The Long Road Home
by Terry

Chapter 55

"I'm through messing around here, Kevin. It's time to get down to business. I know what I want and you gotta help me get it."

When Sonny left Johnny he went in search of Kevin. For the first time in a long time he was hopeful that he could actually be the man he wanted to be, the man 'she' needed him to be.

"Uh... Sonny, I'm in the middle of something here. Why don't you give me a couple of hours to finish up and then come on back and we'll talk."

"Oh... you got somebody with you?"

"No. I'm just involved with something that I need to finish."

"Can't it wait. This is important. I need to talk to you now."

"Is somebody dying?"

"No."

Kevin leaned against the doorjamb and studied Sonny for a moment.

"Then it can wait, right? I mean, the only real problem I'm seeing here is that you seem to have something you want to talk about right now. And you are showing a total lack of respect for me, my time, and the rest of the patients that I deal with by demanding my attention; which is clearly elsewhere right now. I am simply asking for you to wait a couple of hours. Do you think that's too much to ask given the fact that I've been right there for you every time you've come looking for me?"

"Ok, I get your point. I don't like it, but I get it. I'll see you in a couple of hours."

"Fine, see you then."

Turning away, Sonny headed toward the cafeteria for a cup of coffee. It hadn't been easy to contain his anger at Kevin's refusal to see him, but he had. He wasn't use to not getting his way when he wanted something. It was a very rare occasion that he didn't get what he wanted when he wanted it.

Sitting down at a table away from the crowd, Sonny began nursing a cup of coffee as a vision of Alexis settled in his head. Speaking quietly to himself he spoke his heart.

'How can I keep you in my life, Alexis? I want you with me... I’m spending my days now just waiting for you... for just a word... a glance. I’ve never let someone have this much control over me and you don’t even know you have it. You have become the center of my world and I want to be the center of yours. How do we get there, Alexis? What do I do to keep you with me? I can't force you to be with me... I can't work my way into your life... only you can let me in. Damn, Alexis. I need you to let me in. I want to be a part of you the same way you have become a part of me.'

As he sat there talking quietly to the woman of his heart a lone forbidden tear dropped from his cheek as a yearning need of her engulfed him. As Sonny sat reflecting on the woman that captured his heart, Alexis was in the midst of a conversation of her own regarding the man she was trying to escape.

"Ned, if you can't respect my wishes regarding the topic of conversation, then we are going to have to end it here."

Johnny received a call from Ned after he departed company with Sonny. Ned wanted to call Alexis and check on her. Johnny again let him know that the subject of Kristina was still off limits, and that he would have to allow Alexis the control over what could and could not be discussed. Johnny told Ned that he would let Alexis know that he wanted to talk to her and if it was 'OK' with her then she would call him. For extra measure, Johnny also informed him of the consequences if Ned upset her in any way.

"I'm just saying that at least now you know that you need to stay away from Sonny. You wouldn't be in this predicament if you had stayed away from him in the first place," replied Ned.

Alexis had already been on the phone for fifteen minutes defending her relationship with Sonny without any success. With all that she was now having to face emotionally with Kevin, Sonny and herself, she just wasn’t in the mood to fight with Ned.

"You know, Ned. I'm a little tired of being the nail under your hammer. In fact I'm sick of it."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that every time you think I need to learn a lesson from you or you think I'm wrong about something you start hammering at me like you were driving a nail into a board or something. I'm sick of it, Ned. In the short time I've known Sonny he has never made me feel as inadequate as you do on a regular basis. I have a mind of my own. I don't need you around constantly telling me what to do, how to do, what to feel or how to feel. I'm a big girl who is capable of knowing when I'm being played. And Sonny has never played me. He may not know how to deal with a lot of things, but making me feel inferior was never something I had to worry about with him. That was always your job. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I have a much bigger fight on my hands right now and I don't need this from you. I don't need to be rescued by you, I am capable of handling this on my own; but if I should need any help... I have what I need here. Now, as angry as I am with you right now, it still remains that I don't want to lose you as a friend. So please think about what I said before you call back here."

With that, Alexis hung up the phone and turned to find Johnny standing behind her.

"I'm afraid I may have just lost a friend, Johnny."

"You did what was necessary to protect yourself. Give him some time to think about what you said. He'll come around. You told the truth."

"Every time I get that angry, words just come flying out of my mouth and I can't seem to stop them. I know I should keep my mouth shut when I get angry and most of the time I can. But, it seems that since I've been here... I just don't have as much control over my tongue as I would like."

"Alexis, was there anything you said that wasn't the truth?"

"No, it was the truth."

"How long have you felt that way?"

"Quite a while."

"Which means that you stuffed it, right?"

"Stuffed it?"

"Yeah, you stuffed it down so it couldn't come out. Which is a part of what I was trying to tell you the other day. Remember... the damage they cause you. By giving it to him like you just did, you avoided stuffing more damage. Alexis, you did good! And don't worry, he'll be back."

She was relieved to see the twinkle appear in his eye.

"What makes you so sure?"

"Because I happen to know you. And knowing you is worth enduring a few hard truths spoken from a heart full of love and caring. He'll be back because he knows what he'll be missing if he doesn't come back and he won't take that chance. And neither will Sonny."

"I don't want to talk about Sonny, Johnny."

"Yeah, I know. But, I just left him and what I saw today threw me."

Alexis' heart stilled at the concern she now saw on Johnny's face regarding Sonny.

"What do you mean? Is he ok, Johnny?"

"Right now, I think he's looking for Kevin."

"What happened? Johnny, you didn't tell him that you and I talked about him. Please tell me you didn't."

"Not much. But, Alexis... he made me mad. Mad enough to throw him up against a tree and that's when I saw it. Gave me chills."

Alexis felt fear rise within her and she caught hold of Johnny's hand and drew him to sit on the sofa beside her.

"Tell me, Johnny. Tell me what happened."

"Well, you know that thing he does about thinking he knows what everybody needs and how he knows he can fix it. Well, he started in on that kind of garbage and I accused him of being here just to make sure he got another notch on his belt."

"JOHNNY, you didn't? I imagine you heard a mouthful over that one."

"Well, no. But, I did have to pick myself up off the ground."

"He HIT you."

"He slugged me good. I didn't think he had it in him, but I got so mad I rushed him and threw him against the nearest tree I could find... "

Alexis watched as a pained expression crossed Johnny's face. Taking his hand in her own, she encouraged him to continue.

"Go on, Johnny. Tell me the rest."

"It was what I saw in his eyes. I mean, sure he was hurting and he was angry, but it was the other things I saw that threw me."

"What was it, Johnny?"

"He's scared for one. But, that's not the worst of it. I've never seen Sonny unsure of himself. He's always got some idea of what to do or how to do something. But, what I noticed more than anything else when I looked at him was he just looks... lost."

Alexis let go of Johnny's hand, stood and walked to the window. Her heart was breaking for Sonny. Johnny's description of Sonny dissolved all of her efforts to remain detached from Sonny. She wanted to go to him and take him in her arms and comfort him. But, she knew she wouldn't. She couldn't. As much as she loved him, she was also that unsure. It seemed he was as unsure of her as she was of him now. Johnny may not have seen Sonny like that before, but she had. And she knew without having to see him that he was probably torturing himself. If she knew anything at all about Sonny, given as much time as she spent with him, it was the fact that he put himself through hell if he thought he had failed someone he cared about.

She wanted with all her heart to see him... to be near him... to hold him. With the heaviest of hearts she turned from the window and gazed at Johnny.

"Make sure he doesn't do anything to hurt himself or anyone else, Johnny. Don't let him sink into that hole again. I'm asking you to take care of him for me, Johnny. Promise me, you'll take care of him, make sure he stays safe."

Alexis walked back over to Johnny and bent to kiss him on the cheek.

"Please, Johnny. Take care of him for me."

Johnny saw the tears steadily traveling down her cheeks and knew she was giving in to his care the most precious part of her heart and it was costing her everything.

"So you're walking away?"

"I have to."

Johnny stood and watched her walk into her bedroom and take a seat in the chair beside the window. Even with her back to him, he saw the evidence of her grief as the tears she couldn't withhold racked her body with grief. He quietly walked up behind her and put his arms around her from behind and returned her kiss on the cheek. With the evidence of his own emotions betraying him he gave her what she asked for.

"I'll take care of him, Alexis. Don't worry, I'll do what has to be done to keep him safe. Just don't worry. Someday all of this will be over for both of you and you'll be together as you should have been all along."

He gently patted the hand that came up to close around his then stood to go in search of Joy. He needed a little comforting of his own before he could do anything else. Finding Joy at the nurse's station he asked if she had a few minutes.

Joy knew by the look on Johnny's face that he was hurting. Turning to the other girls she excused herself then turned back to Johnny taking his hand and leading him to an empty suite down the hall. Closing the door behind them she took him in her arms and gently held him until he could regain control of the emotions that he could no longer hold back. Murmuring words of love and comfort she stroked the back of his head and his shoulders until he quieted enough to tell her what happened.

Johnny filled her in on his conversation with Sonny and what all had happened. As he started to tell her about Alexis his voice broke again. Joy sat down on the sofa and motioned him to join her. Instead of sitting down beside her Johnny kneeled beside her and putting his arms around her waist lay his head in her lap.

"Joy, please don't ever doubt how much I love you. Don't ever think that you are not important to me. Always know that you come first and you are the best part of me. Never forget that."

Lifting his head so she could look into his eyes, once again Joy saw the proof of his love radiating from his soul and she kissed him tenderly.

"I know you love me, Johnny. I know that I come first. You prove it every moment of every day. And you know that I love you just as much. Now tell me. What do we need to do to help them?"

Getting up from his knees he sat down beside Joy and took her into his arms and held on to her.

"I don't know anymore, Joy. I honestly don't know. You can see, hell anybody can see how much they love each other. Sonny's trying to do what he thinks he has to do in order to be with her and she's just plain running. She's scared out of her mind and she's trying to protect the baby too. She knew Sonny was hurting, but now she knows how much and instead of trying to help him she asked me to take care of him and make sure he stays ok. Joy, it would have broke your heart if you had seen what just happened in that room with Alexis. I just don't know what to do anymore."

"Well sweetheart, it seems to me like you should probably go see Dr. Collins and get his advice on what needs to be done now. Tell him what all has been going on and just see what he thinks. It may be that you just need to take a step back and let the two of them try to work things out on their own now. Alexis has started talking to Dr. Collins now and maybe that's what it's going to take to open her eyes to a few old fashion truths. Besides, as much as I love Alexis... this is beginning to take a toll on you and I'm getting a little worried about you. I know you want to help your friend, but I think you've gotten a bit too close to the situation. Maybe we should take a couple of days off and get away from here. Focus on something else for awhile then when we come back, maybe we'll have a more objective view. What do you think?"

Hugging her to him, Johnny smiled.

"I think you're an awful smart cookie. The only problem I have with it is the amount of time. Can we just make it one day? Like say we leave tonight and come back tomorrow night?"

"Sounds like a wonderful plan. Why don't you go talk to Kevin first? Make sure he doesn't have a problem with it considering the turn of events. If he's ok with it then while you go talk to Alexis, I'll call for a nurse to stay with her until we get back. That ok with you?"

Reaching up to caress her cheek, Johnny stared lovingly into her eyes.

"You know, my grandmother was right. It is possible to love someone more with every passing day. I love you so much, Joy. And I can't wait to make you my wife."

"Well, buster. The feeling is mutual. Now get going. I'll go start dinner for Alexis and wait for you there. If Dr. Collins agrees to the plan we'll spend the evening with her before we leave."

Kissing her on the cheek, Johnny took off trotting down the hall in search of Kevin. Entering the waiting room outside Kevin's office he found Sonny just arriving as well.

"Hey, Sonny."

"Johnny. You look like you're in a hurry. What's up?"

"Joy and I want to take a day off and I wanted to make sure it was ok with Kevin before we did."

"What about Alexis?"

"That's why I'm asking Kevin first. Don't worry, Sonny. If he thinks it's a bad idea then we won't do it."

Knocking on the door, he waited for Kevin to answer and shook his head slightly at the frown on Sonny's face. He understood where Sonny was coming from, but once again he was holding true to form and thinking of no one else outside the periphery of who he held most important. The thought did occur to him that at least he was thinking of Alexis first right now. Johnny just wished he could be more consistent in his efforts of putting Alexis first. As Kevin opened the door, Johnny felt his excitement rise. He was now thinking of a day alone with Joy.

Ten minutes later, Johnny was running back to the suite with a huge grin on his face. Kevin assured him that he would pay extra attention to Alexis during Johnny's absence and that he would take care of the nursing situation himself so Joy wouldn't have to be bothered. Kevin slapped him on the back and thanked him profusely for the way he was taking care of Alexis since her admission. Proving his gratitude Kevin called the Port Charles hotel and secured them a room for the evening and the following day at the cost of the sanitarium. All expenses would be paid by the sanitarium.

As Johnny neared the suite he slowed his pace almost to a standstill. He was worried about what this little trip of his would mean to Alexis. Coming to a stop in front of the door, he paused... took a deep breath then went in.

As he entered he smelled the unmistakable aroma of steaks being sautéed in onions and peppers and grinned. Joy was cooking his favorite. Just thinking of her made his heart beat faster and he walked swiftly toward the kitchen. Both Joy and Alexis were in the kitchen. And as usual it was Joy at the stove while Alexis hovered near by.

"Hey, guys."

Walking closer to Alexis he kissed her on the cheek then went and put his arms around Joy and kissed her properly.

"Uh, Johnny... do I need to make myself scarce? I mean, geez, in the kitchen?"

Johnny let go of Joy just enough to turn toward Alexis with a twinkle in his eye.

"Sorry, partner. Couldn't help myself. She's quite tasty if you know what I mean."

"Ok, that's a little more than I needed to know. You guys call when supper's ready."

Johnny laughed outright as the blush from his own words began to recede and reached to catch her arm as she started to leave.

"Hey, don't go. I'm just teasing you. Besides I have something I need to talk to you about. Come on, have a seat with me."

Alexis was enjoying Johnny's good mood. He had a beautiful smile and she loved to tease it out of him every chance she got.

"What.. are you fixing to turn me over to the big bad wolf?"

She became alarmed at the change that came over him with her attempt at a little humor.

"Johnny? What's wrong?" She misunderstood his look of guilt. " Oh... I see. You’re leaving. Well... uhm... that's ok. I'll be fine, Johnny. You and Joy do need to start your own life now. You go ahead. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

"No. No, Alexis. That's not it."

Johnny shot a dumbfounded look toward Joy and when she started to jump in to help him he shook his head no. He needed to alleviate Alexis' fears himself. Reaching over the table he took her hands in his.

"Hey, look at me partner. I told you when we started this that I was in it till the end. I don't go back on my word; especially my word to you. Joy and I are just going to be away for a little while. We'll be back tomorrow evening. But, if you need me to stay I will. We can take a little trip later. Right, Joy?"

"Absolutely."

Alexis looked up at the two of them and realized what they needed and felt immediate shame at not being more in tune with the needs of the ones who had come to mean so much to her. Bowing her head slightly, she shook it back and forth then attempted to apologize for her lack of attention to them.

"I'm sorry, Johnny... Joy. I'm sorry for taking you for granted and not paying more attention to what you needed. Go... have a good time. You have more than earned it. Why don't you stay away longer and make a real vacation of it."

Johnny tugged at her hand to get her attention.

"I'll tell you why I won't stay away longer. It's because I can't. I can't leave you alone that long. If I stayed away longer than that then Joy would suffer. Any longer than one day then I would hurt her because even though my heart would be with her, my head would be here worrying about you. I won't do that to Joy. If I can't give her my full attention on a trip like this, then I'm not the man she deserves. I love her too much to only give her part of me. Know what I mean?"

Alexis looked in wonder at Johnny then laughed in unbelief.

"Johnny, are you sure I can't talk you into giving a class at PCU on how men should treat women? I'm sure I could fill your first class with just the men I know. I'd even pay your salary. Go, both of you have fun. I'll be here when you get back. Now, I think I'll leave you two alone for awhile. I have a book that has been keeping me quite entertained lately. Call when dinner's ready and we'll enjoy a visit free of stress for a change."

As Alexis left the room Joy launched herself into the arms of Johnny.

"Is that really why you didn't want to stay away more than one day?"

"Yes, Joy. It was the truth."

Joy hugged him with all the strength she had then kissed him with a fierceness that would have alarmed her had it been anyone but Johnny she held in her arms.

"Johnny, it will always be the greatest mystery to me how I was gifted with as special a man as you to spend the rest of my life with. I have no words to tell you just what you mean to me and how much I love you."

"Joy, I feel the same way you do. Now come on. Let's get this meal finished so we can get out of here. I have a surprise for you."

Johnny laughed wholeheartedly as Joy jumped from his arms and began racing around the kitchen to get everything done in record time. Thinking of another special lady he held close in his heart he quietly murmured 'See, Nana Rose. Don't you just love her?' Johnny left the kitchen quietly to go to his room to finish preparing Joy's surprise.