chance to... start over... with you. You know... leave the past where it is."

Mike watched Sonny stand and take a few steps away from him and knew instantly that although his son was trying to let go of the past, he was finding it hard to do so. Figuring to help his son with the load, Mike stood and walked over to his son and lay his hand on his shoulder.

"Michael, I'll do whatever I have to in order to help us find a peaceful ground to stand on. I want the chance to be a part of your life."

"Me to. I mean, you know, with you. But, there's something else."

In unison both men turned back toward the table and sat down again. Mike waited patiently for Sonny to continue.

"Don't get me wrong here, Mike. I do want to try and build a relationship here, but I need you to understand that I won't pull you out of debt anymore. I can't. It wouldn't be fair to me, just like it wouldn't do you any good. If you get into trouble again, I'll do what I can to be there for you any way I can... except financially. Can you accept that? Can we try this thing out even if I don't support you with the money?"

"I can accept that, son. It's more than I could ever have hoped for. Tell me something. Why the change? What happened to get you here like this?"

Sonny sat back and relaxed for the first time since entering his dad's apartment. Looking over at the man who sat beside him, he saw for the first time in a long time the dad who left him so many years ago. Rather than feeling the normal 'need to escape' when he found himself around Mike, Sonny actually wanted to sit for awhile and just talk to his dad.

"You know, I'll just bet I could knock your socks off right now with a bit of news."

"I don't know about that. It's been a long time since I've been really surprised at something you did. Want to try?"

"How about, you’re going to be a grandpa soon?"

"Is Carly pregnant? Why son that's wonderful. When? Where is she?"

Sonny began trying to interrupt Mike.

"No. No. Hey, wait a minute. It's not Carly. Carly won't be around any more. She's left the country."

"What? When? Did you two break up? Is Courtney pregnant? No, she would have told me. Wait a minute. If it's not Courtney and it's not Carly, then who... you don't mean... Alexis... ?"

"How is it everybody but me has been able to figure that out without being told? How blind was I?"

"Pretty blind if you didn't know that woman has been in love with you for months. I remember sitting down with her at Kelly's one afternoon before Sorel held her, Zander and Carly hostage in your penthouse. She tried like hell to hide what she felt for you. But, I saw it. That woman would have walked through fire for you if you had asked her to. So what happened, why is she at Ferncliff?"

"Everything got too big for her to handle and I guess her mind just decided to take a vacation from it all. She's back now... she lost her memories of the last year or so... didn't remember me at all at first and she still doesn't remember that her sister came looking for her a year ago. She doesn't remember Kristina at all."

"But, she remembers you now?"

"Yeah."

"So it's only a matter if time for her to remember her sister."

"Right."

"How do things stand between you right now?"

Sonny stood again, his level of anxiety was rising because of the direction the conversation was taking. Needing to voice some of his concerns, he began pacing and talking quietly to his dad.

"Things are a bit strained. She's running from me. She knows that I know the child she's carrying is mine and right now she is in a total defense mode. On one hand she doesn't want me around the child or her because she's afraid of the dangers of my life. But on the other hand, she does love me. And the two sides are warring against each other. I have to find a way to ease her mind. But, I don't know how. I don't really know what to do."

"Son, have you told her you love her?"

"How did you know I loved her?"

"It's rather plain to see from here. So, have you told her?"

"No. I tried once, but I couldn’t come up with the right words. I messed it up pretty bad. My problem is that I've spent so much time looking out for myself... making sure I get what I want when I want it that I don't know how to give her what she needs. I can't seem to come up with a way to tell her I love her without making it about me. I was lying in bed last night trying to figure a way to tell her. That she makes my life worth living... that I want her in my life... I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I mean it's all true... but everything I said is still all about what I want."

"And the idea is to make it all about her... what she wants... what she needs."

"Exactly."

"So ask her?"

"What?"

"Ask her what she needs from you. Sounds pretty simple to me. I don't think the Alexis I know would have any trouble at all expressing to you what she needs. She's one smart cookie, if you ask me."

"Yeah, when she's defending me on a case of harassment or false arrest, but this is personal stuff. She's just as tight about her feelings as I am if not more."

"I imagine she would lighten up a bit if she knew you loved her before you asked her what she needs from you. Hey, you’ll never know if you don't try. And I gotta tell you, if you and Alexis end up together... that would be a day for the history books. I always wondered what loving a woman like her would be like."

Sonny studied Mike a moment. He wanted to ask his father a question, but hesitated. He didn't want to kill a relationship with his dad before it ever really got started. He decided to take a chance.

"Dad, do you ever think about mom anymore?"

Mike looked down at the table. At the mention of the woman who bore him a son, the familiar sense of failure assailed him.

"Yes, quite a bit actually. I am ashamed of the man I turned out to be. She deserved better. You both did. But, I can't go back and change it. All I can do now is just try to do better."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. That's what I'm trying to do now. Maybe we can learn a thing or two from one another."

"That would suit me just fine, son."

Sonny stood preparing to leave and Mike stood with him.

"I'm glad I came by, Dad. But, I need to get back out to Alexis."

"I'm glad you came by too, Michael. You give Alexis my best and if there's anything I can do to help... you just call."

"Thanks, dad."

The two men walked to the door and just as Sonny reached it, he turned around and put his arms around Mike and hugged him.

With tears in his eyes, Mike hugged his son back then released him so he could go.

"You take care now. And don't forget son... I love you."

Unable to say the words himself, Sonny replied almost inaudibly, "Yeah, ok" then walked away relieved that the visit went so well.

chapter 60