The Long Road Home
by Terry

Chapter 39

"So what do you think?"

" I think it's absolutely beautiful, but don't you think we're being a bit selfish?"

"Why do you say that? I don't think we are." Johnny leaned back gingerly and put his arm around Joy.

"Well it is pretty crowded down there."

"Yeah, I suppose so. But, I did pay the guy quite a bit to be up here with you."

"More than the usual amount?"

"Yea."

"Why? What are you up to, Johnny?"

"Look around Joy. What do you see?"

Joy looked around at the beauty around her then gazed into Johnny's eyes knowing he was her reason for waking each morning now.

"The world."

They were sitting at the very top of the Ferris Wheel at the local fair. Johnny paid the operator a tidy sum to let him have a ride alone with Joy and to stop it at the top until he motioned for him to return them to the bottom. Pulling Joy a little closer to his side, he leaned toward her ear and returned her whisper.

"That's exactly what I want to give you, Joy. The world. I don’t really know if it’s possible or not. But I do know that I want to spend my life trying."

Reaching into his pocket he pulled a small velvet box out and held it in front of her.

"Because you are my world, I want to give you the world. Joy, will you marry me? Will you spend the rest of your life allowing me to love you and take care of you? Can we take care of each other for the rest of our lives?"

As he held the bottom of the little box with a trembling hand she lifted the top. Gasping at the exquisite diamond that lay between two smaller emeralds, Joy brought her tear stained face up to meet Johnny's.

"Oh, Johnny... it's... it's... Oh... Johnny... Yes, Yes. Are you sure, Johnny?"

"Yes, Joy. I love you. You give me strength, you support me and you love me. I need you beside me Joy and I want to marry you. I want us to build a life together rich with all the good things we can find in this world."

Joy smiled and leaned toward Johnny’s ear.

"I only have one thing to ask right now of my future husband."

"Anything, Joy. Ask me anything."

"As much as I love your romantic heart, would you please get my feet back on the ground? This little bench we're sitting on is not very conducive to properly accepting your proposal."

Leaning closer she whispered.

"Get my feet on the ground, Johnny."

___________

Just as she entered the building from leaving Sonny's company, Alexis ran into Kevin.

"Hi, Kevin. You look like you're on a mission of mercy or something."

"No, just a man needing a cup of coffee. I was headed to the cafeteria. Care to join me?"

"Sure, why not. I could definitely use a cup myself. It's about the only thing I'd go anywhere near that cafeteria for."

"Rough night?"

"A bit."

"Want to talk about it?"

Silence met his question and he glanced at her and found her face a study of concentration. Entering the cafeteria he pulled a chair out at a nearby table for her then went to get a couple of cups of coffee. Returning to the table, he sat across from her and placed a cup down in front of her.

"I'm sorry, Alexis. I didn't mean to intrude."

"You didn't. I just don't know how to do this or even if I want to. But, it is getting pretty rough. If it's not the nightmares of the recent past, it's the nightmares of the distant past."

Pausing a moment, Alexis sat forward and looked searchingly at Kevin.

"Somewhere a long time ago I heard that acknowledging you have a problem is half the battle. I don't think I agree with that given what I've been dealing with the past few days."

"Alexis, I can help if you'll let me. There are ways of getting through this without so much distress on your part. One way is a simple process that I affectionately call the "capture and piece" method of recall. It's a procedure that I put together specifically for cases like yours. But, you've got to allow me to get close enough to you to help."

"Capture and piece? What is it?"

"Actually it's something that I think you'll go for in a big way given your talent for research, putting clues together and building cases. The object is to capture the images that are coming to mind and jotting them down on paper. Then we start piecing it together in order to effectively rebuild your past. And if it works according to plan somewhere along the way, your memory should return completely."

"Sounds harmless enough. So, I just write down what I see and we put it together."

"That's it. Want to give it a try?"

"Kevin, I'm up for anything that will keep me from slugging Johnny again."

"You slugged Johnny?" Kevin couldn't help the smile that crossed his face.

"It's not funny, you should see his face. I came up out of a nightmare swinging and he happened to get in the way."

"Again, I apologize. I imagine that you find that episode rather distressing as it resulted in a physical act against someone very real and special to you. Am I right?"

"Yes."

"I happen to find it rather revealing and very promising."

Alexis shot Kevin a look of total shock.

"How can you say that? I decked the man who brought me back to life and you call it promising? Would you explain that please?"

"You didn't lie there whimpering at the unfairness of the hand you've been dealt. You're fighting, Alexis. You're fighting to regain what you lost. That's a good thing and very promising. As long as you fight for what you want, you have a greater chance of obtaining everything you lost and more."

"More? What do you mean?"

"The ability to more effectively handle the traumas of life rather than burying them and letting them quietly destroy you from the inside out."

"Is that what you think I did?"

There was a point that Kevin needed to make with Alexis, but it was going to be tough on her. He also knew that he was about to skate real close to crossing one of those unseen boundaries that Alexis Davis was known for. Sitting forward a little more, he looked at her with great care.

"Tell me who Alexis Davis is? How do you see her?"

"She's an intelligent, capable, principled attorney. Strong. In Control of herself; compassionate. A woman of substance who knows where she’s going and how to go about getting there."

"Is that who she really is or is that who you want the world to see?"

"It's who she wants the world to see and it's who I want to be."

Kevin shifted in his seat so he could look straight at her, allowing her to be able to see that his only intent was to help rather than confront.

"Problem is, it's the emotionally battered and traumatized woman underneath all that intelligence and those principles who is in trouble now. It's that woman you have to deal with... it's that woman who is floundering; weighed down by a lifetime of hurt. Now, question is, what do you want to do about it?"

"Look, as long as my outward appearance is intact, I can deal with the rest."

Time to push, Kevin thought.

"Is that a fact? So, tell me counselor. Just how did you end up here if you are so able to 'deal with the rest'?"

Kevin instantly saw the mask of protection fall on her face and the movement of her whole body suggested retreat. She left him cooling his heels without ever leaving the table. He leaned back away from her giving her a little more personal space and abandoned the subject.

"That one was tough, I admit. But, it's out there now and that's where we'll leave it. But, let me say one more thing and I'll back off. You may not be ready to deal with it yet, but you do need to think about it. You landed here because you were finally not able to deal... that's what we need to fix. Now go on. Take off. You have definitely had your fair share for one day. But Alexis, remember something for me, please. I'm not trying to hurt you. I only want to help. I simply want your complete recovery. Please remember that when you think I'm being too hard on you."

Standing with coolness radiating off of her, Alexis gave Kevin a small smile that never reached her eyes.

"I'll start the 'capture' portion of your idea immediately. I want out of here, Kevin. And whether you believe it or not... I am a strong, independent and capable woman. I can handle my life. I refuse to believe that I can't."

He couldn’t let her leave on such a definitive note. As much as he hated to push her anymore; he needed her to be off balance enough to force her to start questioning herself and how she dealt with life.

"I'm quite sure you could handle your life quite admirably if you'd stop running from the truth of it long enough to face it and deal with it in the proper manner."

"Ok that's enough. I get the point you're so zealously trying to make. I may not agree with it, but I get that you think it has validity. I'll be in touch once I have enough to start piecing it all together. Until then... "

Raising his hand to stop her he stood...

"I know... I'm on a back burner again. It's ok, Alexis. I understand. See you later."

"Good-bye."

Arriving back at her suite, Alexis was having trouble containing her anger towards Kevin. She knew in part that Kevin had made a few valid points, but in admitting that her anger grew. In a flash of insight, Alexis realized that she wasn't angry with Kevin, she was angry at herself for taking the easy way out. 'I did this... I did this to myself... So, how the hell do I fix it now? Damn, how could I have been so stupid?'

Standing beside the end table, her eye caught the bowl of potpourri next to the lamp. In an uncharacteristic move she reached down picked up the bowl and threw it to the floor. At the sound of the bowl shattering the clearest image she had experienced yet came into focus.

"Break it.

"What?"

"Break it."

The familiarity of what she had just done stunned her. She began to pace back and forth while centering on the memory. She could see herself throwing glass objects to the floor in an attempt to relieve her anger. But someone was with her before, driving her to participate in the act. It was someone that cared about her and only wanted to help her release her anxiety by pushing her to do exactly what she had just done with the bowl. Running to the desk, she threw open the drawers searching for paper. Finding an almost depleted pad of paper and a pen, she began the process of 'capturing' her past. Finishing the task, she sat down on the sofa and reached to caress her child elated that there was finally something she could physically do to progress her departure from the exile she had placed herself in.

"We're going to be ok, my little one. Your mother will take care of you and we will leave this little piece of 'paradise' soon. I promise you I will take care of you no matter what I have to do or go through. You will be safe."