The Long Road Home
by Terry

Chapter 29

"Alexis, I’m going to go to the grocery store while you have lunch with Joy. Is that ok with you?"

"Having some kind of craving are you?"

"Frankly I'm getting a little sick of all the healthy food in that refrigerator. I think I need to splurge on a little chocolate. You know, something that totally rots your teeth, but gets your sugar level running ninety to nothing. Want to join me?"

"I'd love to. I'm pretty sick of all this healthy stuff too."

Feeling a sense of panic come over her, Alexis ducked her head and turned away from Johnny. She simply had to find some way to start being alone without feeling panic every time Johnny left the room. It was time to start letting go of her 'security blanket'. The man did have a life to get back to.

Johnny watched Alexis mentally back off from him and his heart sank a bit. Drawing closer to her he laid his arm across her shoulders and pulled her close within the circle of his arm.

"Please don't do that, Alexis. Please don't shut me out."

The pain in her head at hearing his last statement was so much more intense than it had ever been before. Whimpering she grabbed her head and laid it on Johnny's shoulder until the pain passed.

Raising her head to look into Johnny's eyes, Alexis relaxed.

"It's ok, it's gone now. Johnny, the pain scares me. When I looked at you and remembered you were an actual part of my life before this whole disaster started, there wasn't any pain. But, something or someone is causing a great deal of pain and I think I almost had a glimpse of that person last night."

"What do you mean? You saw somebody?"

"Not really, it was just a shadow and then it was gone. Johnny, can't you just tell me if I have a reason to be afraid of someone or not? I think if I knew whether or not it was a person versus just a memory that frightens me, I could handle it better."

Wrapping both arms around her and holding her close for a moment, Johnny thought about what she was saying. Maybe it would be easier for her to know a little more. Leaning back he lifted her gaze to meet his own.

"Alexis there is not one single person out there right now that wishes you harm in any way. No one. You have my word as a gentleman on that. But, don't hide from me Alexis. If we are going to get out of here, I need you to tell me what you're going through. You just walked away from me without even leaving the room. Doing that makes me feel like I'm failing you in some way. Do I understand that you panic when I leave the room? Yes. But, did you know that when you leave the room or when I step outside that door... I panic too."

Her head, which had bowed in embarrassment, snapped up once more to meet his gaze when she heard his last three words.

"You do?"

"Of course, I do. It goes through my head that what if you remember something and I'm not there to help. But, I also know that you need to begin little by little reclaiming your ability to handle things on your own. But, I'm also not entirely sure if it needs to happen now or later. With you there are just no guarantees... you're not like normal people. So I panic."

Laughing at him she squeezed him to her once and then let go of him.

"Not like normal people, huh? That's a good one, Johnny. Tell you what, why don't I make you a promise. Once you walk out that door for your run to the store, I'll put everything on hold until you get back. Maybe I can enlist Joy in some kind of activity or something to keep my mind occupied. Deal?"

"I'm beginning to like making deals with you counselor. Have I told you lately that I think you're the best?"

"I'm quite fond of you too, Johnny. But, until I know if I'm taken or not having a thing with you is impossible."

"Well, I think Joy would have something to say about that anyway. But, the thought was nice."

Laughing together at their silliness, they walked arm in arm toward the door for their mid-morning walk around the grounds.

________________

A couple of hours later, Johnny leaned over to kiss Joy, then turned to kiss Alexis on her forehead before going out on his planned trip to the store which would include an unsuspecting Sonny. He wondered briefly how Sonny would react to the impromptu trip to the store.

"You girls behave until I get back."

In unison, they replied. "Bye Johnny."

Stepping outside into the sunshine of a beautiful day, Johnny breathed deeply and smiled. Things were going great for him and his life was taking on new meaning. He was truly happy for the first time since losing his grandmother. Lifting his arms and stretching them wide he lifted his face up toward the sun and brought a vision of his grandmother close.

"Hey, Nana Rose. Still love you, you know. Gonna have to have a talk with you real soon. Lots of things are happening for me these days. I think you’d be proud of me."

Looking toward the parking lot, Johnny saw Sonny leaning against his car and went to join him.

"Hey, Sonny. How's it going?"

"Fine, Johnny. Just fine. How's Alexis?"

"She's doing great, Sonny. Come on I promised her a chocolate feast today so if you want to talk to me about her, you'll have to come with me. I don't have much time."

Sonny paused and looked back toward the building.

"No chance of seeing her today, Johnny?"

"No, I'm sorry Sonny. She's having lunch right now and then she and Joy are going to get busy occupying time until I get back. Come on, I'll tell you everything that's been going on lately."

Settling into Johnny's truck, Sonny waited impatiently as Johnny maneuvered the vehicle out of the parking lot and onto the highway. Once they were on their way Sonny looked over at Johnny pointedly.

"Tell me, Johnny. Tell me how she's really doing."

"Well, I have a new appreciation for her that's for sure. That mind of hers is amazing. I think the most difficult thing I've had to deal with is trying to get her to slow down that incredible ability she has of processing things on the fast track. Kevin, says she has to slow that down for now and she's finding it very difficult to do."

"What all does she remember, Johnny?"

"She remembers Chloe and that fact that she died, She remembers being kidnapped by Helena and she's beginning to remember bits of conversation."

"Bits of conversation? Like what?"

"I can't give you specifics, but I do think that it's conversations that she has had with you. But, before you get all excited... remember I said it's just bits right now. And those bits are taken out of entire conversations so they are not making much sense to her. And she's scared of them."

"Scared of them? Johnny... she's scared of me?"

"That's not what I said, Sonny. She doesn't know you. She can't be scared of someone she doesn't know. Look, think about some of the conversations you two have had... the content of them. How many times did you talk about something that as an acquaintance she would find threatening to her personally, the child or her friends? And that would include you as well being one of her friends."

"Ok, I get your point. She's remembering stuff that hurt her or could possibly hurt our child."

"Exactly. But, we're working on it. She knows that I have been around her the last few years and that I know what it is that she will remember. That's good, because I can steer her away from settling on most of the bad stuff and keep her from blowing it out of proportion. Problem is, she still has no clue her sister was a part of her life the last year. I don't know how I'm going to help her deal with that when it finally does come out."

"Just be with her, force her to talk about it. Don't let her hide from it. Help her remember everything they shared... Kristina's passion for life... you know, the bond between them. I wish I could help her with this Johnny, but she's lucky to have you to help her."

Reaching over Johnny clapped Sonny twice on the shoulder and let his hand linger there just a moment in comfort.

"I know this is hard on you, Sonny. Just be patient a little longer. She wants her life back... all of it. And that includes you even if she doesn't know it yet. Things are going to get pretty rough not only for her, but for you too. Can you handle it a little longer, Sonny?"

"For as long as it takes. I just wish there was something I could do to help her more."

"You'll have your chance sooner that you realize."

"What do you mean, Johnny?"

"I think she wants to know who the father of her child is. And I think the only thing that is keeping her from asking for you is the fact that the only things that are coming to mind right now are bad things. So I'm trying to gently get her to shift her way of thinking by introducing positive thoughts in response to her negative ones. And since she knows I know what went on, she trusts my truth over her sketches of memory. But, I have to be real careful not to give away too much, because she has to remember it on her own. There is going to come a time when she is going to ask for you, and Sonny, you need to be ready. I don't know if she will be angry or what; but whatever it is you need to be ready. What I do know is that whenever she does make that call, you are going to have to be open and truthful about anything she asks. Anything less and I believe you'll lose her."

Remembering back to his time earlier with Kevin, Sonny took a deep breath and began his own trip toward healing his past. He opened the door that led to the man Sonny Corinthos was and allowed Johnny a small glimpse. Because of Johnny's care of Alexis, Sonny knew Johnny could be trusted.

"I'll be ready, Johnny. I started talking to Kevin this morning about my own problems. So maybe by the time Alexis calls me, I can give her everything she needs from me. Just take care of her Johnny; that's all I'm asking. I trust you to do what's right for her."

Pulling into the parking lot of the grocery store, Johnny found it hard to control the emotion that welled up at Sonny's admission of trust in him. But even Sonny's trust in him could not deter him from saying what he knew he had to. Stopping the truck he opened his door and before getting out answered Sonny.

"Thanks, Sonny. That means a lot. You need to know something though. Alexis is family to me. I think of her as a sister. Her happiness and her welfare are just as important to me as if we were bound by blood. If you hurt her again, I'll come after you. I'll marshal every resource I can and come after you. It would probably cost me my life, but at least you will know she meant enough to someone in this world that his own life was worth the cost to protect her. The one thing that has hit me in all of this since she woke up is that she feels unloved. I believe on some level you may understand that, but you need to raise your level of understanding. She needs to be loved for who she is, she needs to be accepted for who she is; for once in her life she needs to believe that she comes first with someone. Right now that person is me and I know with everything that's in me that it should be you. But, your whole life has been about what you wanted. That has cost her everything because she saw something in you that she couldn't let go of. It's your turn now. What are you willing to give up for her? Do you love her enough to sacrifice that part of you that you have clung to and protected with a vengeance; your need to be first and foremost in everything regardless of what it cost and who it hurt? Do you love her enough to put her first now?"

At the stirring of anger Johnny's words provoked, Sonny began to question the reason for the anger as Kevin suggested he do earlier. Part of the anger was simply because someone dared to question him and then there was the anger because he knew Johnny was speaking the truth. In stepping back and looking at the whole situation Sonny concluded that his anger was unwarranted in this instance. This was not about how he felt, or what he wanted; this was about what was best for Alexis. He calmed and nodded slowly.

"I do love her enough to put her first, Johnny. I just don't have a clear idea of how to do that just yet. There's not much I can do for her right now that would make a difference. All I can do is try to work out the problems I have and make sure she doesn't suffer because of me ever again."

"That's quite a sacrifice for you, Sonny. And I don't mean that sarcastically. Can you think of anyone you've ever known that you would make that sacrifice for?"

"No."

"Then we understand each other and you have my complete support, man. If you need anything from me, just ask. Now come on, we have a craving to fill for an impatient lady."

"Right."

It was a sight to behold. Two handsome strong men walking down one aisle after another, purchasing anything they thought would bring a smile to one particular woman's face. Walking down the last aisle, Sonny stopped and smiled. Looking over at Johnny he saw that his attention was elsewhere and tossed a few items he knew would bring a smile to Alexis' face into the basket.

Arriving at the cash register, Johnny watched in astonishment as one box after another of microwave popcorn was taken from the basket and rung up. All totaled there were ten boxes in all. Shaking his head he looked over at Sonny and they both dissolved into laughter.