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The
Long Road Home Chapter 50 Alexis spent the better part of the day after leaving Kevin, reading the book he loaned her. She was so engrossed that she missed dinnertime. Johnny and Joy were out on one of the 'required dates' that Alexis forced on them because of the guilt she felt over the amount of time they spent tied to Ferncliff on her behalf. Looking at the clock she found that she had been reading for the past 4 hours and she was absolutely famished. Entering the kitchen she opened the cupboard where the popcorn was usually kept and found it empty. Evidently Joy was passing it around again. When she wasn't taking care of her, Joy spent time with the children who were patients at Ferncliff that did not have parents or family. Sighing in frustration, she made a mental note to talk to Johnny in the morning about late night cravings and what the absence of microwave popcorn did to the psyche of people who depended on it. Opening the refrigerator door she found it filled, but upon further investigation discovered that everything required some level of cooking for it to be edible. Dinner would either have to wait for Johnny or Joy to return or she would have to take a dreaded trip to the cafeteria in search of a hopefully non-toxic snack. Not wanting to burden them upon their return she headed for the cafeteria. Entering the cafeteria her heart fell at the sight of Kevin and Sonny sitting companionably at a nearby table. Turning quietly she attempted to leave without being noticed. She didn't want to see Sonny yet. There was just too much she was trying to deal with today and adding her attraction to him and his insistence to talk to her on top of everything else... she just wasn't ready yet. Hearing Kevin call out to her, her shoulders sagged a bit as she turned back around to answer. The look of expectation on Sonny's face further weighed her down as she slowly walked toward their table. "You're out pretty late, Alexis. The only thing I can figure is you ran out of popcorn." She smiled slightly at Sonny's observation. "Yea, I missed dinner and didn't really want to scare the daylights out of the inmates by having fire alarms going off this late." Kevin laughed lightly at her comedic attempt while trying to discreetly assess her current frame of mind. He noticed she was carrying the book he loaned her and was impressed by where her bookmark was. If she had already read that much in so little time, then she probably had a pretty good idea of what type of temperament she possessed and might also have some questions at this point. As she stood next to the table, he watched as she shifted nervously while speaking to Sonny. Addressing Sonny, he hoped his intention would be clear without having to explain himself. "Well, I think that's going to do it for me. Thanks for the coffee, Sonny." Turning back to Alexis he completed his attempt to manipulate the situation into her favor. "This late at night, I would recommend the vending machine would be the healthiest way to go; which I do believe has some microwave popcorn in it. Let me treat you, then if you want I can walk you back." Sonny got the picture quickly and stood to go. "It's time I was off too. Alexis, I'll see you soon and Kevin, I'll see you next time." Alexis followed his exit with her eyes then returned her gaze to Kevin. "That wasn't very subtle, Kevin. However, it was appreciated." "Given where that bookmark is, I figured your head must be spinning right now. I'm a little curious. Have you always read that fast?" "Yes. It's a talent that has come in quite handy over the years. Interesting book. I'm finding it hard to put down." "Have you figured out which temperament you possess yet... if it's not too personal a question that is?" "Yes, I think I have. There are two that stand out. I found myself gravitating toward their strengths, but in reading the weaknesses of the two types... well, let's just say a few light bulbs have gone off." "Mind if I take a guess at which ones they are?" His question while igniting her curiosity also tickled her competitive spirit as well. Because of her ability to shut down... hide her emotions as well as her responses; she could not imagine Kevin being able to come close to knowing what she had only now learned of herself in the past few hours. Sitting down in the chair Sonny just vacated, she motioned for Kevin to join her. "This should be interesting and provide a little humor as well. Please... go ahead... tell me what you think. But, I have to warn you... I'm not so easy to read as you seem to think I am." Taking his seat, he smiled and leaned forward to provide a little more emphasis to his answer. "I would say that your temperament is predominately a combination of two of the possible four. The more prominent of the two being Choleric, and the second being Melancholy." He laughed as her jaw dropped indicating he guessed correctly. Recovering a bit, she joined his laughter a bit hesitantly. "Well, I guess I'm more transparent than I thought I was. Guess I'll have to work on that." "You're not transparent at all, Alexis. I've studied that book. I've read it from front to back several times and I study people. People are fascinating to me. I find it amusing that a great percentage of the people out there do not have a clue about what drives them to act or react the way they do. It never occurs to them that their talents, their tendencies toward leadership, optimism, anger, perfectionism... those traits are inbred. But, we have the ability to determine how we use our strengths and overcome our weaknesses. One of my mentors defined for me once what he thought a mature person was. It's one who has paid enough attention to himself to know what his strengths and his weaknesses are and put in place a well-thought out program to overcome his weaknesses." "You really do get excited about all of this don't you?" "Yes. I've loaned that book out before and watched an angry, violent and abused woman who was scared of her own shadow change into one of the most loving, open and caring women I've ever met. Simply because she finally understood that part of herself that always left her on the outside looking in. She was able to put together a plan of action that enabled her to change the way she viewed herself and in doing so found she could put the past behind her and actually live a fulfilling life." "Has it ever failed... I mean the concept of this book... has it ever failed?" "Of course it has. Not everyone has the ability to analyze themselves in such a comprehensive manner. Maybe they weren't born with the ability or they just can't see any relative value in it. Or it may be that they have the ability to adjust, manipulate, or accept life on a level that others can't." "So why is it that you were able to correctly guess my temperament?" "I would first have to say that it is your analytical talent that first clued me. No matter what is said or not said, done, not done... whatever the case, the wheels in your brain begin an immediate analysis of the situation. You not only take just what's right in front of you, but you pull into the equation the effects of possible outside interference. For example... when you walked in a moment ago... your reason for coming to the cafeteria was for something to eat. You walk in the door and the first thing you see is Sonny and myself enjoying a cup of coffee together. Here's what I imagine went through your head in the space of seconds... 1.
What's Sonny doing here? Alexis sat there shaking her head thinking to herself... 'How does he do that?' "Only one of them is wrong. Nine out of ten... that's not bad. I never questioned whether or not you would discuss our earlier conversation. You believe in privilege just as much as I do. However, it is a bit disconcerting that you were able to come up with the other nine though. I'm pleased to say that I still have the upper hand on you though. You didn't mention the various conversational tricks I could use to change the subject if the need arose." "Alexis, all of that analysis is great for court room antics, but if you're just trying to get out of an uncomfortable situation or conversation... a simple 'nice to see you, but I've got other things on my mind this evening... I'll see you later' would have sufficed. As it played out though, you put yourself through all kinds of stress and anxiety needlessly." Laughing derisively, Alexis pointed out a fact that she knew quite well. "Do you think that if Sonny really wanted my attention he would have been satisfied with an 'I've got other things on my mind... I'll see you later' response? Come on, Kevin. Even you know him better than that." "Alexis, don't forget... he's trying to deal with his own issues as well right now. It didn't take much for me to get across the point a few minutes ago that he needed to give you some breathing room. He is trying." "You're right. He was abnormally accommodating. Maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt. He wants to talk... I'm just a little leery of what he wants to talk about." "So tell him that. Open up that compartment called courage and take a stand. I know the hinges on that door are gonna squeak like crazy, because it seems that you don't open it unless you're defending someone else. Try defending yourself for a change, Alexis." Kevin yawned, stood then leaned over the table to whisper conspiratorially. "You know, that mind of yours is chock full of interesting tidbits that I'm sure could hold the attention of anyone regardless of their station in life, and I simply find that personality of yours delightful to be around. Problem is... you can't see it yet. I happen to think that you are one of the most intelligent, well-read, engaging women I have ever come across, but you're so busy hiding behind 'Alexis Davis, Attorney at Law' that people are often so intimidated by your professional face that they miss the real Alexis Davis. You know, the woman who is fiercely loyal and dedicated to her friends... the woman whose heart breaks if someone she loves is hurt... the woman who will defend and protect at all costs anyone who she feels has been abused in any manner. Alexis, before you leave here, I want you to be comfortable enough with that woman that it no longer matters what the world knows of her." His words beat at the door of her heart, begging to be let in. But, Alexis knew she couldn't open herself up to such kind words. They were filled with the ability to weaken her. She had to stay strong and in control so that the little girl she still held within her heart could not be hurt again. Helena was still out there somewhere... ready to remind her at a moment's notice of the child she was... of the fear... the helplessness. She couldn't let her guard down regardless of how much she wanted to believe in Kevin's words. It just wasn't possible. No book in the world could take away the defeat she felt at the hands of Helena. No book could lessen the feelings of loss she had known at the death of her mother and her sister so long ago. Standing back up straight, Kevin watched sadly as the mask fell into place once more on her face. Touching her arm briefly he brought her eyes up to meet his. "The past won't allow you to believe, will it?" "I've been trying to escape it all my life. I finally realized that it is a part of me whether I want it to be or not. It helped make me who I am. This book says that we are born with the traits of our parents. I never knew my father and didn't have my mother around long enough to... All I know is that I have to stay strong and in control so that I'm always prepared for the moment my past decides to jump up and bite me in the butt." Kevin smiled compassionately and lay his hand on her arm comfortingly. "Ok, let's leave it there for now. You're tired and I'm tired. It's been a long day. Let me walk you back. Put the book down, Alexis. Get some rest. Try to stop the wheels for a while. Talk to that little girl you've got there... tell her a bedtime story. Then lay down and rest. Promise me, Alexis that you'll rest. Stop the analysis for a while. Today's business is done. Leave tomorrow to take care of itself. Ok?" "Ok, Kevin. I promise." "Good, now let me be a gentleman and walk you to your door before I go home to my wife who will probably be standing at the door with a skillet in hand ready to bash me over the head." "I wouldn't put it past her at all. How is Lucy these days?" "She's fine. Sick of late night consults though." "Well, why don't you go on home and take some of your own advice. You get some rest too. I can find my own way back to my suite." "You sure?" "I'm sure. Now go." "Fine, I'll see you later."
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