The Long Road Home
by Terry

Chapter 45

Sitting at the breakfast table the next morning, Alexis found she was eager to go out in hopes of running into Sonny. The previous afternoon she and Johnny, having returned from visiting the resting place of his grandmother, found a spectacular party prepared for her compliments of Joy. A few of the staff attended as well as Kevin and the fun lasted until quite late. She maintained a courteous distance from Kevin and kept close to Joy and Johnny. She was enjoying herself too much to allow Kevin to spoil it with his infernal manipulative quips and questions. At one point she asked Joy if Sonny was invited and was informed that he was but had sent his apologies as his business called him back to town. Alexis’ displeasure at not having seen him at all during the previous day caused her a bit of concern. Why would she find it so disturbing to miss seeing him, after all they were only acquaintances at this point; acquaintances that at one time were a lot more to each other. Whatever they were, she still missed talking to him.

Finishing her coffee she rinsed the cup and set it down beside the sink and mentioned to Johnny as she left the room she was going out for a while.

Stepping outside she tilted her head back and breathed deeply. It was a beautiful day full of sunshine and the beautiful colors of fall. Taking the small step down onto the walkway she headed toward her favorite spot. Arriving at her destination she looked around and felt disappointment at not seeing Sonny. Taking her normal place on the bench she waited patiently, hoping he would be able to find time away from his business for a chat.

She didn't have to wait long before Sonny appeared out of nowhere surprising her enough to cause her to jump.

"How's it going?"

"Fine, but did you have to sneak up on me. I nearly jumped out of my skin. But you’re forgiven since you don’t appear to have startled me on purpose. So please, join me.”

She grinned at him as he took his place beside her.

“You were missed at the party yesterday. I hope everything went ok with your business."

So, she had asked about him. Sonny hid the grin that threatened to peek out. She looked absolutely gorgeous this morning. He deliberately kept his arrival as quiet as he could so he could watch her unobserved as long as possible. His eyes were drawn to her every feature and to the swell of her stomach as she gently caressed the child that lay within... his daughter.

"I apologize for startling you. I was busy enjoying the view."

"It is a beautiful day isn't it?"

Sonny looked at her with an expression that let her know he wasn't talking about the outdoors. He laughed gently as she became flustered.

"Oh... uh... well.... Uhm, tell me what type of work did I do for you?"

"You're not so bad at deflecting yourself, are you?"

He watched as she shifted nervously and decided to let it go.

"Importing contracts."

"Excuse me?"

"That's the type of work you did for me. Importing contracts."

"Oh. Any court cases?"

"You're fishing."

"Not much good it does me. I haven't caught anything worth keeping lately."

"Ok. Ok. The first case we worked on together was a custody case."

Sonny didn't want to get into anything heavy with her for fear he would start something he couldn't finish.

"A custody case? That doesn't make sense. I've never practiced family law. What would I have been doing on a custody case?"

"A friend of mine needed the best. I was told that was you so I asked you to help him."

"So I helped a friend of yours. That doesn't tell me how I started working for you."

"I wanted the best representative for the work I needed done."

"There's something you're not telling me. I can see it; I feel it. What are you keeping from me, Sonny?"

"Why don't we take a walk... stretch our legs?"

As he verbally backed away from the subject of conversation he saw her bristle. She stood and walked a few steps away from him then turned leveling an unrelenting glare at him.

"I think I've earned the right to set the pace here if for no other reason than we were friends once. I don't know what happened, but you do and you've told me that you screwed up. If I were to ask what my part in it was, I doubt very seriously that you would enlighten me. So, until I get some adequate answers, I think it should be up to me to decide when I've had enough."

"Calm down, Alexis. You don't need to get yourself upset over this. It will all come out in time when you can handle it."

"I'm handling it just fine. What I'm not handling is this 'gotta protect the helpless woman' mentality that has dominated the way I've been treated lately."

At that moment a car driving by backfired twice. Jumping slightly Sonny turned to watch the car pass and when he returned his attention to Alexis, he panicked. She had fallen to her knees holding her head in her hands as waves of pain and anguish rolled across her face. Fear took hold of him threatening his own ability to breath. He stepped closer and laid his hand on her arm.

She snatched her arm away without looking up at him.

"Don't."

He watched as she swayed. Fearing she was about to lose consciousness, he reached for her again.

"NO. DON'T. Oh god, it's coming. Johnny. I need Johnny."

When he didn't move immediately, she agonizingly pulled herself to her feet and wavered a bit.

"Never mind... I'll... I'll find him myself. You never did listen very well."

"Alexis, let me help you."

"Help me? Where were you when I needed you, Sonny? Where were you when I needed you the most? Ohhhhh, damn. You want to help? You think you have it in you to help me? Fine. Then do what I asked you to do. Find Johnny."

As he watched her struggle with the pain in her head she turned away from him. Frantically pulling his phone from his pocket he called Johnny.

"You need to get out here. NOW. It's Alexis. She's on her way to you, but you need to get to her fast. She's remembering. GET OUT HERE, JOHNNY. NOW."

With every step she took he watched her stumble and catch herself as she held her head tight between the palms of her hands. He wanted desperately to go to her... hold her... comfort her. But, she didn't want him. She wanted Johnny. Joy told him Alexis would probably ask for Johnny in the beginning. But, it didn't make it any easier to swallow. He followed close behind her and sighed with relief as he saw Johnny burst through the door running as if the devil himself were chasing him. As he approached Alexis, Sonny saw her reach for him and sink into his arms. His heart fell as he overheard her whispered words to him.

"Johnny, get me out of here. I don't want to see him."

As Johnny turned to look at him, Sonny raised his hand in understanding and backed away. He made it as far as the bench and sank down onto it. He leaned forward and clutched the bench on both sides with a steel grip. The splinters of the wood cutting into his palms brought blood that dripped slowly to the ground. His body trembled with the force of his restrained emotions. Watching helplessly, he saw Johnny finally pick Alexis up and carry her inside. He wondered if there had ever been a moment during their time together if he made her feel what he felt now. Alone, abandoned, useless. Without a moment's consideration, he knew it to be true. Drawing on the strength of his nature to survive, he stood and began the long walk that would lead him to her door. To wait; to wait until she was ready for him. He wondered briefly if that moment would ever come now.

___________________

Johnny and Joy were still in the kitchen talking when the call came in from Sonny. Joy watched as Johnny answered the call and saw his face pale. Standing quickly she moved to his side to lay her hand on his shoulder. She had to step back quickly as Johnny stood abruptly sending his chair falling over.

Hanging up the phone, Johnny turned to Joy and handed it to her.

"Call Kevin, tell him Alexis is remembering. After I get to her I will call him if I need him, but he is not to interfere unless I call him. Stay close Joy... for me and for her. I've got to get out there."

He kissed her cheek then took off running to get to Alexis as quickly as possible. As he burst through the door leading outside he saw her instantly and she looked bad. Fear struck him and spurred him on faster. Drawing close to her he slowed until he stopped beside her. Lifting a hand to draw the hair away from her face, he saw the agony there and felt his heart skip a beat. When she looked up to meet his gaze he saw her face relax a little at the sight of him.

"Hey partner, looks like you need some help. Mind if take over and give you a break."

He heard her whispered words regarding Sonny and looked back at the man whose face had turned white as a sheet. Johnny felt sorry for him and wanted to try to reassure him, but now wasn't the time. He'd talk to Sonny later. Wrapping his arm around Alexis he gently guided her forward and saw that she was having difficulty putting one foot in front of the other.

"I hope you don't knock my block off, but I'm more interested in getting you settled than I am worrying about whether you mind how I get it done. So as my Nana Rose would say, 'Here we go and damn the torpedoes'." With that Johnny swung Alexis up into his arms and started back to the suite. Her only response was an almost mute whimper as the action caused more pain to shoot through her head.

He held her carefully yet reassuringly on the way to their suite. Rounding the corner he saw Joy holding the door open for him with a concerned Kevin standing behind her. Looking down, he saw that Alexis had her eyes closed and did not see anyone. Catching Kevin's eye he shot him a look that expressly told him to stay quiet and not alert Alexis to his presence.

Entering the room, he asked Joy to give him some time alone with Alexis then carried her to the living room and placed her gently on the sofa. Sitting down beside Alexis he pulled her into his arms and began to speak softly to her.

"It's happening isn't it, Alexis? You're remembering and it's causing a lot of pain both mentally and physically. Just tell me what you need me to do. I'm here and I won't leave you. All you have to do is just tell me what you want me to do."

He felt her sob and moved to kneel on the floor in front of her so he could look at her face. Placing his hands on either side of her waist to keep a comforting contact with her, he waited. Moments later she opened her eyes and looked up into his. The agony he saw within her eyes caused him to catch his breath as tears blurred his vision. He let go of her waist and gently pulled her into his arms. He held her as she cried out against the memories that kept coming reminiscent of waves beating relentlessly against the shore.

"He never really cared about me, Johnny. We were friends... but he never really cared. I gave everything I had to him and he walked away. Why? What did he see in her that I couldn't give him? He says he screwed up our friendship, but that just isn't true. I did. It became more than friendship for me and because of that I opened myself up to being hurt all over again. I saw what I wanted to see instead of what was really there."

Johnny tightened his hold on her and tried to help her understand Sonny's side of what she was remembering.

"He didn't see what you were willing to give. That varmint had him so wrapped up in guilt he couldn't see what was right in front of him. There was a span of time when he was opening himself up to the possibilities of being with you, but he shut himself down when she walked back into his life. Don't be so hard on yourself or on him just yet. I need to know what you've remembered so I'll know what I can and can't say. Talk to me, buddy. Tell me what's going on in that beautiful head of yours."

Pulling away from her enough to see her face, he stopped abruptly and held still as she clutched at him. He held his breath until he heard her quiet desolate voice answer him.

"There's so much coming at me. But, it's the feelings that hurt the most. I've never felt so hurt and betrayed before and it all has to do with him. I remember most all of what happened with him, but there's still something missing. It's there... just... waiting... waiting to attack me. There’s something inside of me that won’t let it come. It’s almost like I’ve consciously shut my ability to remember off to keep them from destroying what’s left of me. I'm afraid. I’m afraid of what’s still out there. It feels like whatever it is will send me back to that place. You can't let me go, Johnny. Don't let me go back. I don't want to remember anymore if it sends me back there."

"I've got you, Alexis. I won't let you go back there. You and I together, remember. I won't let you go."

Alexis put her arms around his neck and let the tears have their way. So much, there was just so much that had happened over the past year. She remembered him. Sonny. What she felt for him transcended anything she had ever felt in her life before. She held nothing back in what she felt for him. The tug-of-war that had been a part of her every waking moment besieged her again. To love him... to keep it secret... to work with him... day after day hiding what she felt. And then to...

She let go of Johnny abruptly and sat back.

Johnny watched her face as some sort of revelation overcame her. As a look of shock and alarm replaced the hurt, he knew it could only be one of two things. The child's father or the sister who was gone now.

"What is it, Alexis? Talk to me, partner. You have to help me stay with you."

"Sonny."

Alexis looked Johnny dead in the eye.

"It's Sonny's child. Sonny is the father of my baby."

She watched him lower his head slightly at her statement and she knew without any remaining doubts. She placed her hand in Johnny's, leaned her forehead against his and let the truth of who had fathered her child sink in to her heart and soul.

And she remembered... one night of abandon... of taking what she needed... what she had longed for... hoped for... dreamed of. One night of being free to love him... to hold him with arms that for months had ached to hold him close... close to her heart... for once in her life finally knowing what being complete felt like. One night. One solitary night.