The Long Road Home
by Terry

Chapter 24

As Johnny and Alexis were negotiating her care, Kevin was pulling up outside the Harbor View Tower for his meeting with Sonny. He was not looking forward to this meeting at all given the type of man he was dealing with in Sonny Corinthos.

Kevin was well aware of Sonny’s penchant for always wanting what he wanted, when he wanted and how he wanted and usually getting it; but this was not the time for Sonny to get what he wanted. Kevin did not know how he was going to get through to Sonny that seeing Alexis right now was not in her best interests and he knew if he didn’t succeed his only alternative would be to put security in place for Alexis.

Arriving at the seventeenth floor and exiting the elevator, Kevin met Max standing outside Sonny's door. Totally exasperated that his patient had chosen this particular man to get involved with, he threw Max a snide condescending look.

"I have an appointment with Sonny if you'd care to announce me or whatever it is you do to alert your boss that someone is here to see him."

"He's expecting you." Max knocked twice on the door and opened it to see Sonny sitting on the sofa. "Boss, the doc's here."

"Thanks, Max." Sonny responded and watched as Kevin came in shaking his head in disgust.

"When are you going to start living a normal life like the rest of us?"

"This is normal for me, Kevin. You know that, so why do you want to get off to a bad start by bringing up my lifestyle."

Kevin quickly backed down, knowing it would only make his task that much more difficult.

"Ok, you're right. You do what you do and I do what I do. I guess what concerns me more than anything is knowing what this lifestyle of yours did to Alexis. I'm not saying anything against it, not making any disparaging comments at all. I'm just stating an observation."

"I get it, Kevin. And you're right. I have cost Alexis a lot. More than I am willing to let go of. I owe her a lot. She never walked out on me, but she let me walk away from her without saying a word. So let’s leave it at that. So, tell me, how is she doing?"

Sitting down across from Sonny, Kevin tried to gauge what frame of mind he was in before giving him the news that now brought him into Sonny’s world. There was definitely something different about Sonny this morning. He was calmer, more settled than Kevin had ever seen him before. Seeing an opportunity to gain more insight into the person Alexis had fallen hard for, Kevin took it.

"Care to tell me what you've been up to lately?

Sonny knew what Kevin was asking, but it didn't bother him. He had already decided to give Kevin anything he needed to help Alexis. So leaning forward a bit and resting his elbows on his thighs he smiled at Kevin and answered him.

"I took a little trip, doc. Needed to find myself. Took a couple of stops to do it, but the operation was successful in the end."

A new man was sitting in front of Kevin and he was intrigued by him. Gone were the eyes full of bitterness and regret. Taking a chance on getting a little more information, Kevin began to question Sonny in earnest.

"I don't mean to pry, but for the sake of my patient, I need some answers from you, Sonny. So, if you'll please just give me a little leeway here I'd appreciate it."

Seeing a shrug of compliance, Kevin continued.

"If Alexis were to wake up today, what could you offer her that you were unable to a month ago?"

Without hesitating a moment Sonny answered.

"The one thing she has always demanded from me. The truth."

"And what truth would that be?"

"That I love her. Plain and simple."

Smiling at the answer he wanted to hear, Kevin knew that it was also the answer to his problem.

"How much do you love her, Sonny?"

Eyeing Kevin, Sonny suddenly realized that something wasn’t quite right. Kevin was leading him down an unknown road with his questions.

"Ok, I'll answer, but I want to know why you're subjecting me to this inquisition. I love her enough to be satisfied to devote the rest of my life to her care whether she wakes up or not."

"Fair enough. You can begin here and now caring for her... loving her enough to do what's best for her with a total disregard to what you want."

Sonny didn't know what to make of Kevin's answer. What he did know was that he was getting anxious and needed some answers of his own.

"Kevin, is something wrong with Alexis? You sound as if she's gotten worse. Tell me, Kevin. Tell me if there’s something I can do for her."

It needed to be said straight out. No bouncing around the issue or dancing around it. Kevin knew it would be best just to state the new development straight out and let Sonny deal with it the best way he could.

"At the moment you can't do anything for her, Sonny. She woke up yesterday."

Knowing he didn't hear Kevin right, Sonny leaned closer...

"What... "

"You heard right, Sonny. Alexis woke up yesterday."

Jumping up he had to run to catch Sonny before he could get out the door.

"Sonny wait. You can't go out there. You cannot see Alexis yet. SONNY!"

Sonny whipped around as Kevin's words finally sank in.

"What do you mean I can't go out there? I need to see her, Kevin."

"You wanted to know what you could do for her, right? What if she's not ready to see you, yet? Will that make a difference to you?"

Not getting a response, Kevin watched the hint of defiance he saw in Sonny's eyes slowly recede to be replaced by his love of Alexis and the need to help no matter what.

"There's something you're not telling me, Kevin. Give me the whole story from the beginning."

Walking back to the sofa Sonny sat down and waited for Kevin to join him.

Settling down into the sofa beside Sonny, Kevin placed a hand on his shoulder and looked at him compassionately.

"This is going to be very hard for you to deal with, Sonny. But, I know you can. The problem we are faced with is that Alexis does not remember the last year of her life and she doesn't remember you at all. She doesn't remember Kristina came back into her life. The last thing I know for a fact that she does remember is visiting Chloe Morgan in the hospital and as of about 4:00 this morning she remembered Chloe had been killed."

Sonny was stunned.

"She doesn't remember me at all?"

"I'm sorry Sonny, but no… she doesn't."

Sonny felt like an anvil had been dropped on him. The damage he must have done to her was more than he could possibly have realized if she could not remember him at all. Dropping his head into his hands he tried desperately to control the grief that overwhelmed him.

Seeing what the news was doing to Sonny, Kevin got up and walked to the bar and poured a scotch for Sonny. Taking it back to him he sat down and clapped Sonny gently on the back.

"Sonny, here take this. Look, this isn't as bad as you may think."

Raising his head Sonny looked at Kevin with a ravaged face. Shaking his head negatively he dropped it again.

"You don't understand, Kevin. She knew me a year before Chloe died and she's forgotten me altogether. I've lost her and never had a chance to tell her I love her."

"Sonny, it's not that simple. That which hurts the most, that which still has the power to hurt us is the last thing we would want to remember. This does not mean that her feelings for you have changed, quite the contrary. I believe that Alexis still loves you but because of all that is wrapped up in that love, it is too painful for her to remember yet. In her mind I believe she feels she lost her sister in part, due to that love. That is not something she is going to want to remember, much less take responsibility for again like she feels she must."

Grabbing Kevin's shirt with both hands, Sonny shook him desperately trying to force him to understand that he was the one that made the mistake that cost Alexis her sister.

"It wasn't her fault that Kristina died. It was mine. You can't let her take the blame for that. Kevin you have to make her understand that it wasn't her fault."

"I know, Sonny. But, you have to understand as well, that right now, I need her to take her time in remembering all of this. She’s not ready to know all of the details surrounding the events. She’s not ready to face the emotions that will resurface once she does remember you and everything else. It would only serve to make her situation worse. She has to do this slowly and with great care. I can’t afford for anything to go wrong at this point.”

Sonny froze. He heard the concern in Kevin’s voice and it was more heightened than any other time they had spoken. Kevin was hiding something.

"What... What happened, Kevin? I know something happened. I can tell. Tell me what’s happened to Alexis."

Kevin’s head fell forward in resignation. Sonny would have to know; he wouldn’t leave it alone until he knew everything. Straightening his shoulders he faced Sonny.

“We had a bit of a scare with her yesterday and I wasn't around for it."

“What happened, Kevin?”

"You must understand that this is a process, Sonny. Things can go wrong and sometimes do. But, I believe that Alexis is strong enough to come out of this stronger and more able to handle the traumas of her life. But, right now, she is very fragile. That being said, we almost lost her yesterday afternoon, when she forced Johnny to tell her what was wrong with her."

Sonny panicked and pulled Kevin to his feet by the lapels of his jacket.

"You mean she almost got lost again? Why weren't you there? Why weren’t you watching her? Johnny is not a doctor. He doesn't know how to deal with her medically. I swear Kevin if you screw this up..."

"Sonny, you have to calm down. It was Johnny that pulled her back. Even though she doesn't remember him, she trusts him because he was the one with her when she awakened. She knows that he has given his life to her for however long this will take. To her, right now, Johnny is her lifeline. They have even developed a code for when things get too rough for her; she sends him a sign and he clears the room. No questions asked."

Sonny let go of Kevin and turned. He made his way slowly toward the fireplace and stopped focusing his eyes its empty cavern. There were so many thoughts racing through his head… thoughts that he knew would not be acceptable to Kevin. Selfish thoughts… thoughts of how everything was affecting him… how he would feel if he lost Alexis… what would he do without her… and Johnny. He turned back around and stared at Kevin then allowed a part of his selfish concern to be witnessed.

"She doesn't remember Johnny either but she has attached herself to him. What is it that Johnny gives her that I can't?"

"Johnny doesn't have a history with her like you do. All Johnny wants is her sanity whole and complete. Alexis knows that Johnny wants nothing more than what's good for her and right now, to Alexis, it is what she needs the most; for someone to care enough to put her first. I'm sorry, Sonny, but the truth of the matter is... she has never been put first in anyone's life before and she is finding that is it a pretty comfortable place to be. She knows she is safe with Johnny and that is the most important thing in her world right now."

Letting Kevin's words sink in, Sonny knew they were true. He did not put her first, neither did Ned or Jax... no one in her life had ever put Alexis’ needs before their own. Each of them made sure that she was aware that their personal agendas held the highest priority not only to themselves, but they expected her to act accordingly and fall in line and treat them as her highest priority as well. And peace reigned between them all as long as she complied.

"What caused her to almost go back there, Kevin?"

Knowing the answer would again cause despondency in Sonny, Kevin tried to tell him with care and compassion, and with as few words as possible.

"She felt the baby move within her and not knowing that she had been intimate with someone she thought she was sick. She forced Johnny to tell her what was wrong with her and… well... she didn't handle it as well as we would have liked. Johnny was able to talk her back from the edge."

"My child. It's my child that she’s carrying and she doesn't even know me. Tell me how I am supposed to deal with that. How can I help her through this when she doesn't know who I am? What use am I to her now?"

"Ok, what I do know is that self-doubt, self-recriminations... feeling sorry for yourself… all of that is not going to help her at all. She is coming out of this faster than I expected her to. She's pushing herself to remember and that's not good for her. It is my job to see that she stays intact mentally while the last year of her life comes out and I dare say she will be remembering the father of her child sooner than I want her to. I know how that sounds, but it needs to be that way right now for her sake."

"So what do I do while all of this is taking place? Is there nothing I can do for her?"

"That's up to you. I would suggest you take a look at the sacrifices she made for you and measure that against the sacrifices you made for her. I think you're smart enough to figure it out. I have to go. I need to check in with her again before I head home."

"Kevin, keep in touch with me. I need to know how she's doing."

"I'll keep in touch, Sonny. And don't worry, it will be worth it all when she walks out of Ferncliff on her own a stronger, more capable and a very determined woman once again."

"Kevin, that’s the day I’m waiting for."