The Long Road Home
by Terry

Chapter 26

Sonny stood there in the shadows just out of sight watching her, yearning to go to her but knowing it was impossible. She did not know him; did not know all that they had been to one another. But, he knew. With each passing moment of his life now he was reminded of what they built together... of what she meant to him. He was living on memories now; just waiting. Waiting for a chance, even the smallest of chances to begin his life again with her.

Once Jason left the penthouse taking Carly with him, Sonny found he couldn’t stay there. He couldn’t stay away from Alexis as Kevin asked him to. He needed to see Alexis, even if it were only from a distance. Checking his watch he knew it was not her regular time to be outside, but he needed to try. Just maybe luck would find its way to him this time.

Just as he pulled into the parking lot he saw them walking out toward the south lawn arm in arm chatting amicably. Unable to take his eyes from her, he watched her every move hungrily. He couldn't ever remember being so relieved before. She was alive... awake... smiling... and talking to Johnny. It was outside his realm of control to stop his jealousy over the rapport Johnny shared with Alexis. He knew the two were just friends, but for anyone to be that close to her when he had to virtually hide in the bushes to see her... it was just more than he could take.

He was able to move close enough to them to hear their conversation and had wanted to cheer Johnny when he heard him discussing how disrespected Alexis was. As he sat there listening, Sonny began to question himself as to whether or not he had been respectful of her in their time together. Respect was found on many different levels. Sonny knew that, and while he held the highest respect for her legal abilities, the question of whether he respected her enough as a woman kept nagging at him.

Anytime he needed to talk about his personal issues, he went to her. He respected her opinions, even though he did not always take them into account in his actions. And he respected her privacy... never pushing her to divulge more than she was ready to.

But, looking back now, he could see that there were times he had taken advantage of their friendship. When in the company of others he made it apparent to them that he held a connection with her. Thumbing his nose at them without considering what effect it would have on her. He felt a sense of satisfaction and reveled in it every time he threw his friendship with her in the face of Jax and Ned while she stood there silently begging him to stop. Looking back he could see the disrespect he showed her during those times.

And then there was the aftermath of the night they spent together. He did not respect her enough to help her deal with the fallout of that night that ended so abruptly. Finding Carly had been uppermost in his mind and he did not fault himself for that. His downfall came in not explaining himself to Alexis the day she told him to go back to Carly. He had not paid enough attention to her reactions... the tone of her voice… what he knew of her regarding the way she dealt with rejection. She was pushed him away... pushed him back to Carly... regardless of what she felt. And he let her. He had not respected her enough to deal with her as a woman who shared so much more with him than just his bed. Had not respected their history enough to let her know it meant as much to him as it did to her. His absolute disrespect had come in the form of his response to her.

"Just so I'm clear - you're still my lawyer?"

She was being torn apart and he was worried about losing his lawyer and friend. She had been right there with him, supporting him, making his way easier when they thought Carly died.

"I want to be more hopeful for you."

"I just know that someone I care about is in unbearable pain."

She buried what she felt for him in order to give him all that she thought he needed.

"I know this is not easy for you, after what we've been through the last couple of days."

And she replied...

"It's not important right now."

She felt bad about Carly... blamed herself in the beginning just as much as he did; but her heart completely belonged to him. And he broke her heart when he walked back across the hall to Carly. Thinking back, Sonny couldn’t recall a single moment when he had seen her that hurt and disillusioned before. Not during her tumultuous relationship with her brother, not even during her time with Ned. It was he himself who in the end caused her the most pain. He did not choose her after all, did not fulfill his promise of their night together.

"It's all gonna be ok. Don't worry about it."

He watched sadly as Johnny rose to escort Alexis back inside. A tear fell with every step she took that carried her further away from him.

"Alexis, hear what I can't say out loud to you. Listen to the wind carry my whisper to your ears. I love you, and I will wait a lifetime for you."

******************

Just as Johnny opened the door for Alexis he felt her stop. When he turned his questioning gaze toward her, he found her turned slightly away from him looking back over her shoulder at the bench they just vacated.

"Alexis. Is there something wrong?"

Frowning slightly she took another look around then back at Johnny shaking her head.

"No, I guess not. I just thought I heard something. Never mind. Let's go eat."

Before the door closed behind her, just once more she glanced back toward the bench; shaking her head in puzzlement she rejoined Johnny to go back to her room.

Quickly stepping behind the old oak tree to hide, Sonny allowed the tiniest of smiles to fall on his face. He saw her hesitate and look back toward where he had been standing and whether she actually heard him or not didn't matter. Their connection was still alive, she felt him whether she knew him or not. With a renewed spirit Sonny returned to his car with a lighter step, once more hopeful that some day soon they would be together.

chapter 27